Is a Christian Rite of Passage a GOOD Idea for Boys? With Author Steven Arms

1 00:00:00,510 --> 00:00:03,030 Steven, what is the most important takeaway you want people to 2 00:00:03,030 --> 00:00:04,019 hear from this show today? 3 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:09,900 The most important takeaway that I want people to take away from this 4 00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:15,210 show is that in the absence of Rite of Passage, boys are gonna prove their 5 00:00:15,210 --> 00:00:20,430 manhood to themselves, and that's why it's every father's responsibility, 6 00:00:20,750 --> 00:00:25,440 because he is the primary example of what it means to be a man in a boy's. 7 00:00:26,220 --> 00:00:30,540 It's every father's responsibility to tell his son at the appropriate age. 8 00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:35,580 Son, I just want you to know I no longer consider you to be a boy, but 9 00:00:35,580 --> 00:00:40,110 in my eyes, I see you as a man now, and that if every father in this country 10 00:00:40,115 --> 00:00:44,519 did that for their sons, then this country and this world would be a much 11 00:00:44,525 --> 00:00:49,050 better place because boys would not need to prove their manhood to anybody. 12 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:51,000 Here's 13 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,290 the million dollar question. 14 00:00:52,770 --> 00:00:56,460 How do men like us reach our full potential and grow into the men we 15 00:00:56,460 --> 00:01:00,600 dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, 16 00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:05,280 being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? 17 00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:07,800 That's the question in this podcast. 18 00:01:08,145 --> 00:01:09,435 We'll help you with those answers. 19 00:01:09,435 --> 00:01:12,585 My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. 20 00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,505 Welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast, your home for all 21 00:01:14,505 --> 00:01:16,005 things, man, husband, and father. 22 00:01:16,275 --> 00:01:17,535 Big shout out to the Fallible Nation. 23 00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:20,055 You guys make these podcasts possible and a warm welcome 24 00:01:20,060 --> 00:01:21,525 to our first time listeners. 25 00:01:22,035 --> 00:01:25,125 My name is Brent, and today my special guest is author, father, 26 00:01:25,125 --> 00:01:26,925 and advocate, Steven Arms. 27 00:01:26,930 --> 00:01:28,875 Stephen, welcome to the show. 28 00:01:29,475 --> 00:01:30,035 Brent. 29 00:01:30,035 --> 00:01:31,155 Thank you so much for having me. 30 00:01:32,205 --> 00:01:34,895 Now, Steven, I'm not into big intros because. 31 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:38,520 I get to research you before the show, but accolades don't mean a 32 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:39,900 lot of things to our listeners. 33 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,830 So in your own words, today, in this moment, who is 34 00:01:43,835 --> 00:01:44,880 Stephen Arm Wright? 35 00:01:46,410 --> 00:01:47,070 Absolutely. 36 00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:48,763 So, my name is Stephen Arms. 37 00:01:48,823 --> 00:01:53,383 I am a husband and a father and a follower of Christ. 38 00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:56,503 I was born and raised in California. 39 00:01:56,743 --> 00:01:58,843 I spent the first 25 years of my life. 40 00:01:59,803 --> 00:02:04,823 And then met my beautiful bride to be when I was 25 years old and moved up to 41 00:02:04,823 --> 00:02:07,283 Oregon to pursue my relationship with her. 42 00:02:07,523 --> 00:02:13,283 And we were married in 2018, and now we have two beautiful children. 43 00:02:13,313 --> 00:02:19,193 Our daughter is three years old and our son is one, just about turn two here. 44 00:02:19,283 --> 00:02:20,993 So we definitely have our hands full. 45 00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:26,236 But having children is a blessing and I consider myself to be a, a. 46 00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:28,201 Wealthy man in that regard. 47 00:02:29,671 --> 00:02:31,591 Steven, can I ask, what do you, what do you do for a living 48 00:02:31,591 --> 00:02:31,981 right now? 49 00:02:33,211 --> 00:02:33,931 Professionally? 50 00:02:33,931 --> 00:02:37,594 I actually work as an engineer in the heating and air conditioning business. 51 00:02:37,684 --> 00:02:38,734 Okay, okay. 52 00:02:38,764 --> 00:02:39,064 Yeah. 53 00:02:39,754 --> 00:02:41,074 Engineering is a feet, man. 54 00:02:41,074 --> 00:02:43,384 There's, it's a lot to that, so. 55 00:02:44,404 --> 00:02:44,854 Wow. 56 00:02:44,884 --> 00:02:45,394 Absolutely. 57 00:02:45,394 --> 00:02:45,514 Yeah. 58 00:02:45,574 --> 00:02:50,644 I think, you know, God gave me this, you know, kind of technical I mind, I'm always 59 00:02:50,644 --> 00:02:52,264 trying to think about how things work. 60 00:02:52,864 --> 00:02:53,944 How to take things apart. 61 00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:56,314 I, you know, I've been like that ever since I was a kid. 62 00:02:56,344 --> 00:03:01,864 Legos were all I ever wanted from about four years old to probably 14 63 00:03:01,869 --> 00:03:05,254 years old, is if you just got me Legos for Christmas, I was a happy boy. 64 00:03:06,124 --> 00:03:06,244 My 65 00:03:06,244 --> 00:03:08,854 daughters are getting more and more into Legos. 66 00:03:09,274 --> 00:03:10,384 I have to keep reminding them. 67 00:03:10,384 --> 00:03:16,294 It's like, okay, if I step on one, it's going in the trash . So, mind, 68 00:03:16,324 --> 00:03:19,264 mind your sets, they're, they're get starting to put together the pre-built 69 00:03:19,264 --> 00:03:20,884 sets that you see at the store. 70 00:03:21,424 --> 00:03:21,784 Yeah. 71 00:03:22,239 --> 00:03:23,779 And Lego is proud of those. 72 00:03:23,779 --> 00:03:24,199 Wow. 73 00:03:26,359 --> 00:03:28,939 . Steven, I, I like to get to know our guests. 74 00:03:28,939 --> 00:03:30,769 So tell us something just absurd. 75 00:03:30,774 --> 00:03:31,159 You like to 76 00:03:31,159 --> 00:03:33,979 do something absurd. 77 00:03:33,984 --> 00:03:37,392 I like to do I love to work out, so I actually kind of 78 00:03:37,397 --> 00:03:40,182 built out my garage into a gym. 79 00:03:40,295 --> 00:03:43,505 And I'm really into rowing and cycling. 80 00:03:43,685 --> 00:03:46,145 I also, I have this machine, it's called a ski. 81 00:03:46,985 --> 00:03:50,330 So it mimics the cross-country skiing motion. 82 00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,389 Really gets your core, your triceps. 83 00:03:53,139 --> 00:03:58,389 And actually, last year I set the world record in the hundred 84 00:03:58,394 --> 00:04:01,029 kilometers on the, the skier. 85 00:04:01,179 --> 00:04:03,536 It's it's about a six and a half hour event. 86 00:04:04,106 --> 00:04:07,406 But I saw the record posted online and I was like, you know what? 87 00:04:07,406 --> 00:04:08,816 I think I could beat that. 88 00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:13,646 So one day I woke up woke up at 5:00 AM was on the skier by 6:00 89 00:04:13,646 --> 00:04:18,038 AM and then by about noon that day, I was a world record holder. 90 00:04:18,098 --> 00:04:19,838 My wife said, you're crazy. 91 00:04:19,838 --> 00:04:21,368 I don't know why you do this kind of stuff. 92 00:04:21,368 --> 00:04:23,378 And I was like, well, I'm not gonna argue with you. 93 00:04:23,378 --> 00:04:24,158 I am crazy. 94 00:04:24,158 --> 00:04:25,830 But I just, I love that kind of stuff. 95 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:30,900 I love pushing my body and trying to test the limits of what I can do Physic. 96 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:32,340 Okay. 97 00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:32,670 Wow. 98 00:04:32,670 --> 00:04:34,170 That's, that's very cool, man. 99 00:04:34,170 --> 00:04:35,280 World record holder. 100 00:04:36,750 --> 00:04:37,230 It's funny. 101 00:04:37,230 --> 00:04:37,440 Thank you. 102 00:04:37,620 --> 00:04:39,900 It's funny that people, people don't think about things like 103 00:04:40,140 --> 00:04:45,390 there's somebody who has a record in almost everything you do, right? 104 00:04:45,470 --> 00:04:45,960 Yeah. 105 00:04:45,965 --> 00:04:49,815 We, we like to measure those accomplishments, so, I never would've 106 00:04:49,815 --> 00:04:50,865 thought of doing it in the ski yard. 107 00:04:50,865 --> 00:04:54,105 And I've been on one of those once and I really would not do six hours on it. 108 00:04:54,105 --> 00:04:54,675 You are crazy 109 00:04:55,250 --> 00:05:00,245 just, yeah, I, I saw all the records for the shorter events, you know, the 2000 110 00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:04,095 meters, the 5,000 meters, and it was like, I'm nowhere close to those times, 111 00:05:04,545 --> 00:05:08,415 but once you start getting that to the hundred K, then a lot of people aren't 112 00:05:08,415 --> 00:05:10,285 interested in, in competing that anymore. 