How to be a Better Dad Now, no matter how old your kid is (6 Habits for the Boneyard)

1 00:00:00,390 --> 00:00:02,670 When I was a child, I spoke like a child. 2 00:00:02,760 --> 00:00:03,870 I thought like a child. 3 00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:05,400 I understood like a child. 4 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:06,660 Now I'm a man. 5 00:00:07,020 --> 00:00:09,090 I do not act like a child anymore. 6 00:00:09,570 --> 00:00:12,960 His first Corinthians 1311, gentlemen, regardless of your personal feelings 7 00:00:13,110 --> 00:00:15,450 on the Bible, it has a point. 8 00:00:15,570 --> 00:00:16,560 It's on point. 9 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:19,890 It's time to toss some things on the boneyard. 10 00:00:20,250 --> 00:00:21,180 Get him out of your life. 11 00:00:21,420 --> 00:00:21,930 Let's go. 12 00:00:22,740 --> 00:00:24,330 Here's the million dollar question. 13 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:27,870 How do men like us reach our full potential and grow 14 00:00:27,870 --> 00:00:28,980 into the men we dream of? 15 00:00:29,715 --> 00:00:34,965 While taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, 16 00:00:34,965 --> 00:00:37,335 and still take care of ourselves. 17 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,915 That the question in this podcast. 18 00:00:40,215 --> 00:00:41,505 We'll help you with those answers. 19 00:00:41,505 --> 00:00:44,715 My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. 20 00:00:44,805 --> 00:00:47,565 Welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast, your home for all things, man, 21 00:00:47,655 --> 00:00:50,535 husband, and father, big shout out the fallible nation and warm. 22 00:00:50,535 --> 00:00:51,915 Welcome to our first time listeners. 23 00:00:51,915 --> 00:00:54,165 My name is Brent and I am the fallible man. 24 00:00:55,125 --> 00:00:56,835 As a father, there's only room. 25 00:00:57,794 --> 00:01:02,055 Actual children in the father-child relationship, there's no place 26 00:01:02,055 --> 00:01:03,915 for men who don't want to grow up. 27 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:08,445 If you aren't the adult in the relationship with your kid, then 28 00:01:08,445 --> 00:01:11,054 your kids will feel pressured to try and be the adult. 29 00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:13,905 That's an awful spot for a kid to be in. 30 00:01:13,965 --> 00:01:17,505 It stills their childhood in an often turns them into people pleasing grownups 31 00:01:17,895 --> 00:01:19,365 who abandoned their own identity. 32 00:01:20,445 --> 00:01:22,995 There are a lot of hobbies, habits, and behaviors that 33 00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:24,795 as parents, we just need to. 34 00:01:25,935 --> 00:01:28,395 Not just take a break from, but they need to go to the boneyard. 35 00:01:28,395 --> 00:01:30,465 It's just time to toss 'em out of our lives. 36 00:01:31,155 --> 00:01:32,955 Number one, put the games away. 37 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:38,415 This one's hard for me because I love computer games, but no matter how harmless 38 00:01:38,415 --> 00:01:42,015 they may be, the opportunity cost is huge. 39 00:01:43,095 --> 00:01:45,875 My biggest heartache when it comes to being addicted to video games for a 40 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:51,315 while is how much time and opportunity I lost for real, tangible opportunities 41 00:01:51,615 --> 00:01:52,785 while I was stuck in the gaming. 42 00:01:53,970 --> 00:01:56,460 There is zero payoff for you and your family. 43 00:01:57,210 --> 00:02:00,120 Every hour playing video game is an hour wasted. 44 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,030 You could have been building yourself into a better man, a 45 00:02:03,035 --> 00:02:04,320 better husband, a better father. 46 00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:06,420 You could have spent time with your family. 47 00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:10,139 Video games also condition you to care about things that are fake 48 00:02:10,139 --> 00:02:14,610 and waste your time and energy on things that literally don't exist. 49 00:02:15,329 --> 00:02:20,760 Look, I get the need to relax and de-stress, but read a book work. 50 00:02:21,510 --> 00:02:23,010 Working out is a great de-stress. 51 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,440 Do something with your kids or your spouse. 52 00:02:26,310 --> 00:02:31,350 But video gaming is a particular vulnerability for men who don't 53 00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:34,470 feel like they're accomplishing what they want to in the real world. 