Parenting Myths Exposed: Separating Fact from Fiction
In the latest episode of The Fallible Man Podcast, we debunk 20 common parenting myths to help new and soon-to-be dads navigate fatherhood with confidence. From conflict resolution and setting boundaries to understanding your child's needs, this episode is packed with practical insights and advice. Tune in to get a head start on your journey to being an amazing dad and share it with a fellow dad who could use some guidance.
Welcome to The Fallible Man Podcast! In this episode, we're tackling 20 of the most common parenting myths to help you on your journey to becoming an amazing dad. Whether you're a soon-to-be dad or recently joined the club, this episode is packed with essential insights to guide you through the complexities of parenting.
**Timestamps:**
00:00 - Introduction
01:20 - Myth 1: Parents Shouldn't Fight in Front of Their Kids
02:30 - Myth 2: Being Strict Makes Well-Behaved Kids
03:45 - Myth 3: Every Bad Behavior Requires Strong Consequences
05:00 - Myth 4: You Should React in the Moment for Discipline
06:15 - Myth 5: Saying Yes Doesn't Mean You Failed
07:30 - Myth 6: It's Better to Shield Children from Loss
08:45 - Myth 7: All Kids are Picky
10:00 - Myth 8: Children Come First
11:15 - Myth 9: Praising Kids Makes Them Smarter
12:30 - Myth 10: Parenting Comes Naturally
13:45 - Myth 11: Good Parents Don’t Ever Lose Their Tempers
15:00 - Myth 12: Kids Don’t Want to Talk to Their Parents
16:15 - Myth 13: Children Hate Discipline
17:30 - Myth 14: Children Need Constant Entertainment
18:45 - Myth 15: Only One Right Way to Be a Dad
20:00 - Myth 16: Parents Should Be Friends with Their Kids
21:15 - Myth 17: Good Parents Mean Great Kids
22:30 - Myth 18: You Can Hold a Baby Too Much
23:45 - Myth 19: Babies Only Cry When They Are Hungry, Tired, or Need a Diaper Change
25:00 - Myth 20: Your Kids' Fears Are Just a Stage They're Going Through
I'm Brent, your host and a proud father of two with 20 years of experience working with young people. Parenting is a joyful yet challenging journey, and I'm here to help you navigate it.
Check out the links below for deeper dives into some of these topics and share this episode with a fellow dad who could use some answers!
**Related Episodes:**
- https://www.thefalliblemanpodcast.com/mastering-the-power-of-response/
- https://www.thefalliblemanpodcast.com/embracing-the-bad-guy-role-as-a-parent/
- https://www.thefalliblemanpodcast.com/unlock-the-secret-to-successful-fatherhood-embrace-your-childs-unique-journey/
**Subscribe and Follow:**
- youtube.com/@thefalliblemanpodcast
- thefalliblemanpodcast.com
Be better tomorrow because of what you do today, and we'll see you in the next episode!
Transcript
WEBVTT
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So you're going to be, or reasonably become a dad.
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Being honest and you want to be a good dad, you're now seeking information.
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The problem is there literally been over 75, 000 parenting books written in the last decade alone.
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And you certainly don't have time to read all those.
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Well, in this episode of the Fallible Man podcast, 20 of the most common imperative myths.
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So at least you got that out of the way.
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Let's get into it.
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Here's the million dollar question.
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How do men like us reach our full potential growing to the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, and living?
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Being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves.
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Well, that's the big question in this podcast.
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We'll help you answer those questions and more.
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My name is Brent and welcome to the fallible man podcast.
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Dad is my favorite title I've ever had in my life.
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I have two kids and I've spent over 20 years of my life working with young people in various capacities.
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Being a father is a biologically simple.
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And well, let's face it.
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It's a biologically simple job.
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Any male can be a father.
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However, being a dad is a joyous yet stressful job.
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That is amazing, but you're also going to spend the whole rest of your life trying to protect it, perfect it.
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By the way, my name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man podcast, your home for all things, man, big shout out to Fallible Nation.
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That's our long term listenership.
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And you know what?
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You don't have to join any club or anything.
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Just stick around and enjoy the shows to come and a warm welcome to our first time listeners.
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Hey, thanks for checking us out.
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We know there's a lot fighting for your attention, so be sure to connect with us at the fallible man on most social media platforms, let us know what you thought of this show or especially active on Instagram.
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I'd love to hear what you think.
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Now let's, let's get back into it.
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I told you this is going to be rapid fire guys, because.
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Let's face it, that could take a while to go through 20, so we're not going to take that long.
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So let's dive in, give you a head start on your journey to be an amazing dad, which I know you're going to be.
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Number one, parents shouldn't fight in front of their kids.
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Guys, that's a stupid idea.
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Level up your conflict resolution skills.
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Fight towards success for you as a couple, not for the individual win, and teach your children how to handle conflict in a relationship in a healthy way.
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Don't let the media teach them.
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That's your job.
