How to Revitalize YOUR Dead Marriage Bed with Cass Morrow

00:00:00] Yeah, it's pretty powerful. And you know, I, I, let me give your your listeners a little bit of a tidbit here. You know, we're taught as men that we should lead, especially if you come from a faith-based background. Right? And I'll tell you what, I do believe that. However, I'm also intelligent enough to understand from the responses that my wife has given me, that I am a lot smarter when I have my wife on board.

[00:00:23] I am a lot stronger when I have my wife on board. We can impact, I can cuz we can impact together. So here's an example of. . When we lost our business with Covid, we were making insane money, okay? Working 10 hours a week. Family was started. We were about to just kind of coast the rest of our life, you know?

[00:00:40] So thankful we lost everything. Humbled me, humbled us, and allowed me to open up the world to what we're doing now. But here's what happened. I started to do this project and that project, my wife said, honey, you've been coaching for 22 years. Why aren't you could do like you're already helping men all the time.

[00:00:57] You're on the phone, hours per week, helping. Why aren't you doing it? And then fast forward, because of everything that I'm doing, she has the opportunity now where I inspired her, okay, honey, why don't you start working with women now? Why don't you be there? Because there are women that need help that their husbands will not listen.

[00:01:13] So that's the power of leadership guys. If you can step up and lead, then you can also learn that leadership in a, in a family and marriage team, you're gonna pull out the skills of each of you, man, you're gonna start to push each. To new levels that you could never have ever done on your own. I mean, that's what you should have signed up for when you got there.

[00:01:37] Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential? Growing to the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? Well, that's the big question in this podcast. We'll help you answer those questions and more.

[00:01:57] My name is Brent and welcome to the Fbu Man Podcast on the mission. Welcome to the Falba Man Podcast. You're home for all things, man, husband, father, big shout out to the Fbu Nation and welcome to our first time listeners. My name is Brent, and today my special guest is Sexless marriage survivor, CAS Morrow.

[00:02:15] Cass, welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast, man. Thank you for having me on the show. I love what you're doing, so this is really cool, man. I'm, I'm excited about today's conversation. It's not one a lot of men are comfortable having, so we're gonna, we're gonna make some guys uncomfortable, but at the same time, I think we're gonna help a lot of people.

[00:02:32] So I'm excited today. Nice. Yeah, I, I'd like to say you're right about that. People are so uncomfortable, men are so uncomfortable because it's embarrassing to say My wife doesn't want me. And so I, I'm glad that you have me on here. We can talk about that today cuz you are not alone, dude. If you're listening, you are not.

[00:02:50] Now, Cass, I don't do big formal introductions and you got a backstory, but the most important question right now is who is Cass Morrow today? Who is the man sitting here talking to us? Yeah, I love that question. So I'm cast as you notice, but my, my name is Ryan Cas Morrow, and that's where you'd find me on social media.

[00:03:08] And the reason I'm cast today is because, uh, Ryan, we joke, my wife and I joke as the, the angry guy that couldn't get his wife to watham and I was full of hate bitterness and everybody's, it was everybody else's fault. And so today, man, I'm a survivor. Every day my wife and I are stronger. We are, we're building the family.

[00:03:27] We are building now, uh, like, like a legacy around the world and our goal is to, to see divorce statistics flip. I wanna see the 70% divorce and 30% marriage. I wanna see that flip in the next 20 years. So that's what my wife and I are doing. That's awesome. That's an amazing goal, brother. Uh, I, I have a deep appreciation for that.

[00:03:45] My wife and I have been married for 21 years, and I, anything I can do to help men, uh, improve their marriages and stay together, I, I believe in marriage. So this is gonna be a great conversation. Now, Cass, you say there are four faces in marriage, so share with our audience what they are and why do most people get stuck in phase two?

[00:04:06] Oh, this is such a great question. So I, I, I know we can make this go beyond the scope, but I like to keep it simple at the four stages because, . It's really easy for men to understand, and if we can keep it simple, we can fix, and that's what we we're, we do as men, right? So the first stage is the honeymoon phase.

[00:04:21] I mean, everything is good. It's great. You only see the good and great with your wife, right? Like she can't really do anything wrong. And then we start to hurt each other when we get life's expectations thrown at us and we don't really know how to handle it. Maybe that's, you know, the way you're providing or you lost your job, maybe cuz you had kids and you, you know, we get comfortable not really knowing how to handle it.

[00:04:42] And kind of following the examples we've been shown, and in this stage two we end up focusing on, I'm not sure if you're familiar with Gottman, but the, the four terrible communication skills. We get into defending ourselves, we start blaming our wife. We start, um, really like even shutting down instead of fighting back.

[00:05:00] And then the last of course is contempt, which is still the leading cause of divorce. And so when we get stuck in this phase, I believe, We, we can't move to stage three and four because, you know, we don't have the right habits and skills. In fact, we're honed in on the, those terrible skills in our communication methods.

[00:05:17] But if we can move past it and we stop coasting, we stop settling and we start, start striving for more. That's stage three. That's where you know, you're focused on you in the marriage and out of the marriage. And the reason why is because you can't just be your job, your wife, and your. You've got to be focused on you and your life.

[00:05:38] I, you know, I say go get your wife, but go get your life and then you'll go get your wife. And when you start doing that correctly, dude, you start leading your wife and then you're both doing it together. And when both of you are in stage three, you're never done that stage cuz you should never be done growing, never be done leveling up.

