Crafting a 200 Percent Marriage: Strategies for Total Commitment

Crafting a 200 Percent Marriage: Strategies for Total Commitment

D Brent Dowlen: [00:00:00] Have you ever looked at your life that seemingly checked all the boxes and thought, what am I doing? You don't know what you should do, but you would almost rather jump out of a plane and build a parachute on the way down and keep going the direction you're going. I think you'd be surprised how common that feeling actually is, but most people just don't.

It's that fear of the unknown. There's that fear of giving up the security that comes with that seemingly check all the boxes kind of life. For a lot of us, it's, you know, we're trying to be responsible for loved ones because it hits a little bit later in life and we don't feel like we can change directions because chasing your dreams over security is not, right, it's not responsible.

You can't do that kind of thing. And for a lot of us, it's responsibility, our feeling that responsibility, our, maybe we feel selfish for wanting to give up that security or change. Well, my guest today made the leap and left what people call [00:01:00] success. Checking all that, all those boxes, the American dreams and decided to chase more Craig Meredith.

There are a lot of listeners that are living in a space of just hating the part of their life where they just kind of go through the motions and they're not really living. They're just are thriving. They're just kind of living in that safety net and they just. They're frustrated. They're struggling.

What do you want them to hear right now about the difference between living and thriving?

Craig Bennett: So I would say that I know exactly where you are. I've been there myself and. It wasn't until I really took stock of who I wanted to be, who I was, and who I wanted to be in this world, and then started to make decisions to become that person, that things really changed. And so now life for me, like the difference between [00:02:00] living and thriving is, is that you, you have a purpose.

Something bigger than you that you're going after. When you're just living, you're just going through the motions. You're kind of taking life as it comes to you, and you're kind of like a ship. At, out at sea, just kind of bobbing, and you're at the mercy of the waves, and you end up where you end up.

Whereas if you're thriving, you're actually building your life, you've got a North Star, and you're attacking that. And so your life is intentional, and you're doing the things that you love to do, and you're living life out loud.

Meredith Bennett: I couldn't agree with you more, if I tried. I, to me, it really boils down to that.

Excitement for life again, when I was living the default life, I was going through the motions, I was having to get up and go to work. I was having to do all the things in my life and it really feels now more like I get to, we get to do this together. We get to build something, we get to learn, we get to live life on our terms.

It's, it's the difference between have to and get to

D Brent Dowlen: [00:03:00] just wrap your head around that thought for about 60 seconds. While we hear from our sponsor, we're going to go deep with Craig and Meredith Bennett on the cheat code to leveling up your life. Stay with us. We'll be right back

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Purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men. I'm your host Brent Allen and we help men go from living to thriving purpose filled intentional lives. My guests today are Craig and Meredith Bennett. Uh, road of life coaching and road of life podcast, Craig Meredith. Welcome to the purpose driven to thrive broadcast.

Uh, this is my first interview I've done since I rebranded the show. So I'm totally going to screw this up a lot. Just

Meredith Bennett: we're just rolling with it. Can't wait.

Craig Bennett: Super pumped to be here. Thanks for having us.

D Brent Dowlen: Now. I like to start out on the lighter end. So how's your trivia skills? Trivia skills?

Craig Bennett: I'd say fair.

Hers are way better, but let's, let's see. Let's see.

D Brent Dowlen: All right. Some pop culture trivia for you. What does bae stand for in slang? Is it a babe? C, babe and everything, B, before anything else, or D, bond always eternal.

Craig Bennett: I would have said [00:06:00] A myself.

Meredith Bennett: I would have said A, but I, when I heard B, I want to go B.

D Brent Dowlen: All right.

Now guys, you know the rules. Don't cheat. Don't look ahead. Don't look this up on the slamming dictionary. We'll get back to that later in the show, because it's not really that important. In your own words today, who are Craig and Meredith Bennett?

Meredith Bennett: Ooh, that's a deep one right off the hop. Coming

Craig Bennett: out, coming out hot.

Meredith Bennett: I would say Craig and Meredith are, we're best friends, we're business partners, we're life partners, and we are designing the life we want to live together. We're co creating our life so that we get to live the life of our dreams.

Craig Bennett: I would say we're purpose driven entrepreneurs who want to make the world a better place.

Like

D Brent Dowlen: that. Now, I was watching one of your videos, prepping for the interview. I got to ask, have we taken up goat yoga yet?

Craig Bennett: Not yet. That, that video, very new. [00:07:00] Um, still doing the research on where we're going to go for goat yoga, but we are going to do goat yoga. I'm still convincing her that we're going to do goat yoga.

Meredith Bennett: I'm not super convinced. I want to get peed on by a goat, but I am willing to give it a try.

Craig Bennett: So we heard it here first. We're going to do goat yoga at some point.

D Brent Dowlen: Fair enough. Fair enough. Ask you guys, what did you do? In the corporate world before you went in all in together. Now,

Meredith Bennett: we actually worked for the same company.

We worked for a big energy company and I started out working in employee wellness. I can help them wellness and I transitioned into HR. Equity, inclusion, diversity role.

Craig Bennett: I was in like health and safety. So helping the company prevent incidents, like big expensive incidents that hurt people, those sorts of things.

And then if we did happen to have something, do the investigation into, into the incident, figure out why it happened and how [00:08:00] we can make it.

D Brent Dowlen: What do you do for a living now? Because I haven't done any introductions yet. So, you know, what do you guys do for a living now?

Meredith Bennett: Now we're relationship coaches. And I would love to tell you it was a straight line from one to the other.

It definitely was not a straight line in any way, shape, or form. No matter how far you zoom out, it was not a straight line. Um, but we did eventually settle into our, I guess like, our happy place where we feel like we can contribute the most, um, most effectively to the world. And so we help people with relationships.

He primarily Romantic relationships, but but not exclusively this skills that help your marriage also help every other relationship in your life. So we do definitely run the gamut of relationships for sure.

D Brent Dowlen: I love that. I'm not the only person who thinks that. Like, I've tried to explain that to people like, no, I [00:09:00] don't just do like, you know, romantic relationships.

Like, honestly, Five Love Languages was one of the best books I ever read for my work relationships.

Meredith Bennett: Totally.

D Brent Dowlen: Saved me so much at work.

