Breaking Free from Complacency How Men Can Embrace True Personal Growth

Breaking Free from Complacency How Men Can Embrace True Personal Growth

D Brent Dowlen: [00:00:00] Have you ever wondered why some men seem to effortlessly excel in life while others kind of struggle to find their stride? Personal development isn't just a buzzword. It's the key to unlocking your full potential in health, mindsets, relationships, and your mission. However, a lot of people seem to be intimidated.

By the term and just not understand how simple it is, right? It's one of those terms we hear on the internet and we hear on social media and we're like, yeah, but what does that actually mean? I don't know if I get it. Well, let me ask you. What area of your life would you really like to start to thrive in?

Is there a place in your life where you feel like you're not doing as well as you could, and you'd like to do better. That might be in your job performance. That might be in your personal life. Maybe that's in relationships. Is there that spot where you'd really like to. Start to thrive. Join me today as we demystify personal development and discover how [00:01:00] you and every other man can thrive in all the crucial areas of your life.

Yes, all the crucial areas of your life. We're going to jump to our sponsor for a minute or two, and we'll answer all the important questions for your journey into personal development right after this.

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Purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men. I'm your host, Brent Dallin, and we help men go from living to thriving, purpose filled, intentional life. Now let's get into personal development for men, gents, because. One of my biggest frustrations that I run into when I'm talking to men is a lot of men just don't really understand How simple this really is for them to get started on and so it's an unknown Personal development is often seen as something that's complex to reserve for a select few or just a buzzword But the truth is personal development isn't some crazy complicated thing.

It's the simple act of improving yourself In what I consider one of four key areas of your life, that's your health, your mindset, your relationship, and your mission. We all do it. We may not call it personal development, but this is actually something you participate in on a regular [00:04:00] basis, consciously or subconsciously, like it exists in your life.

Even if you don't know you're doing it. Think about it. Most of us are working on one or more of these areas all the time in our life. We just don't call it personal development, even if we're not actively thinking about it, it's there, whether it's hitting the gym to improve our health or reading a self help book to change our mindset.

Maybe we're reading a book to improve at our job. Maybe we're watching YouTube videos and listening to podcasts so we can grow at our job skill level. That's very common for men, or we're putting in extra hours at work to provide for our families. We're constantly striving to be better. That is personal development in a nutshell.

When you focus on these four categories, health, mindset, relationship, and mission, you're going to begin to bring everything together. For many men, excelling at one or two of these areas leads to success in several [00:05:00] parts of their life. But what happens if you take the time to work on all of your weak points?

Well, the answer is everything changes. That's what personal development is. That's the what guys, that is the what a personal development. It is as simple as little steps to grow and you do it. You do it at work, right? Because you take classes, recertifications, you do things to improve your job skills. So you can level up at work.

You do things like watch what you eat sometimes, right? Men diet almost as often as women do probably as often. And I don't actually know the numbers on that, but. Trying to eat healthier, that's, that's personal development. Trying to drink more water or move more, that's personal development. Reading a book so you can work on your marriage or listening to a YouTube channel, right?

I've got some friends in the personal development space. Uh, I've got lots of friends in the relationships space. So if you guys have been around the podcast, you probably met Oliver Marcel. [00:06:00] Oliver and his wife Denise have a great, great marriage and relationship podcast. It's one I love to listen to for my wife and I.

And they do great things. Well, guess what? If you're working on your marriage, You're in personal development. If you're working on a better relationship with your kids, you're in personal development. You just don't call it that and that's fine. You don't have to call it that but let's demystify it.

Working on yourself in any way shape or form, that's personal development. So who's it for? Well, the truth is it's for everybody whether you want to call it personal development or call it something else. It's for everybody and you should be working on it because the real question is why wouldn't you do you let me ask you this honest question.

Do you? Deserve the best version of yourself. Have you ever looked in the mirror and been unhappy with what you see are, and that doesn't just mean physically. That means you look at yourself in the mirror and feel like you're just not living up to your [00:07:00] potential or you're not thriving in the ways you think you should.

If you've ever looked at yourself and gone, man, it just. I have some frustrations with where I am at life. Well, you deserve the best version of yourself. You do absolutely a hundred percent. Do the people in your life deserve the best version of you? I know factually that the best version of me is a version of me.

That's in better shape. And so when I think about diet and exercise, I don't just think about the fact that I deserve the healthiest version of myself. My family deserves the healthiest version of me because I'm a better father and a husband. When I'm healthier, I can, Keep up with my kids better. I have more energy, right?

So if you ever looked at yourself and got, I deserve the best version of myself. And for guys, that's really hard sometimes. So, look at the people you love, whether that's your friends, your parents, your spouse, your kids. Look at the people in your life that you love. Do they deserve the [00:08:00] best version of you?