[00:05:54] But that's when you get to enjoy. Stage four, that's where intimacy starts to come back. That's where you guys are starting. And of course you can't have that if you're not talking, laughing, dreaming, achieving. I mean, without the emotional connection, you're not gonna have great sex. But that's what we're going for.

[00:06:08] That's we. This is the lifelong journey, and you stay in three and four for the rest of your life and it's freaking exciting. Now guys, in this episode we're going to talk about how you get yourself into guess. It's all us. Let's be honest. How we get ourselves into a sexless marriage, what we're doing and what needs to change in that.

[00:06:33] Then we're gonna get into how to start repairing and nurturing your marriage to have fulfilling sex and that relationship with your wife, that intimacy that you can only have when you're in a good spot. Now, before we start down that rabbit hole, we need to qualify us all and, and I'm pointing at me too.

[00:06:51] We need to qualify us all before we move forward. Today is about ownership. Extreme ownership. There will be no bitching, whining, crying, or blaming your spouse like some communities like to do. That's a no-fly zone in the fallible nation. You are in the wrong place for that. You have the power to change your marriage.

[00:07:09] We're gonna take you and lay out a foundation with you, but that means real truth, hard truth. So if you're going forward with us, then you are taking responsibility right now. For the health and wellness of your relationship with your spouse. So you need to know that going forward. This is where we're going now, Cass, you've coached thousands of men.

[00:07:30] What is the most common mistake you see men making in their marriage that's sabotaging this? I I'm gonna start with ownership, exactly what you just said, you know, and if I can, I'll give you a quick tip on that course. If you are struggling, if you are struggling with the fact that, you know, you wanna blame your wife, those, those four terrible skills, right?

[00:07:47] You want to just defend yourself, protect yourself, and, and so you, you struggle with ownership because, yeah, let's face it, guys, all of our lives mess up too. They all do, okay? They're, it takes two to tango, but ownership, if it takes two to tango, somebody still has to lead. And I don't know if you've been around the dance scene much, but no matter what dance it.

[00:08:04] He's leading. That's it. So if you want to get into owning this, pretend like she's done nothing wrong, then you can overcome the most common mistake that everyone has. They listen to everybody else saying it takes two. She's gotta be in she bullshit. Thousands of men have seen it. Now you can, you can take a step forward and lead your wife, and we could talk about some of the hardships with that later as well.

[00:08:25] But that's the most common mistake. You, you, you slide out of a rut because it's frustrating when she doesn't. Because it's hard. It's difficult. So own you and keep owning you and follow through. And we can get through that. Okay? Men, men, love list, right? I'm, I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. You do love list.

[00:08:42] I like list. I, I like li I need lists. I need schedule, organization. It's the only way to get this. I, I think most men are, are in that with us, so, Because he gives us actionable items. What are four or five things we need to stop doing that we may not even realize is actually causing damage to our marriage?

[00:08:59] Oh man. I love this. So let's, let's talk about. And even if you haven't studied this guys, if you haven't found any good books or resources, there's not a lot on this that cover the exact basis, but there are some, and they'll talk about society's solutions or they'll call 'em pseudo solutions. And it's what we are trained as men to do to repair our marriage.

[00:09:18] Okay. And what I think is ironic that nobody else has figured out is that it's actually spelled out with the word society. I wish I would've had my whiteboard here today, but, so if you look at the word society, the S is social cues. . And so that's like, I'm a great, uh, provider, I'm a great guy, I'm a great dad.

[00:09:36] And you start thinking, well, because I'm, I'm doing all these things correctly. She should want me. So we start throwing out that you should want me because I'm doing all these things. The o is overcompensating. So that's happy wife, happy life guys. Agreeing with your wife to keep the peace when she just wants a man who can make a decision.

[00:09:54] Okay? Uh, , that's chores. How many of you guys raise your hands? I was one of 'em Doing more around the house to get noticed by your wife instead of just being an adult. Right. Um, I, that's gonna be, I give, and I think they messed this up in other resources. It's not just giving jewelry and flowers, guys. It's anything you give saying, I love you.

[00:10:14] Anything that you give looking for something in return, well, you're throwing out an expectation instead of just being a great guy and doing it. E, that's ego feeding. A lot of guys will pretend that you know another woman doesn't exist. Oh yeah, but your butt's way hotter. No, your legs, man, baby. Whoa.

[00:10:31] Listen, she can tell if that woman's butt looks better than hers. So just be honest. Have some integrity. Uh, t probably the worst. I'm guilty. 5,000 of them. The talk. Why don't you want me anymore? What would turn you on again? Why don't you like sex like you used to and you talk and talk and talk, and. We're told to do this every single day, but you lack the skills.

[00:10:51] The last thing they don't tell you about is the why. The why is simple, yuck. It makes you very unattractive to your wife. You're doing all these things to try to get approval, validation, putting her up on a pedestal, and you're just look like you look like a desperate, pouty, needy man and boy. Really? And that's E.

[00:11:08] Every single man that I talk to does one to five of these things. It knocked the whole. That's, oh man, I should've, if I had known ahead, I would, I would've had an overlay for that. Man. I, uh, that's an incredible acronym. I like that. I'm gonna have to go back through and write that down myself so I can make a nice little overlay.

[00:11:28] Be like at this, don't do these things. I'm surprised for you at the end, you listen, stick around. I'll, I'll help you with that. All right. Now before we go any further, I wanted to share with you guys. I don't always tell you how much I love doing my podcast. Like I passionately love what I'm doing and one of the things that makes my life better as a podcaster is to work with a company like Grow Your Show.

