Creating a Strong Family Foundation: Insights from the Hasheys

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. You are home for all things, man, husband, and father. Big shout out to Fallible Nation. You guys make this all possible and a warm welcome to our first time listeners. We appreciate you taking the time to give us a chance and see what we're about. My name is Brent.

[00:00:14] Today my special guests are Joe and Mel Hashey of Strong Family Co and the Strong Family Project Podcast. We'll see if I can slow down a little bit there. Joe. Melanie, welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. Oh, thank you for having us. It we're, we are fans of the show and also impressed with how you hit those gears so fast on that intro.

[00:00:33] We're shifting right through the tree and I know that's impressive. Bring people in. It's great to work with someone who is passionate about both podcasting, but also the topic. So thank you so much for having us Now, guys, we like to start things off pretty easy. So, which film has the quote, Carpe Diem Seizes the Day Boys Make Your Lives Extraordinary.

[00:00:53] Is it a goodwill hunting? B, dead Poet Society. C Ferris Bueller's, day off. R d, the breakfast club B I was gonna go B too. B. All right guys, you know the rules. Don't cheat. Make your guess. Mark it down. Come back to it. We'll get to later in the show on that. Now, guys, I don't, that's Robin Williams, right? Am I, am I I don't wanna, just don't take it away.

[00:01:17] Ok. I'm sorry. I didn't know it was, I'm guessing. So, Hey, I, I had to look it up. So, you know, I randomly, like, I get on Google and I search random multiple choice questions for the show. That's fine. And just find ones like, oh, that's cool. I had no idea about that. If I really wanna get nasty, I get the Harry Potter trivia out.

[00:01:38] Oh, I would not get those. Im, I'm just picturing my captain, my captain's speech on the desk. I think that was Dead Poet Society. I think it's, we, we my, my kids are, we're we're big Harry Potter fans and so. We bought the Harry Potter Trivial Pursuit. Nice. And I thought, you know, I, I read the books. I loved the books.

[00:01:57] I, I watched the movies. I enjoyed the movies. I thought I knew something about Harry Potter until I played Harry Potter Trivia Pursuit. Oh. And then it's just like, whoa, I need to watch that movie again. Okay. Excuse to watch the movie. Good, right? Yeah. Yeah. So I don't do big introductions as you guys know.

[00:02:16] So, in your own words, who, and do you prefer full names or the shorten names? Joe Ann, Mel. Okay. And you guys own words? Who are Joe Mel Hashey. Sure. So I'll go first, Mel. So our, our story is one of making a lot of mistakes and learning a lot of things and not being scared to change directions. So Mel and I are both from east Coast.

[00:02:43] Originally I was a high school teacher, very. Standard job, high school coach, coach high school football and basketball and girls basketball and some baseball, and was going along that career path. And it was interrupted a little bit when my father passed away, right as I was getting outta college and starting my teaching career.

[00:03:02] And he was in unhealthy man. He was a very good man, but he was very unhealthy. He was overweight. He smoked a pack a day and it ended up giving him con congestive heart failure and he passed away. And so I got passionate about health and fitness because I wanted dads to live longer. And so we started a small passion project in our.

[00:03:21] Garage while I was teaching high school, a little gym and helping families get a little healthier and helping kids and athletes get a little more fit for their sports. Cause I played sports in college and I wanted them to be passionate about a healthy lifestyle. And it just got bigger and bigger and bigger until I couldn't do both.

[00:03:40] I was running sessions six to seven teaching high school, seven 30 to two 50, and then back 10 minute drive to the, to the gym three until seven running sessions. And while it was amazing and the company expanded, still exists, multiple locations I realized I was spending too much time on that organization, not my family organization because I was gone 6:00 AM till 7:30 PM We had a young son at the time, our first born, and I would see him basically on the weekends cause he wouldn't get up from bed until I was gone and he wouldn't go to sleep until I was home.

[00:04:14] And so we went through that process and. Started the company so I could have some more free time. We started to learn a lot about business. We started to go to a lot of conference. We started to do a lot of mentorships. Did the Goldman Sachs small business development program, did some just intense business education and realized a lot of those same philosophies could be applied to another organization, our family, which was more important to make work and fit.

[00:04:39] And so that takes us up to 2020. And I'll take Mel, you can give your background and take it from there. Okay. Well, I'm a wife and mother. We've been married for 16 years, and we have three boys, ages five, 11, and 13. And we're very passionate about growing strong men, which is part of why we're doing what we're doing here.

[00:04:58] So to pick it up where he left off in 2020 before that I was a social worker for five years. And after we had our second son, I decided to stay home to raise them and. In 2020, our gyms closed down and Joe and I went for a walk, which we try to do every day to keep connected. And he said, you know, what if, what if they don't reopen?

[00:05:18] You know, what if we thought about moving? Well, I want to back up a little, little more spice to it. Okay. So our, first of all, schools closed down and the kids were sent home to do virtual learning. And our, one of our kids specifically did not do great with virtual learning, and the other ones probably would've done okay, but it really turned our lives upside down.

[00:05:39] And Mel opted to homeschooling for the next year so that she could get to know 'em better and provide what they needed needed as individuals. At the same time, we had sent our family up through a series of investments. Mel and I lived in our first home was a duplex. We ran out the other half, we bought the duplex next to us, and we had planned on having financial security through these.

[00:06:00] We got up about eight rental units and same time during the lockdown in New York, they had a rent moratorium for a couple years. So essentially, all of our tenants stopped paying rent and we still had mortgages due and we had the kids home and our three fitness facilities and our staff were now closed temporarily.

[00:06:16] They had reopened and we had to make decisions on how do we pay all these people. We did keep everyone paid and on payroll while we were closed, Mel decided to homeschool and it just got to a pain point. We're like, Hey, you know what, ha, what would happen if we did move to a place that aligned a little bit tighter with our values to provide our kids the opportunity to perhaps as they get older, to find jobs and careers in that area so we can have some kids around potentially.

[00:06:44] And so Mel, you, you always smooth over that discomfort pretty easily, but it was, it was rough and it was a rough, we were struggling. It was a rough year and homeschooling and trying to sell our home at the same time. So, but to go back to that walk, Joe had mentioned that, and this is when he mentioned earlier, we really now, because of that decision we made to move, we're much more willing and more resilient because of it.

[00:07:06] Because I panicked initially. I said, what do you mean move? There's no way I'm gonna leave everything I've ever known. My family's here, your family's here. But once we opened that door, the, the opportunities just kind of started to pour out. We ended up in Colorado, which is much more aligned with our values.

[00:07:22] And we started to do a bunch of things in our family, like family meetings. We set goals with our kids, just the way we communicate with them in our mindset about filtering everything through our values. This has just been the place for us. The kids are thriving. And had we not taken that leap of faith, had Joe not even said anything, it never would've occurred to me.

[00:07:41] We wouldn't be where we are now. Okay. What's your favorite ice cream? So originally it was cookies and cream. Then there was a little bit of a moose track phase. And then when we moved here, I stopped. I just stopped ice cream. I, I was sick of feeling sick in the morning cause I, I would overindulge and so, if it was ice cream, it'd be pizza and ice cream.

[00:08:03] And if it was pizza and ice cream, it'd be pizza, ice cream and cookies. And so we just cut all that stuff out and so I still love it, but I just don't have it as much. Well, I love coffee, coffee, ice cream. If you guys could have a conversation individually, if you guys could have a conversation with anyone living or dead, who would be and why?

[00:08:24] And, and please pick something other than Jesus. I, that's the.

[00:08:31] My grandfather, my mo, my mom's dad, because he lived through a lot. They came here from Europe during the war and I, he died when I was a lot younger. My grandmother would tell me some stories when they were younger of what they had to go through to get here. And I feel like he would have just this amazing wealth of knowledge and especially for boys cause we're talking about helping, you know, growing strong men.

[00:08:54] I think he would've had an amazing mindset and perspective of how he moved here. Became a tailor in New York City, provided for his family. We were all always like in our best dress cuz he would, he would make us suits. Like it was amazing. So I think I would love to have a deeper conversation with him because I was too young to really be able to have that when he passed.

[00:09:12] Making me guilty for not picking a family member. I'll go George Washington. Mm-hmm. I was going back and forth between a. But part of me, like every generation seems like, oh, this, like every situation we're going through is the worst ever. I'm thinking, you know, every generation has gone through a lot of crap and I like to talk to him to figure out what his mindset was around everything that he was going through.