Craig Bennett: Yeah, it's so true. It's so true. Everything that you apply to this relationship applies to all your other

Meredith Bennett: relationships. Yeah. It's just often a little, not even easier, but it's just a little more, it's a little More convenient, if nothing else, to then to learn the skills at home right here and then apply them because No, I didn't want to say easy because it can be really hard some of the things you have to do and really uncomfortable So it's not more comfortable at home But it's just more convenient to learn them at home with your person and then you can apply those same skills to your business Partners to your work relationships to your mom to your mother in law to your sisters to your kids to your everybody

D Brent Dowlen: So is that what the road to life podcast is about?

Is that what y'all do? Yeah. Tell us podcast. [00:10:00]

Craig Bennett: Yeah. The podcast right now we're so we're kind of similar to you a little bit of a transition time. So, but, um, right now we've got one episode a week, it drops every Thursday and we just talk about relationship strategies, stories that have, you know, from our own relationship or, um, from our clients and, and just share strategies, tips, tactics, bite sized chunks.

They're usually about 15 minutes, 20 minutes max per episode. And now we're transitioning, we're going to keep that, that rolling, that one episode a week. And then we're going to add to that one episode a week, probably on a Monday or Tuesday where we actually interview other, other couples or individuals who are doing something cool in relationships that the audience can also learn from.

Meredith Bennett: Yeah. We've got episode 70 coming out. Exit 69 came out yesterday. So we've like very proud of ourselves that we've done 69 episodes every week, consistently never missed a week. And so. We feel like we've kind of hit our groove now and we're ready to try and well, [00:11:00] dig into what it will look like and kind of plan it out a little bit, but ready to take on the leap of adding one more a week.

D Brent Dowlen: What is something everybody should know about YouTube before we dig into it?

Meredith Bennett: Everyone should know about us is we just want to see people win. We just want to see everybody win. been in stages of our life where we didn't have this like we were both in other relationships We were both I was single for a decade Like I we both know what it's like not to have a thriving relationship and how that supports every area of your life and We just want everyone to know what that feels like and whether that's working with us or somebody else like it doesn't really matter to Us if you can you can get some Some help anywhere you can get it.

Podcasts, wherever. Everyone deserves to have a relationship that lifts them up and [00:12:00] helps get them closer to their dreams.

Craig Bennett: I would say that and we're really fun. We do, we do it, we do it in a fun way.

Meredith Bennett: Yeah.

Craig Bennett: Like, because, like Not for nothing, but like when you, when you think about relationships and when they're not going well and the idea of like, you know, turning that around and dealing with all those challenges in relationships, it can feel daunting.

It can feel scary. And the idea of, of doing the work seems unappealing, we'll say. You can do it and have fun.

D Brent Dowlen: We've been getting to know Craig and Meredith just a little bit, who they are, kind of what makes them tick. To see the person behind just the names and find out a little bit. How we all fit together in this part of the show. We're going to dive into their story and what has taught them as we moved through [00:13:00] towards the cheat code to loving up your life.

Now, guys, I got to ask you had these corporate jobs where y'all were doing everything per the playbook, right? The one, the American dream playbook, right? You had it, you had the jobs and everything was going okay. And you had a life and, and you went, uh, Maybe not. What prompted you to leap from the corporate grind where by outside perspectives, you were successful into entrepreneurship and going your own direction.

Meredith Bennett: It's you nailed it. Like you nailed it so much right there with, we were doing it, right? We were checking all the boxes, like based on what we were taught growing up. Go to school, get good grades, get a good job, get promoted, save for retirement, all those good things. You know, check, check, check from the outside looking in.

We were really successful. We were on that trajectory getting all the promotions and [00:14:00] all those things. And while it felt good to be successful in what we were trying to do, it also felt like we had a little bit more to offer than we were able to, like, to offer in our corporate careers. Like, both of us kind of felt like you're banging your head against a wall a lot of the time.

And there's just, we had more to give than we were able to give in that particular box that we were in. And then we were given the gift, because we worked for the same company, That our company was closing our office. It was like, sort of COVID ish and, you know, cost cutting and all these things and we're closing this office and if you want to move across the country, you will keep your jobs and in fact you'll get promoted.

Or, you can leave. And so, that was the decision that we had and despite, you know, where we're sitting today, it was an incredibly stressful decision because that corporate career was all we'd ever known and we were good at it. And we're both very planful, love a good to do list [00:15:00] and checklist kind of people.

And we didn't have a plan for what we would do post corporate. But, at the same time, we found out my dad got cancer. And actually got two cancers. We thought it would be his last Christmas. It wasn't. We were blessed and grateful to get four more Christmases with my dad. And his health was great for the vast majority of that time.

So, it was very interesting for us that Dad's health became the perspective that we needed to make this really stressful decision. We don't want to move across the country further from his grandmother, our parents, our, you know, nieces and nephews. Like, we don't want to go farther. We want to go closer so we see more of them, not less.

And so that was how we made that big decision. Even though we didn't know what we were going to do, we knew that we wanted to bet on ourselves. Let's jump out of the airplane and see if we can figure out how to build a parachute on the way down. Basically.

Craig Bennett: Yeah. I [00:16:00] mean, that, that's, that's exactly it. We were unfulfilled in our corporate life.

And when, you know, the company kind of gave us this option at first, it was like, I scary to leave everything you've ever known, but at the same time, there was something calling us that it was just. You've got more on your heart to give like we it felt like Settling

Meredith Bennett: like

Craig Bennett: we weren't living our purpose like there was more on our heart to give the world like there was something within us that we could do to Make the world a better place and it didn't feel like we were able to do that where we were and so when they made this decision and offered us this opportunity, it was just Like kind of like a flashing road sign saying off ramp you can exit here In the moment, it wasn't as obvious but now looking back it was like, yeah, that was absolutely what was happening And i'm so thankful that we were able to see that for what it was in the moment

D Brent Dowlen: for sure [00:17:00] It's always fun in that hindsight where you can look back at something And go, you know, that didn't seem great at the moment, but that was actually probably the best.

I lost a job years ago when I was young, married with my wife, like we've been married almost 24 years now. And I think we were in our second year of marriage or third year of marriage and I lost my job, the job we had moved across country for. And in hindsight, like it was such a great move, but yeah. You know, at the time it was like, Oh, I got to go home and tell my wife I got fired.