[00:11:53] Grow Your Show is a one-stop podcast. Do it all. Now I use Grow Your Show for my marketing, but Grow Your Show is literally a one-stop shop. You can record your episode and just drop it off with them and they take it from there. It's amazing. If you are interested in picking up podcasting, it's a hobby, or maybe you're looking to expand your business and use podcasting in that aspect, talk to my friends over grow your show.

[00:12:14] Adam will take care of you. I guarantee it. I trust him. He's my friend, he's my business colleague, and I wouldn't trust anybody else with my show. So men are frequently under the impression that, you know, we're the providers, right? We should our, our wives owe us. This is part of the marriage contract. I take care of you.

[00:12:33] Sex should be on the table. Can you explain why transactional sex is a bad idea? Yeah, let's, so when we talk about sexist marriage, let's be clear first, I don't just mean you're not having sex or it's once a, a week or, I mean like the quality as well. Because let's face it, as men, we can tell if our wife is in, if she's enjoying it, if she wants it, and then that talk that we have, you know, we, we have this, this, right, that we're trying to, as providers, we did our job.

[00:13:01] She should want me, that we're trying. Fine. You gave me the job sex, but where was the quality? We have this demand for quality, and so what I think that men don't understand when they're doing this transactional idea of being a provider is that doesn't provide desire at all. In fact, if you are throwing that in your wife's face, you're making it yourself less desirable, which means the quality that you're looking.

[00:13:27] Is not gonna happen. And if the quality's dying, the quantity's gonna follow. And then pretty soon your transactional stuff, all you do is make your wife feel like a sext, all a masturbation device. Well, where's the room for horny there? Right? How do we, how, how do we make that right? Because none of us went into our relationship with a thought of, you know, treating our wife like a sex toy.

[00:13:53] Like just a sex doll, right? But somehow we get into this mindset. Uh, you know, this is, this is the relationship. I'm the guy, she's the girl. This is what she's for. Right. I was watching one of your Instagram, and I love your Instagram feed, by the way. You, you're doing great work there. Thank you. And I was watching your Instagram feed, and one of the things you talked about is just because your wife is undressed doesn't mean it's it's sexy fun time, right?

[00:14:22] Yeah. How do you get out of that mentality? . Well, the first thing you have to understand is, you know, as men when we're not having our needs, then, you know, it, almost every man I speak to says the same thing. I have pretty high sex drive, you know, and, and you don't get it. Like, I can relate everything to sex.

[00:14:40] But as men, when we see her walking around naked, um, when we haven't had those needs met, uh, it's, it's the same thing as when she's cleaning up maybe the, the kid's diaper and you're like, I got a big mess for you to clean up later. You know, we have this mentality of acting like a horny teenager, which in our mind is not what we are.

[00:14:59] In our mind what we're presenting is I just want you to know that I need you right now and that it doesn't matter what's going on. I still want you. I can still think about it. And when shift back to what we talked about a moment ago. When you start to do things correctly and get the quality well first it'll be quality and then the quantity will follow again.

[00:15:16] You won't need it that way. And the other thing about that is a lot of us, we made sure when we got married, Hey, you know I'm gonna need sex one or three times a day. Is that gonna be cool with you? I like to do these kinds of. And then we'll talk about why a lot of this goes away. But as it goes away, we just present more of this neediness again, where we, we see the flashing neon open side because her clothes are off and she's just getting ready for the day.

[00:15:40] Man, we haven't done anything to turn her on yet. Just, it's just, that's what we see. But the power, the switch isn't flipped. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. I, well, you know, I, I gotta admit, I definitely am guilty of this. Uh, you know, I, I catch my wife changing in the bedroom. Ooh, you're not wearing clothes. I love it too.

[00:16:00] But , you know what, when, when you start doing things correctly, here's a different way to look at it. So when we see her just getting ready, she's just getting ready for the day and she's like, we love it. She looks hot, you know? And we're just like, Ooh, I wanna do something with this. If you can forget that and think about where you're actually gonna go to, so when you're, when you start treating your wife correctly and she's got needs again, and she, you know, you're pushing her must have sex buttons, okay?

[00:16:22] What's gonna. She's gonna start to engage in the same sorts of things, flirting, the, the jokes, the wittiness, all the banter again, all the, the priming up of both of you. Just like it was like in the beginning. Okay. And what'll happen is she'll open up her towel and say, Hey baby, I'm just getting changed for the day.

[00:16:39] And she'll give you this show cuz she's not in fear that she's just gonna be, and I'll have to do it again. You know, or whatever. And then you're gonna start to have these kinds of flirts. My wife will leave panties on the pillow saying that's for later you. Things like that because she knows I'm not just gonna jump her every time.

[00:16:54] But again, you have the quality and so you feel great with the quantity. That's always growing. You know, whether it's two times a week or whether it's 14 times a week, it's going to be different every week. Life happens, you know what I mean? Starts up here though. Now Cas, you say that the whole societal concept of, well, we need to talk about it, right?

[00:17:13] We're we're having these sex problems, and you said that that was a huge root in your body, that was a huge drawback in your marriage when it was in a bad position. And you said a minute ago that you know, you were the master of doing this wrong. Yeah. Why is that? Right? Cause we hear communication and we're like, okay, we're supposed to communi.