[00:09:35] And then, you know, if you ever got to talk to like an Abe Lincoln, like there's been multi-generations, all this stuff going on, and how do we manage that stress? It's not uniquely us. And I would like to hear some more perspective, historical perspective, first person, not third person perspective. All right.

[00:09:53] What purchase of a hundred dollars or less have you made in the last year? So the biggest impact on your lives?

[00:09:58] Ooh, I'll go first. Yeah, please. We decided to become book people. We bought a bookshelf and we started to fill it with books. And I think because of that we've all become better readers, us and then our boys as well. And that wasn't something like, it seems kind of silly, but just physically having the bookshelf with books on it has been a game changer for us.

[00:10:16] Yeah, we were audible people before, which I still am a little bit, but I'll try to be paper book. I'll throw a, a copy of the Daily Stoic that I purchased for a friend who has been really generous with our kids. A gentleman named Rocky. He's the Air Force guy around here who has taken us camping and we've used his Jeep to drive up mountains and take us to range and everything.

[00:10:36] He's just a really good guy that loves spending time with our family and it was a gift that I got for him and he acted like it was the biggest thing, but really he had invested so much, taken the kids snowboarding like this. I don't know, it was $14 book. Made it seemed to make an impact on On him.

[00:10:53] Cause he had, and it was very important to me cause he had given so much to my family. Okay, Hey, there's no wrong answers here. This, you guys are, everybody's like, this is the part people uncomfortable. It's actually kinda hilarious to me. But this, this is the part that makes people uncomfortable. That there there are no wrong answers.

[00:11:11] Right. That's, that's the thing I love. I asked that question with a lot of people because it's like, there, there's not a wrong answer, right? Mm-hmm. There's that thing that moves the needle in your life, and it may be the secret to what moves the needle in the next people's lives. Right. Audible was a huge change for me.

[00:11:29] I've always been a paper book guy, but I just don't always have the time to sit down and read. And I love to sit down and read. You can see the bookshelf behind me. Those are all authors I've interviewed. But we have bookshelves around the whole house. They're, they're everywhere in our house. We have more books than you could PO that we could read at any given time.

[00:11:47] And we don't get rid of them. That's part of the reason we have so many books. We don't ever get rid of them. But Audible was a huge game changer for me. Mm-hmm. Cause I walk and listen to a book at the same time and I was like, oh yeah, yeah. We haven't given up on that. Just kind of added a different drive.

[00:12:04] Drive and listen. Exactly. That was huge. Exactly. So what are you guys most proud of? For me, it's how we handled a lot of adversity without letting it interfere with our family lives. And so whether it was everything going on with the tough covid situations that so many families had to go through, or figuring out our, if we're gonna move at the same time, figuring out what to do with the company at the same time, figuring out what to do with our investments at the same time, there was no rift between our relationships in the household, which was, which is something I'm really proud of.

[00:12:42] We just didn't let the situation get on top of us. For me, it's the magic that happens between our three boys and how they relate to each other. So they have, when we record podcasts, they have to go hang out and they have to figure out what to do with, with themselves. And the older two have to take care of the five-year-old.

[00:12:58] And it just brings me so much joy and I'm very proud of how they are together. They're so well bonded. So that, for me, it just warms my heart. Okay. What is one random fact that people dunno about you guys? This is the one that's gonna make me feel so bad about this question. Random fact. Okay. I will, some people know this one.

[00:13:24] But I am a I could blame knee surgeries from college football, but I could also tell the truth and I was a little bit of lack of talent that I wasn't going much further than college football. However, I had the build and frame of an N F L athlete. So, I was asked to be an expert in the Campbell soup commercials with Donovan McNabb in the Philadelphia Eagles.

[00:13:42] So I got to like suit up and be the tight end for the Philadelphia Eagles sprinkled in with some legitimate player and some fakes like us. And we got to act out the Campbell Soup commercial series in the early two thousands with Dono McNabb who has a rocket laser for an arm. But that was, that was a cool experience.

[00:14:01] I have to follow that. I was gonna say that I really enjoy math homework because my kids have math and I go in and I help with math in the school and they always tease me for being a nerd, but I actually really enjoy it. Both great things, right. People are no wrong answer right now. Fun people are fun. I, I love people are so much fun.

[00:14:22] You meet people and there's so many little things. You know, I, I usually have an example ready that, you know, it's like, oh, I know this, that probably everybody who listens to the podcast is heard now. Right. But I always have one ready to go. But people are interesting. I, I just, I love stupid interacting with people.

[00:14:40] So, what's yours? Oh, I, I can hear dog whistles. Ah, what, like, my, my hearing, I, I actually, when I went in the military, the guy who tested me for my intake, I got out of the hearing test and he was like, my god, you could hear a mouse part. Ok. I went, huh? It was like, the range of your hearing is inhuman. Wow.

[00:15:03] But the funny thing is, with a bunch of background noise, I, I do not hear anything. Mm. Blends in. Yeah. My, my hearing is so ridiculously sharp. I actually have problems sleeping at night. Cause I can hear my children on the other end of the house tossing and turning in their bed and them moving signals my brain that something's wrong.

[00:15:25] So it actually screws with my sleeping. Mm. I can see that. Pros and cons. Right. Have background noise. I can't enough background noise. It's, it's one of the reasons I have problems with crowds is I can't separate out is all starts of mesh together and I can't separate the sounds, which makes me feel unsafe.

[00:15:44] Mm-hmm. So it's, it's one of those, like, I can hear really extraordinary things. It's really useless part of the time. So yeah. Random things. Right. Yeah. Very cool. Very interesting. Yeah. What is something everyone should know before we dig into today's show? That it all can't be done at once. So small hinges swing.

[00:16:07] Big doors start with the smallest step, and a lot of times on, on podcasts and in stories, you see someone's finished project and you compare yourself with that. And that's not where that person was in the first step. And that's not where anyone should be on the first step. The journey is where the skills are learned.

[00:16:25] And so get good at prioritizing and executing, taking small steps to make a big difference in your life. And don't try to make a big leap nor get discouraged when you see someone else that's a little bit further along, down the path. They could be older, they could have different mentorship. You don't know their story.

[00:16:40] There's a different place and choose what's right for you and start working on it. And for me it would be, and you kind of stole my word, prioritize, but I think having your priorities straight is the most important for us. It took moving 2000 miles away from home to be able to reprioritize on family, which is the most important thing for us.

[00:16:59] So I know it's, it's kind of easy to say, well, do you have your priorities straight? But like, you truly have to do some digging and make sure that you do. Okay. And guys, we've been getting to know Joe and Mel just a little bit to see who they are and kind of what they're about. In the next part of the show, we're gonna dive into the modern family, as most of us know it, and the way things normally work in family relationships.

[00:17:19] And, you know, is, is that we're gonna investigate, is that the actually healthiest way of doing things? Is that the way things are meant to run? And we're gonna dig into that a little bit, right?

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[00:18:11] Now let's go on to the show. All right guys. Welcome back. In the first part of the show, we spent just a little bit of time getting to know Joe and Mel Hashey and see. Who they are, what they're about. Before we get started in this conversation, in this part of the show, we're gonna dive into the modern family in this current state and investigate is that necessarily the best choice?

[00:18:31] Is that the way families are meant to work? And then we'll dig into a little bit more later, but guys, what do you think of the current modern state of family as just as a whole, the way we see it in the United States, and I can't speak to a whole lot of the rest of the world, right? Cuz that's outside of what I'm familiar with, but the current modern family in the United States in 2023.

[00:18:55] What do you think of that? I like to try to find the good, and so I think there are a lot of very well-intentioned families out there that want to make their lives better as a society. There tends to be not much education for parents or much opportunities and they're not sure who to look to. And a lot of relationships are failing.

[00:19:20] A lot of families are, are, are falling apart statistically, and so sometimes it gets to be the blind leading the blind, even though you have some well-intentioned people that want to create a great life. They're just not quite sure what that looks like. It's not taught in schools. Sometimes it's not role modeled by perhaps their previous generation, which is how it was typically passed down before modern times.

[00:19:39] And to get into the situation where people are, are stressed and frustrated because there's an increasing amount of noise in the world from the, the phones to the number of advertisement our eyeballs see and hear during a day. All the studies show it's just si significantly going higher and higher and higher.

[00:19:55] And we're not sure how to prioritize family. We're not sure what to do. And so even though with the best of intentions, there's just a lack of connection and information to make it work for people. And when they do connect with that, that information, I do see families take off because they are well intentioned and that's the silver lining, right?

[00:20:12] And I, I a hundred percent agree with that. I think people don't have the direction that they might need or the, the tools or the strategies. So the first piece for me really would be, when I look at the families the way they are now, is are you doing everything you can to spend time to communicate and to create a family culture?