Men are much more likely to change for somebody else than they are for themselves, which is a whole other argument. So, have you ever wondered what you're truly capable of? What your fullest potential actually looks like. So Socrates famously said, no man has the right to be ignorant of what he is capable of physically.

And I actually cut out the full version of that quote, but no man has the right to be ignorant of what he is capable of in his physique or in his physical capabilities, right? No man has the right to be ignorant of that. That's not the direct quote. Apparently cut that out of my notes when I was writing this up.

So I apologize. It's really easy to find, but the quote directly deals with his physical self. Socrates believed every man should figure out what his physical capacity is, what he is [00:09:00] truly capable of physically, uh, his physique, his strength, his physical capabilities. No man had the right to be ignorant of that.

Now I'd like to amend that quote and say that no man has the right to be ignorant of what he's truly capable of and what his full potential is. In all aspects of his life. What are you capable of? Yes. Physically, mentally, emotionally, professionally. What is your capability? I think you owe it to yourself in your life to find out what your capability and your limits really are and how far you can go in every aspect of your life.

How incredible of a great man can you become because you owe it to yourself to find out. Now, I can't force you to have ambition. But I will tell you, as a man, it's your birthright. History testifies that. History testifies that men have historically had an insatiable desire [00:10:00] to be bigger than themselves.

Think bigger stone. Right? Think of Sir Edmund Hillary, who was the first man to ever climb Everest, and when he was asked why he wanted to climb Everest and why he risked life and limb to climb Everest, he simply said, Because it was there.

Think about the men who crossed the ocean for the first time. We now know that Columbus was not that man, right? The Vikings were doing it. Why? Because doing that added more opportunity to their lives. I wanted to see what else was out there, what more they could do.

Then there's, let's go modern, right? Those are old. So there's Brian Alshue, who is one of my favorite YouTubers of all time. He is a professional strong man. He's a coach. Uh, and he's a fairly successful YouTuber at this moment, but he [00:11:00] lives by the motto. Uh, never say in fact, his company, I don't know if it's so called never say, I think it's called never say, but it comes from never satisfied, never satiated.

The essence is the drive for greatness that exists within every man. Is what has grown this world to what it is. No, it's not perfect. It's not beautiful. But greatness, that urge to greatness, that urge to greatness, that insatiable desire to do more, to go farther is what shaped the world. It's in you and you have a duty to yourself to find out what part you play in that.

That's the essence. This is the essence of the drive for greatness is that never satiated concept that is within every man. It's in his. There guys, it is an innate part of you that you can't shrug off. The problem is we've been taught to suppress that urge. We've been taught it's [00:12:00] inappropriate. We've been taught that men should be meeker than that.

And that's a bunch of crap. OK, that urge for greatness is what has built the world we live in for better or for worse. But we've been taught to suppress that urge because it's, it's not popular and they don't think we should be aggressive or I don't really understand. I've watched it for years. I battled it for years.

But for whatever reason, we've been taught to suppress that urge to fill our lives with distractions, like video games and sports, things where we can feel like we're doing something, but we're not right. And that dulls our ambition and it prevents us from living to the greatness we're capable of men.

I'll get off my soapbox on it, but I think every man owes it to himself to participate actively in personal development. Why should men participate in personal development? Well, the reality is you don't actually have a choice. See, growth is unavoidable. It's inevitable. [00:13:00] They say the only thing inevitable is taxes and death.

Well, growth is inevitable. The rate at which you grow? That's where you have some say in it. But why would you settle for less if it's going to happen anyways? Right? Think about it. A tree will grow unless you actively stop it. You have to basically kill it. If it's taken root, it's almost impossible to stop.

And the same applies to you. Unless you intentionally stifle Your own growth and your potential it's gonna happen now It might be really small if you're actually trying to stifle it But why would you want to settle for little and small when you could see just how far you could take it I had a friend years ago Lowe me his car and I like to drive fast and it was a nice car that went really fast Several years later, we were talking and a mutual friend was having a [00:14:00] conversation with him and myself and his friend asked like, so that car tops out or this, right?

And my friend was like, yeah. And so what's it like at that speed? He said, well, I've never taken up that speed. I've gotten pretty close, but he said, you know, it may, it's what it says it will do. I said, oh yeah, it will do it. He's like, how do you know? I said, because I've done it. And my friend was so mad at me and I was like, why would you have a car that goes that fast?

If you don't take it that fast, at least once you got to go, man, you got to see if he'll actually do it. And that's the way I feel about men and personal growth. You have this incredible potential. So why wouldn't you let it loose? The problem in life is we're tricked into complacency, right? We're given things like sporting events to entertain us.