113 00:05:10,285 --> 00:05:11,265 So I was like, you know what? 114 00:05:11,415 --> 00:05:11,985 I think I can do. 115 00:05:13,035 --> 00:05:14,415 That's because that's a special 116 00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:15,375 brand of torture. 117 00:05:15,585 --> 00:05:15,795 That's 118 00:05:16,665 --> 00:05:17,025 . Yeah. 119 00:05:17,115 --> 00:05:18,315 Well, you said absurd, right? 120 00:05:18,315 --> 00:05:18,975 That's absurd. 121 00:05:19,005 --> 00:05:19,485 That is. 122 00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:19,935 That is, 123 00:05:20,295 --> 00:05:21,705 but that's a very cool fact. 124 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,645 Steven, what purchase of a hundred dollars or less have you made in the 125 00:05:25,650 --> 00:05:26,775 last year this had the most impact 126 00:05:26,775 --> 00:05:27,345 on your life? 127 00:05:29,235 --> 00:05:31,005 Well, I'm gonna stretch the limits. 128 00:05:31,005 --> 00:05:36,288 I actually just bought a a new Garmin it's type, kind of like a Fitbit watch. 129 00:05:37,498 --> 00:05:41,988 It was 150 bucks, but they do have a $99 model, so I could 130 00:05:41,988 --> 00:05:42,898 have got the cheaper one. 131 00:05:42,949 --> 00:05:45,739 But what I love about this is that it'll track your sleep. 132 00:05:45,739 --> 00:05:49,729 So it'll tell you, you know, how many hours of REM sleep you got, and then 133 00:05:49,729 --> 00:05:51,919 it'll also track your resting heart rate. 134 00:05:51,949 --> 00:05:58,143 So if if I'm going through a cold or, you know, if I've had covid a couple times now 135 00:05:58,230 --> 00:06:02,130 it'll show you, you know, how your resting heart rate increases when you're sick. 136 00:06:02,134 --> 00:06:05,958 I, I love that kind of data, you know, being able to track my, my 137 00:06:05,958 --> 00:06:07,468 heart rate and my sleep quality. 138 00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:10,737 So for me, that's been a really cool purchase that I've got in the last year. 139 00:06:10,977 --> 00:06:11,157 It's 140 00:06:11,157 --> 00:06:13,167 like you have an engineering mind or something. 141 00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:15,237 Data weird. 142 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,247 . So weird. 143 00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:18,253 I, I laugh. 144 00:06:18,643 --> 00:06:21,981 One of my best friends is a I'm not even sure what the right word is. 145 00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:25,371 He's in a software. 146 00:06:26,831 --> 00:06:30,246 and so like he lives on data, dude, like he's, he's got three watches 147 00:06:30,246 --> 00:06:34,236 strapped to him and he is got things monitoring everything and there 148 00:06:34,236 --> 00:06:35,616 is never too big of a data set. 149 00:06:35,616 --> 00:06:37,356 He'll data data, right? 150 00:06:37,416 --> 00:06:37,776 Yeah. 151 00:06:38,556 --> 00:06:41,466 It's like, oh, engineers, I know these people. 152 00:06:41,466 --> 00:06:41,976 Yes. 153 00:06:42,306 --> 00:06:43,086 Yeah, that's 154 00:06:43,086 --> 00:06:43,806 very cool. 155 00:06:44,316 --> 00:06:45,726 Now guys, it's just how we're wired, man. 156 00:06:45,726 --> 00:06:47,346 It's just the way that God made us 157 00:06:48,906 --> 00:06:51,896 guys, we're going to spend some time. 158 00:06:52,431 --> 00:06:55,191 Understanding what this conversation is really about as 159 00:06:55,191 --> 00:06:56,631 we get into rights of passage. 160 00:06:56,991 --> 00:06:59,031 But for a minute, I want to have a hardhearted with you 161 00:06:59,031 --> 00:07:00,921 guys and just share with you. 162 00:07:01,851 --> 00:07:03,621 A little something special from our new sponsor. 163 00:07:03,651 --> 00:07:06,501 One thing I usually don't share is how impactful the podcast 164 00:07:06,501 --> 00:07:07,611 has been for me personally. 165 00:07:08,241 --> 00:07:11,241 There's a lot I love and appreciate because I have the podcast. 166 00:07:11,541 --> 00:07:13,791 I become somebody who can approach people easier. 167 00:07:13,821 --> 00:07:16,221 I have a better network of people to call upon when I need 'em. 168 00:07:16,671 --> 00:07:20,361 I get to meet new people all the time from all walks of life and all over the 169 00:07:20,361 --> 00:07:24,811 globe and connect with 'em at a deeper level, and I have a voice to do what I. 170 00:07:25,596 --> 00:07:29,196 I'm always put into situations where I'm having to stretch and learn something new. 171 00:07:29,496 --> 00:07:32,196 I've really grown as a person and a professional since I started doing 172 00:07:32,196 --> 00:07:36,066 my podcast, and that was even before my show really started growing. 173 00:07:36,996 --> 00:07:40,296 I hired a company called Grow Your Show, who's our sponsor, by the way, 174 00:07:40,896 --> 00:07:42,156 and I wanted to share them with you. 175 00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:45,366 The owner, Adam, has one of the very best podcasts for teaching 176 00:07:45,366 --> 00:07:46,746 you how to be a podcaster. 177 00:07:47,196 --> 00:07:48,396 I honestly wish I had found it. 178 00:07:49,506 --> 00:07:52,686 One thing that they've done to help me is to bring me to a much larger 179 00:07:52,686 --> 00:07:55,836 listener base so that my voice is being heard around the world. 180 00:07:56,346 --> 00:07:59,796 There's a good chance, in fact that they helped us connect, but they 181 00:07:59,796 --> 00:08:01,776 also do editing and post-production. 182 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:05,676 They can even help you launch and start your podcast, which could 183 00:08:05,681 --> 00:08:08,766 really help you in your business or whatever you're trying to achieve. 184 00:08:09,666 --> 00:08:11,376 So I just wanted to give them a quick shout out. 185 00:08:11,466 --> 00:08:15,486 I love to share great people and companies that I believe in, that I use personally. 186 00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:18,891 So that's Grow Your show@growyourshow.com. 187 00:08:19,221 --> 00:08:22,641 I have a link in the show notes and if you have a podcast or you wanna start 188 00:08:22,641 --> 00:08:25,911 a podcast or you're thinking about it, just scroll down there, click that 189 00:08:25,911 --> 00:08:28,011 link and go work with my friend Adam. 190 00:08:28,191 --> 00:08:29,151 He's gonna treat you right. 191 00:08:29,211 --> 00:08:30,621 All right guys, thanks for bearing with us. 192 00:08:30,651 --> 00:08:32,301 I love Grow Your show. 193 00:08:32,361 --> 00:08:34,131 Adam and his team are amazing. 194 00:08:34,731 --> 00:08:37,851 They are company with incredible integrity, so thanks for 195 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,731 listening and check them out if you're interested in podcasting. 196 00:08:41,151 --> 00:08:44,121 Now, Steven, for people who aren't familiar with the. 197 00:08:45,141 --> 00:08:47,001 What is a rite of passage? 198 00:08:48,321 --> 00:08:53,661 So in our context, a rite of passage is an event that a boy can look 199 00:08:53,661 --> 00:08:58,371 back on in his life and know that was the moment that I became a man. 200 00:08:59,091 --> 00:09:03,171 When we look at other cultures, we see these rights of passage around the age 201 00:09:03,201 --> 00:09:05,481 of 13, these coming of age ceremonies. 202 00:09:05,991 --> 00:09:09,021 The most well known is probably the Jewish Bar Mitzvah. 203 00:09:09,411 --> 00:09:13,701 That's the ceremony and the Jewish faith where a boy can achieve the status of. 204 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:20,466 Another example would be the the walkabout in aboriginal Australian society. 205 00:09:21,036 --> 00:09:27,066 And in that rite of passage, a boy is sent off into the wilderness for three to six 206 00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:29,586 months at a time to survive on his own. 207 00:09:30,066 --> 00:09:33,966 And when he comes back, he's no longer considered to be a boy, but 208 00:09:33,966 --> 00:09:37,266 he's considered to be a man of the tribe and he's eligible for marriage. 209 00:09:38,046 --> 00:09:44,676 And modern Western society doesn't really have an equivalent coming of age event. 