Empower YOUR Kids: 10 Parenting Tips for Raising Resilient Children

[00:00:00] While it's impossible to shield our children from all the trials of life, we have another option that's critical. As parents, it's within our reach to raise resilient children who possess the necessary tools to effectively navigate the challenges of adolescents. Try over the triumph, over the hurdles of young adulthood, and ultimately flourish in the complexities of adulthood.

In this episode of The Fallible Man Podcast, we're gonna dive into 10 parenting tips for raising resilient children. So let's get into it.

Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential? Growing to the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? Well, that's the big question. In this podcast, we'll help you answer those questions and more.

My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast.[00:01:00]

During a recent discussion on coping mechanisms and addictions, an essential question emerged. Given that many of the detrimental coping mechanisms we observe as adults stem from childhood, childhood emotional trauma and negative consequences, how can we empower our children to develop greater resilience?

Now, this question just sat with me, guys. It, it wasn't something like, it was like, oh, that was a random, no, like this question just sat with me cuz this discussion was a couple weeks ago, but I thought and thought about it. It's like, okay, hey, you know, as a parent, That's my job. Right. That's a really important aspect of my job.

Although it's inevitable to encounter adversity and daily stress, we can offer our children the necessary support and direction to foster resilience. They're gonna have problems, but that's okay. We can help them. Build that resilience, so is not as big of an issue. By doing that, we assist them in [00:02:00] cultivating inner strength fortitude, enabling them to weather life storms, and gain resilience and perspective that will help see them through.

Because let's face it, there's a lot of young adults out there right now that use a little more resilience in their life. By the way, welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. You're home for all things, man, husband, and father. We cover everything, man. Here. A big shout to Fallible Nation, that's our private community that helps, keeps us going and keep these shows coming and we can tell you how to get involved with that.

If you're interested in that, there's gonna be links in the description of the show. And warm, welcome to our first time listeners. You know what? We really appreciate you taking the time to check us out. I hope you enjoy the show. Let us have some feedback afterwards. Tell us what you think. My name's Brent.

I'm a fallible man. This is what I do. And guys, without further ado, let's empower your kids. So here are 10 parenting tips to raise resilient children. Number one, [00:03:00] build strong emotional connections with your kids through one-on-one time. Now, I'm starting here because the core of most resilient people in the world is their root relationships.

Resilient people know that they're loved, cared for, and accepted unconditionally by people who really matter for them. For most children, that starts with their parents. Parents that are involved, that listen, that connect the support, encourage and empower their kids, have resilient children. My wife and I look for opportunities with our children to do things as both family, and we embrace the one-on-one opportunities we have with our children whenever possible because, These are moments when things are built.

I've been accused of being obnoxiously confident and resilient in my life. It's funny how confidence and resilience go hand in hand. Well, it all started with having amazing parents who empowered and supported me unconditionally. And for a lot of people who have a lot of strong [00:04:00] resilience, that's where it started.

It's not necessarily where he lives, but there are people in their life who love them unconditionally and believe in them and support them, and that's where it stems from Number two. Resist the urge to fix and ask questions instead. Now, one of the hardest things to do as a parent sometimes is watch your children struggle, and sometimes it's just kind of funny.

So let's face that. However, reasonable struggle builds character confidence and thus resilience. Now, as fathers, this can be particularly difficult for because of our inclination. Our, well, let's face it, our inclination is to fix things, right? We wanna protect our children, and that happens even more with daughters than it does with sons, but it happens with both of 'em.

If you want to fix the situation, right? There are teachable moments, always. Is every moment a teachable, eh? Maybe that's arguable, but I. If you're in a teachable [00:05:00] moment and you wanna fix it instead help your children fix it by talking them calmly through whatever the issue is, and helping 'em learn what needs to be done.

Ask probing questions, even leading questions if they're a little bit younger, helps. It depends on their age, right? How you have to work it through them. Work with them through it, say, if I can say that, right? But help them work through the steps and put the pieces together themselves. That's a huge step forward for helping them problem solve and feel like they can problem solve.

Number three, promote healthy risk taking, help kids get out of their comfort zone in a positive way. We are so attached to our comfort zones these days, but they're not necessarily where we grow. Things outside their normal scope are really incredible possibilities with it. For them, because that's where we do grow.

Okay? Encourage them to make new friends where it's appropriate. [00:06:00] Maybe talk to the cashier you see regularly at the grocery store and let them actually interact with them. Try some new foods together. I know it seems simple, right? But try some new foods together. Try new activities together. Don't force your kids to play sports if they're not sports kids, but encourage them to try.

We had rules with our kids. They, if they decide they wanna try it, they go through a season. If they don't wanna play the next year, that's fine, but if they commit to it, they wanna do it. They try it through a season, give it their best, and then they can decide whether they wanna do it again after that.