[00:20:31] Cuz just simply being in the same household doesn't necessarily mean that you're connected or that you have a good culture going. So I think that for me is, is the first thing I look at is does this family, are they connected? And. Do they spend time together to really get to know each other in person?

[00:20:48] That's what worries me about modern family. Sometimes there's a lot of devices and we certainly deal with that with our kids as well. But I think we are losing the interpersonal connection between people inside the family. Wow. No, that sets up our next question really. Well, thank you for that. Cause my next question is, to what extent has increasing the increasing reliance on technology and virtual communication within modern families influenced the quality of personal interpersonal communication and fulfillment within the family?

[00:21:20] Well worded question and the kind of the, kinda the, the silver lining with technology, we can learn a lot. Buddy of mine calls it YouTube University. He's building a house off of YouTube videos and using technology as a tool to enhance your life is powerful and challenging because when as soon as you turn it on, everyone else is gonna be pulling your eyeballs to use you as a tool for the technology.

[00:21:42] And we have to have those conversations with the kids. And we do have regular fa family meetings and for us, it wasn't right to give the kids cell phones. And we put a, a high priority on interpersonal communications. We have our family meetings, we practice handshakes, we practice eye contact. They thank their teachers.

[00:21:59] At the end of the year, they look 'em in the eye and thank them. And it's The positive side again, is it's a differentiator. If you teach your kids these skills, they will be further along than than many others who, who unfortunately live on the screen. And so you can make a big impact with something a talented almost everyone has because we grew up without these things, you know?

[00:22:18] And I think, I always think about boredom. So kids will always come and say, I'm bored. And I think a lot of parents these days will say, okay, well you have the tablet or you have this thing, or I even see a little two-year-old in a grocery cart looking at a phone. Like when we were two we would just have to look around in the store or whatever.

[00:22:35] So for me as a mom, what, what makes me nervous is that that dependence and then they won't be able to be creative and think of their own things to do. So we really try to push our kids, we actually call it a board board where like they have to have ideas they can do when they are bored. And oftentimes if you let kids go out, go outside, go downstairs, whatever.

[00:22:55] Without any technology. They have to figure it out. And oftentimes they come up with the awesomest things. Our kids earlier were all standing in, zipped up, sleeping bags, playing, sleeping bag, soccer, a hopping caterpillar. I was trying to kick it. They'd all fall over, kick with both feet. And yes, we do let them play soccer in the house.

[00:23:12] We have this one section of the house where it's okay, they have a little net, but honestly, had they just have full access to the internet or to their devices, they would never do that. So they come up with amazing things to do. You guys should have recorded that. That would've been like a viral video right there.

[00:23:26] I have a little clip of 14 seconds I'm kicking and they all just fall over. So funny. Oh wow. You know, I hate to go back to technology, but yeah, that, that's one of those things where you need the video of that. Cause I'm just imagining this in my head right now. It was so good. Yeah. Cause we were probably going camping this weekend.

[00:23:46] Weekend. We're gonna go down to the sand dunes, do some hiking and camping. So everything was out and they just started applying things they saw. Into their, their regular games. And to go back to the, to an important point, there's no judgment on parents that choose to use technology. I think it's coming from a good place like, Hey, I wanna make this kid happy and this makes the kid happy.

[00:24:06] It is tough to say, all right, well it might ha make him happy right now, but 10 years down the road it's gonna be an issue if it becomes a dependence thing. And so it comes from a good place and it's just trying to go through that uncomfortable friction upfront now so that they don't have to do it by themselves later.

[00:24:23] Right. And also, not just make the kid happy, but sometimes the parent just needs some time to do something. And sometimes we're recording a podcast and the older two are at school, younger ones home. Yes. He's gonna have to watch TV for a little while, so it makes sense. But the overdependence is when like we try to like take a look at that and make sure we're not going over that border.

[00:24:42] And we want the kids to still have that like sharp mind and creativity. My dad was notorious for I if we're like, I'm bored. Board's a state of mind. That's what like I hated, hated that up. Just resonate in my head and I'm so grateful now in hindsight that I remember as a kid I hated that so bad. Cause I'm like bored.

[00:25:08] Board is a state of mind. Yeah. We all have those sayings that our parents used to tell us that unfortunately ring true and just annoyed us so much. He, my dad would go with something like do you want me to come with an activity for you? Or do you want to come up with your own? Nevermind. I wanna come with my own.

[00:25:24] I'm like, I do not want you coming up with activities. For me. We run that one with our kids a lot. It's like, well, I can find you something to do. No, no, no, no. That's what they'll be talking about on a podcast. 20 years from now, like Brent, I used to serious tell me these, find something to do and I had to do it myself.

[00:25:41] But they they just, they just ama me with what they come up with. We have a little work, a little like a workbook that you make little thumbprint people. Ah-huh. So it's like you put your finger in like a, in paint and you make thumbprints. Our 13 year old decided he wasn't gonna use a computer for a week.

[00:25:54] He made a bet with his uncle for 20 bucks and he thought he wouldn't use it for a week. So he, the first day he made this whole comic strip of this little orange guy, and he falls in the water and becomes a fish. It was amazing. But we never would've seen that side of him, that creative side of him, had he not made that bet with his uncle.

[00:26:13] So it's cool what can happen now. Modern families. One of the big emphasis in in modern families and, and just in society right at this point is individuality and personal fulfillment. How, how does that focus potentially conflict with some of the notions of selflessness sacrifice that we generally were taught in more traditional family aspects.

[00:26:39] So do we establish our family core values, which is part of our path? And one of them is be genuine, which speaks to the indivi individual and the aspect. But another one is also personal development. Like you can be genuine and the task that you prefer, but you can't be genuine. And being a lazy, I'm genuinely like to sit on the couch all day.

[00:26:57] Like that's not it. You have to, we have to counter counteract that with saying, all right, well, when we're values personal development, you can do whatever you want, but you have to work towards being good at it because that's where the skills are formed. And so that is kind of the, the be genuine. Develop yourself.

[00:27:13] Mel can speak more to perhaps the selfless side of it, right? A lot of being a parent is being selfless and trying to figure out what each kid is good at, what they're interested in, and make sure there's time for that. So our middle child loves soccer. He was on the soccer team. We made sure we go to all the games.

[00:27:29] Joe takes him to practice and our older son loves robotics, so he would love to go to robotics club. After school, I take him to the library to 3D print. So we'd make room for all those individual interests and talents and. But we also make sure that we continue as a family unit. So we go out and do hikes together.

[00:27:50] There's a lot of opportunities where we live to go for hikes, so we make sure that we spend time together. Joe took the older two yesterday fishing and it was raining, but they didn't care. They went out and did something together. So I think it's important to appreciate the individuality, of course, but we wanna make sure that our priority is a strong family.

[00:28:09] So we make sure we focus and do things together as a family, which why so many pieces of our path, family dinners together things that bring us together as a family. So we don't just focus on individual, like it's all about you. It's all about you, it's about us. And then of course within that, we foster each individual with their own interests.

[00:28:28] Okay, well, Joe, What was the wake up moment for you as a businessman that just changed this all? I mean, I, I know I, you shared your story a little bit, but I know I, as a dad, there was that aha moment that just triggered it, it, it has to do with family dinners and that we never had any. And so I was always working and one time our second son came around, he asked about that, like, Hey, why aren't you home at dinner?

[00:28:57] And it's, well, you know, I not coming for much. I had built this image in my mind, like, I'm gonna be like the ultimate provider. And that threw things outta whack and threw things outta balance. And so just realizing that they needed more than someone who was pr providing financially for the family through the, the eyes of this two or three year old at the time was powerful.

[00:29:20] Ah, see, I, I knew that, I knew was, there was that moment. I, I, I had a moment with my daughter where I was watching a movie with her. She reached over and pushed my hand down with my phone. It's like, I need you to be here. I need to watch the movie. It's like, we've seen this movie a dozen time. No, I need you to be here with me.

[00:29:39] Doesn't matter. She was like up under my arm. It's like, okay. The phone was like, I am, yeah, okay. I need to check in. I'm multitasking is not the answer. So I, I knew as, as dad is like, there's, there was that moment and I figured it was a kid calling on the carpet. But that's the thing. So many times we have made big changes in life or just realizations because a kid has pointed something out.

[00:30:06] Cuz we as adults are like sometimes just all in our heads and we're not humble enough. So we have made it almost a practice. Now when a kid brings something up, we have to take a look at that because oftentimes it's coming from a truthful place and that as adults we might just be like, well, no big deal.