Meredith Bennett: Yeah. That

D Brent Dowlen: hurts. Yeah. And it's scary. Right? That's the last thing you're gonna go home and tell your spouse. Yeah. Yeah.

Craig Bennett: It's scary when that stuff happens and you just don't know what you're going to do. And we felt the exact same. It was like, Oh my God, that's, that's everything we know though. And like, what if we leave?

What, what, what next? It's like. You'll figure it out. It's all, and that's, that's actually one of the biggest lessons we learned on this whole thing came from this whole situation [00:18:00] was the universe is actually always working in your favor. The thing, the big bad thing that's happening to you right now, it may feel like the big bad thing, but it's actually, it will end up being one of the best things that happens to you.

D Brent Dowlen: So you guys said this wasn't like a straight path to where you're at

Craig Bennett: now,

Meredith Bennett: you know,

D Brent Dowlen: fill in the gap here. What's going on?

Craig Bennett: Sure. Yeah. So when we left the corporate job, uh, we had that scarcity rising within us, right? Like we were leaving behind corporate jobs, corporate salaries, the benefits, the promotions, the, all the, all the stuff.

And so that scarcity was rising and we were like, well. We're losing that corporate income. We got to figure out a way with how we're going to replace that quick. And so we did some research and 90 percent of millionaires make their money in real estate. So that has to be where we go. Real estate, we're going to be real estate investors.

And, um, so we, we start the company, we [00:19:00] start the business, we invest the dollars in a coach and in the marketing and a website and all this stuff, because we're gonna, and there is a, there's a humanistic, uh, uh, approach to it. There's a really crushing housing market where we were living at the time. And we're, so we're going to help first time home buyers crack into that market.

We're going to find homes that they can afford to buy, but also, uh, help investors make lots of money and also ourselves. And so that was what we were going to do. We start this process. We start this business and we're going through it. And we realized that we hate this work. Miserable. Absolutely hate it.

It's. It was basically like signing up for our corporate job again except with the added benefit of zero dollars like no paycheck at the end of the day, so it was like way worse And not only that, but the actual worst part [00:20:00] about it was it started to impact this relationship right here And we were very so up until this point We had been very very intentional about building a rock solid foundation being our relationship That we build everything else on the rest of our life builds on the foundation of what we have here So we were very intentional about that.

And when we realized that this business that we had started chasing money, which is never a good thing Um, it started to impact this foundation and that's when we were like, okay, we have to have a conversation here What are we doing? And so we cut we did what what I call what we call the throwing the challenge flag It's kind of like a football reference where you know, the coach throws the challenge flag to have a play review On the field, uh, call on the field reviewed.

And so basically that's what we did. We threw a challenge flag and we reviewed the decision that we had made to start this company to just basically chase money for. We can, we can mask it any way we want with all the, you know, the, the heart [00:21:00] stuff that we were going to help a bunch of people, but really at the end of the day, we were chasing money and we decided that we can't do that.

And we, we hadn't, the other lesson we learned was we hadn't done the work to understand who we are, what we want to be, how we're going to serve the world. What our purpose is going to be, essentially the thing that we left our corporate career for, we still hadn't done the work to understand what that was yet.

And so that's then when we undertook that we decided right then and there, we're going to close this company and we're going to take that journey. And we're going to figure out who we are. Who we want to be and how we're going to serve the world.

Meredith Bennett: We decided it's us above everything. So if this is undermining our relationship, creating little cracks in the foundation because we're both so miserable, shut her down.

Doesn't matter how much we've invested in it. We're both miserable. Why would we keep trying to push this boulder uphill? Shut it down. His point. So I think that first lesson was [00:22:00] us above everything is, is rule. Number one, second lesson is don't chase money. Cause what happens when you chase anything, it runs away.

And so, you know, chasing money is never going to get you fulfillment. And I'd love to tell you that we actually learned that lesson right here in this moment in time that we're explaining, um, for the purposes of the story, we'll say that we did. We did not. We tried a few other things first, one of them involving driving 20 hours in a blizzard to eat a grilled cheese sandwich, and We neither of us today eat bread or cheese, so that was not a good move either.

So we did eventually learn it, but for the sake of the story, we learned it right then. And then the third lesson is you, you need to do the work on you to know who you are, who you want to be and what you want to offer the world before you jump into creating a business because otherwise chances are you don't create a business that aligns with any of that because you don't know what I think that is yet.

So those were the sort of three big lessons I would say that we took from [00:23:00] this particular Period of time. Um, but I guess we still haven't answered your question because we still haven't gotten to where we are

Craig Bennett: So then we basically undertook this personal growth journey is essentially what we did And and so we we just decided in that moment.

We're just going to go on its personal growth journey We're going to focus we're going to put the focus on money that scarcity we're going to put that to the side and we're just going to Go and focus on Us and who we want to be. And, um, then we went on to all these, uh, we listened to all the podcasts, all the books.

We went to all these personal growth events, and it was at one of these personal growth events that we really started to dial in, um, the coaching aspect. Well,

Meredith Bennett: at these events, we have people coming up to us to ask us relationship questions. Like, you guys are doing this together. I can't get my husband or wife to come, or they don't really get it.

Or People would just come up and strangers and just ask us questions. And so we just answered them and helped people and really [00:24:00] enjoyed it. But didn't, didn't, we didn't get there yet. It hadn't clicked for us yet. We were just kind of one off helping random people who would ask us. And then at one of these events.

Um, the guy hosting the event came up to us and said, I want you two to speak on stage at my next event about relationships. And we were like, whoa. Maybe there's something here that we can give the world. Like, we've been helping all these people just sort of one off strangers. Maybe there's more to this and it was in sort of preparing for that first talk, which talking about our podcast, looking back on like, oh dear, but we're so scared preparing for that first talk and really codifying what we've done that really worked for us and worked for other people.

Um, was the seed of, of everything. It was that, that's what our whole relationship, uh, coaching practice has been built on. Was that that [00:25:00] first seed from that first talk, which was pretty cool.

D Brent Dowlen: There, there's so many questions, but I think the most important one was, where is this amazing grilled cheese that you drove 20 hours for a grilled cheese sandwich?

Meredith Bennett: Salt Lake City, Utah.