54 00:02:34,950 --> 00:02:38,060 And so we turn to accomplishments in a. 55 00:02:38,744 --> 00:02:41,954 Make believe world where we can feel like we're actually conquerors and 56 00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:45,524 big guys, stop playing in the make believe world and get out there 57 00:02:45,524 --> 00:02:46,815 and make something of yourselves. 58 00:02:47,355 --> 00:02:47,984 You can do it. 59 00:02:48,075 --> 00:02:48,644 I believe you. 60 00:02:48,644 --> 00:02:50,954 That's what we do here at the Falwell Man is help you do that. 61 00:02:50,954 --> 00:02:53,565 So stop trying to conquer the fake world. 62 00:02:54,344 --> 00:02:59,565 Stop spending the hours on that, that will never get back and jump into real life. 63 00:03:00,644 --> 00:03:02,394 Number two, quit watching. 64 00:03:03,315 --> 00:03:04,875 This needs to go to the boneyard guys. 65 00:03:05,175 --> 00:03:06,465 Porn destroys men. 66 00:03:06,465 --> 00:03:07,665 It destroys families. 67 00:03:08,085 --> 00:03:10,935 It keeps you weak, docile seeking comfort. 68 00:03:10,965 --> 00:03:15,915 It keeps you distracted, undisciplined, and numb to real beauty in relationships. 69 00:03:16,845 --> 00:03:20,055 Porn feeds the immature, childish desires you should have killed 70 00:03:20,055 --> 00:03:21,285 off when you became a man. 71 00:03:22,305 --> 00:03:26,025 Put your sexual energy into improving your relationship with your spouse. 72 00:03:26,579 --> 00:03:30,180 Stop wasting on a screen with some girl. 73 00:03:30,180 --> 00:03:36,180 And guys, if you've followed our series in the past, stop, stop wasting time with a 74 00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:38,040 girl who may not be there ever on record. 75 00:03:38,070 --> 00:03:40,500 Anyway, it is rampant and porn. 76 00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:41,609 That is not a myth. 77 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:45,390 I've done extensive work with saving innocence. 78 00:03:45,740 --> 00:03:46,709 Trust me. 79 00:03:47,490 --> 00:03:50,070 Go back to that three part series I do with Saving Innocence. 80 00:03:50,820 --> 00:03:54,900 and hopefully just watching that will change any porn addict problems 81 00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:56,640 You have our porn addiction. 82 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,070 You have also, I worked with two porn counselors. 83 00:03:59,070 --> 00:04:03,750 Guys, go back and see Saha or our othering counselor, they have 84 00:04:03,750 --> 00:04:06,300 great, great services to help men. 85 00:04:06,305 --> 00:04:09,150 Get free of this monkey Off your back guys, cuz this one 86 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:10,620 gotta go to the boneyard. 87 00:04:11,580 --> 00:04:14,110 Number three, stop numbing yourself. 88 00:04:14,115 --> 00:04:15,030 With substances. 89 00:04:15,150 --> 00:04:16,200 With substances. 90 00:04:17,310 --> 00:04:19,290 I'm the first to say that I enjoy a drink here. 91 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:20,594 , that's me. 92 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:21,375 I can handle it. 93 00:04:22,215 --> 00:04:27,135 But if you're running away to something to numb the pain, you're not in control. 94 00:04:28,005 --> 00:04:30,615 I don't have a drink because I need a drink or because I'm 95 00:04:30,615 --> 00:04:31,755 trying to get away from things. 96 00:04:33,015 --> 00:04:34,875 I just enjoyed the flavor of certain drinks. 97 00:04:36,255 --> 00:04:39,495 If you're running to the drink or anything else because you're trying to 98 00:04:39,495 --> 00:04:45,215 get away or trying to silence the pain or something like that, stop numbing your. 99 00:04:45,690 --> 00:04:49,200 Your family needs you at your best and running away to numb the pain or to 100 00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,780 get out of the discomfort, isn't it? 101 00:04:52,950 --> 00:04:55,080 Children seek to escape discomfort. 102 00:04:55,740 --> 00:05:02,310 Men sit in discomfort and find what's causing it, how to deal with it, what the 103 00:05:02,310 --> 00:05:04,590 problem is and what it can teach them. 104 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:09,690 They let it help them build discipline, and then they master it so they can close 105 00:05:09,690 --> 00:05:11,970 it off to prevent it from being a problem. 106 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:16,469 Being numb prevents you from your purpose, from action, from 107 00:05:16,469 --> 00:05:20,280 accomplishment, from opportunity growth, and it robs you of your potential 108 00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:21,960 as a man, a father, and a husband. 109 00:05:23,250 --> 00:05:26,460 Stop going to substances to get away from your life. 110 00:05:27,419 --> 00:05:30,330 Number four, control your emotional outburst. 111 00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:34,349 This ill temperature, nonsense, has to go to the boneyard. 