[00:30:20] I gotta take care of this work email. But like the kid is pointing it out. There's something there that needs to be looked at. I did an interview with a guy, he wrote a book called, I can Appreciate that Stephen Crane. He, I think he lives in Colorado, actually. It's a copywriter, but his kid called him on the carpet because he was a pessimist.

[00:30:41] Like, why are you such a pessimist dad? Like his teenage kid? Like you, you're always, you always see the downside of everything. And so like, he challenged himself to just live a year of gratitude, to just appreciate everything and to look for, you know, a reason, to be grateful for every moment, every solution, every issue.

[00:31:03] And for him, he was also a volunteer, like little league coach. He had one of his kids die that year on the team. And like all this stuff that happened, he lost his sister that year. And so he, he wrote this book called, I Can Appreciate That. But it all started with his son calling him out, being like, why are you such a pessimist dad?

[00:31:24] You always see the negative of everything. And as I've talked to more and more dads, I, I see this over and over again where like, Kip may not even realize that was what they were doing at the time, but so many dads snapped too in a moment when that kid says something and it's like, oh, oh, I, I, I didn't see that.

[00:31:47] Right. You know, we're trying to do the best we can. There is no, there has probably been, honestly more books written about parenting than almost any other subject in the world. And there is still no great perfect book on how to do this and how to be a good dad or a good mom, and you know, how to be an expert at this process because kids are so individual.

[00:32:07] We're also individual. So it's, it's amazing what our kids teach us. Now, Mel, you worked as a family counselor. What was your experience working with other families? What, what did that clue you in on? Stuff for? That's a great question. It's been a long time and I worked specifically with, with kids and families in abusive situations, and I think what if, if, I think I've never really reflected on this.

[00:32:36] I think the first thing that comes to mind is the fact that kids need a parent who is selfless. Kids need a parent who will. Be there for them very specifically. And like we, we did a podcast the other day and this person said something like, be where your feet are. So be in this particular moment, be with the child here.

[00:32:58] Cuz oftentimes I think kids are just tr vying for attention and the parents are too self-absorbed with their own trauma or with their own experiences that they really, when you become a parent, you've kind of taken this agreement to become more selfless and to be there for your kid and really hear them out.

[00:33:13] And like we just talked about a minute ago, oftentimes the kids will point things out that we have to be willing to reflect on, even if it's painful. So I, that's what I, that's what comes to mind first and foremost. And. These, these kids that I worked with, obviously all their families were in difficult situations and oftentimes broken situations.

[00:33:31] So I tried to be that, that light in their life where even if we didn't do much together in the sessions, if I was just there with them in the room, that they will grow up knowing someone cared, someone sat with me with all my stuff, and it wasn't about them. It was about me, meaning the kid. The modern family looks a lot different than it did even 20 years ago.

[00:33:56] As a society, do we think it's having a negative effect overall? I mean, just, just from y'all's frame from our, this is of course just conjecture and opinion. I think it's had a very positive effect on a smaller number of families who are willing to do the work, like we're talking about, and a very negative effect on a lot of families who don't have the support system to implement.

[00:34:23] Barriers and standards around things like technology, around things like pictures being taken of other kids in school and things like that, and they don't have the, the resources. So unfortunately, I think it's created a bigger separation between like the haves and have nots. And I'm not talking money-wise, I'm talking access to implementing information wise.

[00:34:45] And so there's so many good projects trying to help so many people. And sometimes the outcome, the externalities of that are just detrimental and they end up harming the people that they're trying to help because they're not giving them what they actually need, which is the, the skills to do it themselves, or the skillset and the support or the skillset and the resources.

[00:35:06] But they, they kind of get swallowed up in this whole social, social media culture this whole. Have it now culture from fast food to fast internet to everything fast, fast, fast. And it's, I think it's swallow, swallowing up a lot of families. And I, you know, Joe mentioned social media, that's where my mind was going.

[00:35:24] Our kids are not on social media at this point, and again, they're five, 11 and 13. Because my biggest sticking point is for them to have relationships in person. Like, you need to have friends over, you need to you know, go to school. And obviously in school they're, they're face-to-face, but otherwise, if they wanna do a phone call, like the old school phone call, that's cool.

[00:35:46] But we have to have in-person relationships. You have to learn how to respond to people. I, I think that for me, probably be one of the major detriments to the modern family is just people relying on doing something or taking a picture just to get a, like, just to kind of get that feedback instead of having an in-person friendship.

[00:36:04] I don't care if you have five friends or 20 friends or one friend. Figure out how to communicate, figure out how to be a friend, a true friend to them, and not just like a fake friend online. I think that's the part that scares me the most as, as the kids grow up and I see like my, my kids and their classmates, like I just, you know, 20 years from now, are these kids gonna know how to communicate, how to, like if they're, if they get married, are they gonna know how to have communication?

[00:36:31] Like we, this only works for us because we talk to each other every day. We take a walk every day to stay on task. And if we had to do this like virtually or texting each other or something like that, like it wouldn't work. So I think that is super important. Learning how to communicate, learning how to respond to facial expressions and social cues.

[00:36:50] I think that's what's lacking in today's world a lot people are just afraid too, didn't you, Joe used to go out, like, you go play basketball till like the sun went down. The old streetlights come on. Like, we lived that lifestyle. We went up to block away. We'd go shoot hoops, the streetlights came on, we'd come home and have dinner and that.

[00:37:06] That independence is just, hasn't really been there in my, what I've seen from modern families. Yeah. It was always shooting hoops till the lights came on. Nice. We need more of that. Oh yeah. That, that was the standard of my house growing up. It's like when the street lights come on, you better get home.

[00:37:24] You got 40 minutes to get here. We had to be paying attention. It's like, ooh, it's gonna take longer than 20 minutes to get home. We gotta, cause I'm not sure. My parents always knew just how far we straight away sometimes. We, we would rack up the miles on the bike, man. No cell phones, right. Free range kids.

[00:37:45] Right. You were out there with people. You weren't sitting home in your bedroom like texting a friend like this. Completely different. And that's gotta affect development. I, I actually probably hang out a little heavy on Facebook, but I actually blame Facebook for the fall of the term friend or the fall of their friend.

[00:38:01] Yeah, that's a good point. MySpace came before, but they were followers on MySpace. It may have been the most recognized social media platform at the beginning of social media movement, but they were followers. Then Facebook came along and they were friends and every since then, and they're the only platform where they're friends.

[00:38:22] But it has been detrimental to the concept of friendship cuz people are like, oh, I have a thousand. No you don't. You don't have a thousand. No, I don't. Nope. For sure not. I can name them off on one hand. You know, friends, the people who will drop everything and come running. No matter what you're calling them about, the, the depth of those relationships are so important in human development in that replacing 'em with a thousand surface level relationships aren't going to, aren't going to fix having one good friend or two good friends, right.

[00:38:58] Friends with those people that you call, they're like, are we bury a body or moving a couch? Which either way I'm cool, I just need to know what to wear. Yeah, exactly. Right. And I think in, in the modern day, we have to be more intentional to give our kids exposure and opportunities to foster that. So it might just be easier to be like, oh, just chat with your friend online.

[00:39:18] But no, let's invite them over. I will go drive and get them if their parents can't drop them off, like, we actually have a kid over right now and I just said, yo, I'll just drop 'em off at, at his house later tonight. Like, whatever works, because I want them to be in person. And that can be inconveniencing for us sometimes, but I know the bigger picture of why I'm doing that, so I don't mind going out, going out of my way for that.

[00:39:40] Alright. Now, Joe, as, as a, as a personal trainer, I take a lot of, a lot of life lessons outta the gym for myself, right? And things I try and explain to other people sometimes. Do you feel your experience as a personal trainer and some of the things you've done, some of the challenges has helped you be a better father?

[00:40:03] I, I believe so. And I, I saw that you were also a, a personal trainer, an a s M trainer. I think from the actual training someone else side, it has drastically improved my communication skills and reduced my judgment. Cause I don't know where they're coming from for that day. Like, Hey, I want them to move X amount of weight and they could last week, they can't today.

[00:40:22] Well, I don't know how their work went, their sleep went, and I had to start learning those things and to take into account more of the whole person versus the sets and reps as a young trainer. Like, all right, this is the, this is the best program for the person. And well, then you add the person in and it's a much different experience.

[00:40:38] And so that helped them improve the communication skills. And for my own personal challenges I love challenges and I love those experiences. And I love creating memories from doing strong man competitions. To running a hundred mile race last year to doing 4,140 pull-ups on my 40th birthday as an experience.