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Number two, being strict, strict makes well behaved kids.
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Uh, not necessarily true.
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Being super rigid and strict only make kids that hide their lives from you when they have issues.
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If your kid is scared of you, or scared for you to find out what they're doing, then you're handling things badly.
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Yeah, there's gonna be consequences, but kids aren't scared of consequences.
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They're scared of angry parenting, so don't do that.
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Number three, every bad behavior requires strong consequences.
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Consequences got to scale with the violation.
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Okay.
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Punching their sibling can't have the same consequences as not picking up their laundry off the floor.
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So strong is the wrong word.
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Every bad or inappropriate behavior has to have relative consequences to the behavior.
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This should be established long before your kid is actually paying for those consequences.
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They should know it and they should not be afraid of it.
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They should just know it's going to be there.
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Number four, you should react in the moment for discipline.
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Your children aren't dogs.
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They don't lose the point if you don't react right away.
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So acknowledge the issue in the moment.
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So they know that there's going to be consequences down the road.
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This was not okay.
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That was against our family rules.
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Now adjust based on your emotional response, never discipline out of emotion is going to backfire on you on some horrible unforeseen way in the future.
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If you do number five, saying yes.
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Means you're a failed parent.
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It's absolutely false.
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You don't have to say no to everything.
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Parenting is a constantly scaling and reevaluating position of your principles and beliefs.
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Okay.
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No, clearly why you say yes.
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And why you say no and have a legit reason for both because I said so, isn't a legitimate reason.
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Just let me throw that out there for all of you who grew up with that.
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Like I did, because I said, so it was not a legitimate reason.
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Have a legit reason for both yeses and nos, but saying yes, doesn't make you a bad parent.
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You're just understanding what's worth actually making an issue out of number six.
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It's better to shield your children from loss.
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Okay.
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Just like fighting, loss is part of life and it's a process they will learn eventually so you can walk through them with them.
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And go along with it.
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So they know how to react to loss, how to process that, or you can throw them to the wolves, like a lot of people there, number seven, all kids are picky.
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This isn't true.
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Not all kids are picky, but some can be right.
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Some of us are old enough to remember the commercials.
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Mikey will eat it.
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Uh, I met those kids.
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Okay.
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There are kids who would eat dirt if you put it in front of them, but this is double edged sword.
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Accommodating pickiness is bad.
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It actually creates more pickiness.
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However, forcing kids to do something are not be picky, right?
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With the either you get nothing approach isn't necessarily perfect either.
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It cognitively takes much longer to introduce new concepts for some people than other people.
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And that includes flavors.
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So you'll actually frequently have to introduce a new con like flavor, new concept, new idea, your kid 10, 15 times before it actually starts to take root.
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So don't think they're being picky.
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Think this is a new approach, our new thing.
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Number eight.
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Children come first.
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False.
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100 percent false.
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Your relationship comes first.
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It is the blueprint and the example for your kid's future and their kid's future and their kid's future.
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So focus on prioritizing it and your health because you need both to be a good place for you to be able to take care of your kids the best way possible.
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Number nine, praising kids makes them smarter.
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That's dumb.
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That's like, uh, you know, having likes makes you more popular.
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Okay.
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Praise the growth, growth mindset and the process of coming up with an idea or a solution.
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Praise thinking outcomes don't matter and they don't make you smarter.
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Learning critical thinking skills and the ability to learn and gain knowledge, that's valuable.
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So praise your kid when they take the initiative to learn and grow.
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Number 10, parenting comes natural.
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Yeah, right.
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If you feel unprepared, lost, panic, scared, terrified, or unqualified, then 9 percent of parents.
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It is a learning and growing process.
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And what is right for one kid, just what you think you got to figure it out is not going to be right for the next kid.
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Some parts may come easier to you than others, but parenting well is not a natural thing.
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There's just way too much involved.
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Parenting is a really big job and there's lots to learn and grow and do in it and master yourself.
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So, no, it's not a natural thing as far as, Oh, I'm just going to be good at this.
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I have a lot of experience with kids.
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I thought I was going to be a great parent guys.
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I learned every single day.
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I guarantee it.
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Just ask my nine and 12 year old.
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They'll tell you.
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Number 11, good parents.
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Don't ever lose their tempers.
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I fell prey to this.
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This was a big, like, I, I, I had regret over this because guess what?
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You will get angry.
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You just engineered an inherently selfish being that knows and constantly tests exactly what makes you crazy.
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Just for the sake of provoking a reaction.
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They want to know the boundaries.
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Good parents learn to restrain their anger.
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And it takes time and not act on emotion.
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But if anybody in the world is going to make you lose your temper, it's your kids that doesn't make you a bad parent.
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That just makes you're human.
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Number 12, kids don't want to talk to their parents.
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This nonsense, and this is nonsense comes from movies and television shows where parents ask stupid questions.
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And yes, there are stupid questions.
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How was school?
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Eh.
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That's a stupid question.
