Strengthening Parent-Child Bonds: Creating Lasting Memories with Abby and Henley Dowlen

[00:00:00] Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential, growing to the men we dream of being, while taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? Well, that's the big question. In this podcast, we'll help you answer those questions and more.

My name is Brent, and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast.

Welcome to a very special edition of the Fallible Man Podcast, your home for all things man, husband and father. Big shout out to Fallible Nation and a warm welcome to our first time listeners. Hey, if this is the first episode, you are in for a treat. We're doing something really special today. But thank you for checking us out.

We know there's a lot out there fighting for your attention. We really appreciate you giving us this opportunity. I hope you enjoy the show today. I have incredibly special guests for the first time ever on the show. My daughters, Abby and Henley are going to be [00:01:00] joining me to do the podcast. So girls, welcome to the valid man podcast.

Hello. Now for all of our first time listeners. This is my oldest daughter. This is Abby. Abby is 11 years old and she is, uh, almost 12. We're getting close to that birthday. And this is her first time on the show. She's a little nervous. All right, guys, this is Henley. If you haven't met her yet, Henley is nine years old.

And this is my youngest daughter and she is a little nervous, but she's so got this. Go ahead, wave. Mom's, mom's cheering her on from the background, trying to cue her up there. That's why we're here. It's a family affair. Abby, I picked a trivia question because you know I always ask trivia because she listens to the show sometimes.

Trivia question well suited for [00:02:00] you. Okay, so here you go. Harry and Ginny have three children. What are their names?

Albi and then I don't know the other two names. You don't know the other two. They don't really say it. Uh, Albi and

James,

I can't remember what the third one. Well, I named one more than Abby. Okay, for all of you, we're a Harry Potter household, for sure. So, I tailored that one for her. She'll think about it, she'll remember it later and be like, Oh! But that's okay. Abby, if you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?

Probably flying. Cause it would be [00:03:00] easier to get around. And I like being high up. Yeah? I climb around, you know that. I climb all over the place. No, you're not just talking to me today. You're talking to a whole lot of people today. What's your favorite ice cream? Cookie dough. Any kind of cookie dough or just cookie dough?

Just cookie dough. What is your favorite family activity? One of my favorite things to do with you guys is sit on the couch, cuddle, and watch tv. I like when we go out and get frozen yogurt. Yeah? Yeah. Top of the list. Yeah, cause Henley goes crazy on the toppings. What is your favorite thing to do with mom?

I love going to the library with her. It's really fun. Yeah? Because we can pick out books that we like. [00:04:00] Um, I, I like going places. Is with her and like museums, the library, that kind of stuff. What's your favorite thing to do with me?

Probably sitting down and cuddling and watching a movie. Movie night and cuddling. Yeah, we're big into movie night around here. Little bit, just a little bit. Yeah. Okay, tell me a story of one of your favorite memories of us doing something together. Us and I mean like as a family. Um, I think the time we went camping was really fun.

We, yeah, we would walk in the morning to the shore, because we were really close to it, and find sand hollers, I [00:05:00] think, and we found a few crabs. That was fun. You almost got pinched with one. Yeah, you jumped pretty good the first time I tried to hand you a full size W. Well, you just, like, went Nyeh. Here you go.

Well, you know, I had it. I showed you how to hold it. I remember camping. It was one of the most ones I remember. I, you guys would like, we would walk down to the beach and play, and then my mom and mom would just us go in the shallow and you would take us to the big waves. They would knock me and Abby over.

That was a pretty spot. We went out to Ocean Source, Washington for all of you who Art by the coast. We went out to ocean shores, Washington, which is on the Pacific ocean, it's a beautiful place. [00:06:00] Uh, big beaches, wide open water, it's, it's pretty nice. Of course, it rained like the entire time. The first day was nice, the rest was downpour.

Now guys, I want to take a note here. I'm not a big camping person. Like, it's not my big, like, I'm not that. My, my brother, he, like, he's Mr. Camping, but I'm not a big camping person. So we haven't gone on a lot of camping trips, but both my daughters agree that that's one of their favorite memories. And it could be because we camped at the ocean.