[00:40:59] Oh. All those challenges helped shape me and get very comfortable with being uncomfortable like it is. Okay. And Mel, me, the kids and I are out fishing in the rain last night. It's uncomfortable, it stinks to have a white shirt, but it also stinks more to not be fishing with your kids. And so just being willing to be uncomfortable and enjoying it almost, which might sound weird, but just enjoying being able to do that has deeply impacted my life.

[00:41:29] Life. You know, I, I thought my birthday choice was, was horrible, but, wow. What's your birthday choice? I, I do birthday squats. That, that's my, ah, great. Whatever I weighed that morning on the bar. One set for. Every year. So, or not once that, sorry, one rep for every year, but there's no, there's no stopping.

[00:41:53] It's once it's off the rack. Mm-hmm. So this year it would be 44 reps with whatever I weigh, help stay a little more honest about keeping in better shape. Yeah. Those, those are memories. And birthday, we don't do a lot of cake and ice cream celebration birthdays anymore. We do experiences. And so, on the 40th, I, I remember on 35th we did 35 tons of deadlift.

[00:42:21] It took like three hours. It took forever, just like broken up. We started at like 500 and they're like, by the end we're doing like 1 35, like a set of 20. Cause we could barely move. But we remember those things and specifically that pull-up one was the one that I actually had to train for. So it was actually like six months of doing pull-ups because I love challenges and I knew if I went out and did running or hiking challenges that would take me out of the home and the kids.

[00:42:42] Kind of play area is in our home gym area as well. So I would just be there doing pull-ups and hanging out, getting really good at sets of five. And then my son Henry saw me do it. And then on his birthday he was 10 turning 11. He did 1011 pull-ups and he trained four it. And I took, I don't know, 6, 7, 8, 10 hours, I don't even remember.

[00:43:02] But it impacted him and he trained for it and set goals and accomplished it himself. And I wanna just add to this, we take advantage of the fact that Joe's a trainer. Like I work out with Joe every day. And now that it's our kids finished school last week, we do family workouts at least three times a week.

[00:43:19] We all get together down there. What, whatever you're like, if you're grumpy about it, whatever. We get together, we're doing box jumps. I was really sore from that the other day cuz we're doing like athletic stuff so the kids can prep for sports. Both my feet haven't left the ground at the same time in like 10 years and all of a sudden it's like, all right, here's the box again.

[00:43:35] No, but it's, it strengthens him as a dad because he has this skillset that he can then teach the kids. Like today, we went for their sports physicals and one of them has to work on some like knee, what is it called? Osh. Good Slaughters. Okay. Well, some kind of knee thing. And I knew immediately like Joe has the skillset to tell my son how to improve that, you know, so that's helped us just as a family being more fit and healthy as well.

[00:44:00] So I'm always thanking him for, you know, being my personal trainer as well. Like, I wouldn't know what to do. I probably would do nothing. I, I'm filling the hamstrings. We're doing, my wife and I were out doing log press and kettlebell swing as a super set yesterday. Oh yeah. Good. Good for you. And good for Sarah too.

[00:44:18] It's, yeah. That's awesome. This morning we had a a podcast we were going to record. And I only had like 10 minutes left on our workout, and I still had four sets of 12 split squats, Bulgaria split squats with the straight bar to do and just had to do 'em straight through. It wasn't a lot of ways, not 25 zone bar, but 12, one, like 12 the other like come up, I'm like dripping down the back of my neck while we're trying to record.

[00:44:38] And I'm, I'm still a little wobbly and that's a good thing. I I, I do my birthday squats every year and it's just one set and there, there have been a couple years where I just couldn't do it. I broke my back twice now, but I, I hit those sets, man. And if I hit it, like I'm just laying on the floor. I've had the, like the little gym manager walk by, she's like, you okay Brent?

[00:45:00] I'm like, laying on the ground, just dad. Yeah. I enjoying it. You earned it. Earned the lay down. I, I tend to run on the biggers, like I, I tend to run around two 80. Mm-hmm. Which isn't a whole lot of weight. For a set of five or a set of three. Yeah. Yeah. For, yeah. It's a lot though for, I always do one extra for 45 straight reps without putting the bar down.

[00:45:23] I mean, you can pause, but it never comes off you it. No. You still can't catch your breath. You're getting squished by that kind of weight. It's tough. Start racking up the, it is like I'm die, but then you do it and you're like, yes. Yes. But it's so memorable, which is the whole point for us too, is like, you did something really cool on your birthday.

[00:45:43] You can talk about it and remember it. I get the 20 year olds at the gym looking at me like I'm psycho. Kinda hilarious. It's good for them to see, right? It's like when you, when you're my age, if you're still here, you're doing ok. Yeah, that's true. It's easy when you're 20, in your thirties when you got a mortgage and a full-time job and families and kids and soccer practice.

[00:46:04] It's, yeah. Sarah, Sarah's my runner, Abby and I just wrapped up a 50 mile Ruck Mart challenge. I saw that. Yeah. I have one coming up next Friday. So I saw you did it with your daughter, right? Yeah, we had, we had the entire month of May. So, you know, she's loving, it's her first time carrying weight for any length of time, so we tried to temper our way into it.

[00:46:26] By the end, she was like, we, we could do four mile loops. And she's like, I didn't think I could do this without weight. I was like, it's really not that bad, is it? She's like, no, it's, it's really not. So you wanna do it again tomorrow? No, I don't. That's amazing connection you and her will have. And I saw you're doing it before, I believe Stop soldier suicide.

[00:46:45] Yeah. Or, or helping that. And then the one next week I have is for 50 for the fall, which is a charity for remembering people who passed. Mm-hmm. Primarily from the military. I'm not military, but I go we, because we can just think about anyone to celebrate their impact on their life. And it's a 50 mile one day.

[00:47:02] Walk. We did it once in Lake Tahoe and here in Colorado Springs this week. So it'll be a memorable experience. Oh yeah, that, that'd be good. You're taking the boys, the boys aren't jumping at the end, so now they've added wisely. The first time we did it, there was only like five of us. Now there's, there'll be a bigger group here.

[00:47:20] It was like, Hey, do the 50. But now it's like, hey, you come for the last five or 10 and then there's a, a Spartan race after. So they kind of teamed up with them and so we're gonna do the 50 and then try the half marathon Spartan race. I've never done a Spartan race. It's not gonna go well. So I don't wanna frame it like I'm the super hero, like we're gonna try to do 50 mile ruck and then a half marathon obstacle course.

[00:47:41] It's gonna be very uncomfortable. I do Spartans and tough muds and yeah. Awesome. That distance, you're gonna just arrived. You're gonna hate life. Yeah. It'll be a memory though. Spartans are really fun. Like, I like Spartan because they have three different levels of kids race. So like my daughters done Spartan races.

[00:48:00] Awesome. But they have a half mile for the little, little ones with no penalties and you can run it with your kid and then they go up to a mile and a two mile, and then at age 14 they can start doing it with you. Yeah. But both my daughters have done Spartan Racings. Those, those have been great memories together, but Tough Mudder kids race, they have like one, two links now.

[00:48:20] They finally broke it up, but originally they only had one link for the kids race and the Spartan kind of graduated the kids up. So that was a lot of fun with them, but Oh, very cool experiences. It's, it's fun in the mud, man. Your, your kids dig into it. It'd be very exciting. I'd go do like the short one, the 5k, I'd do it on the first wave so I could be back in time to do the kids races with my two daughters.

[00:48:42] Perfect. So, We, we've been just, you know what we've been talking about, modern family. We're just talking about family life. There, there is so much value in your family. In the next part of the show, we're gonna dive into the seven elements of a strong family path. The hash you share with people as well as their family coaching to help you build a really solid foundation, right?

[00:49:07] Because all of us have room to grow in our families, and you may have part of it down pat. There may be things that you feel like you grow in as family, as fathers, we're always looking to do the best by our kids and by our families, and there's gonna be a lot of value for you. In this next section of the show, hang out for a minute, we're gonna roll out our sponsor and we'll be right back with more from Joe and Mel.

[00:49:27] Now, before we go any further, I wanted to share with you guys, I don't always tell you how much I love doing my podcast. Like I passionately love what I'm doing and one of the things that makes my life better as a podcaster is to work with a company like Grow Your Show. Grow Your Show is a one-stop podcast.

[00:49:46] Do it all. Now I use Grow Your Show for my marketing, but Grow Your show is literally one stop shop. You can record your episode and just drop it off with them and they take it from there. It's amazing. If you are interested in picking up podcasting as a hobby or maybe you're looking to expand your business and use podcasting in that aspect, talk to my friends over Grow Your Show.