112 00:05:35,340 --> 00:05:39,630 Children have tantrums because they lack the skill, self-control maturity 113 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,620 to manage overwhelming emotion. 114 00:05:42,915 --> 00:05:48,765 Good fathers are emotional masters who feel pain are, who feel emotions 115 00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:53,415 deeply, who are sensitive to the emotions of their wife and their 116 00:05:53,415 --> 00:05:55,665 children, but they're not ruled by them. 117 00:05:57,435 --> 00:05:59,655 You're their rock whether you want to be or not. 118 00:06:00,465 --> 00:06:03,075 You are their rock, so act like it. 119 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:08,235 Men should not have big temper outbreaks. 120 00:06:09,375 --> 00:06:10,365 You shouldn't fly out the. 121 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,380 I had anger issues when I was younger. 122 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,050 Now it's hard to get at a rise outta me. 123 00:06:16,860 --> 00:06:20,400 It can be done, but now it's hard to get a rise outta me because I've learned to 124 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:25,620 control my emotions when it comes to my temper and other EMA emotional outbursts. 125 00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:26,640 I'm not perfect at it. 126 00:06:27,210 --> 00:06:29,400 I'm still work in progress just like you are. 127 00:06:30,150 --> 00:06:33,300 But guys, emotional outbursts aren't for healthy men. 128 00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:34,890 Send it to the boneyard. 129 00:06:36,030 --> 00:06:38,700 Number five, stop making your wife. 130 00:06:40,605 --> 00:06:42,705 The burden of family leadership is on you. 131 00:06:42,705 --> 00:06:45,015 It falls squarely on your shoulders. 132 00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:47,775 Now, this one's gonna piss some people off, but I don't care. 133 00:06:49,005 --> 00:06:52,215 Your wife has her roles and she doesn't wanna pick up a slack for 134 00:06:52,215 --> 00:06:54,015 you because you're failing at yours. 135 00:06:54,645 --> 00:07:00,035 She doesn't need an extra kid, but a man who will step into up 136 00:07:00,275 --> 00:07:04,725 to the plate and be your partner if you abdicated your leadership. 137 00:07:05,505 --> 00:07:09,645 You're placing yourself squarely in a childish, immature territory. 138 00:07:10,335 --> 00:07:12,825 You're not only failing your responsibilities, but you're making 139 00:07:13,305 --> 00:07:16,905 your wife's life harder and making her pick up the responsibility. 140 00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:20,025 That's not her responsibility. 141 00:07:20,055 --> 00:07:21,015 It's yours. 142 00:07:22,185 --> 00:07:25,995 Your wife is not looking for another kid to take care of, and you certainly will 143 00:07:25,995 --> 00:07:27,765 not maintain a healthy marriage this way. 144 00:07:29,265 --> 00:07:31,275 Your wife is not interested in raising an. 145 00:07:32,460 --> 00:07:33,420 Large child. 146 00:07:34,740 --> 00:07:36,750 She's interested in the man she fell in love with. 147 00:07:37,380 --> 00:07:44,400 Step up to the plate, lead your family as part of your God-given role, and stop 148 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,940 just blowing off your responsibilities as the leader in your house. 149 00:07:48,810 --> 00:07:49,830 Send that one to the bone here. 150 00:07:49,830 --> 00:07:51,600 Our guys step up the plate. 151 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,930 One thing I usually don't share is how impactful the podcast has been. 152 00:07:54,930 --> 00:07:55,800 For me personally. 153 00:07:56,430 --> 00:07:59,460 There's a lot I love and appreciate because I have the podcast. 154 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:01,980 I become somebody who can approach people easier. 155 00:08:02,010 --> 00:08:04,409 I have a better network of people to call upon when I need 'em. 156 00:08:04,830 --> 00:08:08,550 I get to meet new people all the time from all walks of life and all over the 157 00:08:08,550 --> 00:08:12,750 globe and connect with 'em at a deeper level, and I have a voice to do what I. 158 00:08:13,745 --> 00:08:17,405 I'm always put into situations where I'm having to stretch and learn something new. 159 00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:20,405 I've really grown as a person and a professional since I started doing 160 00:08:20,405 --> 00:08:24,275 my podcast, and that was even before my show really started growing. 161 00:08:25,145 --> 00:08:28,475 I hired a company called Grow Your Show, who's our sponsor, by the way, 162 00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:30,365 and I wanted to share them with you. 163 00:08:30,755 --> 00:08:33,695 The owner, Adam, has one of the very best podcasts for teaching 164 00:08:33,695 --> 00:08:34,955 you how to be a podcaster. 