Craig Bennett: Yeah, there was a, we drove from San Diego, California to Salt Lake City, Utah for a grilled cheese sandwich. And then, but, but that was, we had to be in Arizona. We had to go to Phoenix. So it was actually supposed to be a five hour drive, but we went. All the way to Salt Lake down to Phoenix.

Meredith Bennett: Yeah, because we were thinking of investing in a grilled cheese franchise because like, who doesn't like grilled cheeses, right? Everyone likes grilled cheese. That's a great way to make money. And it was interesting chasing money. So that's how we got there. Um,

Craig Bennett: but this is actually where we learned that lesson.

This is actually where we learned

Meredith Bennett: it. Because when we were talking to the founder and the franchise guy, we had, you know, there was three, three of them there and us. We were asking questions around like the mission and the vision and the values for this company [00:26:00] and could that align with us and they couldn't tell us what the values were, what the mission was.

It was just like, um, we like people to be happy. Grilled cheeses make people happy. So that's what we're doing. And it just, we left that meeting. The grilled cheeses were fantastic, by the way. We had multiple different types of grilled cheeses. All of them were very good. But we didn't. There was nothing that we could sort of hitch our wagon to like nothing we could align with and I think that was kind of also our first, um, our first indication that we were doing the work and, and our values had become really important to us and how we wanted to serve the world.

The vehicle for doing that was important to us and just. Grilled cheeses because they're delicious wasn't quite enough for us to you know We left the corporate world because we weren't fulfilled and wanted to contribute and that wasn't gonna quite fill that void inside of us

D Brent Dowlen: I I what can we say the franchise on there?

Can we say that? [00:27:00]

Meredith Bennett: Do I even remember the name of it?

Craig Bennett: It used to be called Melty Melty Melty Melty

Meredith Bennett: I think.

Craig Bennett: I don't think it's big outside of Utah. I think it started in Utah. They only had a couple in Utah. They had two franchises in Utah. They might be bigger now in other places, but it was small at the time.

I don't know what it is. And I think they did a rebrand right around just after that. So I don't know what it's called now. But

Meredith Bennett: they were delicious. I highly recommend.

Craig Bennett: Absolutely. If you see what's up in for grilled cheese, they're fantastic.

D Brent Dowlen: Yeah, I think I was down there for like four months in 2008 and I never found this place.

Meredith Bennett: Too early.

D Brent Dowlen: Okay. Did I totally miss like the best grilled cheese ever? Yes,

Meredith Bennett: you did. But you were just,

D Brent Dowlen: I was living out of a hotel eating out for four months. So, you know, it's like, I thought I found all the best dining in Salt Lake city. So

I [00:28:00] gotta, I gotta ask you guys perspective on this. Cause I enjoy working with my spouse and I have several friends. Uh, in the industry who work with their spouses and enjoy it. But I meet so many people are like, how do you work with your spouse? Now it's obvious you guys enjoy working together. Right? So what do you say to people who are like, uh, how do you work with your spouse?

Cause. I don't get it. I'm not objective anymore.

Craig Bennett: Yeah, I would just say, how come you don't? I love it. Like, it's, I don't know. For me, it's, there's nothing better than being able to build your dream and serve the world and do it with your best friend. Like, for me, who's got it better than us? Nobody. Like, I just, I don't understand.

The other way, I guess

Meredith Bennett: we never even it's funny because we've had a similar question before with a follow up of how did you decide to work together. And it was like, we [00:29:00] actually didn't consciously make that decision. We didn't even consider the alternative when we because we left the corporate world together.

We just assumed like we just Assumed we would build something together like we didn't even consider an alternative which was I would build something and he would build something at the same time but separately. We just, just did, just did it this way.

Craig Bennett: Yeah. And I think when you're going through this entrepreneurial journey, like it's, it's a, it's a hard road to hoe.

Like it's, it's a, it's a tough road. And if you have someone shoulder to shoulder kind of to be able to take some of that. off with you, it just lightens the load, makes it a little easier to, I'm not saying it's easy because it's certainly not, but it just becomes a little easier when you know you have someone next to you who's right there.

Sword drawn, ready to go to battle with you, but also understands what you're going through because they're going through the [00:30:00] exact same thing.

Meredith Bennett: And I think for a lot of people, entrepreneurship can be isolating and a bit lonely, and even With each other, it still feels that way because, you know, the norm for most of us was go to get the corporate job.

And so a lot of our family and friends, while love us and want to support us, they don't really understand the inside of what we're trying to do. And so it can sometimes feel a little lonely, even though we have each other. So I can't imagine how lonely it would feel without having the other person. But I think something that.

Some things that help with that is one that we just really enjoy spending time together, like even in our corporate job, we work down the hall from each other. So we'd walk to work together. We'd grab a coffee in the morning together. We would go for lunch and go for a walk together. We'd walk home together at the end of the day.

We would make dinner together and then we would hang out in the evening together. So even though we didn't work in the same, you know, room [00:31:00] at the, at the tower, we worked in different offices. We still spent most of our time together and now it's like we are within arm's length of each other 95 percent of the day.

So I think one, it helps to just really like spending time together. But the other thing that helps is Still knowing what hat you're wearing, when, and not confusing the business partner hat and the spouse hat. And so we try to make a solid effort to turn off the computers. And turn off business in the evening.

So if it's just us and we'll play a game of Yazi or we'll watch a game or we'll do something go. But we usually separate work and not work time, work and spouse time with usually a walk with or we'll make supper and like something to sort of break up the day. So it's like, okay, we're done with work now it's done for the night.

Let's just hang out and catch up [00:32:00] on our days. Because that's the other thing is, I feel like for us and for most people, for everyone, you experience everything slightly differently. Like we're on this podcast with you, but we're going to experience it differently. So we're going to go for a walk later and probably debrief our personal experience.

Even though we are literally like not, we're touching the whole way through. We're right here with you together. We're still going to experience it differently. And I'm still curious. You know, what, what his favorite part was, or, you know, we'll debrief our experiences on this later, and then we'll move on to our evening and we'll probably play a game of Yahtzee and hang out.

Oh, we're going to dinner with friends. Oh, right, we're going to go to dinner.

D Brent Dowlen: Feel free, feel free to talk trash about me afterwards if you want.