We're given things like video games. It is. The purpose of the Colosseum, let me give you a quick history lesson here. The Colosseum in Rome, most people in [00:15:00] the world are familiar with this great architectural marble. And you're probably familiar with it, they had games in there, they sacrificed people in there, they had gladiators, they had giant games, they had simulated wars.

It was the original arena. Right. Think of the Coliseum or the arena. We call them these days, right? Wherever you live, that might be your local football stadium, uh, for your, you know, big football team. Like I live in Washington. So the Seahawks have a stadium and the Mariners have a stadium, right? We don't call them Coliseums anymore because that has a negative connotation.

If you actually understand what it was for the Roman Empire built the Coliseum and these great games, they had all these events because an entertained populace. is a lot less trouble. And so they gave people entertainment. Now we pipe it straight to your phone or your living room. We've lulled men to a sense of complacency by giving them false accomplishment.

We can root for our team [00:16:00] instead of letting them pursue real accomplishment in their lives. Chemically does the same thing for your brain. But it doesn't do the same thing for your life. You feel like you're accomplishing something because other people are, and you're a part of it. You yay team. It's my team.

We won, right? How many guys you hear say, Oh yeah, we won this. My super bowl is a world's strongest man or the Arnold strongman competition. And I was watching it. This weekend it happened, uh, this last weekend and I, I love, I watch it every year. They stream it live on YouTube on Rogue Fitness and I absolutely like, that is my super bowl.

I blocked that weekend off and I just watched the live streams all weekend. I watched my favorite athletes compete. Not once have I ever looked at them and gone. I can lift that because I can't, I know that, right? I didn't look at it and congratulations. Uh, I just went blank out of same. I feel so bad now.

[00:17:00] Uh, the guy who won, this is his third year in a row to win. Tremendous, tremendous athlete. My hat's off. This man is just amazing as an athlete. And. He won for the third straight year in a row. It is such a hard competition. There's only 10 people involved in it. I didn't go. I won. Wouldn't he won? Right. But we do that with our sports teams, right?

When your home team, like I live in a small community, the high school wins and everybody goes, yeah, we won. Did we know the high school one you got to watch, right? But we get lured into this. And so we stopped pursuing our own greatness and we're really just passing time with entertainment. That is why you should, because you are capable of amazing things.

Your potential is unknown and the impact you can have on this world is phenomenally large whether you think so or not. And so it's easy to get trapped in this cycle of feeling accomplished while you're not [00:18:00] actually moving towards your further potential. And so you should because we want to see what you can do.

The world needs what you can be, who you can be. And to see your full potential. So take that drive and that craving for success and apply it to your life. And don't get lured into this. That's why men should pursue personal development. Because we need to see the man you're going to become. Because the world needs that man.

You have a place in this world. And that's the why. I can't give you a deeper why than that. But I can tell you, you're worth it. And the world needs the man you're capable of becoming. Your family is worth it. You're worth it. And above all You deserve to see what you're truly capable of when you apply yourself to being the best version of you.

Now, you can seek a different, deeper why, uh, most people are familiar with the term, you know, or the book find your why or whatever. And I've done entire videos on it and podcasts on it. For me, a lot of my why is tied to my family because I [00:19:00] want to be the best version of myself for my family. And that is my deep why is.

I want to be the man that I can be for them. I want to be the husband. I want to be the father. That is a deep part of my why my family is the core of my life for you. Maybe there's something deeper than that. Maybe you want to surpass where you came from or whatever your why is, but you're going to have to find the rest of that on your own.

But I have done several shows on that. So check those out. If you need some help with that, when should men work on personal development all the time? That's the amazing thing about personal development in the modern age is it doesn't ever have to stop. That's, that's why I say people get this so wrong because they're so like, this is hard.

No, you really is not. You can work on it every single day, little by little consistently. It's all about choosing what part of your life you're working on, your development and what you want to focus on. That's the hard part. The hard part is narrowing that focus and getting focused in on one or two areas of your life.

So you can actually make some movement on it because if you focus on too much, [00:20:00] then obviously you're not going to have the traction that you want to have. But if you can focus down, you can work on yourself every day. For example, right? You can work on your health every single day. By improving your sleep, by eating better, by moving more, by drinking more water, by exercising, by reducing your unhealthy habits and getting rid of some of the things.

A lot of times the easiest place to start is to remove some of the negative habits in our life. It doesn't take drastic changes. It takes small steps that add up. You can choose to spend time listening to podcasts. During the day are audio books that inspire you instead of listening to music all the time.