210 00:09:45,186 --> 00:09:51,306 And so that's one reason why our family in this book, we advocate for fathers to 211 00:09:51,306 --> 00:09:53,976 hold a right of passage for their sons. 212 00:09:54,696 --> 00:09:54,966 Okay. 213 00:09:55,406 --> 00:09:56,376 And guys, just 214 00:09:56,856 --> 00:09:59,886 so I, I didn't throw it out there right at the beginning, we're 215 00:09:59,886 --> 00:10:02,766 actually gonna be talking about milestone to manhood, and we're gonna 216 00:10:02,766 --> 00:10:04,536 get deeper into the book as we go. 217 00:10:05,091 --> 00:10:08,451 But I just wanna set the stage because you need to understand the 218 00:10:08,451 --> 00:10:12,531 core behind what this is, because the book is about a Christian rite 219 00:10:12,531 --> 00:10:16,851 of passage for 13 year old boys, and it's incredible as a great blueprint. 220 00:10:17,301 --> 00:10:19,611 Like I said, we'll tell you more about it as we go, but we gotta 221 00:10:19,611 --> 00:10:21,291 understand the basis of it. 222 00:10:21,801 --> 00:10:27,501 Steven, why do you think we don't see Rice passage as a normal part of life as 223 00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:29,811 often in the rest, Western and modern? 224 00:10:31,836 --> 00:10:32,766 That's a good question. 225 00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:36,366 I think that we don't have rights of passage today. 226 00:10:36,482 --> 00:10:41,222 I think it was a victim of the Industrial Revolution and you know, don't get me 227 00:10:41,222 --> 00:10:44,582 wrong, there were a lot of good things that came from the Industrial Revolution. 228 00:10:44,642 --> 00:10:48,346 You know, you and I are talking here on a computer one state away from each other. 229 00:10:48,436 --> 00:10:51,464 You know, that's none of that would've been possible without the 230 00:10:51,469 --> 00:10:56,519 Industrial Revolution, but, One downside of it was that it kind of 231 00:10:56,519 --> 00:10:58,409 broke up the nuclear family, right? 232 00:10:58,409 --> 00:11:01,982 So, before the whole family would work together on the farm 233 00:11:01,982 --> 00:11:05,222 or the whole family would work together in the Smith shop, right? 234 00:11:05,252 --> 00:11:07,952 That's why we have people with the last name of Smith because 235 00:11:07,952 --> 00:11:09,752 their whole family were Smiths. 236 00:11:09,752 --> 00:11:12,932 If your dad was a a blacksmith, the son would become a blacksmith. 237 00:11:12,950 --> 00:11:19,387 But with the industrial Revolut, Boys were left, boys were sent off to school, and 238 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:21,397 dad was sent off to work in a factory. 239 00:11:21,787 --> 00:11:27,097 So there wasn't this as much time spent together as a nuclear family. 240 00:11:27,517 --> 00:11:32,002 And I think that's one reason why we don't see rights of passage today 241 00:11:32,002 --> 00:11:35,842 was because we, we as parents, we sometimes we tend to think, well, 242 00:11:35,842 --> 00:11:37,372 that's the school's job, right? 243 00:11:37,419 --> 00:11:38,736 To, to do that kind of stuff. 244 00:11:40,341 --> 00:11:44,811 . In reality, a school is never gonna give your son a meaningful right of passage 245 00:11:44,811 --> 00:11:48,831 that he can look back on and say, that was the moment that I became a man. 246 00:11:48,831 --> 00:11:49,101 Right? 247 00:11:49,701 --> 00:11:54,801 So I think that's why we as a society don't have these rights of passage. 248 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:58,911 And when you look at the societies that do have rights of passage, they're 249 00:11:58,911 --> 00:12:02,901 always these communities that, where the family is very strong, right? 250 00:12:02,991 --> 00:12:03,321 Mm-hmm. 251 00:12:03,651 --> 00:12:08,361 , whether it's aboriginal Australian society, or tribes in Africa 252 00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:11,796 or in Brazil, It's these very tight-knit communities that, that 253 00:12:11,796 --> 00:12:13,566 are still practicing this tradition. 254 00:12:15,186 --> 00:12:18,276 I was thinking about it a lot as I read through your book and 255 00:12:18,816 --> 00:12:20,076 you guys did an excellent job. 256 00:12:20,081 --> 00:12:21,066 The book's very good. 257 00:12:22,806 --> 00:12:23,466 I was thinking about it. 258 00:12:23,466 --> 00:12:27,141 Cause I live in a highly Hispanic culture where I live in central Washington. 259 00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:27,771 Yeah. 260 00:12:27,771 --> 00:12:29,991 And so I was, I was really, I started searching my brain. 261 00:12:29,991 --> 00:12:35,841 It's like, what do we, so young women in the Hispanic culture have a quinceanera? 262 00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:36,631 Mm-hmm. 263 00:12:36,637 --> 00:12:37,851 at I believe 15. 264 00:12:38,331 --> 00:12:39,861 And it's becoming of age. 265 00:12:39,921 --> 00:12:42,081 And I, I grew up around the area with that. 266 00:12:42,381 --> 00:12:45,801 And so like the first time I went to one, I mean talk about it, is, 267 00:12:45,801 --> 00:12:47,031 it is second only to a wedding. 268 00:12:47,061 --> 00:12:49,191 I mean, it is a spectacular event. 269 00:12:49,821 --> 00:12:54,261 And at the same time, my brain went, wow, I'm glad that's not my culture 270 00:12:54,266 --> 00:12:56,781 because the price on that is insane. 271 00:12:56,781 --> 00:12:57,801 And I have two daughters. 272 00:12:57,806 --> 00:12:57,861 Yeah. 273 00:12:57,989 --> 00:13:02,549 But I was thinking about it right outside of a Jewish bar, mizvah or Aquita. 274 00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:05,819 I just, you don't see it very often in modern Western. 275 00:13:07,799 --> 00:13:13,679 And so it was like, Hmm, what are we missing by taking these things out? 276 00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:15,419 That used to be much more commonplace. 277 00:13:17,009 --> 00:13:21,029 You know, I would say that the closest thing that we have in modern Western 278 00:13:21,029 --> 00:13:27,719 culture to a rite of passage is probably the Sweet 16, and there's a few reason 279 00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:32,009 when we talk about that in the book, but there's a few reasons why a Sweet 16 280 00:13:32,009 --> 00:13:34,769 party is not an actual rite of passage. 281 00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:40,094 For a, for a real rite of passage to occur, there has to be three elements. 282 00:13:40,094 --> 00:13:45,628 There has to be the separation of the boy outside of his normal support system. 283 00:13:45,628 --> 00:13:45,718 Mm-hmm. 284 00:13:46,108 --> 00:13:49,798 . So he has to be removed from his regular day-to-day life. 285 00:13:50,398 --> 00:13:53,218 And then the second thing there has to be a challenge, something 286 00:13:53,218 --> 00:13:57,358 for him to overcome, something for him to prove himself as a man. 287 00:13:57,988 --> 00:14:01,258 And then the third part is the reincorporation back into. 288 00:14:02,863 --> 00:14:07,423 And typically there's, you know, a big celebration, a party involved in it. 289 00:14:07,489 --> 00:14:11,569 And I would argue that a sweet 16, it has the, the after party, 290 00:14:11,569 --> 00:14:14,629 the party element, but it doesn't have those first two elements. 291 00:14:14,629 --> 00:14:19,669 It doesn't have the withdrawing pulling the boy out of his normal life. 292 00:14:20,089 --> 00:14:23,749 It doesn't have a challenge for him to overcome, to prove himself as a man. 293 00:14:24,289 --> 00:14:27,679 So a sweet 16 is not really a rite of passage. 294 00:14:27,739 --> 00:14:29,929 It's definitely not a meaningful rite of passage. 295 00:14:30,289 --> 00:14:34,969 Because it doesn't, it doesn't give a boy an event that says, that, 296 00:14:34,969 --> 00:14:36,829 says, that's when I became a man. 297 00:14:36,889 --> 00:14:40,879 You know what boy would say, oh, my sweet 16 party pool 298 00:14:40,884 --> 00:14:42,709 party was my rite of passage. 299 00:14:42,714 --> 00:14:44,989 That just, it doesn't happen today. 300 00:14:46,009 --> 00:14:48,259 So you pinned this book with your father. 301 00:14:48,619 --> 00:14:50,869 How was that experience of doing this project together, 302 00:14:50,939 --> 00:14:51,429 guys? 303 00:14:52,774 --> 00:14:55,114 So, yeah, my dad and I wrote the book together. 304 00:14:55,203 --> 00:14:56,583 It was really wonderful. 305 00:14:56,673 --> 00:15:00,753 You know, I, I've always had a really strong relationship with my dad. 306 00:15:00,851 --> 00:15:06,671 My dad obviously organized my rite of passage for me when I was 13 years old. 307 00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:09,773 And that was something that helped us to grow together. 308 00:15:09,888 --> 00:15:10,968 Writing the book, I. 309 00:15:11,868 --> 00:15:13,698 Helped us to grow even closer. 310 00:15:14,028 --> 00:15:17,838 One reason why we wanted to do it was because we wanted to have both 311 00:15:17,838 --> 00:15:20,178 the fathers and the sons perspective. 312 00:15:20,658 --> 00:15:25,758 So my dad wrote about why he wanted to hold a rite of passage for all of his 313 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,978 sons and how this tradition got started. 