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Okay.
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This comes from those shows.
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We've seen it for years.
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Raise your kids talking by listening to them.
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My 12 year old is doing the fundraiser right now with me.
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And I love listening to her cause she has a lot to say.
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She's a smart young woman and I can't wait to hear everything she wants to share with me because I listen and I treat what they say with respect.
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Guess what?
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My daughter's talked to me about everything and I love it.
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So learn to listen, learn to treat what they have to say with respect because to them, it's important whether you think it is or not.
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So treat it like it is, and they will always talk to you and they will always want to talk to you.
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Number 13, children hate discipline.
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Children thrive on discipline.
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This is an all out falsehood because not only do children thrive on discipline, adults thrive on discipline.
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Everybody wants to know where their boundaries are.
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It lets them have security to grow in what they're doing.
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Area is everybody has boundaries and knowing those boundaries and being sure of those actually gives you the confidence to thrive.
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Number 14, children need constant entertainment.
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They don't and you screw everyone else when you do this.
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Children don't need constant entertainment.
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I've, I've fallen prey to this.
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Okay.
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I told you it's always a work in progress.
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It is so much better to make sure that your current children aren't constantly entertained.
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Let them learn to find things to do when they're bored.
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You'll hear that word a lot as parents.
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I'm bored.
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Great.
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Let them learn to be bored.
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Let them exercise their mind and learn ways to entertain themselves.
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And to think number 15, there's only one right way to parent.
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There is no single correct way to be a dad.
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Love your children, children, teach them, love your children, teach them to be valuable people and do your very best.
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But there is no one size fits all dad.
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Got it.
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Don't ever buy into that nonsense.
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Number 16, parents should be friends with their kids.
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This common misconception, hell no, this dumb idea is responsible for probably half of our societal woes because there was a whole string of parents in my age group are a little bit younger who thought I should be friends with my kids.
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Your kids have friends, be their parent.
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They only have two of those.
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They got enough friends.
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This is how we got here, guys.
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This is horrible.
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And this myth has got to go.
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Number 17, good parents mean great kids.
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Every one of your children is a unique individual who has to decide what they're going to do with every situation based on not only what you've taught them, but all their other influences and their individual personality.
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I had amazing parents and I made some horrible choices over the years.
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I worked with teenagers on and off for years and I watched some amazing parents whose kids turned out to be complete.
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We'll try and keep this PG assholes.
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Is that close enough?
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Okay.
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Being a good parent does not ensure you're going to have great kids.
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So you have to understand at some point, your child takes over responsibility for their choices in life.
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Number 18, you can hold a baby too much, right?
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Unless you are doing this at a cartoonish level, like that little kid who walked around squeezing the cat all the time in that cartoon and never put them down.
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Your kid needs some time down for them to healthily develop.
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But unless you were just going to that cartoonish level, guess what?
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You're going to put them down.
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Eventually you're not going to be able to carry them 24 hours a day, but guess what, that time when they're a little baby goes away really quickly and you're not always going to be able to carry them around.
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So enjoy it while you can.
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You really can't love on your baby too much.
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19 babies only cry when they're hungry, tired, and need to dive have changed.
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Whoever came up with this stupid idea has never been a parent.
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This is not true.
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Your baby only has a handful of ways to express a lot of new emotions and feelings and things they're experiencing for the first time ever, they can only communicate so many ways of that size.
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That's the truth.
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They have limited ways to communicate and they will cry for no reason at all.
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Sometimes other than they feel like it are they're frustrated and they don't know how to express that.
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Are they're experiencing something that they can't tell you?
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It's going to frustrate you.
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It's going to make you nuts, but it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.
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It's just one of the very limited ways babies have to express themselves.
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And it's not necessarily because you did something wrong.
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It's just because there's not another way for them to express themselves.
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Number 20, your kid's fears are just the stage they're going through.
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Most of us grow out of our fears at some point.
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But the big mistake is being dismissive of your kids.
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Feel fears and feelings.
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Notice I lump those two together.
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Why?
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Cause fears are a portion of feelings to them.
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What they're experiencing is as real as whatever is stressing you the hell out right now.
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Whatever's frustrating you, whatever's stressing you.
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At their level, that fear is just as real to them as what you're experiencing that's causing you stress.
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Your job as a parent is to help them learn what is real, what is a threat, what can and cannot hurt them.
00:14:38.328 --> 00:14:52.129
And if you shut them down on these things, if you don't validate their feelings and help them learn to deal with them, help them address those fears, then they will cut you off for far more important issues.
00:14:52.384 --> 00:14:59.375
Later down the road, guys, 20 common myths dealt with boom, done.
00:15:00.095 --> 00:15:11.923
I have episodes that go way deeper on some of these specific issues that I felt like we, we need a little more depth in I'll link some of the description or in the show notes, depending on what platform you're with us on.
00:15:12.354 --> 00:15:13.364
If you want to go deeper.