Meredith Bennett: Oh, we definitely won't. Definitely not.

D Brent Dowlen: Um. I, one of the things you guys said in our correspondence that really caught my intention was, you don't believe relationships work when it's 50 50?

Mm-hmm.

Meredith Bennett: Especi

D Brent Dowlen: in your marriage. [00:33:00] And I, I heard so many people was like, oh yeah, we're in this together 50 50. And it's like, I'm not sure that math adds up the way you think it does. And so to have you guys say that was like, oh yeah, yeah. I need to hear more about this. Yeah. But you wanna explain that philosophy a little bit?

Craig Bennett: Yeah, absolutely. So 50 50 is. You know, you take 50 or you take 50 percent responsibility. I'll take 50 percent responsibility But like, what 50 percent is yours, what 50 percent is mine, there's gray area, and it leaves room for ambiguity. Not knowing who's doing what, or who's accountable for what, like, oh, she apologized, she hasn't apologized yet, I'm gonna wait, she should apologize first, I'm not apologizing, and then scorekeeping, resentment build.

Whereas if you take 100 percent responsibility as an individual, and your spouse takes 100 percent responsibility as an individual, then it eliminates all that scorekeeping and resentment [00:34:00] because if an apology needs to be made You just step up and you make it. If something needs to be done around the house, you just step up and you just do it.

When you see something needs to be done, you just do it. And so it's really about having going that final percent for each other and having an a hundred percent mindset for yourself and a hundred percent response, a mindset for them, which is like, we, we, we adopted this 200 percent marriage. So it's, you want to have a 200 percent marriage where both partners are giving and taking 100 percent accountability for everything in the relationship.

Meredith Bennett: You are each 100 percent responsible for the state of your marriage. If something's not working, you are accountable to change it. And to his point, like you hear it, we hear it so often. Yeah, I know, I know I could apologize for that, for something, but What he did was worse and he hasn't apologized to me yet and if he doesn't, if I apologize to him and then he just gets off scot free without apologizing to me.[00:35:00]

Or, I know I should forgive him for that, but he hasn't apologized for it, so I can't forgive him until he apologizes and it's like, no. If you, if you owe an apology, regardless of what happened with somebody else over here, deliver the apology because you are 100 percent responsible for how you show up and what your relationship is like.

And if you need to forgive someone for something, it would be nice if they apologized, but it's not a prerequisite. You apologize, sorry, you forgive for your benefit.

Craig Bennett: The only thing you can control in this life is your thoughts, feelings, and actions. So, it's on you to take that responsibility to just control what you can control.

You can't control what anyone else does, including what your spouse does. Sometimes we'd like to be able to, but that's just not the case. You just can't. So it's on you to, to take ownership of this, the status or the place where your relationship is right now.

Meredith Bennett: And the hardest part of that is letting go of your ego.

That's the hardest part of that. It's usually [00:36:00] your pride and your ego that gets in the way of you stepping up and taking on your full 100%.

D Brent Dowlen: You guys are going to radicalize marriage if you keep talking about personal responsibility for your marriage. Both sides taking personal responsibility for 100 percent of their marriage.

We might actually like reverse this trend if more people get this.

Meredith Bennett: Wouldn't it be cool? Wouldn't it be fantastic? Everyone's happier? Everyone feels fulfilled and supported and lifted up in their marriage. It would be amazing.

D Brent Dowlen: Now kind of turn this back a little bit. So would you say your marriage is foundationally the strength for your entrepreneurship and everything else you are trying to do?

It all comes back to you two together.

Craig Bennett: Yeah, I firmly believe that if your relationship like if you're in a relationship and it is not going well, if it's there's, you're constantly fighting, [00:37:00] you're putting out fires, walking on

Meredith Bennett: eggshells,

Craig Bennett: then you are not in a place where you can give your all to the other areas of your life because your energy is it's Not only is it expended in dealing with the issues at home, but it's also distracting when you're not at home and you're focused on other things.

You're thinking about the fight you just had with your spouse, or whatever. Your mind is not on the task at hand, building your business, or doing the work to, you know, better your fitness, or whatever it is that you're focused on. And so, it really is the bedrock, the foundation. When this is going well, you have now a newfound energy.

Because it's not focused on this it's focused outward onto the things that you want to do in your life But not only that but your spouse also has that Added benefit of having that energy because it's not being spent on the, on the, on the relationship, fixing the relationship. And so now it's an exponential kind of energy that you guys now both have as a, as a collective unit that you can now go and use [00:38:00] towards your building your dream life and building your business and getting in the best shape of your life.

It's, it's the foundation for everything.

D Brent Dowlen: I want to kind of start and build from the foundation up here with you guys. Uh, when I was getting ready for the show, I, I, like I said, I was watching through some of your videos and you made a point of talking about your relationship with yourself has to be positive first. I think a lot of people get married, trying to like fill a hole without fixing them first.

Yeah. So let's talk about that first foundation and making this all successful.

Meredith Bennett: Yeah. The relationship with yourself, and I wish I learned this years ago, but I'm glad I learned it when I did. The relationship with yourself is the fundamental relationship in your life. It's the only one you have from the day you're born until the day you die.

It's the one that every other relationship is built on. So when that relationship isn't [00:39:00] working, none of your relationships are gonna work, because the foundation isn't, isn't level, it isn't strong. And in order to be able to, you can only love and respect somebody else and receive from them love and respect to the degree that you love and respect yourself.

And so if you don't love yourself, believe that you're good enough, believe that you're worthy of love. When you receive it, it's either not going to land for you or you're going to sabotage it. You're going to seek out relationships that you feel you're worthy of, or you're going to sabotage relationships that, that you think are beyond what you're worthy of.

And I believe, we both believe, um, that there is an unworthiness epidemic in the world. Most of us, that was our, that was actually our first big realization in personal growth was we both had a limiting belief around not being good enough. We worded it differently, but the, the root of it was. Yeah. Not not being good enough, [00:40:00] not being smart enough, not being whatever, fill in the blank enough.

And we're not alone in that. Most people today have a level of not being fill in the blank enough for whatever it is that they want. And I believe a big part of that is there's billion dollar companies telling you you're not good enough so that you'll buy their creams or their clothes or their whatever, right?