314 00:15:28,548 --> 00:15:33,478 And then I write about what my rite of passage weekend was like as a 13 315 00:15:33,478 --> 00:15:36,588 year old, and some of the thoughts and the feelings going through my. 316 00:15:37,398 --> 00:15:41,178 As my dad and my grandfather and my uncles were kinda sharing this 317 00:15:41,178 --> 00:15:44,928 advice about what it means to be a man, what it means to be a good man. 318 00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:48,779 So, writing the book together was, it was amazing. 319 00:15:49,559 --> 00:15:50,699 Well, let, let's 320 00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:53,639 dive into a little bit of your dad's side here. 321 00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:58,859 Let's talk about the why behind, why this started. 322 00:15:58,859 --> 00:16:02,639 Why, why did your dad fill the need to build this rite of path? 323 00:16:04,424 --> 00:16:09,344 So my dad actually grew up in a household without a father figure. 324 00:16:09,614 --> 00:16:14,486 My dad between the ages of five years old and 17, he only 325 00:16:14,636 --> 00:16:16,646 visited his father three times. 326 00:16:17,126 --> 00:16:23,277 So my paternal grandfather, my dad's dad was diagnosed with multiple 327 00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:25,057 sclerosis when my dad was five years. 328 00:16:26,017 --> 00:16:30,547 And he actually separated from my grandmother and moved down to Mexico 329 00:16:30,637 --> 00:16:33,377 where he could afford 24-hour healthcare. 330 00:16:33,377 --> 00:16:34,731 Cause it's a lot cheaper down there. 331 00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:38,781 Unfortunately, you know, my dad, because of that, my dad really grew 332 00:16:38,781 --> 00:16:40,731 up without having a man in the house. 333 00:16:41,271 --> 00:16:46,371 And so when he grew up, he told himself, you know, I want to give my 334 00:16:46,371 --> 00:16:48,171 kids what I didn't have growing up. 335 00:16:48,176 --> 00:16:53,571 I want to give my kids a lifelong, an example of a lifelong loving marriage. 336 00:16:53,976 --> 00:16:58,956 And I wanna be a father who plays an active role in my son's lives. 337 00:16:59,016 --> 00:17:01,126 I don't wanna be an absent father like my dad. 338 00:17:01,126 --> 00:17:08,444 So fast forward 20 years when my dad had, you know, the four of us boys 339 00:17:08,449 --> 00:17:13,574 I have, I come from a family of four boys and my older brother was turning 340 00:17:13,984 --> 00:17:18,704 13 years old, and my dad wanted to do something special for his birthday 341 00:17:18,709 --> 00:17:20,114 to mark his entrance into man. 342 00:17:20,894 --> 00:17:24,584 You know, my dad knew that the teenage years were not gonna be easy, and that 343 00:17:24,764 --> 00:17:27,134 teenage boys especially do crazy things. 344 00:17:27,554 --> 00:17:33,194 But he thought, you know, if we can, if we can connect with the boy, if 345 00:17:33,194 --> 00:17:37,844 we can affirm his masculine identity and show how much he's loved in this 346 00:17:37,844 --> 00:17:41,984 family, then maybe he won't feel the need to try to prove himself and do 347 00:17:41,984 --> 00:17:44,204 these crazy stunts as a teenager. 348 00:17:44,744 --> 00:17:50,024 So my dad actually went to his father-in-law, my maternal grandfather. 349 00:17:51,209 --> 00:17:54,569 and he said, you know, I want to do something special for my 350 00:17:54,569 --> 00:17:57,119 son's 13th birthday, but I'm not really sure what to do. 351 00:17:57,599 --> 00:18:00,959 And it was my maternal grandfather who said, well, you know, in these 352 00:18:00,959 --> 00:18:04,469 other cultures they have these rights of passage tra traditions. 353 00:18:04,859 --> 00:18:07,829 What if we came up with a Christian version of one of those? 354 00:18:08,159 --> 00:18:10,979 So that's really where they started to brainstorm. 355 00:18:11,009 --> 00:18:12,329 Well, what would that look like? 356 00:18:12,329 --> 00:18:15,869 What would a meaningful rite of passage look like for a Christian 357 00:18:15,869 --> 00:18:18,299 boy growing up in the early 2000? 358 00:18:18,824 --> 00:18:20,474 And that's kind of how the weekend got started. 359 00:18:21,074 --> 00:18:21,494 Okay. 360 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:25,604 Now you went through this process at 13. 361 00:18:26,414 --> 00:18:31,124 How did your own rite of impact or rite of passage really impact you for the better? 362 00:18:31,184 --> 00:18:35,294 Like in hindsight, looking back today, what difference do you 363 00:18:35,294 --> 00:18:36,164 think that made for you? 364 00:18:37,214 --> 00:18:40,484 Yeah, so I had a rite of passage when I was 13 years old. 365 00:18:40,498 --> 00:18:45,538 It was a weekend trip that involved my dad, my grandfather, and two of my uncle. 366 00:18:46,453 --> 00:18:52,003 And I think the way that my rite of passage benefited me was really twofold. 367 00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:57,223 For one, I was growing up, I was really confident in my masculine identity. 368 00:18:57,883 --> 00:19:01,183 And I don't mean to say that, you know, as a teenager I had like 369 00:19:01,213 --> 00:19:05,443 huge biceps or a puffed up chest, like I was a man at 13 years old. 370 00:19:05,773 --> 00:19:10,243 But, but I do mean to say is that anytime someone outside of the family, 371 00:19:10,303 --> 00:19:13,453 whether it was a teacher or another parent, you know, at Boy Scout. 372 00:19:14,023 --> 00:19:18,373 Anytime they kind of referred to me as a boy, like if the teacher of the class 373 00:19:18,373 --> 00:19:20,053 would say, boys, boys, settle down. 374 00:19:20,773 --> 00:19:25,093 Then immediately the first thought in my mind was, I'm not a boy. 375 00:19:25,213 --> 00:19:27,133 I'm a man because my dad told me. 376 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:27,823 Right? 377 00:19:28,213 --> 00:19:31,153 So I never questioned my status as a man. 378 00:19:31,183 --> 00:19:34,453 I never thought, you know, when is, when am I gonna become a man? 379 00:19:34,453 --> 00:19:35,563 When is this gonna kick in? 380 00:19:36,223 --> 00:19:41,563 And I didn't realize what a gift that was until probably my early twenties when I. 381 00:19:42,583 --> 00:19:47,323 A friend who was engaged and getting married, and I write about it in the 382 00:19:47,323 --> 00:19:52,038 book, how we had this interaction where we were actually doing some chores. 383 00:19:52,068 --> 00:19:56,448 We were doing some handy work around his house, some construction projects, and 384 00:19:56,508 --> 00:20:01,068 he kind of stopped me halfway through and he was like, Steve, when was the first 385 00:20:01,068 --> 00:20:03,258 time you considered yourself to be a man? 386 00:20:04,518 --> 00:20:09,078 I, I told him about this Rite of Passage weekend as a 13 year old, and 387 00:20:09,078 --> 00:20:10,908 he was like, wow, that's incredible. 388 00:20:10,908 --> 00:20:11,238 You know? 389 00:20:11,238 --> 00:20:16,322 And here he is engaged to a engaged to an awesome woman, you know, potentially 390 00:20:16,322 --> 00:20:17,942 having kids in the near future. 391 00:20:18,362 --> 00:20:19,262 He has a job. 392 00:20:19,262 --> 00:20:23,132 He has an awesome relationship with his parents, you know, and he's still 393 00:20:23,582 --> 00:20:25,232 questioning his identity as a man. 394 00:20:25,232 --> 00:20:27,782 He's not sure if he's a man or he's a boy. 395 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:32,382 And it was that conversation with my friend in my early twenties when I. 396 00:20:33,212 --> 00:20:33,632 Wow. 397 00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:38,312 This rite of passage was a real gift for me to, to have this clear 398 00:20:38,312 --> 00:20:41,732 event in my, in my mind, that I can look back on and say, you know, 399 00:20:41,732 --> 00:20:43,472 that's when manhood began for me. 400 00:20:43,472 --> 00:20:45,962 It wasn't, wasn't prom night for me. 401 00:20:45,962 --> 00:20:49,593 It wasn't the the day where my wife and I got married. 402 00:20:50,103 --> 00:20:52,053 It wasn't the, the birth of our daughter. 403 00:20:52,083 --> 00:20:55,623 For me, it was 13 years old when my dad and my grandfather told 404 00:20:55,623 --> 00:20:57,543 me that you are a man in this. 405 00:20:58,473 --> 00:21:01,383 So I think the first way that it benefited me was I was always 406 00:21:01,383 --> 00:21:03,933 confident in my masculine identity. 407 00:21:03,986 --> 00:21:08,816 The second way that it benefited me was that I, growing up, I really 408 00:21:08,821 --> 00:21:13,826 felt like I could talk to my dad, my grandfather, and my uncles about anything. 409 00:21:13,886 --> 00:21:19,736 I felt very accepted and loved by this kind of tribe of men in my family. 