Navigating the Teen Years: A Parent/Teen Guide to Communication and Connection

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Hey, my name is Brent and welcome
to a special episode of the

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Fallible Man podcast with Rahz
Slaughter as a special guest.

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This episode is for parents of teens,
teenagers, and those soon to be either.

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You see, in this episode, we're going
to talk to parents and teenagers.

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So this would be a great episode
to share with a teen in your life.

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Raj shares communication tips,
parenting tips, but he also shares

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how to become more resilient as you
traverse your teenage years and how to

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build your confidence as a teenager.

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And so, so, so much more listen
together with your teenager.

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And we'll talk directly to the teens
and part of the show and to the parents

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and different part of the episode.

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Check out this quote from
Rahz and let's get into it.

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If you just listen to this part of the
segment of the podcast, what I want you

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to believe is that anything that you
truly want to achieve in your life, But

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here's what I don't want you to do not
buy anyone's limiting beliefs about what

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you can have, what you can do, where
you can become, because they're limiting

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beliefs don't have to become your story.

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You can be the author of your story.

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And it starts today and
believing in yourself.

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Here's the million dollar question.

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How do men like us reach our full
potentials growing to the men we

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dream of being while taking care
of our responsibilities, working,

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being good husbands, fathers,
and still take care of ourselves?

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Well, that's the question.

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In this podcast, we'll help you
answer those questions and more.

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My name is Brent, and welcome
to the Fallible Man Podcast.

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Welcome to the Fallible Man
Podcast, your home for all

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things man, husband, and father.

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Big shout out to Fallible Nation,
that's our long time listeners, and

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you're welcome to be part of that.

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And a warm welcome to
our first time listeners.

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Hey, we know there's a lot out
there competing for your attention

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right now, and we are just honored
that you would take the time to

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check it out and give us a chance.

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That means a lot to us that
you're seeing and trying it.

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And if you enjoy it, be sure and
connect with me at the fallible man

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on Instagram or most other platforms.

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If you really enjoy it, share with a
friend who would benefit from it, or

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leave us a review on an Apple podcast
that helps us reach out to more people.

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My name is Brent and today my special
guest is motivational speaker, author,

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teen life coach, Rahz Slaughter.

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Rahz, welcome to the fallible man podcast.

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Wow.

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Thank you so much, Brent.

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Excited to be here.

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Excited to have this conversation.

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I'll figure that out in a minute.

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I just have to stop it
before Friday, the recording.

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All right, Ross.

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We like to start the show a
little lighter, a little easier.

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So how's your trivia?

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I don't know.

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We're going to, we'll give it a shot.

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I don't know if that's my, uh, my
forte, but I'm willing to have some fun.

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Now, forgive me.

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I got to ask, how old are you?

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I am 46.

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Okay.

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Wow.

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You do not look anywhere near 46.

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I was actually going, I was
going for a history question.

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Cause I thought I was going to
stump you, but, so here we go.

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When was the Cuban missile crisis?

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Was it 1952, 1972, 1982 or
1962 Cuban missile crisis?

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Why do I want to say 82?

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I don't know, but Hey, that's fine.

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We'll take the answering guys.

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You know, the rules don't cheat.

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Don't skip ahead.

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Don't look it up and for God's
sake, don't write it down.

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If you're on the car in
the car, Drive don't write.

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I know a lot of my listeners
listen in the car So just

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stick in the back of your head.

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We'll come back to that now Rahz
I don't do big introductions.

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So in your own words today, in
this moment, who is Ross Slaughter?

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Woo.

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Uh, real quickly.

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I mean, Ross Slaughter is a man,
a father, a faith person who loves

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just to inspire and motivate people.

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That's who I am.

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I was gifted to have a struggle in my
life at times, but I found personal

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growth and I found the way that what my
superpower was, my superpower is I have

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the ability to inspire and motivate people
and I've been doing it for 24 years.

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24 years.

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Wow.

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That that's a career, man.

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That's I don't hold
the same job that long.

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Come on.

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All right.

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So let's get to know Rahz a little bit.

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What house does the Sorting Hat put you
in if you're a Harry Potter at Hogwarts?

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Wow, you're just throwing me there like, I
am not, can I phone a friend like my son?

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I am not a Harry Potter fan at all,
I am a, like, I am the ultimate jock.

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Oh, that just makes it
more interesting, right?

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Do you know the Harry Potter houses?

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I do not know.

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I, I have a book, I have a book on my
shelf that one of my clients who worked

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for the publishing house that published
them originally, but I did not read it.

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You know what?

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We have a unique opportunity today.

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We will phone a friend, Abby.

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Please help.

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Help a guy out.

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I was starting to type it out.

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What, what are the Harry Potter houses?

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Break them down.

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Gryffindor, Slytherin,
Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff.

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Tell us a little bit about them.

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Um, Gryffindor is mainly like
they're brave and courageous.

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And a little stubborn, or a lot stubborn.

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Slytherins are very self aware,
they're very strategic, and they can

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be a little, uh, we'll say tricksy.

