Banishing Try from Your Vocabulary for Ultimate Success

Banishing Try from Your Vocabulary for Ultimate Success

Tony Schmaltz: [00:00:00] If you caught nothing else, I want you to understand that the three keys to success are making a choice, committing to that choice, and then practicing the actions that came out of that choice. Whatever that is you want in life. If you want more money, you want a better relationship. You want, you want to get in better shape.

You have to make the choice that that's what you want. You have to commit to taking the actions necessary to get that desire. And then you have to practice, practice, practice everything it takes to hit that result.

D Brent Dowlen: Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential growing to the men we dream of becoming while taking care of our responsibilities, working, living, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves.

Well, that's the big question. And in this podcast, we'll help you with those answers and more. My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man podcast. Welcome to the Fallible Man podcast. You're home for all things, man, husband and father. Big shout out to Fallible Nation. [00:01:00] That's our longtime listeners.

And guys, we don't set a bar to entry. Just hang out with us. We love to have you here and become regular listeners for the show. And guess what? That makes you part of the nation, man. You're just here with us. A warm welcome to our first time listeners. There's a lot competing for your attention these days.

So thank you from the bottom of our hearts for giving us a chance. Be sure and connect with us on social media at the fallible man on most major platforms. I'm particularly active on Instagram. Let us know what you thought of the show. I'd love some feedback from you. It's actually very valuable. My name is Brent and today my special guest is motivational speaker, author, and coach.

Tony Schmaltz. We'll see how many times I can butcher his name. Tony, welcome to the album and podcast.

Tony Schmaltz: I know you didn't butcher it at all. You did it just right.

D Brent Dowlen: I got, I got to confess. I listened to several of your videos on YouTube to try. Nice. Tony, as you know, we, we start off kind of easy, so hopefully you said you've been brushing up on your trivia.

Here we [00:02:00] go. What? Character or which character from tropical thunder is based on a combination of Russell Crowe, Daniel Day Lewis, and Colin Farrell? Is it A, Tug Speedman, B, Kirk Lazarus, C, Les Grossman, or D, Al Pacino? It's time. All right, guys, you know the rules. Don't cheat. Don't look it up. Make your guess.

And for God's sake, don't write it down. If you're driving, just stick that in the back of the mind. We'll come back to it later. Tony, you know, I don't do big introductions. So in your own words today, in this moment, who is Tony Schmaltz?

Tony Schmaltz: Tony's being the best version of himself that he's ever been in his whole life.

And he's helping, and I'm helping people, other people, try to do the same. Be the best versions of their lives. Whether that means you're trying to grow a business, you're trying to build a relationship, improve a relationship, grow a career, whatever that means to you, I'm just trying to help you do it like I did.

I've been through the ringer. Trust me, you can probably relate to most of my stories. So now I'm trying to [00:03:00] help you, Find an easier way to get there.

D Brent Dowlen: Love it. Love it. What sport would be the funniest to add a mandatory amount of alcohol to?

Tony Schmaltz: Ooh, ooh, that's, that's interesting. That could be, that could be, that could be about anything.

Um, I think baseball would probably be pretty fun because if you have a lot of bean batters and a lot of shots, there wouldn't be any home runs. Yeah, that'd be fun.

D Brent Dowlen: I understand you're a Seahawks fan.

Tony Schmaltz: I am. I am. I actually, I have a, uh, signed Marshawn Wynne Chelman right here.

D Brent Dowlen: Oh, wow. Okay. So far away from home, but you're still loyal fan.

Tony Schmaltz: I am. And, uh, being that I'm just outside of Tampa, I get a lot of crap by all the, the Buccaneers fans out here. I mean, everyone else shows up in red and I show up in my, uh, my blue. [00:04:00]

D Brent Dowlen: That's okay. I get a lot of crap because I can't stand the Hawks and I've lived in Washington for years. My dad told my brother and I, so I've lived in Washington on and off over years of my life.

My dad, we moved here for the first time in 1987. My dad told me and my older brother, it's like, Oh, you guys are going to have to be Seahawks fans. Now we're moving to Washington. And we both looked at him and said, dad, just 'cause you moved us there doesn't mean we have to root for teams that suck . If you know anything, the, the Seahawks in the 19, late eight 1980s and early 1990s were horrible.

Tony Schmaltz: Oh yeah. No, I was, I, I was in Washington during those years. I mean, it's, uh, I, I, I like to joke about it because. You know, when they started to get good, we had a lot of bandwagon fans that hopped on board and I was one of those fans that was there through all the hard times, all the last place seasons and in the kingdom there before, before they actually started to get good.

D Brent Dowlen: I actually went to, uh, elementary school with [00:05:00] Steve Largent's niece.

Tony Schmaltz: Oh, wow. Oh, that's my all time favorite player right there,

D Brent Dowlen: right? And you remember the kingdom. I was so broken heart. Like I was out of state when they tore it down. I was so broken hearted when they tore it down. I was one of the last beautiful domes.

Tony Schmaltz: Yeah, yeah. And I didn't get I didn't get to see it actually go down. But I was there like the next day after it was all rubble.

D Brent Dowlen: I was I was actually in Florida when he went down. So we just were swapping around. Yeah, yeah,

Tony Schmaltz: yeah,

D Brent Dowlen: yeah. What is your best playground insult?

Tony Schmaltz: Oh, well, it's been a lot of years and I don't talk like that anymore, at least not out loud. Um, I think back in the day it was like, you're such a boner or something, something like that. I don't know. It seems that it rings a bell.

D Brent Dowlen: Fair enough. Best dad joke. [00:06:00] Ooh.

Tony Schmaltz: You know, nothing is coming to mind right now, even though I have a bunch of them.