Like there's our whole economy is predicated on us not feeling good enough so that we'll buy the stuff to make us feel good. And so in order for your relationships to be strong, whether it's your marriage, whether it's your siblings, your friendships, your business, whatever it is, you have to believe you're worthy of having that thriving relationship.

And if you don't, you won't ever have it. It just, you, you won't have it if you don't think you deserve it.

D Brent Dowlen: Now, say, let me hear myself echo, sorry. Um, [00:41:00] say our relationship, like my relationship with myself is pretty good. My wife's pretty strong there. What strategies do you offer to help strengthen relationships as everybody? Because we live in like a stupidly business society. Can I say it that way? Is that offensive?

We, we just live in this ridiculously busy society that rewards the concept of being busy. Like they,

Meredith Bennett: they're like,

D Brent Dowlen: Oh yeah, you're doing something real if you're, you're busy all the time. The calendar is always full and relationships often take a back seat. So what do you recommend to couples to build and strengthen their relationships as they're trying to have their careers and have kids and all this stuff out?

Craig Bennett: So relationships like anything in your life require intention, like it, the things that matter to you need to be a priority. So I would say one of the things we say is, is you have to be really intentional about [00:42:00] scheduling time together and being very intentional with that time because you are so busy in other areas of your life.

You need to be very intentional with the questions you ask and it's, it's about reconnecting and, and asking questions like, instead of how was your day today, honey, it's more, what was the best part of your day? What's something you learned today? It's about connecting. So I would say one, um, focused time on your relationship and like schedule it because otherwise it gets put.

On the back burner. So, if you schedule gym time, if you schedule work time, if you schedule kids time, schedule relationship time. And then, with that time, be very intentional, and, and, and, about reconnecting, on an emotional level, and getting vulnerable, and asking questions, and leading with curiosity.

Meredith Bennett: I was gonna also add, and have fun.

Oh, 100%. When, Yes. When things stop being fun, we stop wanting to do them. [00:43:00] And, to your point, Fun doesn't usually make the to do list. The lists are so long. We all have so much on our plate. There's so many things we all want to get accomplished. Fun seems to get lost at some point. Like I'm sure. You and your wife used to have a lot of fun.

Most people had fun when they first started dating. That's why they ended up married. Like, everyone had fun at some point. That's why they're still together today. That's why they got married. But at some point along the way, fun became less of a priority because life is really busy. And to Craig's point, The important stuff gets our attention and if, if we look at our schedules, if we look at where we spend our time, does it actually reflect the priorities that you say are priorities to you?

So if you ask yourself, what are my top three priorities in life or my top five priorities in my life, and then you look at your calendar, does your calendar reflect those [00:44:00] priorities? And if there's a misalignment there. How are you going to fix that? What needs to be added to your calendar? Um, and I had one other thought.

Where did it go? Oh, um, we, we get in the habit of saying, I don't have time. I don't have time is so much easier to say than that's not a priority for me. So if your kid wants to, you to read them a story, it's a lot easier to say, I don't have time, than say, that's not a priority for me. So even just trying to change those words out helps you, um, see the misalignment in your behavior and what you say your priorities are.

So that you can then change your behavior to align with your priorities.

D Brent Dowlen: I love that you guys focus on fun, uh, getting ready for the show. I, I kept seeing this in verbiage you guys use on, on like your website and your social media. This focus on fun. I thought, [00:45:00] and I did, I caught myself looking like how much time do I just actually focus on having fun with my wife?

We had this and this and this, this gone. We're both working multiple gigs. Actually, I just like, we, we struggled to get date night in. Like I got really intentional about it for awhile. And then, you know, life got complicated. Uh, we stopped being able to go out as much. And it's like,

Meredith Bennett: Hmm,

D Brent Dowlen: when was the last time we had a day night?

But it's like, we were working to have like one of those a week. And then it's like, I started reading and looking through you guys stuff. It's like, when was the last time I just like focused on having fun with Sarah?

Meredith Bennett: And

D Brent Dowlen: you know, I like said, I've been married for almost 24 years. My wife and I have a great relationship.

Is it perfect? We have a great relationship. We have a thriving marriage. But even as intentional as we are about our marriage most of the time [00:46:00] so much Lines in there and we miss these things. It's like, oh man, how do people how are people holding it together? When we're generally more intentional about our marriage and a lot of people seem to be.

Meredith Bennett: Mm hmm

D Brent Dowlen: And we're still like, man, we should work on that. Oh, wow. We need to work on that.

Craig Bennett: Yeah. I think one of the, one of the really cool things that we try to do regularly is because a lot of life is the mundane stuff of getting, getting through life of, you know, dinners and laundry and kids off to wherever they need to go.

And it took up a lot of time. But if you can find fun in those moments, like just fun in the mundane, we call it the fundane. And, and, and it's just really about connecting in those little moments. Every, every moment of the day where you guys are kind of near each other is, is a moment to connect or disconnect.

And so you can, you can like, you know, grab a shoulder or, you know, play a [00:47:00] quick game of like. If you're making the bed or something who can do it the fastest or like just just little games, silly, stupid, sometimes little games that you maybe would have played with as a kid. But why can't you do it as an adult?

Just have fun and laugh in those little moments. Do karaoke, doing dishes or have a dance off in the kitchen like it's while making dinner. It's it's a it's about finding those little connection points throughout the day.

Meredith Bennett: Did you ever play as a kid like in gym class with the big parachute? Um, and then you'd like, get under it like when we're if we clean, we wash the sheets or making the bed again, like when we're getting the sheet out.

Well, I play it like it's the parachute and gym class and you're in grade three. Like just once or twice, like, just just because it just kind of it's just a funny, silly thing. Um, we've got the you might have seen it in some of our He created arts and crafts, made a like a cardboard penis cutout because we got something in the mail like way back in 2020.

Our business, our company [00:48:00] sent us like COVID masks and it came like on a piece of cardboard that looked remarkably like a penis. So he made a couple of minor tweaks and it certainly, Get the bill and we just hide that thing like when we're folding like if I'm folding clothes or he's putting clothes away He'll like slide it into a pair of my pants so that like in three days I go to put pants on it's like oh You got me and then it's my turn and I hide it and it's like it's those little tiny things that we make a goal to laugh together every single day, like, at least once every single day, find an opportunity to like, have a giggle together over some stupid inside joke, or it's like, it doesn't have to be a great big thing.