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And Hufflepuffs are known most
for being loyal, because they

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will always stand by their friend.

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And Ravenclaw are very smart and clever,
and they find ways to get around things.

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Alright.

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There's your phone or friend.

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Thank you, Abby, for jumping on.

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She's listening to the background
today while we're recording.

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There's your, there's your guys.

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So which house are you in?

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Ah, I am definitely in the loyal house.

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So if there was something that would nail
me to, to something, it's being loyal.

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I I'm loyal to the core because I believe
that that's one of my founding values.

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Excellent.

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Excellent.

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If you could eat only one meal for the
rest of your life, what would it be?

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Pizza.

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Yeah.

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Pizza?

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Yeah, I'm originally from New York, so
I love a big New York slice of pizza.

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Can't compare.

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I live in South Florida right now, and the
pizza is nowhere near as good as New York.

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I've been to New York one time, and it
was just passing through at the airport.

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Like I literally just had like
a 10 minute layover, and I

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was like, New York, New York.

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What do I know about New York?

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I need a slice.

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I gotta get a slice.

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Absolutely.

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I jumped off my gate.

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There was a bathroom and a pizza
place right across from my gate.

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So I ran in and hit the head and grabbed
a big slice and a beer, which in New York,

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you can walk around the airport with that.

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That was cool.

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Yep.

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And so I grabbed a slice and
a beer and went back in the

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line to get on my next plane.

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But it was like, okay,
I've been to New York.

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I had a slice.

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I'm good.

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Boom.

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What would be your weapon of
choice in the zombie apocalypse?

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Oh, man, I got it.

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I mean, I'm pretty handy with
my Glock, so I mean, I, I, I,

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I guess I would go with that.

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And then, uh, if I had hand to
hand combat, I'd have to go with

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my, my trustee, right hand knife.

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Okay.

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I dig it.

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Hey, you go with tridentry, right?

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If Glock is where you're
comfortable, that's where this is.

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I don't need to think about it.

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No second guessing in the
middle of a zombie attack.

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What purchase of a hundred dollars
or less you made in the last year?

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That's the biggest impact on your life.

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Ooh, great questions.

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Right?

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Oh, I have to say Um, I just
got a new computer for my bike.

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Um, and it was under a hundred bucks.

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Just change the game where now
I can monitor my speed, my heart

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rate, everything as I'm training.

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So it's been a game changer.

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So I'm not just guessing out there
when I'm on the road by myself.

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That's cool.

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I didn't know you could
put a computer on a bike.

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Yeah, it's a tiny little guy, but it
just, it lets me know my speed, lets

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me know my heart rate, all the key
information to, uh, go long distance.

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He says, what the heck is a Glock?

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It's a kind of handgun, maybe that's
uncle Ben's choice of handguns.

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She knows her uncle, her uncle
and I hang out and go shooting.

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That's what uncle Ben likes to shoot.

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Here we go.

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Glock 19.

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What do people misunderstand
about you the most?

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Oh, uh, that's a, another good one.

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I think people misunderstand that,
you know, although I am extremely

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passionate about goals and focused on
achieving, I'm also someone who just

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really likes to lay back and relax.

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So I know how to do both.

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I can on vacation.

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I am in super chill mode, but
when it's time to produce, I'm all

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focused and ready to take action.

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Orange juice, pulp, some
pulp, no pulp, no pulp.

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Absolutely no pull.

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All right.

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Now, what is something everyone should
know about you before we dig in today?

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I think that's something that's
a lot of people should know about

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me is that, um, I was born with my
right leg shorter than the other.

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I have no quadric upper or hamstring
on my right leg, so it's actually fixed

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at the knee and it doesn't move and
has a three and a half inch difference.

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And the reason I share that story
is because I limp and I've lived

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my whole life, but we all have
different ways that we're going to

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be looking different on the exterior.

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But on the interior,
interior, we're all the same.

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We all have a heart.

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We all have faith.

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We all have our desires and
wants and fears and aspirations.

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And I've used my leg as a way to show
the world that it doesn't matter what

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the obstacles are in front of you.

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If you're willing to move
forward, you can overcome them.

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All right, guys, that's just a little bit
about Ross and getting to know who he is.

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Why we're talking to him,
we're going to do things just

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a little bit different today.

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As you saw, Abby jumped on and that
might confuse some of you guys.

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She doesn't jump on the show very often.

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Rahz works with parents and teenagers.

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So I thought it would be really
cool to have a parent and

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teenager in the conversation.

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She's not going to ride the whole
rollercoaster with us, but she

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is in the background listening
and she may jump on again.

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We never know.

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In the next segment of the show,
we're going to like, so we're doing

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things a little different day.

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Rahz and I are going to be
talking directly to parents.

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That way the show just flows and you guys
don't have to worry about timestamps.

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Uh, some of you are not
technically inclined.

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Some of you are, I'm trying to make it
easy in the third segment of the show.