But give them the opportunity to try. Maybe they try sports or band or choir or drama, whatever they express their interest in, encourage them to explore those new things and explore new things with them. Number four, get physically active. It is a proven fact. Exercise strengthens and reorganizes the brain to make it more resilient to stress.

One of the ways it does this is by [00:07:00] increasing neurochemicals that can calm the brain in times of stress. Anything that gets your kids moving to stellar. But of course, if you can make it fun, that's pretty much just granting yourself hero status in their eyes. So, Aim for that in a day where kids are less and less physically active than they were in history.

Like, you know, you go back 10 years, that generation was more active. You go back 10 years before that, even more active, right? So you understand where I'm going with this. Be more active will benefit them in more ways than just resiliency. But being physically exercise active helps them build resiliency and so does outside play.

As they get older, right? And you can decide what's right for your child in there. Strength building exercises actually have a well-documented correlation to mental resilience in particular. So maybe explore those possibilities and that might mean that you gotta get off the couch. That's not bad either, right?

Dads, come on, we can do this. Number five, [00:08:00] create coordinated stress through challenges. Yes, I want you to create stress in their life. But I want it to be planned stress. We live in a YouTube age of information, and at this point challenges are a huge thing that they see on YouTube and other social medias all the time.

Sadly, there are a lot of brain dead challenges, like the Tide Pod challenges are extremely dangerous and you should not ever do. However, as a parent, you can gamify physical challenges to help them build resilience. Some of you know my daughter recently took part in the 50 mile Ruck March challenge that was hosted on Facebook for the charity Stop Soldier Suicide.

We did it together. Some of you even donated, and were really grateful for your support there. This was a positive example of a challenge that you could do. We had a set timeframe and relatively it was easy. She's 11, right? So this was her first event like this. We had 30 days to [00:09:00] ruck up 50 miles. For me, that's not a big issue For some people, that's a big stretch, right?

So you can scale this accordingly to what needs to be done for that child, but together is a way better way. So we did this together and we wrecked up 50 miles together in 30 days to raise money for a great thing. So together is a much better way, but set a goal that you believe in and they can get excited about.

And a reward. Reward that's worth the effort. Now, I don't want you to pay them off. It's not necessarily a payoff for them, but set up a reward for something that matters to them, something that excites them, that encourages them to invest in other people and other, uh, causes other things that are worth their attention and gamify it.

Doing things like that. Like my daughters have done Spartan races now we've done the 50 mile R challenge and I'll continue to do things like that with them because it lets them see that they can build those things. The difference in [00:10:00] what my daughter thought, starting the challenge, what she thought she was capable after the challenge was incredible.

Number six, embrace mistakes. There's and yours. Now we all make mistakes. That's just, that's, that's just life. How they learn to frame them is really critical to resilience. Kids, kids don't have your perspective yet. Whatever your age is, whether you are 25 or 45, or somewhere in between or up above or it doesn't matter, they don't have your perspective yet.

So how you frame mistakes or setbacks and failures is what they're gonna mimic. Approach them with a positive outlook, seek the lessons learned and to understand how and where things went sideways. Teach them that everyone fails. And the only time that that's an issue is when we refuse to learn the lessons from it.

If you frame it failures yours [00:11:00] and theirs as learning opportunities instead of failures, and I'm air quoting for all of you who are listening, it will change the way they see it for the rest of their lives. Number seven, time for the fields. Yep. It's, it's all the fields. Guys, I know we don't like this part sometimes, but kids don't understand their feelings at the beginning and are looking to you for what those feelings mean and how they're supposed to react.

Interact with 'em and respond to them. That means you have to be willing to help them identify and learn to process them. We have a lot of people these days who have no idea how to process their feelings in a healthy way. There are adults running all over the place who are never taught how to process their feelings in a healthy way, and that's on all of us.

But the good news is, as parents, we have an opportunity to shape that for the future with our children. So let's step up as parents, as [00:12:00] dads in the game. Okay. And help kids understand their feels. Now, it's really important. Let me, I cannot put enough emphasis on this. Don't ever shame your child for their feelings.

That is just a cycle that will chase them for the rest of their lives. And, and it's wrong. You shouldn't shame your children, but try this, okay? Help them identify what they're feeling. Okay. Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you upset? Right? Acknowledge that it's real for them. You may think it's pointless.

You may think it's dumb. Don't ever say that. Acknowledge that. Cuz from their perspective, at whatever age they are, it's very real. And you shame them when you are like, oh, that's stupid. You shouldn't feel that way. No. Acknowledge this real for them. I know this is the feels that we were never taught growing up, guys, I'm a gym extra.

This is not something I was taught. Identify what caused that feeling so they understand how it happened. [00:13:00] Then explore process of how to process it in a positive way and identify how they move forward from that feeling back into a positive direction. Number eight, coping with stress. Learning to cope effectively with stress will help your child be better prepared to overcome life's challenges.