You don't doesn't have to be like, Let's put aside three hours to have fun that is helpful for sure, but also that 95 percent of life is the mundane stuff. So we're staying in an Airbnb right now and they have a couple of games there. And so we haven't played Yahtzee since we were kids, but like three times in [00:49:00] the last week.

It's like, you want to play Yahtzee? Yeah, sure. Cause it's kind of a short game and it's kind of fun. And so we just found ourselves playing Yahtzee a few times this week in the evenings, instead of watching TV because. It's there and it's kind of fun and, uh, so maximizing that sort of day to day regular time that already exists, because chances are you walk by each other in the kitchen at some point in your day, and you have the opportunity of either just kind of walking around her, Or kind of tapping her bum on the way by or squeezing her arm on the having some sort of physical touch as you walk by, so creating that sort of micro second of connection as you're just reaching around her to get the bowl out of the cover, you know, like there's you're around each other during the day at some point, and every time you're there, you have the opportunity of creating a connection or just kind of continuing on your day, and it takes no time at all to do that.

Mhm. Creates that takes you one step closer [00:50:00] together instead of one step further apart.

D Brent Dowlen: I, I gotta ask you guys an opinion on this cause, Excuse me. I cannot walk by my wife without touching her. Like it, it's not even possible for me. I, I physically cannot be close to her without putting my hand. Um, and I've seen like this whole zennial thing where women are like rejecting the old time tested like I don't know any guy who has a healthy marriage who doesn't walk by his wife and pat her backside or something on the way by.

Like I just, I don't know anybody with a healthy marriage who doesn't do that. And I've seen these younger, zennial age group women going, well, he didn't have permission for that. And that's, he can't just, he's treating her like a sexual object. And I think, yeah, it has made my marriage work really well.

The fact that I want to touch my wife doesn't seem to. [00:51:00] But the fact that you would have to in a healthy marriage, you're asking are that they think that this is on inappropriate. Have you guys encountered that on social media? Like

Craig Bennett: what's wrong? Um, it was, was, what's wrong with them? Well, I think, I think there's, there's stories we tell ourselves, right?

And so, she, the, the, the person that you're referring to, obviously I don't know this person, but she can tell herself a story that she's being objectified as a piece of meat, and that this is wrong, or she can tell herself the story that she is in a relationship with someone who really loves her and desires her and is playful with her and wants a connection with her.

And we all have those opportunities every day to tell ourselves stories that serve us in our relationship or don't and I would say that The majority of the people that we, you know, interact with and that we know are more on kind of [00:52:00] your line of thinking and the, you know, we haven't really encountered much of the, the younger, uh, millennial, or what, what, what, what, what was the Zennial?

Meredith Bennett: So like Gen Z? Gen Z? Young millennial Gen Z? Is that? Yeah, young

D Brent Dowlen: millennial into the beginning of Gen Z. Yeah, yeah,

Meredith Bennett: yeah, and I think I 100 percent agree stories where I was going to go to the other thing is in the broader context of your relationship like he is exactly like you. I hope you feel very seen because he is exactly like you.

I my bum has been tapped millions of times. And I don't ever feel objectified or like a piece of me because that is not how I'm treated. When I look at the whole picture of our relationship, if, if our relationship was different and that bum tap was. Indicative of a much [00:53:00] broader problem than okay, we've got something else to deal with here, but in the context of our relationship where we are teammates, we are on the same team, we are working towards the same goals, we're, we're, we're, we respect each other, then in no way does it feel bad, wrong, toxic, any of those things.

Craig Bennett: Yeah, I do think that the track record also plays a part if there's a, if the relationship is already a bit toxic, then, then that could be toxic as well. It could be more possessive than, you know, um, connecting. And then obviously then you have to question whether you're in the right, right relationship.

So,

Meredith Bennett: so exactly in the right relationship where you are equals teammates respected. There's zero wrong for me in a lovely little bum tap. And if that feels wrong to you, then going back to the relationship with yourself, what, where, [00:54:00] where is the disconnect? Why is that making you feel less than? And then that's a, a deep and important and vulnerable conversation to have with your spouse that, that, or your person, that this This doesn't make me feel good.

And I'm trying to work through why let's let me let me run like, let me let me talk about this with you so we can understand. Maybe for the for the time being, I'd rather if you squeeze my arm or gave me a hug or something else. While I figure out what I what's being triggered for me, um, but otherwise I 100 percent agree that I don't know Anyone that we've worked with or anyone that we know that a little bum tap doesn't go a long way To feeling connected together in your marriage,

D Brent Dowlen: right?

I mean, hey, I love it. My wife walked by and slaps my butt Yay. After 24 hours, he likes me. Yes! Yeah, exactly.

Meredith Bennett: I can't go up the stairs. I gotta run up the stairs.

D Brent Dowlen: I'm

Craig Bennett: coming.

D Brent Dowlen: Fair enough. [00:55:00] Guys, I talk mainly to men. As men, we love lists, put actual lists together for us. So help us out. What are the first three steps our listeners can implement into their relationship right now?

Try and put the relationship onto a healthier track,

Craig Bennett: schedule time together. If you're not already. Um, Spending a lot of time together or enough time together for whatever that is for you guys, if you feel disconnected, then I would say one, make sure you're intentional about getting that time together. And it can be

Meredith Bennett: any time of day, right? Like we think of date night, as it has to be in the evening, we have to go for dinner, it doesn't have there, there's no rules, it doesn't have to be anything, it can be at five in the morning, if that's what works for you guys, get up and have a cup of coffee together without your phones.

And just connect with each other. There's no rules around what that time [00:56:00] needs to look like except that you need to be engaged with each other. And that's why I think, I find walks work really well because usually one of you or both of you aren't on your phone while you're walking and completely distracted.

You're a little bit more Present in the moment when you're outside and kind of put in one foot in front of the other. So yeah, I agree the scheduling of time and being really intentional with what that time looks like.

Craig Bennett: That's step one.

Meredith Bennett: Step two, I would say is a check in conversation at the end of each day or at the beginning.

We usually do it at the end of the day. That's why I say end of the day, but it can be in the morning. And the check in conversation kind of builds on what he was saying earlier. It's, um, A really specific question when you ask your spouse. How was your day? Or like, what do you, what do you have on the go today?