[00:17:31] Why is bringing this up over and over again bad? Oh man. You know, I've done so much work with this and it's so unbelievable. Let me just break it down simply for you. Yes, you're told communication is key. Don't go to bed at angry. You've gotta talk through your issues. This is what we're taught, but this is what they're not telling you.

[00:17:48] Okay? They're, they're not saying, but you don't have the skills to communicate. Right now you've honed in on those other. . For example, if you're gonna blame your wife, she's not gonna hear you. She's gonna get defensive. She might harbor contempt from the last time you fought. A lot of times it's also emotions, you know?

[00:18:04] So most of you probably never had the angry issues that I have. That's a bold statement. Well, that's because the first four years of my marriage with my wife, we missed all of our anniversaries. We had separated seven times. One was 30 days because of a restraining order, because I was screaming so loud, bang in the back of the cow's shoes sitting.

[00:18:23] And terrified her. She called the police. I was throwing things, smashing things, flipping tables over anger issues. Okay? And so we start by having these talks, but take a step back and look at your own life for a second. When you say things more than once, typically you start to feel a little frustrated.

[00:18:40] Why do I have to repeat myself? This could be even, Hey babe, can you pass the salt? And she didn't hear you. This is a normal human response, right? Right. We're just frustrated. And then when we hone in on those bad, Those gentle talks or however gentle we feel like we're being having them. Man, she's not remember, she's just remembering the last time you called her a name.

[00:19:00] She's just remembering, um, that you, you yelled at her last time or here's the thing. A lot of times she doesn't even know why she doesn't want you anymore. She just doesn't. But I could tell you something for sure. That's a no-brainer. When you click, if you're asking what would turn her on again or why she doesn't want sex, that's not exactly good pickup.

[00:19:20] Logically thinking, why would you want to have those talks? Right? Okay. There's so much to unpack in this now, guys. We're, we're establishing some mistakes that we're all making in our marriages problems that we need to pay attention that we're doing. You need to start paying attention to what you're doing.

[00:19:41] Observe yourself. Observe what you're, Now in the second half of the show, we're gonna get into how to repair and nurture your marriage because most likely if you're listening to my show, that's where you want to go, right? We want to fight for our marriages, we wanna fight for our relationship and make them stronger, and Cass is gonna help us do that.

[00:20:00] We're gonna roll our sponsor and we will be right back with more. And Cass. How well do you sleep at night? Do you toss and turn and wake up more tired than when you went to bed? Sleep is commonly one of the critical elements people fall short on in their life. The quality of sleep you get directly affects your ability to control your weight, your ability to add muscle, your stress levels, and your everyday job and life performance.

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[00:20:40] Sleep tomorrow. Now let's go on to the show. All right, guys, we're back and we're here with Castor discussing how to repair and nurture our marriage to be in the place that we wanna be. In the first half of the show, we were talking about things that we need to remove from our lives, things that we need to stop doing in our marriages that are causing damage, whether we realize that or not.

[00:21:01] In this half of the show, we're fir . In this half of the show, we're focusing on repairing and nurturing an already damaged marriage that you may not even know you need to do. , but either way, you're gonna get something out of it. Now, Cass, before we dig in here, what purchase of a hundred dollars or less did you make in the last year that's had the biggest impact on your life?

[00:21:21] Oh geez. I can books. I just love to learn reading more books all the time, you know? Uh, recently, um, I picked up even books from the old days that I used when I was trying to grow. Like, I, I just think it's great. But I'll tell you this, even though I say that cuz you guys that are on this show are, are listening to the show.

[00:21:38] You want to own yourself and learn, make sure you've read that book 10, 12 times. Make sure you learn something. Don't just read it once and throw it away, you know? But that's, I spend money on books all the time, dude. That that is a mistake. I've actually realized I've been recently making. is focusing on reading more books instead of sometimes going back and reading that same book a second time, a third time, a fourth time, really taking everything out of it that's there.

[00:22:02] Yeah, absolutely. That's one of the big things I do with mentoring too. I'm like, no, no, you need to go back and read this book again. You know, like it's just, it's, it's so, it's so amazing what you can learn when we take this ownership role and we're like, well, how can I get there? And you just start learning and absorbing.

[00:22:18] Mm-hmm. . Oh man. I think it's one of the most powerful. Speak of the puppies. . There they go. Life, right? Yeah. Yeah. Now, ca Cass, I see a lot of feedback on your socials from women, which is, which is very cool, and I know you've worked with women previously. What makes a man desirable in his wife's size? Well, first things first, we gotta stop turning her off.

[00:22:44] Okay? Like you, you can't have room for desire. That's why I always say root. She's, there's no room for horny there if we're not desirable because we're turning her off. Okay? So we started to cover some of that stuff. But what makes him actually desirable is actually having the connection that she signed up for.

[00:23:01] I like to look at it like this. She signed up for a fairytale, dude. That's it. So you might think, especially providers, well, I'm the Prince Charming. I've got, you know, the, here's the kingdom, and, but more than likely you're not desirable because you might be providing, but there's no charming. , you know, so that's filling in everything.

[00:23:21] You can't be charming. You can't get her attention. We can talk about how I talk about that later if you want, but you can't do all of that if you're not even emotionally connecting more. If you're not a partner, if she feels like she's your mom or your maid, like all these little things that we get into, then you can start to show up correctly.