165 00:08:35,405 --> 00:08:36,965 I honestly wish I had found it sooner. 166 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:40,860 One thing that they've done to help me is to bring me to a much larger 167 00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:44,040 listener base so that my voice is being heard around the world. 168 00:08:44,550 --> 00:08:48,000 There's a good chance, in fact that they helped us connect, but they 169 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,980 also do editing and post-production. 170 00:08:50,490 --> 00:08:53,880 They can even help you launch and start your podcast, which could 171 00:08:53,885 --> 00:08:56,970 really help you in your business or whatever you're trying to achieve. 172 00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,580 So I just wanted to give them a quick shout out. 173 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,390 I love to share great people and companies that I believe in, that I use person. 174 00:09:04,395 --> 00:09:07,095 So that's Grow Your show@growyourshow.com. 175 00:09:07,425 --> 00:09:10,845 I have a link in the show notes and if you have a podcast or you wanna start 176 00:09:10,845 --> 00:09:14,115 a podcast or you're thinking about it, just scroll down there, click that 177 00:09:14,115 --> 00:09:16,185 link and go Work with my friend Adam. 178 00:09:16,395 --> 00:09:17,415 He's gonna treat you right. 179 00:09:17,445 --> 00:09:20,895 Number six, going crying to mommy. 180 00:09:22,815 --> 00:09:24,915 Boys have a deep connection with their mothers. 181 00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,375 It's the first love in our life. 182 00:09:29,175 --> 00:09:31,605 You leave your parents in order to join your wife. 183 00:09:33,314 --> 00:09:36,645 Your mother should not be in the midst of your marriage after that. 184 00:09:38,625 --> 00:09:39,824 I adore my mom. 185 00:09:39,915 --> 00:09:40,875 I love my mom. 186 00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:43,214 She does not interfere in our marriage. 187 00:09:43,845 --> 00:09:44,925 She doesn't even try. 188 00:09:44,925 --> 00:09:48,495 She doesn't want to because she raised me to know better than that. 189 00:09:50,175 --> 00:09:53,235 But guys, if you're going running to your mom, when you have problems 190 00:09:53,235 --> 00:09:57,285 with your wife, you've got big problems and, and they're not 191 00:09:57,285 --> 00:09:58,395 the problems you're dealing with. 192 00:09:59,535 --> 00:10:01,305 There's no space in a relat. 193 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,730 For husband, wife, mom. 194 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:07,560 That's not how it works. 195 00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:09,510 You weren't designed that way. 196 00:10:09,510 --> 00:10:11,040 That's not the way it was meant to be. 197 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,370 You left home and took on your own family. 198 00:10:15,210 --> 00:10:18,660 You are your wife's husband and your child's father before 199 00:10:18,665 --> 00:10:19,900 you are your mother's son. 200 00:10:21,990 --> 00:10:25,560 So if you're still going crying to mom, that one needs to go to the boneyard. 201 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:26,040 Step up. 202 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:26,520 You're a man. 203 00:10:28,275 --> 00:10:31,125 Your wife and your child are your primary responsibilities. 204 00:10:31,575 --> 00:10:33,585 You need to make things right with them. 205 00:10:34,305 --> 00:10:37,515 If you're having problems with your wife, you need to spend the time 206 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,245 communicating and making things right with her and working through 207 00:10:40,245 --> 00:10:42,675 it, not running to somebody else. 208 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:50,205 Now, guys, we don't have, the majority are the major rights of passage in 209 00:10:50,205 --> 00:10:55,455 the manhood in most Western cultures that once were more prevalent in the. 210 00:10:57,165 --> 00:11:01,005 So no one may have ever told you that it's time to leave this childish crap behind. 211 00:11:02,985 --> 00:11:07,485 As they said in Game of Throne Owns, kill the Boy, John Snow, kill the boy. 212 00:11:07,485 --> 00:11:08,595 So the man may live. 213 00:11:09,555 --> 00:11:11,475 It's time to kill off your childish fantasies. 214 00:11:13,365 --> 00:11:17,625 Try to kill time to kill off your childish actions, and it's time to step in. 215 00:11:17,625 --> 00:11:18,945 Leadership in your family. 