Forging Resilience The Smiths Hammer and Your Inner Steel

Forging Resilience The Smiths Hammer and Your Inner Steel

D Brent Dowlen: [00:00:00] I remember watching a master bladesmith pounding glowing hot steel. Clank! Clank! Clank! Clank! Clank! As his hammer slammed down on this glowing chunk of metal against the anvil. Clink, clink, clink, clink, back into the furnace, like it because it was only really malleable at ridiculous temperatures. So we went back in the furnace over and over again.

And I sat there in that rustic shop, the smell of hot metal and ram's horn and leather and dirt, just in awe watching this master craftsman ply his trade. Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, and back into the furnace again. It's just, it was so incredible to watch. And at 17 years old, as I watched this process, I had this realization that real change, life altering change, change that creates real value, is not always [00:01:00] a comfortable process.

In my life, pain has been one of my greatest teachers. Heartache, failure, deaths of people I knew, addiction, abuse. All, all pains endured in life's forge and it turns us in the best versions of ourselves or the worst. I've seen men endure cancer and return to life to lead others through this horrible disease and inspire so many people.

I've seen men endure an abusive marriage and a bitter divorce and come out on the other side as an amazing father, husband, and advocates for father's rights. I've seen men spit out by the horrors of war. Adjust. Back to life in the country to lead businesses, mentorship programs, and serve our communities and help other veterans and so many other things.

All of this is done by not trying to forget. The pain that made us, [00:02:00] but instead embracing the things and learning from them. So my question for you is what pain are you hiding from right now? That may be the key to the next stage of your life. Think about that for about 90 seconds while we check in with our sponsors over at MyPillow and we're going to dive right into forging your best life by embracing pain and five steps you need to thrive in the pain.

Mike Lindell: I hear every day about the products you all wish my pillow carried. Well, guess what? We probably do. Slippers, bathrobes, pet beds, blankets, mattresses, sleepwear, loungewear, duvets, comforters, pot holders, aprons, oven mitts. And so much more. And they're all on sale. For example, get our best selling standard MyPillows for only 14.

98. BodyPillows 29. 98. Six piece bath towels or kitchen towel sets just 29. 98. Multi use [00:03:00] MyPillow 2. 0s with pillowcase. 9. 98. Save 40 on our Spring Percale and Giza Dream Bed Sheet Sets. Any size, any color, and so much more. So go to MyPillow. com or call the number on your screen. Use your promo code to save up to 80 percent on all MyPillow products.

And I've never done this before. When you spend 100 or more, you're gonna get two standard MyPillows absolutely free. 

D Brent Dowlen: We're at MyPillow House. I have dozens of MyPillow products I use every single day. We're proud to have Mike Lindell at MyPillow as sponsor of the show. You can go to MyPillow. com and use the code THRIVE for up to 80 percent off your order and free shipping over 75 for our listeners.

Now, back to our show. Welcome to the Driven to Thrive broadcast, purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men. I'm your host, Brent Allen, and we help men go from living to thriving, purpose filled, intentional lives. Now, Buddhist teachers hold the idea that pain is just a normal and consistent part of life.[00:04:00] 

Not meaning that you're always going to be in pain, but that pain is part of the process, and that process of pain is just a normal part of life. You're going to have difficulties come and go, and as life, it ebbs and flows, and that's just part of it. Well, I'm not a Buddhist, but I have deep appreciation for truth irrespective of the source.

And there's a lot of truth to it. There is pain as part of life, always. Most people are averse to incurring pain in most forms. No one wants to hurt. And everyone has varying degrees to which they will accept or tolerate pain. For example, one person might struggle with diet because there's an emotional pain connected to emotional eating.

And so they struggle with their weight. Some struggle with diet, not because of an emotional pain, but because they find hunger pains to be uncomfortable and it's purely a physical discomfort. While some athletes like to embrace the suck, we've all heard the [00:05:00] catchphrase, right? Because they know that minor discomfort is what makes muscles grow, right?

You eat those little muscle aches and pains. They're required for them to grow stronger and better at the sport they're dedicated to. Varying levels of tolerating the discomfort and the pain. Emotional and mental pain tend to be more daunting, but just as common. The fear of pain, of rejection, prevents people from asking that beautiful woman out that they're so anxious to have noticed them.

Be clear, it's not the fear of rejection, it's the fear that comes from the fear of the pain that is involved with rejection, the emotional pain that's actually comes from low self esteem and self value, and so the emotional rejection is very painful, and that's what people are afraid of. The fear of speaking up in public, right?

Public speaking is actually fear of rejection. It's fear of the pain caused by feeling rejected. What if they [00:06:00] think what I say is stupid? Right. That's what that is. It's a fear of the pain of rejection, the emotional and mental pain we feel with rejection. However, we've all had failures and literal pain that hurt at the time, but made us better in some way later down the road.

For example, you see athletes like Casey Mitchell and Noah Galloway. And if you don't know who those guys are, You should absolutely look them up. Just both incredible men. They both lost limbs due to injuries incurred during their time of service to our nation when they were in the military. They chose not to let the pain and the loss and bitterness rule their future and became notable athletes.