00:15:13.364 --> 00:15:15.254
So check out those episodes next.
00:15:15.644 --> 00:15:20.913
This is just a quick reference cheat sheet version for you guys, because dad, you've got a lot on your plate.
00:15:21.433 --> 00:15:24.504
If you're going to be a dad, if you're about to be a dad, he just became a dad.
00:15:24.813 --> 00:15:26.674
I know there's a lot on your plate right now.
00:15:26.674 --> 00:15:28.404
So this is your quick reference guide.
00:15:28.903 --> 00:15:29.803
I hope this helps.
00:15:29.803 --> 00:15:30.813
You're going to crush it.
00:15:30.823 --> 00:15:33.974
I guarantee it just because you're here.
00:15:34.144 --> 00:15:41.855
I know you're trying to be a great dad, which means you're going to be a great dad, share it with a friend who needs some of these questions answered and be better tomorrow because what you do today.
00:15:42.068 --> 00:15:42.950
We'll see you on the next one.
00:15:44.750 --> 00:15:47.320
This has been the Fallible Man podcast.
00:15:47.889 --> 00:15:51.309
Your home for everything man, husband, and father.
00:15:52.029 --> 00:15:54.519
Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show.
00:15:55.220 --> 00:15:57.070
Head over to www.
00:15:58.708 --> 00:15:58.899
thefallibleman.
00:15:58.909 --> 00:16:03.009
com for more content and get your own Fallible Man gear.
00:00:00.449 --> 00:00:02.448
So you're going to be, or reasonably become a dad.
00:00:03.430 --> 00:00:08.250
Being honest and you want to be a good dad, you're now seeking information.
00:00:08.990 --> 00:00:14.150
The problem is there literally been over 75, 000 parenting books written in the last decade alone.
00:00:14.759 --> 00:00:17.579
And you certainly don't have time to read all those.
00:00:18.295 --> 00:00:23.795
Well, in this episode of the Fallible Man podcast, 20 of the most common imperative myths.
00:00:24.234 --> 00:00:26.254
So at least you got that out of the way.
00:00:26.893 --> 00:00:27.675
Let's get into it.
00:00:33.295 --> 00:00:34.715
Here's the million dollar question.
00:00:35.195 --> 00:00:43.033
How do men like us reach our full potential growing to the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, and living?
00:00:43.325 --> 00:00:46.744
Being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves.
00:00:47.734 --> 00:00:50.804
Well, that's the big question in this podcast.
00:00:51.143 --> 00:00:52.884
We'll help you answer those questions and more.
00:00:53.125 --> 00:00:55.844
My name is Brent and welcome to the fallible man podcast.
00:00:59.674 --> 00:01:02.064
Dad is my favorite title I've ever had in my life.
00:01:02.743 --> 00:01:08.013
I have two kids and I've spent over 20 years of my life working with young people in various capacities.
00:01:08.495 --> 00:01:11.135
Being a father is a biologically simple.
00:01:11.859 --> 00:01:15.079
And well, let's face it.
00:01:15.079 --> 00:01:16.680
It's a biologically simple job.
00:01:17.289 --> 00:01:19.049
Any male can be a father.
00:01:19.209 --> 00:01:22.540
However, being a dad is a joyous yet stressful job.
00:01:22.549 --> 00:01:27.858
That is amazing, but you're also going to spend the whole rest of your life trying to protect it, perfect it.
00:01:29.275 --> 00:01:36.743
By the way, my name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man podcast, your home for all things, man, big shout out to Fallible Nation.
00:01:36.754 --> 00:01:38.603
That's our long term listenership.
00:01:38.644 --> 00:01:39.274
And you know what?
00:01:39.284 --> 00:01:40.884
You don't have to join any club or anything.
00:01:40.884 --> 00:01:46.555
Just stick around and enjoy the shows to come and a warm welcome to our first time listeners.
00:01:47.069 --> 00:01:48.219
Hey, thanks for checking us out.
00:01:48.420 --> 00:01:57.509
We know there's a lot fighting for your attention, so be sure to connect with us at the fallible man on most social media platforms, let us know what you thought of this show or especially active on Instagram.
00:01:57.510 --> 00:01:59.248
I'd love to hear what you think.
00:02:00.030 --> 00:02:02.019
Now let's, let's get back into it.
00:02:02.019 --> 00:02:04.338
I told you this is going to be rapid fire guys, because.
00:02:04.774 --> 00:02:08.625
Let's face it, that could take a while to go through 20, so we're not going to take that long.
00:02:09.155 --> 00:02:13.933
So let's dive in, give you a head start on your journey to be an amazing dad, which I know you're going to be.
00:02:14.375 --> 00:02:16.814
Number one, parents shouldn't fight in front of their kids.
00:02:17.504 --> 00:02:18.634
Guys, that's a stupid idea.
00:02:18.984 --> 00:02:21.054
Level up your conflict resolution skills.