Oh man.

D Brent Dowlen: Everybody's got a deep catalog until you ask. I'm right.

Tony Schmaltz: Exactly.

D Brent Dowlen: Uh,

Tony Schmaltz: Wow. I am drawing a complete blank. That is too bad. Cause I, I, I usually have a whole bunch of them and this is just like,

D Brent Dowlen: I tell you what, if one comes to mind later in the show, just hit us with it.

Tony Schmaltz: You got it. I got

D Brent Dowlen: it here. What purchase of a hundred dollars or less have you made in the last year that's had the biggest impact on your life?

Tony Schmaltz: Uh, yes. So the, the best purchase was actually fairly recently and it was like 25 off of Timu, believe it or not. And it was one of those handheld massager thingies that. Bounce, I think has been amazing. My wife and I use it on each other. And it's like, cause we do a lot of yard work and things around the house and it's like coming in a little sore and that is a life changer.

D Brent Dowlen: I bought one of those several years ago on a [00:07:00] black Friday sale. From one of the companies that does a lot of like sporting supplies and stuff like that. They do like exercise bands and stuff like that,

Tony Schmaltz: but I

D Brent Dowlen: caught one of their sales for black Friday and I usually don't do black Friday shopping and it was there like Primo.

They had two different levels of those guns. They accidentally marked the wrong one down for black Friday. So they had to honor it like their 300 version for a hundred bucks.

Tony Schmaltz: Nice. Very nice.

D Brent Dowlen: But man, I bought it. I love that thing. That's one of the best things I ever bought. Right.

Tony Schmaltz: And it's, it's fairly recent purchase because, um, we recently became friends with, uh, with the chiropractor and his wife.

And so when I, when I started chatting with this guy, I'm like, Oh, every once in a while I have back problems. Now I have nowhere to go. He's like, no, you don't. You just buy one of those little, uh, massage guns. He's, he literally said as a chiropractor, he said, I just need to teach your wife how to use one of these.

And he's like, Oh, and like you, he said, I have like a really expensive version in my office. He's like, but you can go down to [00:08:00] Walmart and get their 40 version. And it's just as good. I'm like. Okay. Well, then I'll go with the 40 version, which I ended up getting for 25.

D Brent Dowlen: Yeah. The only, the only thing I think about the more expensive one probably is like the difference between their two models was the one I bought had more speeds.

Um, and I've generally found, right, it's, it's how long it lasts. Like I've had mine for several years now it's, it's, it's earned back its money. And then some, I think you get these days you get a longer life on some quality projects, not all, there are a lot of them that are. There are a lot of expensive products that are still pretty flimsy, but weapon of choice for the zombie apocalypse.

Tony Schmaltz: Ooh, it's gotta be a big old machete. That's razor sharp. You know, you gotta take off those heads, man.

D Brent Dowlen: I like it cereal. Is it a super not?

Tony Schmaltz: Oh, [00:09:00] you know, I don't know the text definition, but I'm going to go with not.

D Brent Dowlen: Well, it's something everybody should absolutely know about you before we get into today's show.

Tony Schmaltz: So it's on my shirt and it, uh, it's getting, you kind of see it here is Schmalze. So my nickname, my nickname is Schmalze and it comes from way back when I was 17 and I spent some time and I spent, I did an exchange program in Germany.

And when I got there, all the guys started calling me Schmalze, you know, after about a week, I didn't know what it was and my friend that my host brother over there came back the next summer and spent time back out here in the States and he started calling me Schmalze again and I said, yeah, that's Schmalze.

Why, why, why are you guys, why would you guys always call me Schmaltzy? At first I thought it was just a play on my last name, which is Schmaltz. He said, you don't know? I said, no. He said, uh, well, when you were over there, you were hitting on all the girls and you were the, and used the cheesiest, sappiest pickup lines I've ever heard.

And so that's when he [00:10:00] explained to me that the German definition of Schmaltzy is to be overly sappy or cheesy, like a joke is cheesy. Back then I was way offended. I was like, what? That's, that's garbage. What the heck? You know, I'm 18 years old. I'm all offended by that. And then fast forward 20 something years when I started coaching, looking for a way to really separate myself from, from other coaches.

And I had a dream one night about that time where he was explaining that to me and I woke up and I'm like, that's it. I'm Schmaltzy. And I am, I am cheesy and sappy. And so I'm like, now I own it. And most of my friends and colleagues, that's my nickname is everyone calls me Schmaltzy.

D Brent Dowlen: All right. Well, now that we've set the bar really high for the expectations for the rest of this show.

Tony Schmaltz: And I couldn't come up with a dad joke. Come on.

D Brent Dowlen: After all that, no dad joke. Right? That's okay. I'm expecting it to hit, like, we'll, we'll hit some serious notes somewhere later in the show. And you're going to be like, Oh, dad joke. Right? [00:11:00] We'll set the expectations now, guys. We've been getting to know Tony just a little bit in this part of the show, and we're going to dive into tripping up over ourselves, guys.

We get in our own ways all the time. Uh, Tony, I both share the idea that people often make personal development and personal growth way too complicated and more than it is. And both of us, I think, share the opinion that you absolutely strive to become your best self. So we're going to talk about that and things that get in the way of that.

Tony. We're totally spit ball in this conversation because I think we're in a lime on so much stuff anyways So what is like you you work with guys and women, right? You work with both men and women What is the biggest roadblock you see what people when they're trying to get their lives in line?

Tony Schmaltz: so the biggest roadblock that I pretty much anybody whether I'm working with them or not just people I know is The [00:12:00] majority of people out there are trying to be a people pleaser You They're so worried about what other people think that they're afraid to be themselves.