Para athletes, right? Still incredible athletes. They could have taken a different road. They could have been better, better. They could have been burned out. They could have retreated. Instead they chose to thrive through the pain. Did it make them better men than they were before? [00:07:00] Well, in every way, I can't say I know, probably not, but in some ways that they had control over, then I would absolutely bet that in some ways it made them better men because of the men they had to become due to that pain.

Because they used it to thrive instead of letting it drive them back. When I broke my back, it absolutely sucked. I'm not going to pretend that it was not, it was like, Oh yeah, no. All right. When I broke my back, it absolutely sucked. And yet I was extremely blessed because it could have been so much worse.

My injuries, they cause pain and discomfort every day of my life since I broke my back almost 20 years ago. However, the fact that I can still walk and much more and lift weights and be active, I'm not a little overlooking this gift that. Pain is a minor price I paid compared to what it could have been.

But anyone who lives with constant pain can tell you that pain is not only physical, but it wears on you mentally and [00:08:00] emotionally. Did it make me a better man? I can tell you with a thousand percent certainty that it has made me a better man in more ways than I could possibly explain in one show, actually.

I utilized the pain to learn, to grow, to push me outside my comfort zone, and to become better than I was. Diamonds require years of pressure and heat to become diamonds. Human bodies require constant work, hard choices, and sacrifice to thrive and be their very best. Ask anybody who's ever prepped for any kind of fitness show.

The most amazing results and advances in your life often require pain in the form of mental, emotional, and sometimes, yes, even physical pain. So here are five things for you to consider when you're walking through the fire in your life. Number one, all things are temporary. I actually think this is, uh, with my vague understanding of Buddhism, that is also another Buddhist teaching.

Life moves and flows through different seasons. [00:09:00] You will have multiple seasons in your life. I broke my back for the first time 20 years ago. Other than some pain and my wife being with me, my world is completely different than it was 20 years ago when it happened. I'm a different person, and the only thing that's still present in my life are two things out of everything else from 20 years ago.

The things I chose to keep with me. I'm a different person. Embracing the fact that It is important that you have these seasons and stages in life because you got to change with each stage in your life. The man it took for you to get to where you are now will not, let me say that again, will not get you to the next level that you want to reach.

The men that The man that had that fall 20 years ago, me, is a pale shadow of the man that I am now, the man I have become. [00:10:00] And the man I've become will help me get to the next level, but guess what? I'm gonna have to grow some more if I want to go past that next level when I get to that level. Embrace the transitory nature of growth and life, because it's also the transitory nature of pain.

Knowing each moment will pass, and if you choose to, you will come out stronger on the other side, will help you walk through that fire, because you know it doesn't last forever. 20 years difference, I still have some pain from that, I'm still married to the same amazing woman, but nothing else in my life is the same as it was 20 years ago.

If you embrace that pain and everything else is transitory and it's just part of a one season of your life, one moment of your life, then you can embrace that pain to let you grow and become the person that will take you to that next level. Number two, your mind is your shield. Intellect is the magic power that separates the emotional response and reaction [00:11:00] from actual reality.

Since the earliest days, I've taught my children to breathe through the pain when something hurts. Deep breaths in and out, arrest the fight or flight response. Oxygen brings clarity of thought to your mind, which allows you to gain perspective on what is actually happening. It pauses the emotional response of fear so that you can evaluate what is happening in reality instead of what you're imagining is happening.

And knowing the process allows not only that your mind to work clearer, but it reminds you that you're actually in control of your response. Even in scary moments, the more you arm yourself with actual knowledge, the healthier your brain, the more you understand the actual mechanics of Every situation you get into the more power you have to shield yourself from the negative parts of the pain or discomfort.

Your brain can dampen the pain or it can exacerbate it depending on what you do with your mind. But your mind has [00:12:00] an incredible amount of control on the pain and discomfort you're experiencing and what you get out of it and how you thrive through it. Number three. Perspective separates victims and kings.

In every situation and in every step, you have one choice to make. I am a victim or I am a king. Victims choose that whatever is happening is outside their control and that they are purely at the mercy of the situation. On the other hand, kings rule everything. Every situation is turned to their advantage.

It is Always a chance to learn, to grow, to improve, to pivot, and to come back out on top. They own it all, good, bad, or indifferent. It's theirs. The worst situations are just opportunities to grow and make you more. They're not bad situations, they're just an opportunity. The simplest, yet hardest truth is that it's purely your choice to either be a king [00:13:00] or a victim in every situation, no matter how bad it may seem.

So I encourage you, choose to be a king. Number four, everything is a lesson. And it will repeat until you learn it. Most people get stuck in a loop. We've all heard that old adage, those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Well, for every season in your life, there are lessons for you to learn.

And until you learn them, life will continue to give you the opportunity to learn those lessons. That means that any pain you're suffering from now will continue in one form or another until you learn those lessons. Life itself is a progression. All things grow. living are growing and continuing through.

But when you don't learn, you get stuck in this loop. And that is where people often get lost in the pain. The sooner you adopt this, adapt this mindset, that every situation is a chance for you to learn and grow, the sooner you will actually learn the lesson, embrace it, [00:14:00] and progress forward out of that temporary season of pain or difficulty.