[00:50:05] Adam will take care of you. I guarantee it. I trust him. He's my friend, he's my business colleague, and I wouldn't trust anybody else with my show. All right guys, welcome back. In the last part of the show we were talking about just the modern family life and some pros and cons of it and some alternatives, as well as taking our family down a route of.

[00:50:25] Health in their life. I think as parents, it's our job to set that bar and help our kids establish healthy lifestyle. In this part of the show, we're gonna dive into what Hashey is called, the Seven Elements of a Strong Family Path. And this is the program they use in their own family and they use when they're working with other families.

[00:50:45] And guys, I just, I'm gonna step back in this part of the show and just let you have the floor on this because you guys have built this system and you've not only tested it on your own family and worked out what works well for you guys, but also you've worked with other families in the same system. So I think that you're going to be able to do a better job explaining this.

[00:51:03] So I'm just gonna step back a little bit and let you guys have the floor on this. Really appreciate the opportunity, Brent. So we have this strong family path. We consider it like the overall strategy. It's like if you had a time management strategy or if you had a presentation strategy. It's just the, the overall, here's what you can plug in regardless of your own individual family's core beliefs and standards, it will fit into the path.

[00:51:29] This is an overall framework and we'll give examples from our life to kind of bring it home. But here we go. So the first thing we have are our core values. Before we get into anything else, when we get questions from our listeners, like, Hey, how do you handle discipline and stuff like that? Well, it's all relative to the core values.

[00:51:47] If we need to apply a consequence, it's to repair one of the values that we stand for versus being punitive, and it helps our kids filter how they see life and decide on who they hang out with and things like that. Mel had a story. Our, our older son came home from school and. Said you know, I really like this kid.

[00:52:07] He's cool to hang out with. And Mel asked why? And he said, because he has a lot of our core values. And so they're making decisions based on him. And the truth is, the kids are gonna establish values whether you teach them or not. They could get 'em from school, they could get 'em from tv, they get 'em from social media.

[00:52:23] They could get 'em from a coach. Some could be good, some could be bad. We think it's the family's role to choose what do you actually stand for and are willing to fight for? Because there's a lot of good values out there to appreciate, but what's core for you and your family? And so Mel and I went through a process, give you the, the high level overview, which is we both wrote down everything we thought was important.

[00:52:45] We condensed, we combined, we, we massaged it for a few weeks till we get down to a list of five to seven. We don't really like going over seven because what is memorable is portable. What you can carry in your brain, you can enact in your life, and so you don't have to. I can remember some huge list of 20 kind of important values, like these are the critical movers.

[00:53:09] For your family. And Mel, do you wanna just list off our core values? Sure. I, I will list them. So the first one is be genuine. Even every person in the family is their own unique individual and we try to foster everybody's different interests, so be genuine. Second is have gratitude. We really try to find something to be thankful for.

[00:53:27] And you mentioned this earlier in that book. I can appreciate that. So we try to always find something to be thankful for. And we specifically do this at the dinner table. We all go around our five-year-old picks, who gets to go next, and sharing what they're thankful for that day. And that sprinkles in throughout the day as well.

[00:53:43] But we make sure we do that at dinner. The next one is be adventurous. So it's really important that our kids be willing to try new things, to do hard things, to get outta their comfort zone, to go on that hike instead of choosing to watch tv. So it helps to balance out to help them choose what to do with their time.

[00:54:01] Another one is wanting to be together. So I love this one. So we want the kids to want to be with us even when they don't have to be with us. So a lot of times one of us will move into one room and all of a sudden everybody else starts to creep in. So we kind of just all are magnets to each other and we enjoy each other's company and we, we call ourselves a rolling party.

[00:54:19] So wherever we go, we kind of have fun together. And the the last two are personal growth, which is really important. We wanna be forever learners. We always want the kids to see that there are more skills for them to learn. And school is just one piece of that. And finally, personal accountability. So we, we don't like the blame game.

[00:54:38] We like, Us to be able to accept whatever we're accountable for in any situation. Whether it's like a dis a dispute between siblings. This morning we had that happen between the older two. They got in a fight and the older one came to me and of course just just told me what the other kid did. And I'm like, well, I'd love to hear your peace in this.

[00:54:56] Can you please be accountable for what you did? And it turns out he kind of initiated the whole problem. So we just use that language in terms of our values to kind of filter all of our family decisions and just how we manage problem solving throughout the day. The important piece of it is you are defining with clarity what your family stands for, regardless of whether it's those values or some other ones.

[00:55:19] It's not something we came up with in a vacuum. We came up with a list. We involved our kids during a family meeting, we. Practice 'em, we use them. And because from being from the business world, we know that mission statements and core values could just be stagnant. Things that some corporate person hangs on a wall.

[00:55:36] We don't want that to happen with their family. The outcome we're looking for is for you to define what success looks like for your family when everyone's living up to your values and standards as a family, right? We, we didn't wanna, if someone were to ask us like what we're about, we want to be able to define that.

[00:55:52] We don't wanna just be like, yeah, we're a great family, which is true, but we really wanna specifically say why that is. So the kids can start to do that and they do really embody the values. They start to make choices based on them. It's really cool to watch consistently over time. So that really the core values is the first piece of the path, and that is really the foundation.

[00:56:11] And it does take some energy to get that going, but it is so worth it. Everything we do filters through the values. Yeah. And if you have older kids, you involve them, get their lists together. It's never too late to, to define what success looks like. It's dangerous game to play when you say, all right, we wanna be good people.

[00:56:27] Well, my definition, Brent's definition, Sarah's definition, Mel's definition of what good may vary slightly. There's probably some, a lot of similarities, but there's probably some differences In whose definition of good are you standing for your families or you know, what they read on social media or what a coach tells 'em.

[00:56:45] What a teacher tells 'em again, could be good, could be bad. You have to filter it and define it for your family with clarity. So the next step in the strong family path, we went into that one a little bit more in depth, but this is an easy one. The morning routine. And so our kids get up, we want them to have healthy fitness habits for life.

[00:57:03] I shared earlier that my father ended up passing. His father passed when he was in high school. There was not healthy males in my family. And so fitness and health is an important part of our lives. And so to help 'em build a routine, they have about five minutes of exercise. No, it's not going to be like a full puddle of sweat exercise program.

[00:57:22] It's very basic. They get up, but we don't want 'em coming up in their PJs holding onto a blanket, oh, it's cold. Like, oh no, you get up, you exercise. Then you can come up to the kitchen. And so they do their, their planks. They do some body weight squats. They do a couple pushups. They do a couple pullups. Again, it's about five minutes just to get their energy going in and establish a habit.

[00:57:42] And they come up and they do their family contributions, which we want our kids to feel like they can contribute to the family. So we don't really call 'em chores, but they prepare their morning shakes. They have little protein veggie avocado shake that smells made them every morning for about a decade or longer.

[00:57:59] One preps the shake, one fills the ice cube tray. They do their morning journaling and reflection and all that stuff in the routine has to get done before they can do anything else. If they want to use one of their three 15 minute tech times, they can after that, but it's time for them to, to start the day with purpose and intention for your family.

[00:58:18] That might look different. It might be read three pages and then, you know, walk in and say something. They're, they're grateful for whatever it is. Habits and routines help kids thrive. It's not punishment for kids to teach 'em these things, and it gives them energy and it gives them long-term habits and yeah, they could be grumpy for a day or two about it, but typically, you know, they aren't if you're doing it as well and holding your family standard.

[00:58:41] Anything else in the morning routine, Mel? Yeah, I just wanted to add that this really, this is a process again, so it took us a while for it to get to where it is now. And now when they get up, they automatically do it like the kitchen bustles in the morning and it's kind of like this beautiful chaos.

[00:58:57] Everything gets done. So I think sometimes when we talk about this piece, it sounds like a lot, but you just do a little piece at a time and we see the benefit from it over time and we don't want the kids waking up with uncertainty that we look at male volunteers all the school. I've been a teacher, we look at a lot of the mental health and struggle issues with children as they, as they grow.

[00:59:15] And a lot of has to do with uncertainty. Whether they feel like they are growing and progressing or not, or uncertain where they fit in the world and to small things along the path will help them start their day with certainty and with positive progress, which can help set them up. All right, let's do another one.

[00:59:35] I was looking at me. Yeah, let's, let me hit, let me hit another one here. The family meetings you want me to talk about and then we can kind of hit the list a little faster. So we always have meetings at work, which is a dirty word in a lot of jerk job. Workplaces, like, there's even a book Death by Meeting because meetings can stink.