And they're afraid to take action towards what they believe or what their passions are. And it's really the biggest thing when, when you can reduce or eliminate that, you can't always eliminate it cause you don't want to be a jerk, but you know, but when you can take that thought out of your head or, or at least way reduce it, you're going to be a happier person.

You're going to be more fulfilled and you're going to find that you're taking action towards your goals. More than before because most people stop they procrastinate because they're so concerned about what somebody else is going to say or somebody else is going to think that they just don't take the action or they don't.

It's like, um, oh, I can't remember who the quote was from, but it says, don't die with your music still inside you. I don't remember who said the quote, but don't die with your music still inside you. So, so many people are holding in who they really are because of. The way we've been taught, the way we've been programmed, [00:13:00] you know, through our whole lives, from our parents, to our teachers, to our, you know, churches, to our friends, parents, to our bosses, everybody's trying to tell you, you have to be a certain way.

And most times, majority of times, that's not in alignment with who you really want to be.

D Brent Dowlen: Now, I saw you actually have an explanation for this. So I want to hit this question while we're on this topic, uh, because I think a lot of, in fact, so I, I have some people, People, pleasers who are very close friends in my life,

Tony Schmaltz: people

D Brent Dowlen: I love dearly, and I know their hearts really well.

And I hear people who are often people, pleasers make the argument of, well, I'm serving people, right? I'm, I'm, I'm supposed to take care of people and I've heard you make this argument. So I would love for you to expound on this because people, I think a lot of people, pleasers, that's what they think. They think we're, we're helping and serving people and they don't understand the difference.

Tony Schmaltz: No, they know. [00:14:00] And, and that's, uh, that's one of the things I ask you is, is I'd ask you, are you, when you say you're serving people, are you also serving yourself? Because if, if, if by giving that person the answer they're looking for versus the one that you really want to give, is that really doing any good?

Or is it just keeping them in a place that's not actually helping them grow and it's not helping you grow? So if you, if you're getting ready to answer somebody, And you're at first concerned about what they're going to think. Stop and ask yourself this question. Is it really serving you? And is it really serving them?

And if the answer is it's not serving, if it's not serving both of you, then you need to throw it out the window or rethink it or do something else because people who say they're serving others by giving, telling them what they want to hear is a load of garbage and they need to look in the mirror, slap themselves in the face and, you know, wake up to reality, which is you're not serving them because you're bringing yourself down in the process.

And if you have to bring yourself down to make somebody else happy, then you're not happy yourself. And that is [00:15:00] devastating. That is, and you're never going to meet, find, hit your goals, your results. You're never going to be the person you need to be as long as you're hiding yourself for somebody else.

D Brent Dowlen: There's a lot to unpack in all that.

Tony Schmaltz: There

D Brent Dowlen: really is. Like, I feel like that would be just, that could be a solo conversation incredibly right there. How do break, well, let me back up. How do you get people to realize that that's what they're, they're doing to the people, pleasing, how you help people snap out of that and recognize that for themselves, because you can't fix it until you start to understand and actually understand that's what you're doing.

Tony Schmaltz: Well, and I usually start with that question. Like if I'm speaking with somebody and they're, they're talking about how their job sucks and they hate their job. And I say, cool, okay, let's, let's, let's explore that a little bit. What is it about your [00:16:00] job? You don't like, well, my, my boss sucks and he's always coming down on me.

I'm like, cool. So walk me through something that happened that you really didn't like. And as we go through the conversation, it turns out that this person has been a yes person instead of actually, they're so afraid of telling their boss or having a conversation with their boss that they're saying yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And losing themselves. So they're being this yes person, but they're doing it in a frustrated, I call it vicious compliance. They're, they're just like grinning and bearing and agreeing to it because that's, they think that that's what their boss needs to hear. When having been a leader for the most of my life, I would rather my employees be honest with me and tell me if it's something that's not working for them so that I can help them grow.

Most bosses, most leaders, if they're actual leaders do want that feedback. So we start with the line of questioning. We start with finding examples in their lives where they're not happy. And then we can usually drag that back to how it's. It's related to being a people pleaser and then to, to bring them out of that.

There's three things, three things that I always [00:17:00] work on. And this, this goes for anything that you want to be successful at, including reducing you being a people pleaser. And one, you got to make the choice. You got to make the choice that I don't want to be like that anymore, that I don't want to be that people pleaser.

I want to improve on that. I want to get better and be myself too. You have to commit. Nothing in this world happens unless you commit to taking the actions necessary to make it happen. And then three, you have to practice, practice, practice. They say to be an expert at something you need to do it 10, 000 times or put 10, 000 hours into it.

I don't know if that's true or not. However, it makes sense because practice, practice, practice happens. So choice, commitment, practice. Those are the three keys to success and the keys to getting out of being a people pleaser. Now we've dealt

D Brent Dowlen: with people pleasers.

Right. Yeah. Why does personal why let me let's put this back on us Why do a lot of [00:18:00] personal development people right because you and I are both in the industry of personal development at some level So why is it that so many personal development people make it hard, right? For some for a lot of people personal development seems like really far out there really complicated really confusing And we don't always make it easier when we talk about it.

Why, why do we make it harder than it is? So

Tony Schmaltz: people in general, why do they make it hard? Personal development, harder. Okay. So most people, most people look at personal development, at least in my experience, most people look at personal development as a rah, rah, cheerleader type of thing. They don't, they don't necessarily believe in it.

And so because they don't have that belief that it's, that it works, they don't really put forth the effort. They kind of go through the motions, check the box, so to [00:19:00] speak, and don't really give it the old college try. And I don't, that's, that's the belief system is really, The challenge, and that's the hardest part to really get people moving.