Number five, the quickest way through is embracing the pain. As people who are funny, you would think that we're allergic to pain and discomfort. Most people will try Everything and anything except for the one thing that will bring real results in their life. It's one of those life lessons that all of us have to learn and work on.

There's a tremendous irony involved because this rule applies to most situations. As a personal trainer, I can tell you that most of my clients want to do anything except the one exercise they should absolutely be doing to succeed at their goals. Quite often you know exactly what you need to do in your life.

You just don't want to do it because you're afraid of the pain and discomfort that comes from going through that. That lesson applies to the gym. That lesson applies to progressing your career. That [00:15:00] lesson applies to progressing your relationships. The thing you're most often trying to avoid because it seems uncomfortable or difficult or painful is often the thing that actually needed to head straight through to get the results you want to.

So If it seems a little scary and uncomfortable, and like you probably don't want to do it, you might give some thought to that maybe exactly what you're supposed to be doing to get to where you want to go. Now because I never just do the five facts I say I'm going to, here's a six for you guys. The forge removes impurities.

Clarity comes with the fire and the pain. Frequently people get caught in said loop because they don't have clarity. It's not just that they haven't learned a lesson. It's they don't know what lesson they're supposed to learn because they aren't clear on what they're trying to achieve or accomplish.

They're not specific enough or clear enough [00:16:00] on what they're trying to do with their life. People who set specific goals. Like very specific goals tend to achieve them much more effectively, much faster and much more often than people who set really general goals. On this channel. A lot of times we've talked about smart goals.

We've talked about setting very specific, measurable goals and getting real clarity and specific on what you're trying to achieve. It's not an accident. It's because when you get too general in your goals are too big in your goals And don't break them down into smaller pieces. It's it's too much. You have to have that clarity Watching steel heat up again and again in my boss's forge back when I was 17 years old.

I would just I was fascinated by this world of metal, metal urgy. I always say it wrong because it was a brand new world to me. And that was one of the things I learned is that [00:17:00] watching these things heat up, you would see these little things that didn't turn the same color as the rest of the steel.

Those were imperfections. Those were impurities in the steel. Those were things that weren't actually the right kind of steel, right? They were Molecularly damaged or whatever. They were impurities. Gold's the same way gold as refined becomes more and more pure as you belted down because the impurities float to the top and you can get them out and you get more and more pure.

If you look at silver or gold or precious metal like that, it will say 99. 9 percent pure silver or pure gold, right? And it's because you can never get All the impurities out of it, but you can get almost all the impurities out of it. Well, that's what the forge does to your life. That's what pain does.

Going through pain has the same exact effect as going through the forge does for gold. [00:18:00] You find out what's actually important to you, what really matters to you, what makes a difference, what's extra, what you don't actually need, what's unnecessary, what's holding you out back. Because if you try and hold onto that stuff in the fire, you're in the fire longer.

The pain lasts longer. The discomfort exists longer because it filters out the impurities. It filters out What's not necessary it filters out what doesn't need to be there in the forge you remove The impurities the extras all the stuff you don't need that is holding you back from whatever you're trying to go through So don't be afraid of the fire now I want to leave you with this final image in your head guys.

Think of a blacksmith's forge. Okay, close your eyes Maybe you've maybe you've seen it in a movie Uh, yeah, there's, there's all kinds of movies out there. They have imageries of blacksmiths and [00:19:00] forges, right off top of my head. There's a knight's tale, our kingdom of heaven, right? Both of them have blacksmiths working.

You see them just hammering away, clink, clink, clink. You hear the roar of the fire and the coals say. Plunge the steel in over and over again and the pounding that hammer clink clink the glow of that steel We've all seen images of it red hot steel as it take shape under heat and pressure Can you see it in your head?

I mean clearly just envision a blacksmith Just hammering away on this glowing hot steel on an anvil got that image life's no different Pain, difficulty, heartache, they can either harden you into bitterness or they can refine you into something stronger, purer, and more purposeful. The choice rests squarely with you, right?

You're a [00:20:00] king or you're a victim. So when life's fires intensify, remember that with every hammer blow, it can be a step towards forging a better version of yourself. Embrace the pressure. Focus on the lessons hidden in the pain and allow the impurities, the self doubt, the fear, the complacency to burn away.

Growth often hides on the other side of discomfort and it's in facing the discomfort head on that we truly discover our power. Until next time, stand steady in the heat and let life's challenges become the anvil that shape your destiny. Share this with a friend who Is in the fires and is struggling and head over to purpose driven men.

com. Sign up for our newsletter to get exclusive insights behind the scenes and more. Thanks for joining us for this episode of the driven to thrive broadcast. Remember, we're all in the forge of life. Keep pounding away your goals, stay true to your purpose, and never stop striving to become the [00:21:00] masterpiece you were meant to be.

Be better tomorrow because what you do today, and we'll see you on the next one. The Driven to Thrive Broadcast. Purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men. Helping men go from living to thriving purpose filled intentional lives.