216 00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:21,675 As a man, your family needs you. 217 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:28,350 These six things are huge, and there are too many men who have not sent these to 218 00:11:28,350 --> 00:11:30,270 rest in the boneyard, and it is time. 219 00:11:31,199 --> 00:11:34,650 As a foul man, as a man who is trying to step up and become 220 00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:35,790 the best version of himself. 221 00:11:36,090 --> 00:11:37,380 These need to go to the boneyard. 222 00:11:37,380 --> 00:11:37,800 Guys. 223 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:38,699 They're gone. 224 00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:39,780 They need to be off your plate. 225 00:11:39,780 --> 00:11:43,050 They're holding you back and preventing you from being the person you can be. 226 00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:45,990 You know what the list is. 227 00:11:46,350 --> 00:11:47,189 Check yourself. 228 00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:48,480 Be honest with yourself. 229 00:11:49,829 --> 00:11:51,250 All of us got some work to do. 230 00:11:52,350 --> 00:11:54,840 But I promise getting rid of these will help you take one step 231 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:58,170 closer or maybe many steps closer to being the man you wanna be. 232 00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:03,210 Now guys, this is Friday and I love to read your reviews because I love 233 00:12:03,210 --> 00:12:06,990 to just highlight our listeners who are taking the time to shout us out. 234 00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:10,400 So Jenny of Lovely, right? 235 00:12:10,590 --> 00:12:12,780 I didn't know I had so many female listeners. 236 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,840 Jenny of Lovely says it's an important show. 237 00:12:16,410 --> 00:12:18,300 What an important show for men to listen to. 238 00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:22,890 Even though I'm not the target audience, I really enjoy listening to the episodes and 239 00:12:22,890 --> 00:12:25,190 learn some something new on each episode. 240 00:12:25,665 --> 00:12:27,765 I appreciate the host vulnerability and honesty. 241 00:12:28,035 --> 00:12:31,095 Well, you know, I've, I've been called a lot of things, but vulnerable and honest. 242 00:12:31,245 --> 00:12:32,175 Well, honest, yes. 243 00:12:32,175 --> 00:12:32,625 Vulnerable. 244 00:12:32,625 --> 00:12:33,105 Not really. 245 00:12:33,105 --> 00:12:35,595 So thank you very much Jenny of Lovely. 246 00:12:35,595 --> 00:12:37,815 I appreciate you taking the time to share with us guys. 247 00:12:37,815 --> 00:12:42,465 These really do help us to get in front of more people and to spread the word and 248 00:12:42,465 --> 00:12:44,865 to reach more people for Fallible Nation. 249 00:12:45,855 --> 00:12:49,185 Guys, if you're not a part of the F Nation, join our Facebook group. 250 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,055 It's for men alone. 251 00:12:50,055 --> 00:12:54,314 Sorry, Jenny, but we have a men's group on Facebook that you can join, and that's 252 00:12:54,564 --> 00:12:58,515 a great community where you can talk to other men and encourage each other. 253 00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:03,375 Also, guys, if you're hitting that bump and you just need a little bit of help to 254 00:13:03,380 --> 00:13:06,975 step over, I'd love to walk alongside you. 255 00:13:07,214 --> 00:13:10,275 I love working with man, I love helping man their potential. 256 00:13:11,055 --> 00:13:14,444 Head over to www.thefalhoman.com/coaching. 257 00:13:15,015 --> 00:13:19,995 Check out and schedule your free call to, uh, to find out if I'm 258 00:13:19,995 --> 00:13:21,255 a good fit to work with you guys. 259 00:13:21,555 --> 00:13:25,694 We do six and eight week programs where we just sit down and focus on getting 260 00:13:25,694 --> 00:13:29,535 you through that next hurdle and helping you build that plan of attack, make 261 00:13:29,535 --> 00:13:33,855 the necessary changes to get you on your way, and then you're off of going. 262 00:13:34,185 --> 00:13:37,845 We're also getting ready to put in group coaching very soon, so 263 00:13:37,995 --> 00:13:40,485 be on the watch for that if you're interested in group coaching. 264 00:13:41,475 --> 00:13:43,005 Thanks for taking the time to listen, guys. 265 00:13:43,125 --> 00:13:45,375 I always deeply appreciate you guys. 266 00:13:45,375 --> 00:13:49,155 Be better tomorrow because what you do today, we'll see you on the next one. 267 00:13:49,845 --> 00:13:52,335 This has been the Fellow Man podcast. 268 00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:56,325 Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. 269 00:13:57,105 --> 00:13:59,385 Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. 270 00:14:00,255 --> 00:14:06,585 Head over to www.thefallibleman.com for more content and get 271 00:14:06,585 --> 00:14:08,115 your own Fallible Man gear.