[00:23:37] You start to be more attractive, and this is really important to talk about because there's tons of resources, alpha male programs, God forbid, the toxic masculinity stuff, talk about attract. Yes, that's part of being desirable for your wife, but you need to step it up and learn how to be irresistible.

[00:23:53] Then you need to learn how to push her buttons, make her feel like a woman, make her feel like she wants to connect with you with sex. That's because you are desirable and you're using tools. That's all it is. Systems and tools that you do regularly. You continually show up that then your wife's desire can build and.

[00:24:13] Well, it's gonna, it's gonna have, you have to mix it up. You know. An idea, for example, is a lot of guys are like, Ooh, this worked really well once, whatever, like made her dinner whatever, got her, uh, you know, wrote some beautiful message you put on her car note, and then that's what they do. They had either stop or they continue to do that over and over again.

[00:24:29] She said she liked that shirt, so he wears that all the time. Now you got it. Consistent. Otherwise that's boring, you know? Okay. I so I, I started laughing. You were talking about the Alpha Male programs and, oh, I, I struggle. I, I try and walk a very fine line with our show because I am, I'm not, I, I see these guys on YouTube banging their chest and grunting like the Tim Allen thing, right.

[00:24:53] I'm just like, shut up. Y'all are stupid. You're making us look bad. And then I see the other guys who want to apologize for me, men. Ugh. Right. But I was watching a video and I, I won't name the brand. I was watching a video of a conference they put on, and it was a guy on stage teaching men how to pick up women.

[00:25:14] And he took one look at the dude and were like, this has never been easy for you. Right. , he wasn't, he, he was tall and lanky and, you know, no, like, just skinny and awkward looking. Right. Think, think the. Picturesque college nerd that you think about, right? Mm-hmm. . But watching the look on the woman's face, a woman came up from the audience so he could demonstrate and the look of just horror on her face as he's talking through the steps of how to be attractive and seduce this woman.

[00:25:49] And I mean, she just looked like, she's like, please God, let me get out of here. Let me leave. Look on her face at everything. I'm just li listening to this guy. I'm like, has this ever worked for you? Actually, you're teaching other men to do this. Has this ever worked? Cuz there's nothing right about this process.

[00:26:05] That's hilarious. Actually, the, the other thing I think that's really crazy to me is, and hey, listen, you, you can go find any programs cuz or any books or whatever. You don't have to use mine. But if you think about it right, you can always learn from people. So I'm sure this guy even had things that you could learn from.

[00:26:21] Yeah. What not to do. , probably more than likely from the way you're describing, but the, the thing about it is, A big indicator for me is always if somebody has to say, I'm so smart, they're probably not that smart. They're probably trying to make themselves feel smarter. And in these, typically these kinds of men or or men running these kinds of programs or conferences, they have to say, I'm an alpha.

[00:26:45] I don't have to say I'm an alpha, I present certain content in my reels because it's, it's a hook. It explains where we're going and whatever, right? But I don't have to, if a guy says whatever, I can bang your wife and blah, blah, blah. I don't really give a shit, delete cuz my wife and I are having sex. Like, it just doesn't matter to me.

[00:27:02] So I think it's really important that you bring that up because there's a lot of people that have just sort. Act the part or with, with talking like, word is cheap though. Talk is cheap, man. The actions louder than words and if you don't even look the part, if you don't even, you know, like, I don't know.

[00:27:17] It's just, it's, it's a big mess out there now as this stuff grows . Now Kas, you recovered from a sexist marriage or a dead marriage man, as you put it. What was the turning point? What's, what was the first step forward out of that once you realized that you were in a bad way, that this, this was just a negative situ.

[00:27:37] What was that first step in the right direction for you? So I started to think about ownership the way that we talked earlier, and then I clicked and really excelled it. And what that click was when my wife was like, I don't want to, I was just like, oh, I want to use this thing. And I got angry and then she sat me down.

[00:27:54] She said, I'm not attracted, I'm not in love and of settling, and I'm just here to honor my commitment and my oath to God. And then I, I got angry for about three days. and said way too many things I shouldn't have. And then I thought to myself and clicked, well, she doesn't wanna have sex, and I do. Well then I have to fix it.

[00:28:11] and so I started to just figure out what that was. The first thing I started to do is think about working with, I used to own a gym for 22 years. I worked with 15 women a day, eight hours a day, not 50 women a day, sorry, 15 women an hour, eight hours a day for nearly two decades. And so I started to just think about all the things they said, I'd want mow if he did this.

[00:28:31] I would, I would actually not just do it as like a job if blah, blah, blah. I just started think about things and then that started to allow me to think about what kinds of resources would look good, believe it or not, just looking at titles of books and then it just started to go from there. So the first step was starting to just think and evaluate, because it's great to say I own it, but if you can't really reflect and don't even know what you're reflecting on, then you, you're just lost, man.

[00:28:57] You're just, I love that you paused and listened, thought, thought over the women that you have worked around, cuz women tell us all the time that we're not listening. Guy guys are hearing more things than they think. A lot of times they, they we're hearing different things than they want us to most of the time.

[00:29:14] But I love that you are hearing the women around you and you started actually using that information for your advantage. Oh, I remember this one said this one, I remember this. Am I doing that? And that was an incredible use of resources. Thank you. And then if you, if you think about it, like just if there's any disbelievers on the fence here, think about it.

[00:29:34] Like when your wife says She's too tired, I have a reel that's going super viral right now. And it's like, she's not saying she's too tired. She's saying, I don't have a partner at home. I'm like, that's it. Of course she's too tired. You know, you, you might provide, I don't care if you work 14 hour days. We talked about this in a live lesson night.