410 00:21:20,966 --> 00:21:24,656 You know, one thing that kind of gets said during the weekend inevitably 411 00:21:24,656 --> 00:21:31,091 is, From the men, the boy, they say, you know, we love you unconditionally. 412 00:21:31,241 --> 00:21:36,041 If you ever have questions or are going through kind of a tough spot 413 00:21:36,041 --> 00:21:41,171 in life, please come to us for advice because we love you unconditionally. 414 00:21:41,201 --> 00:21:45,371 We have your best interests at heart, and more than likely we've gone 415 00:21:45,371 --> 00:21:46,901 through whatever you're going through. 416 00:21:46,906 --> 00:21:47,621 We can help you. 417 00:21:48,401 --> 00:21:52,991 You know, as a 13 year old, during my Rite of Passage weekend, I was like, I just 418 00:21:52,996 --> 00:21:54,221 kind of shook my head up and down and. 419 00:21:55,001 --> 00:21:55,451 Thanks. 420 00:21:55,451 --> 00:22:00,131 You know, I, I didn't know what to make of it, but it really wasn't until I got into 421 00:22:00,131 --> 00:22:04,991 college where, you know, I started meeting people who were raised very different than 422 00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:07,061 me, who had very different values than me. 423 00:22:07,541 --> 00:22:11,651 And that made me really question the way that I was raised and my own beliefs. 424 00:22:12,431 --> 00:22:16,863 And in college I was really concerned, you know, I was really I started to 425 00:22:17,343 --> 00:22:20,763 question my belief in God, whether I believed in God or I wanted to. 426 00:22:21,918 --> 00:22:23,838 The faith that my parents raised me in. 427 00:22:24,528 --> 00:22:29,508 And I remember being very nervous to talk to my parents about, about it 428 00:22:29,508 --> 00:22:33,318 because I wasn't sure how they would've react if I told 'em, you know, I'm 429 00:22:33,318 --> 00:22:34,998 not sure if I believe in God anymore. 430 00:22:35,448 --> 00:22:36,978 I didn't wanna disappoint them, right? 431 00:22:37,128 --> 00:22:37,218 Mm-hmm. 432 00:22:37,548 --> 00:22:42,858 . But in college, I remembered back that 13 year old rite of passage 433 00:22:42,858 --> 00:22:44,538 this weekend and how all the men. 434 00:22:45,348 --> 00:22:47,838 If you have questions, if you're going through a tough time in 435 00:22:47,838 --> 00:22:49,908 life, please come to us for advice. 436 00:22:49,908 --> 00:22:50,838 We won't judge you. 437 00:22:51,168 --> 00:22:52,638 We will love you unconditionally. 438 00:22:52,638 --> 00:22:54,258 We have your best interest at heart. 439 00:22:54,768 --> 00:22:58,938 And that gave me the confidence, the trust, to go back to these guys, 440 00:22:59,508 --> 00:23:03,298 to go back to my dad, to go to my grandfather and say, dad, grandpa, 441 00:23:04,188 --> 00:23:05,808 I'm not sure if I believe in God. 442 00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:07,218 Why do you believe in God? 443 00:23:07,308 --> 00:23:07,728 You know? 444 00:23:07,728 --> 00:23:12,198 And I think it was at that moment, for a lot of people, college is really kind 445 00:23:12,198 --> 00:23:14,118 of a make or break moment in your faith. 446 00:23:15,153 --> 00:23:19,623 And it certainly was for me and I, you know, hindsight is 2020. 447 00:23:19,623 --> 00:23:23,976 But I would say if it wasn't for this rite of passage weekend, there's a 448 00:23:23,976 --> 00:23:27,486 good chance that I would not be a practicing Christian today without it. 449 00:23:28,386 --> 00:23:28,596 Okay. 450 00:23:30,156 --> 00:23:32,676 I love that it open up the lines of communication in your family. 451 00:23:32,706 --> 00:23:38,946 That is a very difficult thing for young men to feel comfortable communicating with 452 00:23:38,946 --> 00:23:42,576 those in their family and, and drawing that line in this hand cuz it really. 453 00:23:43,476 --> 00:23:44,856 Your book had me thinking a lot. 454 00:23:45,876 --> 00:23:49,236 . The wheels were just turning in my head like a hamster going nuts, man. 455 00:23:49,716 --> 00:23:52,176 As I was reading through the book and it was like, wow, we have 456 00:23:52,176 --> 00:23:56,406 really just kind of failed our young men because it is right there. 457 00:23:56,411 --> 00:24:00,336 There's all these different benchmarks of, well, 18, you 458 00:24:00,336 --> 00:24:02,196 can smoke and join the military. 459 00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:05,211 At 17, you can join the military with your parents' re mission. 460 00:24:05,391 --> 00:24:09,141 But at 21 you can drink and do this, but at 25 you can do this. 461 00:24:09,141 --> 00:24:09,411 Right? 462 00:24:09,651 --> 00:24:12,351 We, we have all these different bench like, but none of that 463 00:24:12,941 --> 00:24:14,691 actually tells them or affirms. 464 00:24:15,261 --> 00:24:18,291 You are now a valuable member of society. 465 00:24:18,291 --> 00:24:19,581 You are now a man. 466 00:24:20,211 --> 00:24:23,901 It's time for you to stand on your own feet because you, you need 467 00:24:23,901 --> 00:24:25,221 that line in the sand too, right? 468 00:24:25,221 --> 00:24:31,221 We have too many 27 year olds still living at home, sucking off a mom and dad. 469 00:24:31,656 --> 00:24:34,926 Because they were never told, Hey, you're a man. 470 00:24:35,076 --> 00:24:37,836 It, it is time to take that next step on your own. 471 00:24:38,766 --> 00:24:40,956 So y y'all's book got me thinking a lot. 472 00:24:41,856 --> 00:24:42,396 Let's talk, 473 00:24:42,401 --> 00:24:43,446 well, go ahead. 474 00:24:43,896 --> 00:24:45,486 No, thank, I was just gonna say thank you. 475 00:24:45,486 --> 00:24:50,256 You know, it's true that I think today we're, in general, we're not raising 476 00:24:50,261 --> 00:24:53,316 boys to be like virtuously masculine men. 477 00:24:53,526 --> 00:24:57,816 And a big reason is that most men today have never been. 478 00:24:58,611 --> 00:25:03,021 By another man that you are a man and that manhood has begun. 479 00:25:03,111 --> 00:25:06,651 You know, manhood has probably begun a long time ago for most of 480 00:25:06,651 --> 00:25:10,341 these guys, and because they've never been told that they're a man, 481 00:25:10,346 --> 00:25:14,211 then they essentially act like boys into their twenties and into their 482 00:25:14,216 --> 00:25:16,191 thirties like you were talking about. 483 00:25:16,461 --> 00:25:21,651 So that's kind of the, the beauty of a rite of passage is that it gives the boy a 484 00:25:21,651 --> 00:25:23,631 clear moment that he can look back on and. 485 00:25:24,426 --> 00:25:25,416 That was the moment. 486 00:25:25,416 --> 00:25:28,506 That was the weekend that I became a man because that's when 487 00:25:28,506 --> 00:25:30,126 my dad told me that I was a man. 488 00:25:31,176 --> 00:25:33,096 So let's talk milestone to manhood. 489 00:25:33,576 --> 00:25:35,286 This become a full family event. 490 00:25:35,286 --> 00:25:39,366 I know according to your book, the women and family help you guys prepare and 491 00:25:39,366 --> 00:25:43,176 get things in order and then help you celebrate also when you get home, right? 492 00:25:43,176 --> 00:25:46,896 They take part in recognizing that this young man has become a. 493 00:25:48,111 --> 00:25:51,561 And you know, that's, that's an important part is the young man gets that 494 00:25:51,561 --> 00:25:56,451 affirmation as well when he gets home that this weekend has changed his status. 495 00:25:57,021 --> 00:25:57,111 Mm-hmm. 496 00:25:57,381 --> 00:26:00,471 , how many times, you said you're one of four brothers, how many 497 00:26:00,471 --> 00:26:01,641 times have y'all done this now? 498 00:26:03,141 --> 00:26:04,461 So, right. 499 00:26:04,461 --> 00:26:05,761 I'm one of four brothers. 500 00:26:05,792 --> 00:26:09,692 So me and my brothers, we all got these rite of passage weekends, and 501 00:26:09,692 --> 00:26:11,792 then my male cousins did as well. 502 00:26:11,822 --> 00:26:13,869 So, I have two younger male cousins. 503 00:26:13,869 --> 00:26:14,319 So for. 504 00:26:15,054 --> 00:26:19,794 I had a write-off passage weekend that was organized for me, but also once I 505 00:26:19,794 --> 00:26:25,134 became, you know, an official man in the family, I was eligible to be one of those 506 00:26:25,134 --> 00:26:28,704 male mentors to go along the weekends. 507 00:26:28,745 --> 00:26:33,772 So I had a write-up passage for myself that I experienced as a 13 year old, but 508 00:26:33,772 --> 00:26:37,942 I also attended four other Rite of passage weekends for my two younger brother. 509 00:26:38,647 --> 00:26:42,757 My two younger cousins and I will say, I'll add in that the woman 510 00:26:42,757 --> 00:26:46,177 of the family, the girls did get a rite of passage weekend as well. 511 00:26:46,177 --> 00:26:50,322 So, I don't have any sisters, but my girl cousins did get a rite of passage. 512 00:26:50,322 --> 00:26:56,107 So in total there were 12 of these rite of passage weekends that we held as a family. 