And so when you can shift that belief, and usually that comes with the practice part, the commitment and the practice. So even if somebody doesn't believe in it, if you can get them to commit to here, do these actions, these two or three actions every day for 30 days, even though the first week or two, you're going to do it grudgingly.

You know, do this for 30 days and then let's talk about how you feel, how you believe, what you're looking at, what your life looks like, and then progress from there. The biggest challenge is getting the people to commit. To actually doing that for 30 days or more. I try to say 90 days, but 30 days is a good start.

It's the belief system is really the biggest challenge. People don't believe in it. You know, they see people like Tony Robbins up on stage and they're like, Oh, he's [00:20:00] just cheering. Yeah. Hey, Tony. Uh, and, and so they don't really understand what's behind that and what really can push them to that next level.

D Brent Dowlen: I got to admit, like, I have nothing wrong with what Tony Robbins says, right? I think the guy's done a lot of people, a lot of good. But I have never been a fan because that rah, rah, like the, so not my personality. I see that and it's an instant turnoff for me. Like I used to see like clips of Tony Robbins, uh, seminars and stuff like that.

And people were like cheering and like, and doing the thing and everybody's getting psyched up and I'm like, Oh, kill me now. No.

Tony Schmaltz: Right. I'm, I'm the same way. And those that have worked with me or those that know me, they know I am a, in your face, tell you how it is type of person. I'm not, I, the, the raw, raw stuff that you're talking about.

I call that the squishy [00:21:00] side of coaching. I, I have my moments of squishiness, but normally I stay in the, in your face. Don't do that anymore. You know, slap yourself in the face type of type of coach. And most of my clients appreciate that because they need that. Too many people trying to be squishy and tell them, Oh, it's okay.

More like a, you know, more like a comforting friend than somebody who's actually trying to help them grow. I'm a, I'm a get off your ass. Come on, make it happen. Here we go. Here's your actions. Take the action and watch the changes occur.

D Brent Dowlen: I, I a hundred percent agree with my, my wife. So I used to be a personal trainer on top of other things.

Just one of those other things I like to It's a, like, I love training. So for me, it's kind of a passion thing. My wife tried to train with me for a while. It almost ended in divorce because I, I'm that trainer. I'm the, in your face, kick you in the ass. [00:22:00] Let's do it. And constantly in people's face. She's like, man, I hope you're a lot nicer to your clients than that.

Outside of the gym. You're like, you know, I hope you're a lot nicer than that. I was like, no, no, I'm really not. You're looking for sympathy. I'm, I'm the wrong person to talk to.

Tony Schmaltz: Well, that's, that's me. So I've got, uh, I've got two folks I'm working with right now. Um, Carrie and Matt, and we have lots of mutual friends.

So, so Carrie works with me, but she also has other coach friends that she knows were a part of a mutual group together. And one, one day I, I didn't, she says I yelled at her, but I didn't really yell at her. I was just telling her, I'm like, stop being that, stop doing that right now, draw a line in the sand.

You know, I was, I was pretty, In her face about it through a zoom meeting, of course, she, I got a call from one of the other guys said, Carrie told me you yelled at her today. And he said, I said, what'd you tell her? He said, well, if you're getting yelled at by Schmaltzy, it's probably a good thing. I'm like, well, I don't think I yell.

I went back and watched [00:23:00] the recording. I'm like, no, I didn't really yell. I didn't get loud, but it was, it was needed. And you know, it helped with the shift that she needed to make. And so, and then Matt, on the other hand, I've had a couple of times where. He, he, he'll now further down the path, he'll sit here and he'll stop when he's getting ready to say something, go, wait, let me think about how I want to say this, cause I don't need you to tell me to shut up or I don't need you to tell me to not stop doing that.

Uh, and then he, he rephrases how he's thinking. I was like, well, I might still tell you that, but you know, thanks for thinking about it. Now, you know, you're, you're thinking before you're speaking.

D Brent Dowlen: I saw a quote you posted on your Facebook feed the other day from Walt Disney and says, the way to get started is to quit talking. And just begin doing the just, but beginning to begin doing so many people fail to launch like that's that. I think that is like the biggest [00:24:00] single failure point of almost anybody's goals, whether it's personal development or launching that business or chasing that dream, so many people fail to launch.

How do you push people through that?

Tony Schmaltz: Well, and that's that part of that is I, I do assign actions at the end of every, every session so that you need to have these done by the day. And if you don't have them done by the next one, guess what? We're going to spend most of the call talking about why that is.

And it's going to be very uncomfortable. You're not going to like that conversation. And so the accountability piece is really a big, big one. Most people who work with me, really, they only make that mistake once where they maybe come back and go, I didn't get this piece of the homework done, really what was more important.

Or, what, what was keeping you from getting that done? And usually it's a line of BS. Usually it's nothing, no real reason. It's just excuses. And so, it gets to the point where they, they make sure they get their homework done. Um, [00:25:00] and one of the other things that I, that I do, and I mentioned this earlier is I also assign schmaltzy tasks at the end of every, every session.

And schmaltzy tasks are, like you and your spreadsheet, I have a long list of these that I randomly pick, depending on who the person is. So, I, These are designed to get you out of your comfort zone. Stop being that people pleaser, but do it in a way that is completely unrelated to what your goals are. So if your goal is trying to build your career or business, this is not even going to relate to that.