[00:29:49] That's great if you work 14 hour days. But did she wake up 14 times in the middle of the night with the kids because her day was awake and then she still didn't get to sleep? And that's just an example of you not being a partner right there, and we can just go on and on and on so you can actually listen to her and then you can take that reflection and start to think, what is she actually saying?

[00:30:09] Because she also is developing poor communication skills, right? She's also defending herself, protecting herself, getting angry, and saying things she shouldn't. So if you can step back and reflect what's really going on here, instead of blaming her and being like, well, you should communicate better what the issues are here.

[00:30:26] That's just you sitting and waiting again.

[00:30:31] There's a lot of wisdom to unpack there, but I, I'm, I'm not, you know what? I'm not even throwing my 2 cents on that because I want guys to just, guys, I hope you hold, heard that. Please let that resonate in your mind. Pause the. And just resonate on that and, and contemplate that for a few minutes. Okay?

[00:30:49] Please hear that clearly. He just gave us a whole lot of gold right there. Now Cass, I'm a big believer in the first place you have to fix most time is your mind. So what kind of mindset shift do we need to make? Put us in the right place to help us make our marriage passionate again? I love this. Uh, so I call that being a man in control and not to be confused with taking control of your marriage, it's to take control of.

[00:31:17] and that's the mindset stuff, right? Mm-hmm. . Um, you know, one of the books that I wish I would've found way earlier in my journey is Dr. Robert Glover. No More Mr. Nice Guy. I highly recommend the read. Uh, the reason why is that was the book that started to open up my eyes and excel my expectations of why I was doing things the way I was doing things.

[00:31:37] You see, and by the way, just quick caveat, it doesn't really matter to me if your parents were abusive, like mine or, or your parents were great role models. I don't really care if your wife isn't intimate and lusting after you, you have insecurity issues, okay? So again, doesn't really matter what your past is.

[00:31:53] If you're in a med me bedroom, that's a combination of bedroom and marriage. Um, if you're in a me, then what's gonna happen is you're gonna have some sort of these in insecurities. So when you're becoming a manic control of these sorts of expectations that you have of your wife, for example, am I doing things to improve so that she wants.

[00:32:14] Well that's not attractive, right? So you're gonna have to ship the mindset of away to do I want to improve for me, because when she fell in love with you, when she was hot for you, she liked the ambitious man who was growing and learning and had all these things to present that were selling you. That's why she wanted you.

[00:32:31] Right? You didn't have to sell her though. You just. Put the order up and she said, I'll take it. Right? And so there's some other stuff that you can really think about when you get into medical control. It's like, am I doing things so that other people will notice? The moment I became a great dad was the moment I stopped going to take my kids to the park and seeing if everybody else thought, wow, what a great dad, you know, recognizing that they didn't have one for their kids or whatever.

[00:32:55] Fuck I, I wasn't even being anybody special for my children at that. Until I learned that, right? Mm-hmm. . So being a outta control is all about that. Your expectations and when you know the right questions to ask every day. Here, I'll give you one more nugget here. You know, if you're afraid to initiate whether that is, and I love you, a conversation, a flirt, sex.

[00:33:14] I don't care if you're holding back when you want to and you're not asking yourself that question, am I doing it? Because I'm afraid she's gonna reject. . Well then your mind is not in the right place, cuz you can't show up and get the points. Man. Look, if you're just afraid of the rejection, you know what I mean?

[00:33:33] So many little nuggets. So much, so much. Seriously. One of these days we're just gonna sit down and, and it may not even be on camera. You and I are just gonna sit down. We're gonna like, go for hours. Just, uh, I would love that dude, ju just saying that follow up conversation is coming. I, I can already tell you.

[00:33:47] I'm down guys. If you're getting something outta this, do the social media nonsense. Share this podcast with somebody. Please, please, God, share this podcast with somebody who needs help in their marriage. That's what I care about. I don't care about you hitting light. I don't care about you commenting.

[00:34:04] That's great. If you wanna do it, if you can do that on a platform, or even leaving reviews. Reviews are great. We know that. Share this podcast with somebody who needs help in their marriage. I don't care. Okay, help somebody else. That's what we wanna do here. That is the point of the show. Please share this with somebody who needs help.

[00:34:24] Be that friend, be that brother who supports them by giving them the tools that they need. And I know it's an awkward conversation. Don't be like, Hey, I know your marriage sucks here. like, Hey dude, I listened to this great show the other day. Oh my goodness. You gotta check it out. Okay? Don't, don't be a dick about it, but just share it with somebody who needs it.

[00:34:46] Now, Cass, you, you kind of touched on this and so we're gonna lead right into this one, is how do we get our mojo back? Right? Our wives wanted to sleep with us at the beginning, and, and then that changed, right? Somewhere along the journey we changed life change, things happen. How do we reverse that? All right.

[00:35:03] Well, a big part of what I teach is, is kind of like the basics, and I, I would say some of it's like aha moments, like. It's not always that you should have known, because we don't know what we don't know, man. You know, like that, that's, I don't put that on any man, but some of it's like obvious and we should have known.

[00:35:21] And then other stuff is just stuff that we forgot, you know? So like for example, who's pooping with the door open man who's not showering? You can't go ask for some intimacy if you're dirty and you smell bad, or that's what she's thinking of. The smell is in her brain. You know what I mean? So some of it is just understanding that the, the rest of it is really, you know, if you want to get your mojo back, you, you gotta make her feel like a woman again, because you're strong, you're confident.