00:02:21.514 --> 00:02:29.504
Fight towards success for you as a couple, not for the individual win, and teach your children how to handle conflict in a relationship in a healthy way.
00:02:30.104 --> 00:02:31.324
Don't let the media teach them.
00:02:31.625 --> 00:02:32.525
That's your job.
00:02:32.955 --> 00:02:36.655
Number two, being strict, strict makes well behaved kids.
00:02:37.294 --> 00:02:38.544
Uh, not necessarily true.
00:02:38.995 --> 00:02:43.775
Being super rigid and strict only make kids that hide their lives from you when they have issues.
00:02:44.305 --> 00:02:50.495
If your kid is scared of you, or scared for you to find out what they're doing, then you're handling things badly.
00:02:50.604 --> 00:02:54.525
Yeah, there's gonna be consequences, but kids aren't scared of consequences.
00:02:54.745 --> 00:02:57.435
They're scared of angry parenting, so don't do that.
00:02:58.745 --> 00:03:03.014
Number three, every bad behavior requires strong consequences.
00:03:04.305 --> 00:03:06.935
Consequences got to scale with the violation.
00:03:07.104 --> 00:03:07.495
Okay.
00:03:07.805 --> 00:03:12.144
Punching their sibling can't have the same consequences as not picking up their laundry off the floor.
00:03:13.034 --> 00:03:16.084
So strong is the wrong word.
00:03:16.504 --> 00:03:22.224
Every bad or inappropriate behavior has to have relative consequences to the behavior.
00:03:23.395 --> 00:03:26.574
This should be established long before your kid is actually paying for those consequences.
00:03:27.050 --> 00:03:29.389
They should know it and they should not be afraid of it.
00:03:29.399 --> 00:03:30.748
They should just know it's going to be there.
00:03:31.868 --> 00:03:35.158
Number four, you should react in the moment for discipline.
00:03:35.658 --> 00:03:37.269
Your children aren't dogs.
00:03:38.068 --> 00:03:41.158
They don't lose the point if you don't react right away.
00:03:41.598 --> 00:03:43.338
So acknowledge the issue in the moment.
00:03:43.919 --> 00:03:46.650
So they know that there's going to be consequences down the road.
00:03:47.539 --> 00:03:48.870
This was not okay.
00:03:49.169 --> 00:03:50.939
That was against our family rules.
00:03:51.359 --> 00:04:00.829
Now adjust based on your emotional response, never discipline out of emotion is going to backfire on you on some horrible unforeseen way in the future.
00:04:00.829 --> 00:04:04.239
If you do number five, saying yes.
00:04:05.115 --> 00:04:06.324
Means you're a failed parent.
00:04:06.805 --> 00:04:08.044
It's absolutely false.
00:04:08.504 --> 00:04:10.524
You don't have to say no to everything.
00:04:10.935 --> 00:04:18.545
Parenting is a constantly scaling and reevaluating position of your principles and beliefs.
00:04:18.653 --> 00:04:19.125
Okay.
00:04:19.434 --> 00:04:21.314
No, clearly why you say yes.
00:04:21.574 --> 00:04:28.175
And why you say no and have a legit reason for both because I said so, isn't a legitimate reason.
00:04:28.194 --> 00:04:31.014
Just let me throw that out there for all of you who grew up with that.
00:04:31.014 --> 00:04:34.584
Like I did, because I said, so it was not a legitimate reason.
00:04:35.144 --> 00:04:40.444
Have a legit reason for both yeses and nos, but saying yes, doesn't make you a bad parent.
00:04:40.593 --> 00:04:45.704
You're just understanding what's worth actually making an issue out of number six.
00:04:46.153 --> 00:04:48.543
It's better to shield your children from loss.
00:04:48.543 --> 00:04:48.613
Okay.
00:04:49.375 --> 00:04:57.555
Just like fighting, loss is part of life and it's a process they will learn eventually so you can walk through them with them.
00:04:58.348 --> 00:04:59.649
And go along with it.
00:04:59.649 --> 00:05:10.098
So they know how to react to loss, how to process that, or you can throw them to the wolves, like a lot of people there, number seven, all kids are picky.
00:05:11.149 --> 00:05:11.920
This isn't true.
00:05:12.579 --> 00:05:16.649
Not all kids are picky, but some can be right.
00:05:16.740 --> 00:05:18.928
Some of us are old enough to remember the commercials.
00:05:19.158 --> 00:05:20.199
Mikey will eat it.
00:05:20.730 --> 00:05:23.100
Uh, I met those kids.
00:05:23.100 --> 00:05:23.509
Okay.
00:05:23.660 --> 00:05:28.170
There are kids who would eat dirt if you put it in front of them, but this is double edged sword.
00:05:28.470 --> 00:05:30.350
Accommodating pickiness is bad.
00:05:30.350 --> 00:05:31.970
It actually creates more pickiness.
00:05:32.475 --> 00:05:38.904
However, forcing kids to do something are not be picky, right?