513 00:26:56,677 --> 00:26:56,917 Yeah. 514 00:26:56,917 --> 00:26:57,157 Y'all 515 00:26:57,157 --> 00:27:00,157 mentioned in the book that there might be a second book coming from 516 00:27:00,157 --> 00:27:01,597 the women's side of the family. 517 00:27:01,688 --> 00:27:04,658 I'm looking forward to that book as well, cuz I have two daughters, so 518 00:27:04,958 --> 00:27:09,134 I'm, I'm looking forward to that second edition where the women in the family get 519 00:27:09,134 --> 00:27:11,704 focused on it and share that information. 520 00:27:11,709 --> 00:27:13,354 Cuz I, I know Yeah. 521 00:27:13,354 --> 00:27:15,274 My wife is in the background saying, yes, please. 522 00:27:15,574 --> 00:27:16,624 We, we want that book. 523 00:27:16,624 --> 00:27:20,494 So you have at least a couple people going, yes, please, please do the 524 00:27:20,494 --> 00:27:24,760 follow up on, you know, women because I, I think we're lacking in this. 525 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,290 I think there's a lot of validity to. 526 00:27:27,940 --> 00:27:33,760 Now, what have you noticed just in the lives of young men, outside of your 527 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:38,290 family, maybe like family, friends and stuff, as opposed to you, the 528 00:27:38,290 --> 00:27:40,030 way you guys were raised with this. 529 00:27:40,330 --> 00:27:43,090 What, what are the immediate differences that you guys can see? 530 00:27:43,090 --> 00:27:45,895 Just contrasting, you said your family is different. 531 00:27:45,895 --> 00:27:47,575 That's something that you learned in college. 532 00:27:47,845 --> 00:27:49,217 I had that same experience. 533 00:27:49,254 --> 00:27:51,264 There was a point in my life where I started looking around at 534 00:27:51,264 --> 00:27:52,504 my friends' families and going. 535 00:27:53,004 --> 00:27:55,614 My former family isn't normal, the, the way we mm-hmm. 536 00:27:55,694 --> 00:27:57,234 because we're all very, very tight-knit. 537 00:27:57,234 --> 00:28:00,894 My siblings are some of the closest people in the world to me, always have been. 538 00:28:01,014 --> 00:28:01,434 Right. 539 00:28:01,674 --> 00:28:04,494 And I thought that was normal until I started hanging out with other people. 540 00:28:04,974 --> 00:28:09,294 But as you experienced this and you know, you guys have friends outside 541 00:28:09,294 --> 00:28:12,924 of the immediate family whose kids weren't put through this process. 542 00:28:13,824 --> 00:28:16,434 What do you, what do you notice the immediate differences 543 00:28:16,734 --> 00:28:17,664 in those young people? 544 00:28:18,294 --> 00:28:22,224 You know, to be honest, it's tough to say because I consider this 545 00:28:22,224 --> 00:28:25,404 rite of passage weekend to be a tool in the tool belt, right? 546 00:28:25,434 --> 00:28:25,754 Mm-hmm. 547 00:28:25,974 --> 00:28:28,014 , the rite of passage weekend is not everything. 548 00:28:28,224 --> 00:28:32,184 I mean, as a father, you have to be a good example of what it means to be a 549 00:28:32,184 --> 00:28:34,764 man your, for your entire life, right? 550 00:28:34,769 --> 00:28:34,954 Mm. 551 00:28:34,954 --> 00:28:35,234 Mm-hmm. 552 00:28:35,314 --> 00:28:40,554 , if you're objectively a bad example of a man, And then you hold one of these rite 553 00:28:40,554 --> 00:28:44,424 of passage weekends and are talking about virtuous manhood and what it means to 554 00:28:44,424 --> 00:28:47,094 be a man, then it really means nothing. 555 00:28:47,094 --> 00:28:47,454 Right? 556 00:28:47,454 --> 00:28:54,666 So, I considered this weekend to be just one way that a father can help 557 00:28:54,666 --> 00:28:58,206 to break through to his son, you know, and to affirm him and to build him up. 558 00:28:58,303 --> 00:29:03,343 So I think that it, it's tough to compare because of that, because 559 00:29:03,343 --> 00:29:05,031 it is just one weekend right. 560 00:29:05,061 --> 00:29:11,751 But I will say, You know, in the absence of a rite of passage, boys feel the need 561 00:29:11,811 --> 00:29:13,941 to prove their manhood to themselves. 562 00:29:14,421 --> 00:29:18,831 And what that might look like, I would say, is the sexual conquest of women. 563 00:29:18,921 --> 00:29:22,341 So you hear guys saying things like, she made a man out of me. 564 00:29:22,431 --> 00:29:22,821 Right? 565 00:29:23,691 --> 00:29:28,851 You guys trying to sleep around and sexually conquesting conquering women 566 00:29:29,061 --> 00:29:30,981 to prove their manhood to themselves. 567 00:29:31,671 --> 00:29:33,621 Or it could be violence, right? 568 00:29:33,621 --> 00:29:35,301 Joining a gang or getting into a. 569 00:29:36,906 --> 00:29:39,336 When boys are fighting, essentially they're trying to 570 00:29:39,336 --> 00:29:40,926 prove their manhood to themselves. 571 00:29:40,926 --> 00:29:44,916 They're, they're saying, if I can show physically dominate another 572 00:29:44,916 --> 00:29:47,316 man, then I'm a better man than him. 573 00:29:47,316 --> 00:29:47,646 Right? 574 00:29:48,306 --> 00:29:52,776 So in that way, violence, they're trying to prove their manhood to themselves. 575 00:29:53,226 --> 00:29:56,840 Or another, you know, really common one would be video game addictions. 576 00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:01,700 In a lot of video games, you can literally go out and slay a dragon 577 00:30:01,700 --> 00:30:03,620 or kill a, kill a terrorist. 578 00:30:03,620 --> 00:30:07,940 You know, that totally plays into the male ego of proving yourself as 579 00:30:07,940 --> 00:30:09,860 a warrior, proving yourself as a man. 580 00:30:10,370 --> 00:30:13,638 And you know, I have nothing against video games but I am 581 00:30:13,643 --> 00:30:15,318 against video game addictions. 582 00:30:15,708 --> 00:30:19,458 When, when you play video games to the point where you're getting your 583 00:30:19,958 --> 00:30:23,838 masculine identity, your identity is tied up to your video game character, 584 00:30:24,198 --> 00:30:25,758 then I think something has gone wrong. 585 00:30:26,823 --> 00:30:30,153 In the absence of a rite of passage, boys will try to prove 586 00:30:30,153 --> 00:30:31,623 their manhood to themselves. 587 00:30:32,013 --> 00:30:36,303 And I think that was the difference for me having this weekend, is 588 00:30:36,303 --> 00:30:41,043 that I had this weekend where my dad, my grandfather, my uncles told 589 00:30:41,043 --> 00:30:42,873 me, you are a man of this family. 590 00:30:43,233 --> 00:30:47,763 So as a teenager, I didn't feel like I had to prove my manhood to anybody else. 591 00:30:48,903 --> 00:30:52,503 So I think that's probably the biggest difference between what our family 592 00:30:52,503 --> 00:30:57,453 did and other families who don't have this rite of passage for their kids. 593 00:30:57,963 --> 00:30:58,263 Okay. 594 00:30:58,323 --> 00:31:01,173 I was asking just because you threw out the example of your 595 00:31:01,173 --> 00:31:03,513 friend at his wedding, right. 596 00:31:03,573 --> 00:31:08,583 Having to ask that question that in his head, apparently that was still a question 597 00:31:08,583 --> 00:31:10,123 in something he was still playing with. 598 00:31:10,157 --> 00:31:13,607 So I was wondering if you had noticed any other areas where it was 599 00:31:13,607 --> 00:31:16,487 like, oh, this really divided this. 600 00:31:17,402 --> 00:31:17,792 Yeah. 601 00:31:18,332 --> 00:31:21,242 Now guys, we're gonna roll to one of our sponsors and we will be right 602 00:31:21,242 --> 00:31:22,772 back with more from Steven Arms. 603 00:31:23,432 --> 00:31:24,662 How well do you sleep at night? 604 00:31:24,812 --> 00:31:27,362 Do you toss and turn and wake up more tired than when you went to bed? 605 00:31:27,902 --> 00:31:30,542 Sleep is commonly one of the critical elements people 606 00:31:30,547 --> 00:31:31,862 fall short on in their life. 607 00:31:32,162 --> 00:31:35,042 The quality of sleep you get directly affects your ability to control 608 00:31:35,042 --> 00:31:38,432 your weight, your ability to add muscle, your stress levels, and your 609 00:31:38,902 --> 00:31:40,142 everyday job and life performance. 610 00:31:40,742 --> 00:31:42,812 If you're ready to move to the next level, then. 611 00:31:43,592 --> 00:31:44,672 Has to be part of the plan. 612 00:31:45,302 --> 00:31:48,482 Check out our forensic ghost bed.com if you're ready to get your best sleep. 613 00:31:48,572 --> 00:31:49,472 I love my ghost bed. 614 00:31:49,472 --> 00:31:52,172 I've been sleeping on one for a couple years and has made a 615 00:31:52,172 --> 00:31:53,792 huge difference in how I sleep. 616 00:31:54,152 --> 00:31:58,172 Hit ghost bed.com and use the code, the Fallible Man 30 to get 30% off your 617 00:31:58,172 --> 00:31:59,972 order and start getting better night's. 618 00:31:59,972 --> 00:32:01,202 Sleep tomorrow. 