Or instead of mindlessly scrolling through social media. Or you can do it while you're mindlessly scrolling through social media, but I don't recommend that. Taking a few quiet moments for reflection, meditation, maybe you're journaling, whatever you're into is cool, right? That can significantly impact and improve [00:21:00] your mindset by taking just a few quiet moments.

Relationships too, right? There's something you can work on every single day. If you've been married any length of time, you'll learn the small gestures to show your love are huge in a marriage and that small gesture and appreciation that you show by the little movements can have massive impact in your marriage.

Small, intentional. Actions with your kids can make you a better parent. Small. I'm really big into the book, uh, Atomic Habits. I give this as a gift on a regular basis. You'll always find it on my recommended books on my website, PurposeDrivenMen. com. You'll always find that in the recommended section on my website, because Atomic Habits really nailed it.

It is small habits that stack together that make really big wins in your life. You start small and stack wins and [00:22:00] micro habits, and all of a sudden you're having massive changes. So you can work on it non stop, every day, little by little, and over time it's going to build to big wins. That's the way I started with my personal development journey.

So how should you work on it? Well, the best way to work on personal development is simple. It's one step at a time. Think of it like the old tired joke of eating elephant, right? How do you need an elephant? One bite at a time. Many people fall into the trap of thinking that they need to make huge changes, right?

Big sweeping changes. I'm going to do it. That's why. What is like 87 percent of New Year's resolutions fail because they're built on big changes, right? If you're a gym guy, you know, right from January to the end of February. The gym sucks because there's like a bazillion people in there. You can't find any equipment, especially if you're a small gym.

But by the end of February, [00:23:00] three of the hundred people to sign up for the gym for New Year's are still there, right? It's because people don't understand that going to the gym on a regular basis. It's a lot of little habits. That come together every single day for you to make that gym trip. It's not as simple as I'm gonna start working out.

There's 40 micro habits in there that have to start stacking for you to go to the gym every day if you're not a gym person Right, that's the mistake. That's why people fail on New Year's resolutions big. No, we want small Okay, long term growth is about small habits stacking small habits for big wins So how do you do it?

One bite at a time. One of the most powerful concepts you can adapt is the idea of incremental improvement, right? Small, consistent wind stacking up over time. That's the basis of the book, Atomic Habits I referenced. And if you read the book, you should, if you haven't, or you, if you haven't read the book, you should.

Uh, but that's one of the [00:24:00] reasons that I like it is James Clear and the author of the book. And I align on this idea of incremental improvements. I've been a personal trainer for years and I can see. I can tell you firsthand from my own experience in the gym and from working with clients that it's small movements over time, small wins over time to stack up.

It's not just about which plate you're moving at the time. When I'm working with a client, I'm looking at how long they take between sets, how heavy they're breathing, how long they have to rest, how hard they're struggling on every rep, right? All of these things lead up to more weight if they're working on more weight, but I see the little successes stacking up to make that more weight happen.

Sometimes my clients only see, Oh, I haven't added a plate in a while. Well, yeah, but you're taking less rest. You're not struggling as bad. You're able to do more reps because it's right. There's a lot of little wins. And so that's how you have to go through the personal [00:25:00] development journey. It's not just about habits.

It's about effort as well, though. Roger Bannister was the first man to break the four minute mile. People didn't think it was possible to get a sub four minute mile. And he was the first man in history to do it. When asked about it, he said, the man who can drive himself further. Once the effort gets painful, is the man who will win.

The effort is what drives you forward. So, if you're willing to stack the small habits, and put in the effort, even when it's hard, you're going to grow, and your personal development journey will flourish. Personal development is all about persistence. and resilience. Once you understand the power of small wins, it becomes a question of how much effort you're willing to put in dictates how fast you grow.

Now you're already doing this. If you're listening to this podcast on personal development, you're already doing this anyways, but it really is that simple. Stop making personal development complicated and hard because that's not what [00:26:00] it is. Personal development is something that you are taking part in whether you know it or not.

It's just how much you want to grow and how far you want to go. Greatness isn't reserved for a chosen few. It's a path that anybody can walk. So start today, take the first steps towards becoming the man you aspire to be. I asked you at the beginning of the podcast, what is one area of your life where you'd really like to thrive?

If you answered that question, this is your chance. Take that one area. Focus on it. Your journey to personal development begins with a decision to commit to growth in that area of your life. Embrace the challenge. Embrace your potential. The world needs who you are meant to be. We need to see who you become because Once you start becoming the man you were born to be, I promise life gets amazing guys.

If you found this helpful, be sure [00:27:00] and like it, share it with a friend who needs it. Be better tomorrow because of what you do today. We'll see you on the next one. The Driven to Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men, helping men go from living to thriving purpose filled intentional lives.