[00:59:53] And so you wanna have a meeting routine and you don't want the first organization your kids are really part of to be outside of your household. You want high performance meetings in your household and let them feel valuable and contributing to their life and their process. So every Saturday at dinner, we hold a family meeting and it runs a little something like this.

[01:00:11] They start off by sharing how they embodied one of the core values from the week, or how someone else at the table lived up to a core value. Then we talk about discussion topics. This is where the kids can bring something to the table. Hey, Thinking about buying this with my money. What do you think? You know, I, I struggle a little bit with tech time.

[01:00:29] How can we keep a rein on that? I'm trying to think. It could be just scheduling for the week, could be dinners for the week. It could be just anything that needs discussing. So it's handled it in one organization. In the parents' role. In these family meetings are just like, with core values, define what success looks like.

[01:00:45] So if kids say, Hey, I wanna buy some Bluetooth earbuds. This came up at one of our family meetings a few weeks ago and said, love music. We love that you appreciate music. What success looks like to us is that you're not having your headphones on when other people in the room. So now you're not conversing and you're not present.

[01:01:02] And so that they came up with their own rules and guidelines so that when other people are in the room, they don't have the head, the earbuds in, they do it on walks, the mailbox or whatever else when they're listening to music. So we have our discussion topics. Then we have an important short section called Tough Truths, where anyone at the table.

[01:01:20] Can say something that they is on their mind or heart that someone else may not enjoy hearing. And oftentimes it's us catching the tough truths from the kids. Yes, I'll give it to them. I'll give an example. My son Henry has a lot to give to this world. He was getting braces, and when he got braces, it affected his self-confidence.

[01:01:37] I said, Henry, I can see that this is affecting your self-confidence and you're making less eye contact. Now when you look down, when you speak and you're getting quieter and you're starting to mumble, cause I know it's uncomfortable. I had braces too. And because you have so much to give to the world, I want you to keep your chin up a little bit more and speak a little bit more clearly, even if that means slower.

[01:01:55] And so out of a place of love, I'm giving him this tough truth so that his life can improve. I caught one the other week where, Hey dad, I saw you check your phone at dinner and this is a good opportunity for role modeling cause I don't wanna be all defensive. Well, you don't know what it's like running all these companies and it's like, oh, making excuses for something that I would not have allowed them to make excuses for.

[01:02:17] So I, you're right. What we'll do is we'll take this, we'll turn it off during these, this dinner times and we created a no tech Thursday in the evening. We just don't have any of it on. And so it came out of me taking a tough truth and being an example of how to wear that criticism. And then we have a fun part, which is just giving everyone a compliment around the table.

[01:02:39] And then we finish with a firm handshake and eye contact two pats on the shoulder and Mel tries to sneak in for a hug. But we talked about clear in-person communication earlier. And that's kind of where we practice it every week with those conversations in person all sitting around the table.

[01:02:55] And Mel, you wanna just list off the other ones? Cause I know we're. I've gone on here for about 10 minutes. That's okay. I wanted to just add one quick thing before I do that because the magic of the family meetings is that they're, every week they're consistent. We don't just have a meeting when like something big is happening.

[01:03:10] So some meetings go really quickly, other ones last longer. The worst time to have a meeting is every time something's wrong. Right. And everyone dreads it. Right? Exactly. It's like, well, your boss calls you in the office. Hey, we gotta meet, but this person's never met with you before. You know it's not good.

[01:03:23] Right. So consistency is important. Good point, Mel. And, and the other part is that the kids are so valuable with their ability to problem solve. We oftentimes put it back to them, how can you guys solve this problem? Because if they come up with a solution, they're much more likely to follow along through it.

[01:03:36] So that's been really powerful. So we've covered three. So another one is family dinners, which goes along with family meetings a little bit. We aim to have a dinner as a family every day. And at, yeah. I just wanna hit something important that we were chatting on early, and I'm sorry for cutting you off, is that people ask like, how can this be practical?

[01:03:57] Well, we aren't traditional like, hey, you gotta eat at five 30 family. A lot of families will fight that fight. Like here's dinner time. We could eat anything at any time. Right? And we still call it a family dinner. So if it's at three o'clock, cuz there's soccer practice going on later, or the kids have something after school and it's at six o'clock, it doesn't matter.

[01:04:15] It matters only that we are. Together for that family dinner experience, right? We set aside every day time in the day for that dinner so we can reconnect. And there's no tech. It's all just face-to-face communication that TV is not on. It's just us around the table talking, and we always make sure to share gratitude from the day.

[01:04:34] So that's one of our core values. So we always go around the table, find some silver linings, find some things to be grateful for. It's a great way for us to connect as a family. Another is the evening debrief, and I do this with mostly my older two. So I put the five year old to bed and we do our, you know, a really, really nice routine.

[01:04:52] But the evening debrief is really about setting aside some time in the evening when kids are comfortable. You know, they took their showers, they're laying in bed, they're on, they're on the couch watching a, watching a show. This is when the more sensitive personal topics will oftentimes come up. So we'll do a little prayer.

[01:05:07] I'll read them a book, but usually I. One of the kids will bring something up that happened at recess or something that happened at school that's really bothering them. And a lot of times at the end of the day, it's like nine o'clock and all we wanna do is go to bed, but this is the time when the kids will open up to you.

[01:05:23] So this is a really important piece of the path. I really wanted it to be on the path because this is the opportunity for the kids to open up for you to hear where they're at, because the next morning you might say, well, let's just discuss it tomorrow. They might not want to do it the next day. So it's like taking the opportunity while it's there.

[01:05:41] It's been really important for us to do that in the evening. Then we have family goal setting, which at the beginning of the year, you can do it anytime you want. We sit down, we draw a picture of everything we wanna accomplish in the year. Mel loves good lamination, so she laminates it and hangs it by the dinner table.

[01:05:55] And every week at our family meeting meeting, we set a commitment to. Do for seven days. That'll get us closer to one of those goals. We want the kids to learn that just dreaming something up isn't actually setting a goal unless you take some progress to accomplish it. So for us it was pictures of like our podcast, we're gonna launch it and get it going.

[01:06:14] This year, the, the pull-up was one of the goals, and so we dropped pictures and then we set a weekly commit commitment of what we're going to do to move us closer to one of those. And every night at dinner we do a check, Hey, has everyone done their commitment? And they say, yes, no, no, that's fine. You still got a few hours left in the day to.

[01:06:33] Knock your commitment out and get it done. And so we have that as a piece of the path. Path, which has been really important to see the kids stick to the goals and actually push us to stick to our goals. Great. Well, I'm gonna give an example. So our part of this whole path, the idea of it is to instill these skills in the kids when they're young.

[01:06:50] So our five-year-old, his commitment for the week that week was. Like 10 squats cuz he really, really likes working out. And I was in his preschool class one morning and they do a little mini workout as part of their morning routine at school and it happened to be squats that day and he turned to me and he was like, mom, that's my commitment for this week.

[01:07:08] So I knew like this is working. Like he's learning the language of commitment and goal setting and he's only five years old. So that's been really powerful for us. You know, we did an episode where just how we implement the path like in daily life, cuz you really do see it progress. You really see the results of it, like the fruits of your labor so to speak.

[01:07:27] And the last piece of the path, which is definitely not least, is relationships within the family. When we were discussing what the seven pieces would be, and we didn't come up with seven, it just kind of, we went through our day and what do we do that really helps move our family forward and make us a strong family?

[01:07:42] And, but the relationships, what that means is we are a family unit, but within that we have, you know, our relationship, Joe and I, we have each of us to each child, each child to the other child, and then each child to themselves. And each of those relationships is precious and important. So oftentimes, I kind of as mom, I have this ability to see when one of the kids is kind of off and I'll go talk to Joe and I'll say, you know, I think something's not quite right with our oldest, he seems kind of more upset lately, so we put some more energy into supporting him in that moment.

[01:08:15] Or maybe there's been a bit more sibling rivalry between two of your kids. So it's important to identify that and try to handle it before it festers and becomes worse. And Joe and I, this is part of why we take our daily walks. We strive to do that every day so that we can stay connected, so we can discuss what's going on in the family so that when we do discuss things with the kids, we're not emotional about it cuz we've already kind of gotten that out of our system, system ahead of time.

[01:08:41] And a question comes up like, how the heck do you have the energy to do all this? And Brent, I saw this on one of your Instagrams recently, where that relationship piece is also your relationship with yourself. What do you need some time for some self-care? Do you need some space to, to recover before you engage into some other activity?