619 00:32:02,192 --> 00:32:04,142 Now let's go on to the show. 620 00:32:04,502 --> 00:32:05,162 Hey, welcome back. 621 00:32:05,162 --> 00:32:09,062 We're here with Stephen Arms Discussing is a Christian Rite Passage a good idea for. 622 00:32:10,142 --> 00:32:13,322 Now, if you've missed the first part of the conversation, you absolutely have 623 00:32:13,322 --> 00:32:16,682 to go back through because we've covered a lot of ground and a lot of details. 624 00:32:17,552 --> 00:32:21,512 Steven and his family have had this personal experience that they're sharing 625 00:32:21,517 --> 00:32:27,662 with the world now, guys, the book is Milestone to Manhood and we'll have 626 00:32:27,662 --> 00:32:32,132 links of course to get that book into the website, so you can check that out. 627 00:32:32,312 --> 00:32:33,872 We want you to be able to find this book. 628 00:32:34,352 --> 00:32:34,892 Personally. 629 00:32:35,282 --> 00:32:36,092 I love the book. 630 00:32:36,097 --> 00:32:37,142 It was a great read. 631 00:32:38,477 --> 00:32:40,097 Man, it just got my head spinning. 632 00:32:40,547 --> 00:32:44,147 But I don't wanna go into too much detail about the book because I'd 633 00:32:44,147 --> 00:32:47,387 love for you to read it because until you actually go through it, 634 00:32:47,387 --> 00:32:49,157 like I'm not gonna do it justice. 635 00:32:49,457 --> 00:32:52,787 But I wanted to touch a couple on a couple things in the book 636 00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:53,850 especially towards the end. 637 00:32:54,120 --> 00:33:01,470 So Steven, how is life with your newly Christian man Posten? 638 00:33:01,475 --> 00:33:02,730 How does that change? 639 00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:04,254 It was an interesting transit. 640 00:33:04,989 --> 00:33:07,599 In the book, because life has to change, right? 641 00:33:07,599 --> 00:33:12,699 You can't say you're a man and then go back home and, and life is the same. 642 00:33:13,029 --> 00:33:14,049 So how does that look? 643 00:33:15,819 --> 00:33:16,329 Absolutely. 644 00:33:16,334 --> 00:33:20,109 So there kind of has to be a balanced approach for life after the weekend, 645 00:33:20,169 --> 00:33:24,519 you know, ultimately this new man is still a 13 year old, you know? 646 00:33:24,524 --> 00:33:28,809 So obviously it would not be appropriate to kick him out of the house, tell him 647 00:33:28,809 --> 00:33:30,399 to go get an apartment and a full-time. 648 00:33:30,471 --> 00:33:33,591 It has to be a gradual approach, how you treat him as a man. 649 00:33:34,041 --> 00:33:37,101 But it is important to treat him differently after his 650 00:33:37,101 --> 00:33:38,271 rite of passage weekend. 651 00:33:38,350 --> 00:33:41,830 You know, certainly increasing responsibilities around the 652 00:33:41,830 --> 00:33:43,330 house is a good way to do that. 653 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:47,680 I know for me and for my brothers 13 years old was right around the 654 00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:51,160 time where we were physically big enough to push the lawnmower around. 655 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:53,108 So, that became one of our chore. 656 00:33:53,978 --> 00:33:58,838 And you know, inevitably whenever you increase the responsibilities, the 657 00:33:58,838 --> 00:34:02,648 chores for your kids, there's always gonna be some resistance, right? 658 00:34:02,648 --> 00:34:03,578 They're not gonna like it. 659 00:34:03,638 --> 00:34:08,948 But having this rite of passage weekend gives fathers context to have 660 00:34:08,948 --> 00:34:10,748 those discussions with their sons. 661 00:34:11,108 --> 00:34:13,828 Why increasing their responsibility is a good thing. 662 00:34:14,288 --> 00:34:18,008 So dads don't have to say something like, you need to mow 663 00:34:18,008 --> 00:34:19,688 the lawn now, because I say so. 664 00:34:20,318 --> 00:34:23,828 That's just kind of a, a flex on your authority over him. 665 00:34:24,188 --> 00:34:29,048 But if you say something like, we want you to mow the lawn now, because when 666 00:34:29,048 --> 00:34:33,008 you grow up, when you get married and have a family of your own, you're gonna 667 00:34:33,008 --> 00:34:36,248 have to mow the lawn because we're not, I'm not gonna be there for you. 668 00:34:36,278 --> 00:34:39,458 So it's really a good thing for you to learn how to do this now 669 00:34:39,498 --> 00:34:42,998 rather than learning in your twenties or in your thirties. 670 00:34:43,104 --> 00:34:47,094 Another really cool way that the boy was treated differently. 671 00:34:47,484 --> 00:34:52,284 After his Rite of Passage weekend, you know, in our family, whenever we gathered 672 00:34:52,284 --> 00:34:57,114 together for holidays, whether it was Christmas or Easter, you know, it was 673 00:34:57,114 --> 00:34:59,184 always a, a fairly large gathering. 674 00:34:59,316 --> 00:35:01,296 And so there were always two tables. 675 00:35:01,296 --> 00:35:04,596 You know, there was an adult table in one room and then a kid's table and 676 00:35:04,601 --> 00:35:09,726 another, and, but once a boy or the, or a girl went through one of these rite of 677 00:35:09,726 --> 00:35:14,286 passage weekends, they were, they kind of graduated from the kids' table into 678 00:35:14,286 --> 00:35:15,786 the adults' table, you know, and they. 679 00:35:16,581 --> 00:35:19,491 Instead of having the conversation with the kids, they were engaged in 680 00:35:19,491 --> 00:35:23,406 conversation with the adults and whatever they were talking about over dinner. 681 00:35:23,411 --> 00:35:27,786 So that was one really cool, kind of physical way to show, you know, you 682 00:35:27,786 --> 00:35:32,946 were no longer a boy or a girl, you've graduated to manhood or to womanhood. 683 00:35:33,866 --> 00:35:36,816 Now you guys have put together this, cuz I'm gonna call the 684 00:35:36,821 --> 00:35:38,586 book more of a blueprint, right? 685 00:35:38,586 --> 00:35:42,216 You answered the why's, but then you laid out a very tructure. 686 00:35:42,986 --> 00:35:45,276 Approach that y'all have found has been very effective for you? 687 00:35:46,386 --> 00:35:50,406 How does that translate to another father picking up this book? 688 00:35:51,036 --> 00:35:52,656 How is the best way to apply 689 00:35:52,656 --> 00:35:53,106 this book? 690 00:35:54,426 --> 00:35:58,656 Yeah, so we realized, you know, our family, having organized 12 of these 691 00:35:58,716 --> 00:36:03,186 rite of passage weekends before, we've really accumulated a lot of best 692 00:36:03,646 --> 00:36:06,876 practices, a lot of tribal knowledge, how to pull one of these weekends. 693 00:36:07,656 --> 00:36:13,566 So the book is really a how to guide for fathers who want to organize a rite 694 00:36:13,566 --> 00:36:15,778 of passage weekend for their own sons. 695 00:36:15,778 --> 00:36:18,443 And in that way it's very much plug, plug and play, right? 696 00:36:18,473 --> 00:36:23,393 We give you the exact steps, step by steps, the rituals that we went through 697 00:36:23,393 --> 00:36:25,103 in our rite of passage weekends. 698 00:36:25,673 --> 00:36:29,153 And, you know, certainly we would love it if, if a father wanted to 699 00:36:29,153 --> 00:36:33,203 just adopt it straight outta the book and use all seven of the same ritual. 700 00:36:33,953 --> 00:36:38,453 We also give guidance on how you might wanna modify it for your own family. 701 00:36:38,513 --> 00:36:41,922 You know, if you have family traditions in your own family that you wanna 702 00:36:41,922 --> 00:36:46,632 add into the weekend, we absolutely would encourage you to add it into 703 00:36:46,632 --> 00:36:48,282 the weekend and to make it your own. 704 00:36:48,387 --> 00:36:53,067 One thing I'd like to add for your audience is that on our website, 705 00:36:53,657 --> 00:36:57,447 milestone to manhood.com, we've actually put up some email template. 706 00:36:57,927 --> 00:36:59,427 For fathers to access. 707 00:36:59,517 --> 00:37:03,927 So if you're listening to this and you have an 11 or 12 year old son and you 708 00:37:03,927 --> 00:37:09,177 want to organize a rite of passage for him, you can just go to our website. 709 00:37:09,207 --> 00:37:12,957 There's a planning section, and you can, there's five steps. 710 00:37:12,957 --> 00:37:17,817 You can literally go to it, copy the text from the website and paste 711 00:37:17,817 --> 00:37:22,437 it into the body of an email for the men who you want to invite 712 00:37:22,437 --> 00:37:24,177 to go onto your right of passage. 713 00:37:25,077 --> 00:37:29,967 With you and your son and this weekend, this email explains what a rite of 714 00:37:29,967 --> 00:37:35,007 passage is, why you want to hold one for your son, and exactly the step by 715 00:37:35,007 --> 00:37:40,497 steps of the Rite of Passage weekend that our family did for the boys and girls. 716 00:37:41,142 --> 00:37:45,552 So, you know, we realized, you know, we have all this information, why 717 00:37:45,552 --> 00:37:50,022 not give it to listeners for free so that they can organize a rite 718 00:37:50,022 --> 00:37:52,002 of passage as easy as possible. 