I gotta throw that in there too. But, uh, for all of you parents who aren't campers I don't particularly love camping, just like I don't like fishing. I love taking Abby fishing and apparently my girls both like camping. So, you know, here this, you may have to get out of your comfort zone a little bit to create those memories with them.

Why are we having this conversation? No, I am, this is not nepotism. I'm not putting my children [00:07:00] on this episode just to talk about me being a great dad or anything like that. In today's episode, we're going to dig into family activities and how to bond with your children more effectively. But we're gonna do it from your children's perspective.

So I wanted my daughters to tell me what we need to do as parents to more effect, effectively connect with our children and build those lifelong relationships. So we've been getting to know just a little bit about my daughter. I'll try and call her Abby. So to my daughter, we've been trying to get to know Abby just a little bit and to know a little bit about some special memories.

She has the family activities we've done in the next part of the show. We're going to dive into the importance of quality time and building positive memories together as a family. We're going to roll our sponsor and we'll be right back with more from Abby and Henley. Now, before we go any further, I wanted to share with you guys.

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I guarantee it. I trust him. He's my friend. He's my business colleague, and I wouldn't trust anybody else with my show. Guys, welcome back to this very special edition of the fallible man podcast. This one's near and dear to my heart because I talked about my kids a lot, but I'm sharing my kids with you today in hopes that.

They can give us some insights onto our, into how to better build relationships with our [00:09:00] children from their perspective. This is coming from the mouth of children on how to connect with them more deeply as parents. So in this part of the show, we're going to dive into the importance of quality time and building positive memories.

Now, Abby, I, I don't generally give people the questions ahead of time, but seeing this is your first interview. I gave you the question so you could have some time to think about this. Because I really want to know, and I think our audience really wants to know your thoughts on these things. Okay, because we're, we're helping parents connect with their kids today.

So on a scale of 1 to 10, how important is it for your, us as parents to spend real quality time with you? Ten. Absolutely ten. Ten. It is very important to have quality time with your kids. Can you define quality time? What does that mean when you say that? I think that means when you just put everything you [00:10:00] were doing away and spending time with someone you love, like your kids.

It means you're not just in the same room. You're not just like on your phone phone and like, this is high. Occasionally, you're actually paying attention to them. Because that makes us feel like you're just paying attention to us. And that's quality time because you're not just on your phone. OK, so phone is a big issue.

And if you've been around the show for a long time, you've heard the story. This is this is that child. This is my Abby who corrected me because I was playing on my phone. Uh, yeah, they've all heard that story, baby. Sorry, I talked about you all the time. What takeaway from quality, sorry, what takes away from quality time when we're doing stuff together other than the phone?

So we've established phone bad. Stay off your phone. Don't stop scrolling on social media. What takes away from quality [00:11:00] time? Paying attention to something totally different. If I, you've never done this, but you, but, if I'm like asking you a question or something, and you'll just like nod or something, again, you haven't done this, uh, then it's like, we know you're not really paying attention to us, us, which is quite annoying.

So definitely phones and computers and also work because a lot of parents work, all parents work, and quality time is where you put everything away. Phones, anything distracting you. Okay, so presence, can we call that presence in that time? So not being [00:12:00] present in the moment, I think is accurately translating what she's saying.

What's your favorite thing to do to spend quality time with me or your mom? I like cuddling with you guys, and then you'll guys start tickling us, and that goes crazy. But cuddle time is really fun. Cuddle time is important? Yes. One of my favorite things to do with you guys is cuddle and eat ice cream while watching a movie.

That's with my children. Uh, on some of the things we do, right, we have songs and prayers before bed, and kind of make a ritual out of putting you guys to bed every night. Mm hmm. Uh, usually some, uh, right, we put in a Last man standing or some 30 minutes sitcom and cuddle after we get ready for bed, right?

So we have that wind down time together and I can hear parents shaking their head at me [00:13:00] right now Still doing screen time right for bed. I'm sorry. Yeah life, but right part of that wind down time It's just so we're all together before bedtime. How does that make you feel? I really like it because we're just like all together even if I like watching TV Most of the time, we're more of like, tickling and wrestling a little bit, which you might say is winding us up, but I think it winds us down because it tires us out.