Uh, you're going to get a pretty generic answer because it doesn't feel like a question that's coming from a place of, I actually want to know. It feels like it's coming from a place of habit. Whereas if you ask something like, what was the [00:57:00] best part of your day today? Or, what are you most looking forward to in your day today?

Or, what was the biggest lesson you learned? Or, what was the biggest frustration you had in your day? Something really specific makes the other person feel like you actually want to know. Because you do actually want to know, that's why you ask. But you're, the, the specificity of the question, one, makes the other person feel like you actually care about the answer.

And two, it prompts. A more thoughtful answer from the other person, because it's kind of outside of the usual one word answers, so they have to think about it for a second, and then they give you a more thoughtful answer, which then tends to prompt, uh, a more, a conversation that goes a little bit below surface level.

And you got to keep, you got to get the conversations that go below surface level to keep the connection because conversations that are, how was your day? Fine. How was yours? Fine. And then you're done. Those are not the conversations that keep your connections strong.

Craig Bennett: And then the [00:58:00] third one I think is dream together and understand what you guys both want.

And Make a plan to integrate those those dreams together because then that forms your North Star that you can now It basically helps with all the decisions that you make going forward Does this help me get closer to our dreams or further away from our dreams? If it's further away, don't do that thing.

If it's closer, then let's do that thing together. So dream this is the third step dream together

Meredith Bennett: and we were just talking about this actually in our mastermind call this morning because Uh, we had a coaching call with, with some folks that had just done this streaming exercise like in our coaching, um, session the week before.

And then the next week they were kind of embroiled in, you know, a disagreement and some pettiness and, you know, they were kind of caught up in their stuff. And it becomes so much easier to say, Hey, what's, what are we focused on here? Is it this all this dreaming that we did last week? Like, is this is where we want to go, but we're never going to get there when we're in this space.

And so what really [00:59:00] helps pull you out when you're, when you don't have those dreams articulated that you can point to and that you've agreed on, then. Whatever you're dealing with in the moment, whatever that sort of disagreement is, because we all disagree, it's a healthy part of our relationship, but being able to pull yourself out and disagree productively and get through it is much easier to do when you know where you're going.

It keeps in perspective that this is the big prize. This is a blip on the radar. This isn't the whole thing. This is one tiny little piece of our journey to get here. So that having the dreams articulated really keeps the daily frustration, pettiness things in perspective of where you're actually trying to go.

It's really critical.

D Brent Dowlen: What's next for Craig and Meredith? Oh,

Meredith Bennett: well, we did just launch a mastermind, which has been going super well. So we're super excited about that. Um, we are going to write a book this year. We are, we're taking that on. So we're super pumped about that.

Craig Bennett: Yeah. I think [01:00:00] this year for us, what's next is really, uh, the mastermind.

We just launched it, um, last month. So we're going to put a lot of focus there and building that mastermind and, and. Making it the best thing we've ever done. Um, we're also going to write a book. And the other thing is we're going to expand our podcast a little bit. So those are, I would say, the three big things that are on there.

Meredith Bennett: Big focuses for

Craig Bennett: 2025? Mm hmm. Yeah. Yep.

D Brent Dowlen: What's the website? www.

Meredith Bennett: roadoflifecoaching. com

D Brent Dowlen: Guys, if you're watching the video version of that, we have that up on screen. We will, of course, have all of Craig and Meredith's connection points down for you in the show notes and description, whatever platform you're on.

Now I know everybody. Is that the best place to connect with you? Lemme before I pause, lemme pause there. Is that the best connection for you or are you better on social media?

Craig Bennett: I would say Instagram.

Meredith Bennett: Yeah. We're, we're more active on Instagram for sure. So at Meredith and Craig on Instagram, that's where we have the most fun.

So come hang out with us there.

D Brent Dowlen: We'll [01:01:00] have that there as well. And their Instagram is a lot of fun guys. I've, I've been staying off Instagram for a little bit, uh, little space between me and Instagram. Yeah.

Meredith Bennett: Yeah. I stretched

D Brent Dowlen: myself too thin and got on too many platforms at once. And this is not serving me.

So guys, they do have a fun Instagram. That's where I found the goat yoga joke. And you definitely check that out. I definitely want updates on that. And I know you're all really concerned about what Bay stands for in slang. So I looked this up in the slang dictionary and I honestly thought it was just like a lazy version of babe.

Apparently, supposedly it means before anyone else.

Meredith Bennett: Oh, okay.

D Brent Dowlen: I

Meredith Bennett: like that.

D Brent Dowlen: Before anyone else.

Craig Bennett: Huh, did not know that.

Meredith Bennett: I was today years old when I learned that. Learned

D Brent Dowlen: something new today. Yeah, I totally went with this, like, I thought, wow. Uh, the gen B is getting even lazier. We've shortened babe to [01:02:00] bay.

Meredith Bennett: We just eliminated the second B cause that's just too hard.

D Brent Dowlen: That's like a second syllable, right? Cause you have to pronounce the B. Oh no. Craig Meredith, before we wrap it out today, what is the most important thing you want our audience to hear?

Craig Bennett: I would say the most important thing that I want the audience to hear is that if you're struggling in your relationship, it does not have to be that way.

And whether it's with us, or, or anyone else, to, to me, it's just we want to see you win, and that there is, there are people out there who, who want to help you. So don't go alone, and don't suffer in silence, and don't settle for something that you don't deserve. Like, you, you deserve the best, and there are lots of people out there who would love to help you and support you.

Meredith Bennett: That's basically what I was going to say. You are worthy of the relationship and the life of your dreams. So don't settle. Thanks [01:03:00]

D Brent Dowlen: for hanging out with us today and coming on the show and sharing some great insights with us guys. Your core route foundation is the foundation of everything you want to do.

If you're ready to go from living to thriving, you can't go alone, especially if you're already married, right? You're that relationship. If you want to go and they don't, that's not going to work. You have to nurture that and build that foundational relationship. And that is the great secret to going from living to thriving is you got to go together.

So thank you for sharing with us today, guys. Thanks for hanging out with us as always. You better tomorrow because what you do today, we'll see you on the next one. The Driven to Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men, helping men go from living to thriving purpose filled intentional lives.