And we talked about that and Superman. So this one, one of them is I'll have. A client, man or male or female, it doesn't matter. I'll say, go into the grocery store. Next time you're in the grocery store or any, any, any store you're shopping at, I want you to walk up to five random people and get real close and say, I am Batman or I am that woman or whatever, if you're a woman or man, and that the reason behind that is to get them out of that comfort zone and you're going to get a weird look, you're going to get.[00:26:00]

You're going to feel embarrassed and, but you can't worry about what somebody else is going to think. You have to get out of your comfort zone and just do it. And I've had people come back to me and say, you know, the first two or three was really hard, but by the time I got to five, I wanted to keep going.

And you know, there's now I'm having fun and, and giving them those, those tasks each week to kind of get them out of their comfort zone and stop worrying about what others think. It's huge to help building that belief system that this works. Like we talked about earlier, that belief system, not believing or thinking this is a bunch of raw, raw garbage is what holds a lot of people back from really getting, building that self development, personal development.

So when you can gain that confidence of not worrying about what other people think, the rest just flows, it flows so well.

D Brent Dowlen: So there are a lot of people who think that personal development work is. Yeah, kind of [00:27:00] floozy. Just like, you know, they're, they work, they go home, they watch football or they, they do whatever they do.

Right. But they hit this point and don't see why you would want to go further. How do we convey to people? Cause no one wants to be preached at. Right. So how do we effectively convey to people that investing yourself, personal development is worth their time and effort who don't see it.

Tony Schmaltz: Well, the, the challenge with that is somebody has to want, somebody has to want something more. So we, I'm not, I'm not going to try to tell somebody personal development is the way to go unless they truly want to change. So if they're right here and that's where they want to be, you're not going to help them.

Or they, but if they're right here and they want to go here, And they don't know what's holding them back. Then we can get into that discussion. Okay, cool. What do you, what does your day look like? And then when they say, I sit around and watch football, you're like, all right, [00:28:00] what else can we do with that time?

You know, could you, have you, when was the last time you read a book? Could you maybe cut back an hour of football and read a book for an hour or, uh, simple things like that. However, it starts with the desire. And so if somebody is here, like I said, and they don't want to go any further, you can, you can talk to them until the cows come home and it's not going to make a hill of beans difference.

People have to want to change now. Once that desire to change is there or to grow, then you can help guide them on what's best for them, what's going to work best for them. But first comes that desire.

D Brent Dowlen: Tell you one of the most heartbreaking things I ever heard. I was talking to a guy and he saw, I was wearing my podcast shirt.

Uh, it's got my big podcast logo on it. And he was like, Oh, what's that about? So I. He didn't, we were, we were just meeting. So he didn't know what I did. And so I started telling him about the podcasts I do. And he's like, Oh, and so I kind of walked him through the premise. I was [00:29:00] like, you know, I, I believe that people are meant for more that were sold this concept of quote unquote, the American dream.

And then as men were like, that's life. I go to work. I provide for my family. I come home. That's life. There, there is nothing else I said. And I work with men and talk to men who want more out of life than that.

Tony Schmaltz: And

D Brent Dowlen: he's like, but there isn't anything else. And I like, dude, my, my heart just broke. I was like, it literally took the breath out of me because I'm face to face with this guy and I'm looking at him and he's there with his son, who's a teenager.

And I'm looking at this progress. It's like, Oh, so this is what he sees. So this is what his son's going to buy as the norm right off the bat.

Tony Schmaltz: Right.

D Brent Dowlen: And it just like totally took the breath out of me. It's like. [00:30:00] And then I thought, you know, but I used to be like that. I had a point in my life where that like that was it.

It took me hitting the American dream and going. Really? That's, I got a lot of life. What's what's now, what would I do now? There's got to be more than just this. Um, but hearing somebody actually like voice that it's like, no, that's it.

Tony Schmaltz: And it's, God, it's really hard to hear that. I mean, I can imagine taking your breath away like that.

Cause I'm sure it would have done the same to me. I've been like, What do I say from here? I mean, this is what this person believes and they believe that there's nothing more and I'm like, wow, and I mean, honestly, there's nothing wrong with that to a certain extent, to a certain extent. Now, don't teach your kid that you believe that cool, but like you said, now this teenager is going to believe that and they're going to do the same thing.

That's the hardest part. Hardest part is [00:31:00] not so much. Okay, cool. You've been raised that way. That's who you are. And now you're teaching the next generation in your family that that's what's what it's supposed to look like and that's not, I mean, not unless it's, I mean, there's nothing wrong with that per se.

I mean, the, the world needs those, what I call there's A, B and C individuals. And. And there's also DNF, like the grading scale, but a's are people that really, really want more, they want, they will do whatever it takes to get more in their lives, advance a career, business, et cetera. They're gonna do everything.

The B'S are the ones, yeah, they want a little more, but they don't wanna do too much more effort to get it. And the C's are the ones that are just like, Nope, I'm showing up, doing my job. I'll work 40 years and then retire, and then move to Florida, whatever. . And then, and then the, the, the Ds and Fs, those are the ones that.

You don't want around, you don't want as a part of your business. They're the ones that are lazy, want free handouts, et cetera. Those are those, those are the people that really don't want help. [00:32:00] They want things handed to them. And this person, it sounds like just, they're just that C individual. And then when the world needs those people, those are the people that are the building block of the normal, the workforce.

Just, I can't think that way. And I know you can't think that way. And it's just, I've always wanted more most of my life and just maybe not knowing how to get there until I started really doing a lot of research, hiring mentors, hiring coaches, getting into programs, masterminds, and really learning what it takes.

D Brent Dowlen: I found if I can get most individuals into a private conversation, because once you realize like, Oh, right, this is, this is the belief right now. The limiting belief is this is what life looks like. With a stranger, I can't necessarily get in that conversation. If I haven't in, if I can actually get into a real deeper conversation with somebody, if they'll let me in, [00:33:00] I can usually find that one place where it's like, Oh, well, how long have you been married?