That's mine. How important is it for parents to play with their kids? Very. Cause, when, if you don't play with your kids, it's, you don't know a what. Uh, they like, and you, and you don't get to know your kid, but it, this is very important to spend quality time. I'm talking about just [00:14:00] playing how important is just playing.

Yeah. Still important. Still important. Mm-Hmm. , uh, to you as a young person, how important. Is parents taking time to play with their kids, actually? It's very important because we love playing with you. So, it's really fun for us. What's that mean to you? Um, you could do something active with them, but you don't have to.

You could just, like, do a board game or whatever. You could do a board game or you could play tag or whatever. When we have power outages, most of the time me and Henley are, are happy because, because that we can just, like, play and have fun. And with each other and you guys so we like power outages because of that what [00:15:00] makes Something really memorable for you like something.

We do what makes it really memorable to you. It makes it memorable Memorable because as you're paying attention to us and and we're having fun together Or and having quality time and it makes it really memorable even the small things

What is your earliest member memory of doing something together making snow cream because earliest memory Um, I'd have to say yes, that's because there's also you guys tickling us, but, uh, that's almost every day. So you think my daughter likes to be tickled? It's kind of strange. Maybe I do. Maybe I don't.

Just saying. What do you think it takes to [00:16:00] really make something a deep memory? What's involved? Is there something magical? Is there something special that helps make it a really significant memory to you? Um, when we do something all of us love. I think in kids you're like having fun or talking to them and paying attention.

Alright parents, now you've heard me ask both my daughters that question and the reason I'm bringing it up is you can't ask your kids for certain information. They can't tell you everything. So let me tell you what we know from science is to help build a really deep, deep, deep memory with your kids. It has to involve as many senses as possible.

I'm talking about touch, uh, sight, smell, sound. You've heard both my daughters talk about our bedtime [00:17:00] rituals. It all involves physical contact with the cuddling and involves us singing together. It involves us being physically together. There's sound because of the music, there's talking, uh, we're involving multiple senses as part of that routine.

And that's one of the really deep secrets. So, your kids are going to give you some great pointers. If you'll listen to them, that's one they're not going to be able to help you with because they don't understand the science behind it necessarily. What is your best memory up until this point? I know you're the Grinch, but I love decorating the Christmas tree together.

It's really fun. We listen to phantatonics, and Henley likes to, like, dance around, like, dance around while we're decorating the Christmas tree. My favorite memories is when We decorate for a holiday, like [00:18:00] Christmas. It's decorating the tree, and putting up the wreath, and stockings. Seeing you go up, putting up the tree, it's one of my favorite memories.

Hey guys, we've been discussing the importance of quality time and building positive memories. We're doing that because I want you to relate and hear what she's saying, what she's telling us, what she's telling me, what she's telling you as parents. In the next part of the show, we're going to dive into tips for creating some family fun and some memories.

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Now let's go on to the show guys. Welcome back. In the last part of the show, we were discussing the importance of quality time. Through the eyes of a child and building positive memories. And this part of the show, we're going to go into tips for creating family fun memories. What is your best recommendation for parents out there or spending quality time with their kids?

I'd suggest doing what they love and what they. What everyone loves of Sks, that way they, all of them, fun, and then no one gets an argument [00:20:00] about what they want to do, just something that you guys all love, so you don't fight. Fighting ends up with someone not walking away, and it just ruining the time.

The best recommendation would be Yeah, to do something they love but also you love. Do something you guys can both do together and actually have fun with it. Like you don't, you don't like Christmas, but you do like decorating the Christmas tree because you like spending time with us. Don't deny. Oh, that's true.

I do something about that cute little smile, you know? Oh, heartfelt.

Killing it, killing it. Camera from whatever, what is an activity? Every parent [00:21:00] should try with their kids. I think if you can just like. Doing races or something is fun. I like being active and I love playing basketball. So, oh, I like it when you and mom like help me practice and stuff because you, you've teached me stuff that taught me.

Sorry, bad grammar. You've taught me stuff that my coach hasn't and it's actually, it's helped me a lot with my games and stuff. So something that can help them and then be fun at the same time. Okay, so physical activity connected with Yeah. Henley, what do you think about new experiences together? New experience?