719 00:37:52,362 --> 00:37:56,112 One of the hardest parts is just explaining to people what a rite of 720 00:37:56,112 --> 00:37:57,852 passage is and why you want to do it. 721 00:37:58,212 --> 00:38:02,442 So we realized, why don't we just give that to our listeners for. 722 00:38:03,522 --> 00:38:06,582 We don't ask for your email address because we know, you know, a lot of 723 00:38:06,582 --> 00:38:09,132 guys don't wanna be spammed these days. 724 00:38:09,192 --> 00:38:10,062 I totally get it. 725 00:38:10,122 --> 00:38:11,185 I don't want to either. 726 00:38:11,185 --> 00:38:15,219 So you literally just go to the website, copy these emails, and paste them into 727 00:38:15,249 --> 00:38:17,619 the body of an email to send to your team. 728 00:38:18,699 --> 00:38:19,089 Okay. 729 00:38:19,149 --> 00:38:19,809 That's awesome. 730 00:38:20,139 --> 00:38:24,519 I love that you guys leave room for customization, right? 731 00:38:24,699 --> 00:38:29,949 You had some really great ideas, but the fact that you leave room in there say, 732 00:38:29,949 --> 00:38:31,509 Hey, this is what's been good for us. 733 00:38:31,929 --> 00:38:35,769 But, you know, tweak this for your experience as a family. 734 00:38:35,789 --> 00:38:37,175 It's, it is just incredible. 735 00:38:37,745 --> 00:38:40,565 Now, Steven, there are some guys out there right now who are 736 00:38:40,565 --> 00:38:43,495 listening who are like, uh hmm. 737 00:38:43,505 --> 00:38:44,945 Is this right for me? 738 00:38:45,905 --> 00:38:49,025 What are three questions our listeners should ask themselves to 739 00:38:49,030 --> 00:38:51,125 decide if this is something they should implement with their sons? 740 00:38:52,970 --> 00:38:56,360 You know, I would say if you're on the fence, if you're a father on the 741 00:38:56,360 --> 00:39:00,470 fence, thinking about whether you want to organize one of these weekends for 742 00:39:00,470 --> 00:39:04,656 your son or not, ultimately, you know, it's you're not doing this for yourself. 743 00:39:04,656 --> 00:39:05,946 You're doing this for your son. 744 00:39:06,066 --> 00:39:06,426 Right? 745 00:39:06,846 --> 00:39:11,616 And the truth is, is that not all the responsibility is going to fall on your 746 00:39:11,616 --> 00:39:16,536 shoulders because you are gonna get other men involved to help to break through to. 747 00:39:16,554 --> 00:39:20,676 You know, certainly dads are the most important male role model in 748 00:39:20,676 --> 00:39:24,876 a boy's life, but around the age of 13, there's also this tension that 749 00:39:24,876 --> 00:39:26,796 develops between father and son, right? 750 00:39:27,176 --> 00:39:30,486 The, the boy doesn't necessarily want to listen to dad all the time. 751 00:39:30,876 --> 00:39:34,171 So that's really the beauty of getting other men involved other 752 00:39:34,321 --> 00:39:35,521 men who are not his father. 753 00:39:35,521 --> 00:39:39,871 So, I would say for one, you're, you're not doing this for yourself. 754 00:39:39,871 --> 00:39:40,741 You're doing this for your. 755 00:39:41,581 --> 00:39:44,521 Number two is you're gonna get a team of men involved. 756 00:39:45,031 --> 00:39:49,861 And three, really the benefit of it is that you are, by affirming your 757 00:39:49,861 --> 00:39:54,721 son's masculine identity, you are showing him that he does not have to 758 00:39:54,721 --> 00:39:57,001 prove his manhood to himself, right. 759 00:39:57,481 --> 00:39:59,821 Through rebelling, through doing dangerous stunts. 760 00:40:00,451 --> 00:40:03,601 And so that's what the, the benefit of the weekend for your 761 00:40:03,601 --> 00:40:05,071 son is that you're giving him a. 762 00:40:06,046 --> 00:40:10,096 Moment that he can look back on and say, that was the weekend when I 763 00:40:10,096 --> 00:40:12,016 became a man in my father's eyes. 764 00:40:13,186 --> 00:40:15,616 Stephen, what is the most important takeaway you want people 765 00:40:15,616 --> 00:40:16,726 to hear from this show today? 766 00:40:18,796 --> 00:40:23,326 The most important takeaway that I want people to take away from this show is 767 00:40:23,331 --> 00:40:28,926 that in the absence of Rite of Passage, boys are gonna prove their manhood to the. 768 00:40:29,701 --> 00:40:34,591 And that's why it's every father's responsibility because he is the 769 00:40:34,591 --> 00:40:38,491 primary example of what it means to be a man in a boy's life. 770 00:40:38,911 --> 00:40:43,231 It's every father's responsibility to tell his son at the appropriate age. 771 00:40:43,591 --> 00:40:49,111 Son, I just want you to know I no longer consider you to be a boy, but in my eyes, 772 00:40:49,201 --> 00:40:53,701 I see you as a man now and that if every father in this country did that for their. 773 00:40:54,796 --> 00:40:57,886 Than this country and this world would be a much better place 774 00:40:57,886 --> 00:41:02,146 because boys would not need to prove their manhood to anybody else. 775 00:41:03,826 --> 00:41:04,846 What's next for Steven Arm? 776 00:41:07,216 --> 00:41:08,296 That's a great question. 777 00:41:08,363 --> 00:41:09,366 What's next for me? 778 00:41:09,636 --> 00:41:13,478 My wife and I are expecting our third child this year, so that's 779 00:41:13,718 --> 00:41:14,828 definitely the biggest things. 780 00:41:15,218 --> 00:41:15,698 Thank you. 781 00:41:15,818 --> 00:41:17,828 That's definitely the biggest thing on our minds. 782 00:41:17,962 --> 00:41:19,162 That and just getting. 783 00:41:20,272 --> 00:41:24,682 Idea of a rite of passage out into the world, sharing it with other families 784 00:41:24,682 --> 00:41:28,912 so that they can benefit from the weekend in the same way that ours has. 785 00:41:29,902 --> 00:41:30,202 Right. 786 00:41:30,892 --> 00:41:30,982 And 787 00:41:30,982 --> 00:41:37,282 guys, I will have a link to their website in the show notes and in the 788 00:41:37,287 --> 00:41:38,962 description so you can find the book. 789 00:41:39,262 --> 00:41:40,952 So you can go find those letters. 790 00:41:40,952 --> 00:41:44,975 We'll make sure you guys are hooked up with milestone to manhood.com. 791 00:41:45,875 --> 00:41:47,555 Also, if you go to. 792 00:41:48,260 --> 00:41:51,260 Bookshelf on our library, on the website, you'll find a link to their 793 00:41:51,260 --> 00:41:54,350 book If you are interested in getting this book as well, you can get it on 794 00:41:54,350 --> 00:41:58,580 their site, you can get on Amazon, whatever is good for you guys, and 795 00:41:58,585 --> 00:42:01,850 that link will stay up there because I think this book has a lot of value. 796 00:42:02,210 --> 00:42:05,855 If you are a father looking and working on setting an example, and 797 00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,990 I'm assuming you are because you're listening to this show, right? 798 00:42:08,990 --> 00:42:10,550 And this is what we're all about here. 799 00:42:11,030 --> 00:42:14,480 So if this is what something you're looking for, I wholeheartedly 800 00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:16,310 recommend pick up copy of this. 801 00:42:16,310 --> 00:42:18,075 I'm actually loaning my copy to people. 802 00:42:18,075 --> 00:42:20,625 I'm like making a list of people I'm handing it to. 803 00:42:21,105 --> 00:42:24,525 Now that I'm done with it, guys, I would highly encourage you to pick this 804 00:42:24,525 --> 00:42:28,755 up and consider this whether you have boys or whether you have girls, because 805 00:42:29,055 --> 00:42:32,625 until we get the book for girls, you can actually change a lot of this over. 806 00:42:32,685 --> 00:42:36,325 And ladies, you can pick it up too cuz we have a lot of ladies that listen to this 807 00:42:36,330 --> 00:42:41,265 show and get the baseline for how you can do this with your daughters as well. 808 00:42:43,935 --> 00:42:44,445 Give it a try. 809 00:42:44,475 --> 00:42:44,775 Trust. 810 00:42:44,775 --> 00:42:45,345 Trust me there. 811 00:42:45,345 --> 00:42:46,335 There are books you need to read. 812 00:42:46,335 --> 00:42:47,175 You should read this one. 813 00:42:47,415 --> 00:42:50,385 Steven, thank you for taking the time to be here with us today 814 00:42:50,385 --> 00:42:51,735 and to share with our audience. 815 00:42:52,305 --> 00:42:55,335 It's been great having you on, guys, as always. 816 00:42:55,340 --> 00:42:58,275 Be better tomorrow because of what you do today and we'll see you on the next one. 817 00:42:59,745 --> 00:43:02,205 This has been the Fallible Man Podcast. 818 00:43:02,835 --> 00:43:06,105 Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. 819 00:43:06,975 --> 00:43:09,255 Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. 820 00:43:10,125 --> 00:43:16,485 Head over to www.thefallibleman.com for more content and get 821 00:43:16,485 --> 00:43:18,015 your own Fallible man gear.