00:05:38.935 --> 00:05:43.024
With the either you get nothing approach isn't necessarily perfect either.
00:05:43.834 --> 00:05:51.903
It cognitively takes much longer to introduce new concepts for some people than other people.
00:05:51.903 --> 00:05:53.394
And that includes flavors.
00:05:53.843 --> 00:06:04.343
So you'll actually frequently have to introduce a new con like flavor, new concept, new idea, your kid 10, 15 times before it actually starts to take root.
00:06:05.353 --> 00:06:07.935
So don't think they're being picky.
00:06:08.144 --> 00:06:10.285
Think this is a new approach, our new thing.
00:06:11.365 --> 00:06:11.654
Number eight.
00:06:12.415 --> 00:06:13.504
Children come first.
00:06:13.944 --> 00:06:14.345
False.
00:06:14.384 --> 00:06:15.404
100 percent false.
00:06:15.964 --> 00:06:18.464
Your relationship comes first.
00:06:19.254 --> 00:06:25.024
It is the blueprint and the example for your kid's future and their kid's future and their kid's future.
00:06:25.745 --> 00:06:34.595
So focus on prioritizing it and your health because you need both to be a good place for you to be able to take care of your kids the best way possible.
00:06:36.295 --> 00:06:38.584
Number nine, praising kids makes them smarter.
00:06:38.764 --> 00:06:39.615
That's dumb.
00:06:40.293 --> 00:06:44.795
That's like, uh, you know, having likes makes you more popular.
00:06:46.264 --> 00:06:46.723
Okay.
00:06:47.404 --> 00:06:52.913
Praise the growth, growth mindset and the process of coming up with an idea or a solution.
00:06:53.855 --> 00:06:57.684
Praise thinking outcomes don't matter and they don't make you smarter.
00:06:58.329 --> 00:07:03.639
Learning critical thinking skills and the ability to learn and gain knowledge, that's valuable.
00:07:03.798 --> 00:07:07.009
So praise your kid when they take the initiative to learn and grow.
00:07:08.670 --> 00:07:11.288
Number 10, parenting comes natural.
00:07:13.038 --> 00:07:13.699
Yeah, right.
00:07:14.189 --> 00:07:22.029
If you feel unprepared, lost, panic, scared, terrified, or unqualified, then 9 percent of parents.
00:07:23.000 --> 00:07:25.348
It is a learning and growing process.
00:07:25.920 --> 00:07:30.459
And what is right for one kid, just what you think you got to figure it out is not going to be right for the next kid.
00:07:31.319 --> 00:07:37.444
Some parts may come easier to you than others, but parenting well is not a natural thing.
00:07:37.444 --> 00:07:39.449
There's just way too much involved.
00:07:39.819 --> 00:07:45.490
Parenting is a really big job and there's lots to learn and grow and do in it and master yourself.
00:07:45.509 --> 00:07:49.740
So, no, it's not a natural thing as far as, Oh, I'm just going to be good at this.
00:07:49.814 --> 00:07:52.805
I have a lot of experience with kids.
00:07:52.865 --> 00:07:54.935
I thought I was going to be a great parent guys.
00:07:54.964 --> 00:07:56.274
I learned every single day.
00:07:56.435 --> 00:07:57.314
I guarantee it.
00:07:57.404 --> 00:07:58.855
Just ask my nine and 12 year old.
00:07:58.855 --> 00:07:59.343
They'll tell you.
00:08:00.875 --> 00:08:02.624
Number 11, good parents.
00:08:02.624 --> 00:08:04.004
Don't ever lose their tempers.
00:08:05.033 --> 00:08:06.093
I fell prey to this.
00:08:06.410 --> 00:08:12.230
This was a big, like, I, I, I had regret over this because guess what?
00:08:12.279 --> 00:08:13.540
You will get angry.
00:08:14.199 --> 00:08:21.350
You just engineered an inherently selfish being that knows and constantly tests exactly what makes you crazy.
00:08:21.819 --> 00:08:23.870
Just for the sake of provoking a reaction.
00:08:24.350 --> 00:08:25.620
They want to know the boundaries.
00:08:26.168 --> 00:08:28.314
Good parents learn to restrain their anger.
00:08:28.925 --> 00:08:32.095
And it takes time and not act on emotion.
00:08:32.495 --> 00:08:37.423
But if anybody in the world is going to make you lose your temper, it's your kids that doesn't make you a bad parent.
00:08:37.434 --> 00:08:38.533
That just makes you're human.
00:08:39.764 --> 00:08:42.595
Number 12, kids don't want to talk to their parents.
00:08:43.205 --> 00:08:50.354
This nonsense, and this is nonsense comes from movies and television shows where parents ask stupid questions.
00:08:50.404 --> 00:08:52.095
And yes, there are stupid questions.
00:08:52.514 --> 00:08:53.245
How was school?
00:08:53.485 --> 00:08:53.914
Eh.
00:08:54.313 --> 00:08:55.225
That's a stupid question.