[01:08:58] And so, Being honest with like, Hey, I need some time, is also a piece of that relationship management so that you can pour into your family more. And there you go.

[01:09:08] Sorry, I muted myself. Way to, way to bring it home, guys. That, that right into it, man. You can turn it back into my Instagram. Like, you're good. I I appreciate it. I appreciated that post. It is important. Like I gotta, I, I need some, sometimes I need to go walk by myself. I like space, I like some aloneness and I think that's okay.

[01:09:28] It helps me recharge. Mm-hmm. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's, it, my, my wife probably struggles the most with getting that right? Because our kids want her attention from the minute she gets up and she does most of the homeschooling while I'm in here, in the office working. And she definitely, she's a very.

[01:09:45] Introverted person, she needs the quiet me time to have a little time to read or do her Bible study or just be calm and quiet and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea or something. And that, that's probably one of the bigger struggles for us. It's like, okay, how do we make sure that she's getting that time too?

[01:10:05] Because parents are constantly putting into their kids, right? But that, it's one of the things that's been a hard lesson for me cuz I'm big into just go, like, I I'm the put your head down and just grind, you know, push it till I fall down. And, and I, I've had to take a few checks every now and it was like, okay.

[01:10:29] And, and finally my business coach kicked me in the butt and was like, dude, you cannot put in anybody if you're empty. Like, I know you wanna save the world. I know you wanna do everything. You can't put in anybody unless you're empty. You have to take time. Like I have a. Weekly check in with him and he is like, did you take time for personal care this week?

[01:10:48] And he's like, maybe this is such a good topic though, because I love that you mentioned Sarah and she has to have some time to herself. Cuz during the school year, maybe six months ago, I realized I don't get time to myself in the evening cuz I do that evening debrief and then I'm just done with the day.

[01:11:05] So I decided to start getting up half an hour earlier and that was five 30. And it sounded terrible initially, but it was the best thing. And now, cause I can have that cup of coffee, I do, I read my Bible and that's daily stoic book that Joe mentioned and I think it's. If I don't have that, I struggle. And now that school's out, I haven't done that.

[01:11:25] I've been sleeping in a little bit and then I hear like the kids' doors open and I'm like, no, I should have gotten up early. So it is like a constant, like, just because we have this path figure it out and it's, to a degree, it's still a constant communication. And what's working now? What can we change?

[01:11:40] I think I'm gonna have to start setting my alarm at five 30 again, just to get that time. I Sarah and I are opposites on that. Like I'm the, I get up at 4:00 AM and that's, that's when I can put my head down and do things and get stuff done. And so I can be more present during the normal part of the day with my family.

[01:12:02] But that, that's my crank it out time. And Sarah stays up to get her personal time in the evenings. So like we put the kids to bed, I'm in bed right behind them cuz I'm getting up at four and that's when I'm trying to put in the hard hours so I have a little more time to be with the family. Right. Cuz that's a big recharge for me.

[01:12:22] But that's when, that's when I put in the hard crunch time of editing and trying to plan things and get my week straight. Yeah. I try and get that done so I can take a break and maybe help with breakfast for the kids and stuff like that. So it's Right. You gotta find that time as parents. When that fits, when that works for you, for your spouse, how do you Right, right.

[01:12:44] Is that cost struggle? It's gotta be manufactured and intentional. It, A lot of people are good at saying like, oh, I need some time. I'm feeling burnt out. Okay, so what's that time gonna be like? You gotta put it on your calendar. I know you're, you have your business coach and sometimes you don't get it on your calendar.

[01:12:59] I have my, my mentors and buddies and sometimes I don't get it on my calendar, but identifying it is just a piece of the puzzle. Then you have to manufacture that time. And maybe it is someone on, you switch duties for a day. The of the typical things you do so the other person can go and have a little bit time recharge.

[01:13:15] Yeah, raising your hand is a piece of it and you gotta make it work, right? We have to always communicate and figure that out. We have to be able to step up and say, Hey, I need this. Let's figure out how we can make it happen and not just be talking about it. We have to be doers, which is really what the path is all about.

[01:13:30] You know, it sounds, it sounds lovely, but you really have to start to take action even if you just pick one little piece and just start doing something with it. And guys, if you wanna go deeper into this, you need to go check out the Strong Family Podcast. The. Hases have their own podcast. It's a great show.

[01:13:47] Go check that out. Go over to their website. As always, we'll have links in the description to the website to all of their different social media presences so you can connect with them and go deeper down. This, they have an incredible program to help you, right? Because we, we could all use some, I I'm sitting here.

[01:14:06] I, I can see my wife actively taking notes actually at that time. But I'm sitting here going, Ooh, we, we should, I'm gonna try that, right? Little, little. I already do this and this, but I wanna try that, right? But you know what, put into your family, and I know that all of us are working and striving to be better with our families and have that great family dynamic, and they've got some great ideas they've shared today.

[01:14:32] So be sure and follow up with them guys. What's next for you guys? Yeah, so for right now we're just in a community building phase. We love being on podcasts and meeting other parents, and it gives us such energy to pour into our families and iron everything out. And next year we'll have a, a just a little book come out and then we'll start doing some in-person events for families who want to do their 90 day family planning.

[01:14:57] But for now, it's just over@strongfamilyproject.com. Like you were kind enough to mention, we just give away the path people can follow it. Just trying to create relationships and help out individuals improve their, the pour into their families and create a strong family. It's really a magical experience.

[01:15:12] And so I think that's just next for us is just keep making relationships and connections and try then trying to help people in the real world because it's easy to try to live online, which we don't want to do. Like this is a medium, a tool for us to meet more people and help more people. And so we need to use it and then make that come true in the next year where we do try to impact more people.

[01:15:31] Right now. I know all you guys are dying to know. So the film quote, carpet diem, seize the Day, boys Make Your Lives extraordinary. Did in fact you were Correct. Come from Dead Post Society. Yay. Alright. It was a great speech, but yes, you, you nailed that one. So, you know, not everybody gets those. Right? I, I really randomized these questions honestly.

[01:15:53] Like Google, Google's, I'll pull up random lists like, oh that one sounds interesting. Let's go with that. Learn those things. Yeah. I don't think I've seen a movie in like the last decade, so I'm glad you picked something from like the nineties. You asked 2000 tens movies. I'd be clueless. Yeah, we'd have no idea.

[01:16:11] You know, it's funny cause that's something I've experienced just, just in, in talking to people, right? People who are generally trying to build businesses and stuff like this. Like I watch way less movies than I used to. Yeah. We, we have movies have always been a big escape for us. Especially in the early years, I like, I own 400 VHS tapes when Sarah and I got married Good.

[01:16:37] And vhs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got that far back and you know, that, that's just expanded. But I didn't use to own any movies. I hadn't seen. I have a bunch of movies I have never seen. Now it's like, I wanna see that eventually, sooner or later we'll put it sooner or later. We'll, we'll get around to watching that.

[01:16:55] Right. As I got busier trying to build other things I care about, it's like, oh, watching less tv, watch less movies. That's why I love audibles. Like I, ooh, good. I can still have books, I can still have, you know? Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. That's good. Less downtime guys. There is, the family is one of the most powerful things.

[01:17:15] It's one of the reasons we're focused on relationships with the Fallible Man is. Your family is one of the most powerful things you'll ever have and putting into it. And you know, just maximizing that connection is so, so powerful for everything else you're gonna do in your life. Dads, moms, you have your work cut out for you.

[01:17:35] I know, I know it can be difficult, but there are amazing people out here like Joe and Mel, who are out there rooting for your family. You don't, you don't even know 'em, but they're out there rooting for your family. So take advantage of that. Guys. Wrap us out. What is the most important takeaway you want people to hear today?

[01:17:54] I'm gonna go right back to what I started with is that we talking to us, some can sometimes feel like drinking from a fire hose. We get that like it's a lot of information splashing in the face. And what we would love is that, Just choose one thing that you think will be the biggest mover, and now that's what we want you to take out of this.

[01:18:12] Just choose one idea, implement it, give it time to grow, and you figure it out with your family, and then you can layer on something else. So even though we laid out a ton of food on the table, choose what you like. Take a couple bites and make sure you can digest it before you move on to the next course.

[01:18:28] And this is, this is, I think, easy to do today. The day that you listen to this, go and tell each person in your family why you're thankful for them. That can be an easy step forward already. Just showing some gratitude and being humble and showing them that you care. All right guys. As always, be better tomorrow because what you do today, and we'll see you on the next one.

[01:18:49] This has been the Fallible Man Podcast. Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. Head over to www.thefallibleman.com for more content. And get your own man here.