I think it would be good to have a new experience. That way the kids get a new experience and also the parents at the same time. [00:22:00] Okay. Do you think that creates stronger memories to try new things together? Yeah. What is one important thing for every parent listening right now to know about making sure that they are connecting with their kids?

What do they need to do to make sure they're really connecting with their kids? I would say Absorb them, but like see what they like to do Also, and then make an activity that has what they like to do and what the parent likes to do. So, when they're trying to connect with their kids, maybe their kids are pushing back a little bit or, you know, not being real receptive, what is something that parents should know from your perspective about us trying to connect with you [00:23:00] guys that really gets across?

I really. Paying attention and is really the most important thing and when you're trying to connect with us Paying attention not just like nodding to a question or just like it's important to note right here in this section that Abby made a typing Sound with her fingers and thumbs and pretended like she was typing on a keyboard So being really present with you works for helping to connect.

Yeah top five Favorite activities to do as a family. This is not listed in order but Movie night, cuddle time, decorating the Christmas tree, going, being on walks and stuff. I don't know how many that is. That's four. Okay, and uh, going out for frozen yogurt. Cuddle [00:24:00] was definitely one. Go out places with your kid, like an ice cream shop or a museum.

Maybe Go to a park, or can play in a spot with them if they like sports, um,

play board games. My mom loves to read, and I think reading would be good. You like reading together? Yeah. Especially. When everyone has their favorite book because then you could like get on a couch or something and then just cuddle and read together. How important is your relationship with your parents, do you think, for a child?

It's very, very important because Is that, we, you can teach us right and wrong, you can have fun with us, and those memories are important, no [00:25:00] matter how little you may, you think it is. It's big for us. It is very. I really wanna have a relationship with you mom. It's just mom, man. I'm feeling jipped now. I said you and mom.

Oh, I, I heard you mom. Grammar, punctuation, you know, comma. Now I know that you're really worried about this. So Harry and Ginny's three kids. You got two of them. Good job. James and Albus is correct. Their daughter is Lily. Lily. I was, I know everybody was really worried about that. Abby, if the parents listening to this, and he's usually his dad's, but I get some moms listening to this too.

The parents listening to this. Don't hear anything else we've said tonight. [00:26:00] What is the most important thing as a kid you want to tell your parents, tell parents out there about connecting with their children? I think it's really important that you are there for them when they need you. Who in big times and little times, whether it's just like, Oh, help me with my math homework or something a lot bigger.

Are you, you got to be present with them. If the parents listening to this, right? Cause we've got a lot of dads listening to this and some moms. If they don't hear anything else you said today, what do they need to know from you as a nine year old? What do you want them to hear is the most important thing they need to know about connecting with their kids.

Connecting with their kids is about doing stuff with them. And one of the things I said today, it was to absorb them [00:27:00] by meant by. Watch what they do in They'll free time, learn what they like to do, Uso, and then make, and try and put, uh, what they like to do, what you like to do, put them together so you and your kid will have fun and won't argue about what they, uh, they're going to do together.

Now guys, from this very special edition of the Fallible Man podcast, I've told you guys a lot of my daughters, if you listen to this show for any length of time, you know, they get talked about. And so does my wife, everybody's fair game. I wanted to actually have them on here because I want you to hear it from the mouth of kids.

I can offer parenting advice. I can offer ideas for you to do with your kids. And I thought this would be much more powerful to hear it from kids themselves. This is what you should do, right? This is how you reach us. This is how [00:28:00] you connect with us. Now, every child is unique. Every child is different, but they all have a lot of the same needs.

And so if you go back and listen again to what the girls are saying, you're going to get a lot of cues, even outside of what they're saying. If you analyze it, that are going to help you connect deeper with your kids. Thanks for taking the time to hang out with us today and checking out. What my daughters have to share with you about how you can reach your children more effectively.

As always, be better tomorrow because of what you do today, and we'll see you on the next one. This has been the Followible Man Podcast. Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. Head over to www.thefallibleman.com for more content and get your own fallible man.

I'm not taking, I ain't gonna shake it, I'm not taking