Do you, do you have the relationship with your wife that you've always wanted? Like, is your marriage perfect? Do you feel like you're perfect in the way you show up for your wife? Oh, well, she knows I love her

more than that. Do you want more than that out of your merit? Right. If, if you can, if you have the time to pick it enough threads, you can usually find one where they're like, Oh, well, you know, I could probably do that a little bit better. Right. It's just having, I try not to go deep dive with most people who aren't wanting to go farther than that, but you find those people, you know, pick at that thread.

Uh, because everybody's got that one thing, right? A lot of people's like, we want more money. I mean, that's, that's the root of change for a lot of people. I want more money on. So do I, so every millionaire in the world, [00:34:00] I've never met a rich man who didn't want more money. Um, it's okay. It's a starting point, right?

So there's a part you're not satisfied with. You're not making it enough. And that's usually enough to start a conversation as well. Okay. Well, What in your life can you do to change that? But getting somebody actually want to change, right? You can get a conscious effort sometimes, but I found actually action, right?

We go back to the Disney quote, getting someone actually want it bad enough to do

Tony Schmaltz: something.

D Brent Dowlen: So

Tony Schmaltz: it's funny you mentioned it that way. So I did a live on Facebook a few days ago. I talked about that same topic. It started out by having a conversation with a friend who, um, a female friend who was, who wanted to lose some weight.

And her, her son is, is a personal trainer. He does it, you know, on the side, [00:35:00] his regular job, but very fit, very, very muscular and, and, you know, I overheard the conversation. I was standing there and he, she said, well, I'm not losing the weight. And he's like, you just don't want it bad enough. I was like, Oh my God, I love that.

I mean, cause I've used it before similar. And I'm like, so I was driving away from that conversation. I went live, I have my phone set up so I don't have to touch it, but I'm driving away and I'm like, I'm like talking about that before, cause I wanted to go live before I forgot about it. I'm like, that is it.

I said, you just have to want it bad enough. If you really want to change, you really want a better relationship. You really want more money. You really want a better career or you really want, uh, you really want to lose that way. You have to want it bad enough because if you want it bad enough, you will find a way.

You will find the, how, if the desire is strong, if it's not, then you're going to keep doing the same thing you're doing day in and day out and expect something different. That's not going to happen.

D Brent Dowlen: People, people don't [00:36:00] understand. No one is definitely more talented than you are. No one is, I mean, there are people who are probably a little bit more talented, but no one is infinitely more talented than you are.

No one is just white years that much. It's, they wanted it bad enough to be willing to suffer.

Tony Schmaltz: That's right. That's right. That's right. And most people don't think they're enough. Imposter syndrome is a real thing.

D Brent Dowlen: If you're willing to build the resilience to be willing to suffer, to be uncomfortable, to be out of, to, to forgo, right.

That's it was really easy with weight loss clients. Like you have to want it bad enough to be able to suffer, not eating the stuff you love, right? That's what it really boils down to. Like my weights always fluctuated. I've always been more strength focused than I've never cared about a six pack. I never wanted to look like a bodybuilder.

I've always [00:37:00] cared about just being strong. And so my weight's always fluctuated. I've always carried a little more weight and. My friend was like, well, you know, how can you advise people on dieting? It was like, because I don't give a damn about it. I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to have a six pack. I know how to get there, but I like ice cream more than I like a six pack.

That's just what it is. Right. I don't want to suffer that. Uh, but if you want it bad enough, right. To forego the comfort, to go for go the good times and the stuff you love to do to spoil yourself. And I think we're allergic to. Being uncomfortable.

Tony Schmaltz: Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, people in general, they live inside their comfort zones, big time, which is why so many people are people pleasers and why so many people don't start that business or why they don't.

People don't think they have enough knowledge. They don't think they have the skills. I mean, there's so many excuses that people throw out when you [00:38:00] ask them what they're looking for. The three, three primary questions I ask people when they're considering working with me or even after we start working together.

Is what do you want to create, whether it's more money, whether it's a better relationship, whatever that is for them. What do you want to create? What do you think is keeping you from getting there and who do you need to become to make that happen? Cause you're not going to do it being the same person you are now.

Something's going to have to change. So what do you want to create? More money. Cool. What do you think is keeping you from getting there? Well, I don't know how to start a business. All right, cool. We can work with that. And who do you need to be? Well, I probably need to be a little more, uh, I need to, I need to really, really work harder and get out.

Well, we'll see, but that's a good start. And so it's really, when you get those questions, you can, then you can find those threads to pull on like you were talking about. So it's a good starting point. Cool. We know where you kind of want to go in your mind. We'll probably shift it a bit along the way. You know, mindset is usually the biggest, [00:39:00] biggest thing holding people back.

And it's funny. Most people do know how to start a business or they do know how to grow a business or I do know how to grow a career, but they're letting the thing in here, hold them back from doing it. So mindset is, is the biggest thing. One of my first coaches said to me, when you're, when you're looking for coaching clients, you tell them what they want and then give them what they need.

Because oftentimes what they want to hear when they're getting ready to work with you is they want to hear they're going to make more money. They want to hear they're going to have a better relationship and then you give them what they need, which is the mindset shift or, or similar.

D Brent Dowlen: Hey guys, we've been talking about getting in your own way and personal development and why most people trip up with it. Why? We stumble on our own without much help. Like we, we're just, we are our worst enemies on a lot of things. Uh, in the next part of the show, we're going to get a little star warsy. So stick around for that.