[00:35:47] So there's a bunch of stuff that goes into who you are, and then there's a bunch of stuff that goes into you making her feel like a woman. And then that's what I call having a yes. Tone in your home. When the energy is all right, then it's assumed you're gonna have great sex. You, i e you have the mojo you.

[00:36:06] Okay, now I've gotta ask for the parents out there. Okay. I I, I love the term you use mom. How do we get our wives out of mom mode and back towards sexy, fun time? Back to the man pushing buttons, right? So pushing those must have sex buttons. A really big part of that is taking her out, like just dating. I have a whole bunch of different versions of dates that I use.

[00:36:29] But away from the kids, man, don't talk about the kids. That's like the easiest thing to do. Maybe not for everybody who's fighting and all that, but y that's a part of the process. So we can get you through that. But just, she needs to be away from the kids. She can't just be thinking about the kids.

[00:36:43] There's also a whole bunch that I would teach long before that though. That is, it's really about you as a great dad, right? So you can be a great partner by dating your. Taking time to connect with them without your phone. The quality time where she feels like she can trust no matter where you're going, what you're doing.

[00:37:01] Cuz that is a problem for a lot of men and a lot of wives, right? And so if you can start to show up where she has the breaks that she needs, you know, she's not thinking about the kids anymore. She trusts, which is part, by the way, part of being a protector. Trust and security right then. Then she's allowed to have freedom for herself.

[00:37:21] Again, she's not thinking about just the kids and sometimes, by the way, you guys are also one of the kids, right? That's not hot. No. Mama is sleeping with her children. Okay, but. Once you've done that, and then you, you start to get her out. And of course you've had to set this all up, man. Especially if you're one of those guys that she doesn't want to go on a date with.

[00:37:38] Right. But, you know, once you start to do all that, she's, she's reminded she has needs, you know, and when you're not doing all those automatic turnoffs, so she's got room for h well then you take her outta mom mode. You have a lot of fun. Girls just want to have fun, man. They still sing at karaoke today, right?

[00:37:56] So bring the energy, have the fun, and. You know what? Some of you will be a journey. You might be focused on conversations, again, not about kids, and some of you'll be further and you're focused, focused on like activities and having a good, good time. And then it might be getting to dates, and then it might be getting to sexy time and flirting is in the middle there all the way along, all different kinds of ways, right?

[00:38:18] But reminding her, the other really, really simple one is to think back to when you're dating, right? If you think back to the beginning, there's, there's just things that you just know you did. You said, please and thank you. You were a gentleman. That means you don't say thanks when she brings you a plate of food, right?

[00:38:37] You don't make her feel like she's not a woman, she's a slave. How can she ever get outta mamo if she's a slave? Children are the biggest time takers of all. They're the time vampires. You know what I mean? So you can start to do things like you would've in the beginning, whether or not you had kids. It's the same.

[00:38:54] makes sense. It does. Now guys, and we can't go deep into this, but Cass talks about micro dates at home for when you can't get out and you know, actually dating your wife at home as well as like go out kind of dates. Okay? So you guys are gonna need to go over to Cass's website over to his social media, start following.

[00:39:16] And get some more insights, cuz he's gonna go deeper on that, that we can go in the show. But like I, the whole concept of micro dates, right? The 10 minute micro dates in home that I saw on your Instagram, it was like mind blown, right? I was just, I, I, I went through your, so much of your stuff going, Ooh, I need my game here.

[00:39:35] Ooh, I should fix that. I'm, I'm not, About having two or three restaurants I like to eat at just because I'm set of my ways. Yeah. My wife loves to go try new places. Hate it. I hate it. I hate it. So when we go on date night, we go to the same two or three restaurants and it's like she's compromising for me.

[00:39:57] And it's like I'm realizing it's like, man, I am screwing the pooch on this one bad because I'm not compromising and going and trying new places with her. And she really enjoys that. I just don't. . So I need to step up my game and compromise there. I realize that just watching some of your stuff earlier.

[00:40:12] So guys, catch him on Instagram. Evie, you're gonna get some great information and epiphanies going on just in a quick fix right there, man. Count. Count that is like two minutes towards your, towards your relationship every day or something. Now, Kas, what are the first three steps our listeners can implement going out of this podcast right now to start on this?

[00:40:35] I think, um, the first thing that'll help you guys is to do just that. Go to Ryan cast Morrow on Instagram and start absorbing some content from somebody who's winning. Okay? And the reason why is you're gonna start to get me in your head. Every successful man that I've worked with, They literally, they click just the way that Brent's described it right now, it just clicks.

[00:40:54] It's like, oh man, I should be doing that. Oh, that's kind of, that's the easiest way to start getting go to, to realize you're not alone because man, there's so much freedom in that. Okay. The next thing you should do is head over to my website, ryan cast morrow.com, and I've got a free masterclass where I specifically get right into some of the important parts about ownership, some skills that you can use to get over, uh, any issues you're having.

[00:41:16] Um, I get into, uh, there's a masterclass, sorry. In that masterclass I was reading the screen. Uh, in that masterclass we'll talk about the, um, automatic turnoffs, but in way more detail. And then I'm gonna give you a lot of those aha moments, okay? And then I get into being a better partner, which is a man at home and a better father, which is now with kids.