Much like emotions, your child will mimic how you handle stress. So one of the most powerful things you can do is to manage your own stress well, and you may have to acknowledge that you have some work to do there on yourself, and you may have to acknowledge that to yourself and to them. And guys, I will be the first to say I, I have had to go through this.

I've had to realize that I don't always handle stress well. I've had to admit to my children that I didn't handle something well. It's humbling, but it's critically important. The good news is it doesn't make you weak. When you tell your children you're, you know what? I reacted badly to that. In fact, it makes [00:14:00] you incredibly powerful in their eyes because it makes you relatable.

Being vulnerable with you, with yourself will allow them to be vulnerable too. So they'll open up and communicate with you better. They'll be more likely to come to you, which is very powerful, and it's important as a parent. Stress is powerful and damaging to anybody. Okay. We have a lot of problems as adults managing stress, so don't underestimate the value of teaching them these lessons.

There are a bunch of different positive coping lessons you could throw, throw out, right? Modeling positive coping strategies on a consistent basis that's an ever-growing process. Realizing that, realize that telling them to stop the negative behavior is not gonna be effective. Okay? Understanding that many risky behaviors are attempts to alleviate the stress and pain that they're feeling, whether you understand they're feeling it or not.

And [00:15:00] many behaviors are learned behaviors. So if they're not getting these negative reactions, if they're not learning that negative reaction to stress from you, you better start digging in and figuring out who's teaching them these negative patterns and nip that in the butt Quick guys. Number at nine.

One of the most important things that you can do to help your children be more resilient is to teach them that they are enough. Teach your kids. They have something inside them that is valuable to contribute to the larger world. Who they are is valuable and they have something to share with people just by being them.

Self-esteem issues chase people for their entire lives. There are so many adults who are. Seeing a counselor, counselor, a coach, or a therapist or a psychiatrist because of self-esteem issues. I know so many adults who still desperately seek validation that they should have gotten from their parents and they didn't, and now they seek it out from [00:16:00] other people in really non-healthy ways.

Thisor destroys resilience. I mean, if this is the, uh, I don't even know what the right word is. This is like the opposite. This is the, the resilience killer. So it makes people weak and easily manipulated when they have self-esteem issues. That's not resilience. That's the opposite. Your child was born valuable, they were born for a purpose.

They are enough and make sure they know it. As a parent. Number 10, there's a little more complicated issue and it's control, influence and accept. One of the most valuable lessons a person can learn is to separate these three important things. What can I control? What can I influence, and what do I just have to accept as outside of my sphere of control?

Learning to sort things in their life into these three baskets will help your children with [00:17:00] mental resilience, no wasted cycles or energy on something that's totally outside of their scope of control. Because they recognize it's outside of their scope of control. So many people make themselves mentally and emotionally tired because they spend cycles and energy on things that are really, if they tried it for a thousand years, they couldn't impact.

It's frustrating and it stills your peace, and it happens to kids too. This starts early on. So teach them to separate things into what can I control, what can I influence, and what do I just have to accept? Is there. And work around that might be a little bit older, but you can start teaching that early on.

Implementing these 10 different effective parenting tips for nurturing resilience in your children. You can empower them to confidently navigate life's challenges and equip them with essential skills they'll use the rest of their life, minimizing their resilience on potentially harming harmful coping [00:18:00] mechanisms in the future.

And using these strategies, your children will gain the ability to handle various situations with greater ease, alleviating the burdens associated with self-doubt, low self-esteem, and seeking external validation. We have entire generations who are all about external validation right now. As parents, you possess this remarkable power and responsibility to shape your children's lives.

Driven by your genuine desire for wellbeing for that child. I know it's evident in your search for this list that you're committed to providing the best possible opportunities for your kids and raising them in a healthy way. So you're off to good start. But dad, mom, whoever's listening to this, I promise you, these 10 tips, whatever you want to call 'em, will absolutely help you.

Help your child grow up more resilient and be less vulnerable to the kicks of life. Now it is Friday and. I always have to look, read a listener review because [00:19:00] it means a lot to me guys. I, I just totally love it and it does help us to continue to reach out to more people. And so I wanted to read this review by Nick Vis s I'm so sorry, Nick.

If I said that Wrongs five star review says different than most podcasts, I listen to. Very different than most where there's tons of sugarcoating to make you feel all warm and fuzzy, but it doesn't last really long. This just gives it a raw and authentic vibe that will last forever. I absolutely love it, Nick.

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Safe Ible, keep growing. Hug your kids and be better tomorrow because of what you do today, and we'll see you on the next one. This has been The Fellow Man Podcast. Your home for everything, husband and father. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. Head over to www.thefallibleman.com for more content and get your own fallible man here.