00:08:55.294 --> 00:08:55.693
Okay.
00:08:56.054 --> 00:08:57.085
This comes from those shows.
00:08:57.085 --> 00:08:58.174
We've seen it for years.
00:08:58.745 --> 00:09:01.804
Raise your kids talking by listening to them.
00:09:03.955 --> 00:09:07.024
My 12 year old is doing the fundraiser right now with me.
00:09:07.225 --> 00:09:10.304
And I love listening to her cause she has a lot to say.
00:09:10.654 --> 00:09:21.075
She's a smart young woman and I can't wait to hear everything she wants to share with me because I listen and I treat what they say with respect.
00:09:21.465 --> 00:09:22.224
Guess what?
00:09:22.354 --> 00:09:25.524
My daughter's talked to me about everything and I love it.
00:09:25.965 --> 00:09:32.615
So learn to listen, learn to treat what they have to say with respect because to them, it's important whether you think it is or not.
00:09:32.945 --> 00:09:37.904
So treat it like it is, and they will always talk to you and they will always want to talk to you.
00:09:38.945 --> 00:09:41.375
Number 13, children hate discipline.
00:09:42.254 --> 00:09:43.673
Children thrive on discipline.
00:09:43.875 --> 00:09:48.985
This is an all out falsehood because not only do children thrive on discipline, adults thrive on discipline.
00:09:49.394 --> 00:09:51.565
Everybody wants to know where their boundaries are.
00:09:51.695 --> 00:09:55.095
It lets them have security to grow in what they're doing.
00:09:55.414 --> 00:10:03.304
Area is everybody has boundaries and knowing those boundaries and being sure of those actually gives you the confidence to thrive.
00:10:04.365 --> 00:10:07.474
Number 14, children need constant entertainment.
00:10:07.924 --> 00:10:11.563
They don't and you screw everyone else when you do this.
00:10:13.279 --> 00:10:14.879
Children don't need constant entertainment.
00:10:15.820 --> 00:10:17.350
I've, I've fallen prey to this.
00:10:17.350 --> 00:10:17.639
Okay.
00:10:17.639 --> 00:10:19.500
I told you it's always a work in progress.
00:10:19.990 --> 00:10:24.649
It is so much better to make sure that your current children aren't constantly entertained.
00:10:25.730 --> 00:10:30.269
Let them learn to find things to do when they're bored.
00:10:30.278 --> 00:10:31.779
You'll hear that word a lot as parents.
00:10:32.240 --> 00:10:33.159
I'm bored.
00:10:33.168 --> 00:10:33.568
Great.
00:10:33.828 --> 00:10:35.139
Let them learn to be bored.
00:10:35.629 --> 00:10:38.908
Let them exercise their mind and learn ways to entertain themselves.
00:10:39.219 --> 00:10:44.870
And to think number 15, there's only one right way to parent.
00:10:45.600 --> 00:10:48.419
There is no single correct way to be a dad.
00:10:49.318 --> 00:10:56.879
Love your children, children, teach them, love your children, teach them to be valuable people and do your very best.
00:10:56.879 --> 00:10:59.239
But there is no one size fits all dad.
00:10:59.729 --> 00:11:00.179
Got it.
00:11:00.649 --> 00:11:02.418
Don't ever buy into that nonsense.
00:11:02.428 --> 00:11:06.679
Number 16, parents should be friends with their kids.
00:11:07.235 --> 00:11:25.164
This common misconception, hell no, this dumb idea is responsible for probably half of our societal woes because there was a whole string of parents in my age group are a little bit younger who thought I should be friends with my kids.
00:11:25.274 --> 00:11:27.354
Your kids have friends, be their parent.
00:11:27.433 --> 00:11:28.735
They only have two of those.
00:11:30.269 --> 00:11:31.210
They got enough friends.
00:11:31.730 --> 00:11:33.049
This is how we got here, guys.
00:11:34.169 --> 00:11:34.899
This is horrible.
00:11:34.899 --> 00:11:36.129
And this myth has got to go.
00:11:36.960 --> 00:11:40.279
Number 17, good parents mean great kids.
00:11:41.580 --> 00:11:55.889
Every one of your children is a unique individual who has to decide what they're going to do with every situation based on not only what you've taught them, but all their other influences and their individual personality.
00:11:56.548 --> 00:12:00.769
I had amazing parents and I made some horrible choices over the years.
00:12:01.499 --> 00:12:08.099
I worked with teenagers on and off for years and I watched some amazing parents whose kids turned out to be complete.
00:12:10.089 --> 00:12:11.828
We'll try and keep this PG assholes.
00:12:11.828 --> 00:12:12.549
Is that close enough?
00:12:13.078 --> 00:12:13.568
Okay.
00:12:13.708 --> 00:12:16.389
Being a good parent does not ensure you're going to have great kids.
00:12:16.708 --> 00:12:22.609
So you have to understand at some point, your child takes over responsibility for their choices in life.