[00:41:35] And these are all things that you can implement. Now, I wanna stress this is only 25. Of what you can do to turn things around in your marriage, but noticeably different. Okay? The the rest of it would be to call and ask for help. Man, you're not alone, right? You can book an appointment. Let's do this thing.

[00:41:52] Let's go get your wife. So Cas, what is next for Cass Mario? man. We are, so, we're in Canada right now. We're working hard to get immigration happening to the US because we want to be on stage. Uh, if you don't know, by the way, my wife works with wives and does the opposite, the flip right. We work independently, uh, because we realize whoever's in is the one who's gonna be leading.

[00:42:15] I just prefers the men and I think it's so much easier for a men. Mm-hmm. But some women do want help too. And a lot of. Uh, you, they basically, they would call her and she might be the one leading her husband for a while, right? So we wanna get on stage, dude, we wanna get on stage and impact. The reason why is because social media is great.

[00:42:32] It's great for exposure and meeting people around the world, but you can't have an interaction with comments where you can't read tone and you, you know, people are just seeing 32nd clips. You can't impact people the same. So that's our next step. Another thing that I really want to do, and it's probably two or three years away, um, but you mentioned it before, we got on today, working with young, young men, young kids.

[00:42:54] I wanna see some examples and some, some role models happening out there. And the biggest way to do that I think that I can do is, besides teaching men to be these role models, is to create a program obvious. You want more sex with your wife is not how we starting that , but um, that's probably good. Yeah.

[00:43:13] Probably not, no. Uh, but I'd really like to impact, I'd like to get into high schools, man. I'd like to start helping the younger generation see some of these things long before I, I just think that would be one of the most rewarding things I could do. And if possible, I'd like to give that, I'd like to donate that.

[00:43:28] I'd like to be just as a leader impacting you. That's, that's an awesome dream right there. I love that. I didn't know your wife was, uh, doing this with women as well. That's, that's so cool that you guys are both working in the same field, uh, just on both sides of the issue. Right? Because it's, it's men and women.

[00:43:45] It, it takes two of us to screw it up. It takes two of us to make it work. So I love that you guys are working together to help men and women on whoever is willing to go in and do the work, right. Yeah, it's pretty powerful. And you know, I, I, let me give your your listeners a little bit of a tidbit here.

[00:44:01] You know, we're taught as men that we should lead, especially if you come from a faith-based background. Right? And I'll tell you what, I do believe that. However, I'm also intelligent enough to understand from the responses that my wife has given me, that I am a lot smarter when I have my wife on board. I am a lot stronger when I have my wife on.

[00:44:23] We can impact, I can cuz we can impact together. So here's an example of leading. When we lost our business with Covid, we were making insane money. Okay? Working 10 hours a week. Family was started. We were about to just kind of coast the rest of our life, you know, so thankful we lost everything. Humbled me, humbled us, and allowed me to open up the world to what we're doing now.

[00:44:44] But here's what. I started to do this project and that project, my wife said, honey, you've been coaching for 22 years. Why aren't you could do like you're already helping men all the time. You're on the phone hours per week, helping dudes. Why aren't you doing it? And then fast forward, because of everything that I'm doing, she has the opportunity now where I inspired her.

[00:45:03] Okay, honey, why don't you start working with women now? Why don't you be there? Because there are women that need help that their husbands will not listen. So that's the power of leadership guys. If you can step up and lead, then you can also learn that leadership in a, in a family marriage team, you're gonna pull out the skills of each of you, man.

[00:45:21] You're gonna start to push each other to new levels that you could never have ever done on your own. I mean, that's what you should have signed up for when you got married. That's awesome. Guess. You have Russ Ryan cast morro.com. Is that the best place to find you? Where, where do you want people to look for you at?

[00:45:39] That's, that's the best. It's easy. That's me. You chat with on there or you can just get right into the masterclass. That's me. Who texts to find out, uh, how things are going. I will do that for as long as possible. You know, I like to be the guy cuz it is hard to talk to other men about this stuff. Okay. Um, and so, yeah, that's the best.

[00:45:56] Let's do that guys. We're gonna have all of Cass. Links in the description, in the show notes, just like always, you know, I will absolutely do everything I can to make sure you guys can find him and connect with him and take this conversation further. You know, we're huge believers in marriage and family on this channel and that we are devoted to helping fathers.

[00:46:19] We're devoted to helping husbands. Guys, I'm giving you tools right here. This, this, you need to go talk to. Sorry Cass, you need to go ka Talk to Cass, right? Just like I've sent you guys over to Oliver and Denise in the past. Still check out Oliver and Denise as well. But you guys need to go check out Cass cuz he's going to help you get right down to the nitty gritty into that uncomfortable spot.

[00:46:43] As we know, you have to be a little uncomfortable to grow sometimes. And that's okay. Now guys. Hey. I think there is so much here. Please share this. I'm, I'm so, so serious about this. Please share this episode with your brothers who are struggling. We, that, that's why we have Fallible Nation. That's why we have a sense of community.

[00:47:05] Help your brothers, even if, you know, you don't feel like this is app applicable to you, and I promise it is. I have a pretty good marriage and I know I need to work on it every day. Okay. Even if you don't feel like this is directed at. You have brothers who it is, help out share this episode. Tag someone however you do that.

[00:47:27] Guys, be better tomorrow because of what you do today. Go get your wife. This has been the Fallible Man Podcast. Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. Head over to www.thefallibleman.com for more content and get your own fallible. Waiting and wish.