Now here's the challenge. I don't usually do this, but I want you all to be a little more schmaltzy this week and go try the I'm bad man thing [00:40:00] to five people. Like just, that would be so cool. I really want to hear all about that. So all you listeners out there, I love you guys. Drop your comfort zone this week, walk up to five random strangers and be like,

David McCarter: I'm Batman.

D Brent Dowlen: Yes. You got to do it in the voice. You got, you got to get the voice. Batman voice. Let us know how that goes. In this segment, we're going to get a little star Warsy because I saw Tony post something the other day and I love the explanation. I've never actually heard this before. Uh, so my, one of my best friends in school, this was her quote when she graduated, cause they had seniors quotes and it was do or do not.

There is no try from Yoda. Like that was, that was the power. In fact, her whole class adopted it for their senior graduation. Uh, that was their senior class graduating slogan was do or do not. There is no try. And it's always resonated with me because she was so close to me. And I saw you post on [00:41:00] this and I went.

I'm not sure if I'm really happy about that or like, you know, it's just like re my childhood, but you said there is no try and then explain that. So there are a lot of men who aren't starting. We've already talked about that. There are a lot of men who want more in their life and we'll make half ass arguments about it.

It's like, well, I tried this, I tried this. So share this philosophy with us.

Tony Schmaltz: Yeah, absolutely. I'm glad you bring this up. I actually almost talked about it earlier. So I'm glad we waited. So it's, it's, it's funny. It's first learned this concept after seeing Star Wars, you know, I'd already seen the Star Wars.

This is from Empire Strikes Back. You know, Yoda says to Luke, do or do not, there is no try. And then when I started my personal development journey. I was, I was made aware of Werner Ehrhardt and Werner Ehrhardt really nails this down. And so I've actively [00:42:00] removed the word try from my, my vocabulary. It might pop in every once in a while, but I'm conscious about it because the word try really is a cop out.

It's really a cop out. That's why he says there is no try. The Werner Ehrhardt talks about how this, this man was standing up at one of his, his workshops. He was standing up and he looks at the man and he's explaining to him that there is no such thing as try. And he's, this guy's arguing with him and he says, okay, I want you to try to sit down.

And the man sits down. He said, see, see, no, that's garbage. You sat down. You didn't try to sit down. You didn't sit down. And then, and so it was that, that really led me down the path. And I started looking at it and I've had this discussion with many people and there really, really is no such thing as try.

So when somebody asks you, like somebody's got to get together at their house and they're like, invite you over for, for this little, little, this let's say cookout at their house and you say, Oh, we'll try to make it. Well, right then and there, you're telling that person that you are wishy washy, that you're not going to, you're not going to [00:43:00] put forth the effort to be there.

And that person is now saying to themselves, well, this is a person, this is somebody that I can't rely on. They're very non committal. They're not going to, they're not going to make the effort and the odds of them showing up are probably, probably pretty slim. So you have just seriously copped out on, on that person.

And so every time you use that word, try, you are copying out on whatever it is that you would be doing that you could be doing and should be doing. So when I say do or do not, there is no try. That's because there's not, there's always something you're always doing something or not doing something. And if you use that word, try you're copping out on yourself and everybody else.

D Brent Dowlen: It's reminiscent to me, do you ever watch the rock Sean Connery, Nick Cave?

Tony Schmaltz: I just watched it the other day, actually. So funny, you're bringing that up.

D Brent Dowlen: I actually need to rewatch it because I haven't watched it in so long. I love some of the lines in it, but right. Sean Connery always talks about, talks about, uh, in [00:44:00] the movie, you know, losers always whine about their best.

And for the sake of the show, I won't finish that quote. That's a great quote.

Tony Schmaltz: Winners go home

D Brent Dowlen: and yeah. Right. Okay. To me, that was the less PC version of Yoda saying, you know, do or do not, right? We have this idea. I think it's because we've shifted in the United States through a war media rock mediocrity Right when I was growing up the people who won got the trophy participation trophies weren't a thing yet

Tony Schmaltz: And

D Brent Dowlen: I, as a parent despise that kind of crap, uh, participation trophies piss me off because it rewards mediocrity.

You know, yes, I know everybody, right? Everybody who goes to the Olympics wants a gold medal. [00:45:00] Somebody wanted it more to put in the extra blood, sweat, tears, miles, whatever, whatever their sport is to get. To gold to be the best and only one person can get there or one team can get there. And we've embraced this concept.

America wasn't built on the idea of mediocrity. I think it's something that people misunderstand about capitalism. Capitalism is a fair system. It's yeah, there are definitely some problems only because capitalism can now be controlled more because there are so many companies that have a monopoly and can block things out.

So it was hard for the little guy sometimes. But you can still in a capitalistic society come in and put in the effort and succeed you Become the global [00:46:00] giant, but you can put in the effort and build that business. You always wanted to, or chase that dream you wanted to and get there still.

Tony Schmaltz: Right.

And so when we're talking about the do or do not, there is no try this. I really started hammering in on that phrase and hammering in on that concept. Um, actually more so in the last six months, I've always kind of known it and really kind of felt, you know, but I never really lived it. And it was at a workshop I was at here in Florida, not too long ago with a friend of mine, Devin Bannison, amazing coach, amazing mentor.

And he brought up this concept of the, of the try and the do or do not, there is no trying. He, he kind of gave the same similar explanation as I did. And I went down the rabbit hole with Werner Erhardt and some of the other folks that think this concept. And I really got into it. And at that same workshop, this guy, Devin talked about the commitment and that's something I had used a long, long, long way before it was the commitment piece.

And he said, he said something to us in the workshop, [00:47:00] he said, I am the most committed individual you will ever meet. He's like, if I say I'm going to do something, it will happen. I would literally have to be in the hospital, uh, to, to not be there. And he said, he said, I, he's like, if, and this guy charges, like.