00:12:23.789 --> 00:12:27.669
Number 18, you can hold a baby too much, right?
00:12:28.529 --> 00:12:37.669
Unless you are doing this at a cartoonish level, like that little kid who walked around squeezing the cat all the time in that cartoon and never put them down.
00:12:39.990 --> 00:12:43.539
Your kid needs some time down for them to healthily develop.
00:12:44.188 --> 00:12:46.948
But unless you were just going to that cartoonish level, guess what?
00:12:46.958 --> 00:12:47.870
You're going to put them down.
00:12:47.870 --> 00:12:58.168
Eventually you're not going to be able to carry them 24 hours a day, but guess what, that time when they're a little baby goes away really quickly and you're not always going to be able to carry them around.
00:12:58.168 --> 00:12:59.480
So enjoy it while you can.
00:12:59.889 --> 00:13:01.610
You really can't love on your baby too much.
00:13:02.789 --> 00:13:07.219
19 babies only cry when they're hungry, tired, and need to dive have changed.
00:13:08.349 --> 00:13:10.870
Whoever came up with this stupid idea has never been a parent.
00:13:11.870 --> 00:13:13.190
This is not true.
00:13:13.659 --> 00:13:24.090
Your baby only has a handful of ways to express a lot of new emotions and feelings and things they're experiencing for the first time ever, they can only communicate so many ways of that size.
00:13:24.139 --> 00:13:24.860
That's the truth.
00:13:25.649 --> 00:13:29.360
They have limited ways to communicate and they will cry for no reason at all.
00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:35.519
Sometimes other than they feel like it are they're frustrated and they don't know how to express that.
00:13:35.549 --> 00:13:37.990
Are they're experiencing something that they can't tell you?
00:13:39.809 --> 00:13:40.929
It's going to frustrate you.
00:13:41.559 --> 00:13:45.679
It's going to make you nuts, but it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.
00:13:45.990 --> 00:13:49.379
It's just one of the very limited ways babies have to express themselves.
00:13:49.649 --> 00:13:51.548
And it's not necessarily because you did something wrong.
00:13:51.769 --> 00:13:54.809
It's just because there's not another way for them to express themselves.
00:13:55.929 --> 00:13:59.879
Number 20, your kid's fears are just the stage they're going through.
00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:03.200
Most of us grow out of our fears at some point.
00:14:03.884 --> 00:14:07.164
But the big mistake is being dismissive of your kids.
00:14:07.174 --> 00:14:08.705
Feel fears and feelings.
00:14:09.164 --> 00:14:10.544
Notice I lump those two together.
00:14:10.544 --> 00:14:10.924
Why?
00:14:10.934 --> 00:14:14.804
Cause fears are a portion of feelings to them.
00:14:15.215 --> 00:14:19.634
What they're experiencing is as real as whatever is stressing you the hell out right now.
00:14:20.394 --> 00:14:22.684
Whatever's frustrating you, whatever's stressing you.
00:14:23.769 --> 00:14:31.389
At their level, that fear is just as real to them as what you're experiencing that's causing you stress.
00:14:32.289 --> 00:14:37.989
Your job as a parent is to help them learn what is real, what is a threat, what can and cannot hurt them.
00:14:38.328 --> 00:14:52.129
And if you shut them down on these things, if you don't validate their feelings and help them learn to deal with them, help them address those fears, then they will cut you off for far more important issues.
00:14:52.384 --> 00:14:59.375
Later down the road, guys, 20 common myths dealt with boom, done.
00:15:00.095 --> 00:15:11.923
I have episodes that go way deeper on some of these specific issues that I felt like we, we need a little more depth in I'll link some of the description or in the show notes, depending on what platform you're with us on.
00:15:12.354 --> 00:15:13.364
If you want to go deeper.
00:15:13.364 --> 00:15:15.254
So check out those episodes next.
00:15:15.644 --> 00:15:20.913
This is just a quick reference cheat sheet version for you guys, because dad, you've got a lot on your plate.
00:15:21.433 --> 00:15:24.504
If you're going to be a dad, if you're about to be a dad, he just became a dad.
00:15:24.813 --> 00:15:26.674
I know there's a lot on your plate right now.
00:15:26.674 --> 00:15:28.404
So this is your quick reference guide.
00:15:28.903 --> 00:15:29.803
I hope this helps.
00:15:29.803 --> 00:15:30.813
You're going to crush it.
00:15:30.823 --> 00:15:33.974
I guarantee it just because you're here.
00:15:34.144 --> 00:15:41.855
I know you're trying to be a great dad, which means you're going to be a great dad, share it with a friend who needs some of these questions answered and be better tomorrow because what you do today.
00:15:42.068 --> 00:15:42.950
We'll see you on the next one.
00:15:44.750 --> 00:15:47.320
This has been the Fallible Man podcast.
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Your home for everything man, husband, and father.
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Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show.
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Head over to www.
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thefallibleman.
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