A ton to work with him. He said, he said, if I find somebody that's more committed than me, then I will work with them for free. And I was like, Oh, that's a bold statement. And I said, and in my mind, I had a conversation with him later. I said, you know, I, I believe in paying for values, but I don't want to work with you for free, but I accept that challenge.

Like I am, I want to be that committed and I've made it a sincere conscious effort to make sure that. I can't recall rescheduling any appointments since then, you know, or, or when I say I'm going to do something I've done it, you know, whereas prior to that I was still pretty darn committed, but there would be those times where I'm like, Oh, and I reschedule a call or I reschedule something I had going on.

And it was [00:48:00] usually for some reason. Stupid reason, or I can't say stupid, but minor reason that could have, that I could have avoided. And so now back to that commitment that do or do not, there is no try. It's about being committed. And we talked about the choice, the commitment and the practice. The commitment is probably the biggest one.

So take that word, try out of your dictionary, out of your vocabulary and say, I'm going to commit to doing this and do it.

D Brent Dowlen: I love it. Now, guys, this conversation has been a little different than I normally go with this. Okay. Because there was so much I wanted to talk to Tony about that. I just wasn't quite sure how this was going to play out. We have a lot of the same thought processes. Uh, I think there's a lot of value in the conversation we had.

So, you know, thanks for bearing with us. If this was a little more disorganized than I do sometimes, but I think this is absolutely worthwhile conversation. [00:49:00] I think there's a lot in it, but like anything else, you got to decide you want something out of it. If you decide that you're ready to move forward, you are ready to grow personally and start to develop yourself.

There's a lot in this conversation to take out and you're, you're not going to get that advice for free in most places. Tony, what's the next big project for you?

Tony Schmaltz: Okay. So, so the next next big project is actually having to go back through my book. So I actually published a book about a month ago, a little over a month ago.

And found out just this week that I published a draft. So I had gotten back from my, yeah, so I had an editor who I had been back and forth getting my transcript edited multiple times. And I committed to a certain date to my audience. I was going to have this launched. And so when my editor sent me the last copy that he sent me, I just went ahead and published it.

I didn't go back [00:50:00] and review it again. Well, one of my close friends and fellow coach who actually read the um, The first two thirds of this are great, but the last third doesn't look like it was edited. There's spelling errors, grammar errors, and I'm like, what? So I pulled out a copy and I looked at it and I'm like, he's right.

And so now, of course, my editor who already has been paid is not answering me. So, so my, so I pulled my published book down from Amazon. Pulled my listing down. So my big project literally this weekend is to clean up that last third and get it republished. Outside of that though, outside of that, I've got a couple of, uh, couple of big groups that I'm launching here in the next, next three months that are going to be around the principles that are in that book.

And I'm really going to guide people from where they are to where they want to become. Nice

D Brent Dowlen: to see you launching a podcast.

Tony Schmaltz: I am I am in fact, uh, I Just just have I have a couple of interviews this weekend. Um, and it's called wake the bleep up So you haven't if you've been listening, you [00:51:00] know that i'm all about that Um, and i'm gonna have a co host who's uh, her name is erin birch.

She is Phenomenal her and I think very much alike just from a male versus female perspective And so we thought it would be great to have that have the male and female perspective on on the show You So yeah, it's check it out. We're on all the major platforms. The only episode that's out right now is my introductory episode.

Everything else is going to start flowing, like, next week. Next week, episodes are going to start pouring out.

D Brent Dowlen: Alright. You guys can check that out by the time this episode airs, you should be well in swing on that. So they should have lots of episodes pick up from this. I always record ahead. Where is the best place for people to connect with you?

Tony Schmaltz: So definitely find me on any of the social platforms. Uh, you know, we've talked about Facebook a couple of times. That's where I spend most of my time. However, you can also go to my website, Tony Schmaltz. com. There's free videos there, free courses, and lots and lots of [00:52:00] information. So definitely check me out there and yeah.

Yeah. It's there's, there's lots of, if not reach out to me directly. I'm more than happy to have the conversation with you deeper than what we're having today.

D Brent Dowlen: You guys will, we'll have all of Tony's leaks, of course, in the show notes, the description, whatever platform you're joining us on today. And I know you're all worried about which tropical thunder character was based on a combination of Russell Crowe, Daniel Day Lewis and Colin Farrell.

You said Tug Speedman. The answer was B Kirk.

Tony Schmaltz: I was, I was trying to picture which one, cause I haven't seen that movie in a while. I was trying to picture which one was which. So I just kind of made it, made a shot in the dark. Yes, there.

D Brent Dowlen: Oh yeah. No, if I, if I had to stop and like, I was putting the question on their thing, the sheet.

And it was like, it's been a while since I've seen that I can watch it now. Just so I know

we've shared a lot of valuable information today. Yes. If our audience caught nothing else, what do you want them to hear?[00:53:00]

Tony Schmaltz: If you got nothing else, I want you to understand that the three keys to success are making a choice, committing to that choice, and then practicing the actions that came out of that choice. Whatever that is you want in life. If you want more money, you want a better relationship. You want, you want to get in better shape.

You have to make the choice that that's what you want. You have to commit to taking the actions necessary to get that desire. And then you have to practice, practice, practice everything it takes to hit that result.

D Brent Dowlen: Guys for myself and Tony, thanks for hanging out with us today. I hope you enjoyed the conversation.

Be better tomorrow because what you do today, and we'll see you on the next one.

David McCarter: This has been the fellow man podcast. You're home for everything man, husband, and father. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. Head over to www. TheFallibleMan. com for more content [00:54:00] and get your own Fallible Man gear.