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Rahz and I are going to talk directly
to the teenagers that are listening.

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And so I encourage you to take in this
episode with your teenager, if you have

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one, because there's going to be something
for both of you and hopefully it will help

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in that whole relationship right there.

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But that's why Abby's hanging out with us.

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It's going to be a great show today.

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I encourage you to listen to both
segments, but you need to know

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where the conversation is going and
where it's directed, what segments.

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So we'll try and keep that clear for you.

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00:11:25,154 --> 00:11:27,225
So we've gotten to know Rahz a little bit.

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00:11:27,274 --> 00:11:30,255
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Guys, welcome back in the
first part of the show.

269
00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:03,070
We just spent some time getting to know
who Rahz is and having a little fun.

270
00:13:03,380 --> 00:13:05,930
In this part of the show, we're going
to be talking to the parents, teens.

271
00:13:06,020 --> 00:13:08,400
We're going to get to you
directly in segment three, where

272
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,589
we're going to just talk to you.

273
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:11,530
Parents, this is your portion.

274
00:13:11,630 --> 00:13:14,839
Like I said, I encourage you guys
to do this with your teenager.

275
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:17,339
Join together for this show.

276
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:18,020
Check it out.

277
00:13:18,429 --> 00:13:20,100
Make us some bonding time.

278
00:13:20,150 --> 00:13:23,290
Father to teen, father to
child, mother to child.

279
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:26,050
Doesn't matter what we're
going to talk about today.

280
00:13:26,670 --> 00:13:27,880
Goes across the board.

281
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:31,090
And, uh, I'm really excited
to have this conversation.

282
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:35,980
Now, Rahz, I actually took very limited
notes because I want this conversation

283
00:13:35,980 --> 00:13:40,430
to be a little less guided and a
little more open because I started

284
00:13:40,430 --> 00:13:44,670
researching you and it's like, there
are so many different pieces we could

285
00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:48,199
isolate and do entire episodes on.

286
00:13:48,999 --> 00:13:51,559
Um, but I kind of want to hit all of it.

287
00:13:52,689 --> 00:13:57,720
And I don't know that we have the time
for that, but I do, I do all of it because

288
00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:03,969
If we touch a nerve with different topics
with some of our parents, they'll be

289
00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:08,519
able to follow up with you on that and
have someone that they can go, Oh, look,

290
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:12,429
we can, we can follow up with this guy
to get the rest of that explanation.

291
00:14:13,439 --> 00:14:19,179
So first right off the bat
misconceptions about raising teenagers.

292
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,880
I've been told, had so many people
tell me like, Oh, just wait.

293
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,920
When your kids are teenagers,
you're going to, you're in for it.

294
00:14:25,620 --> 00:14:28,800
Misconceptions you run into from
parents about raising teenagers.

295
00:14:29,649 --> 00:14:34,460
So the first one is that they're
just going through a trend and

296
00:14:34,470 --> 00:14:35,739
they're not going through a trend.

297
00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:37,400
They're in a developmental process.

298
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:41,450
And as we all, the challenge that
parents struggle with is that they don't

299
00:14:41,450 --> 00:14:43,010
remember when they were actually in it.

300
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:47,470
And we use a faulty memory to
actually recall those moments.

301
00:14:47,510 --> 00:14:48,560
Oh, I was this way.

302
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:51,399
Now we've all heard our parents say,
when I was going to school, I had no

303
00:14:51,399 --> 00:14:54,870
shoes and I had to walk up a mountain
to get to school and it was six hours.

304
00:14:55,130 --> 00:14:56,139
Nobody did that.

305
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:56,590
Right.

306
00:14:56,630 --> 00:15:00,890
I mean, we all had our stories, um, but
the facts are that these young people

307
00:15:00,890 --> 00:15:04,350
are going through a trend and they
need your support, but they need your

308
00:15:04,350 --> 00:15:08,049
support in a way that most parents don't
understand because they're struggling

309
00:15:08,050 --> 00:15:11,669
with the programming that came from
their parents and their parents parents,

310
00:15:11,670 --> 00:15:14,770
and they didn't even know when the
parent the program was being installed.

311
00:15:15,089 --> 00:15:18,730
So what I tell parents when they
think about this is be willing to have

312
00:15:18,730 --> 00:15:22,835
an open mind, um, and learn, adapt
and evolve along with your child.

313
00:15:26,095 --> 00:15:28,325
I know that's a conversation
I used to have with my dad.

314
00:15:28,455 --> 00:15:30,904
Uh, my dad passed about two years
ago, but he lived with us the

315
00:15:30,905 --> 00:15:32,095
last couple of years of his life.

316
00:15:32,904 --> 00:15:36,594
And so we have, you know,
three generations in the house.

317
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:42,470
And I remember my dad telling me, I was
like, when I was growing up, well, it's,

318
00:15:42,490 --> 00:15:44,060
it's not, you're not doing anything.

319
00:15:44,060 --> 00:15:45,440
We didn't deal with it as a teenager.

320
00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:51,029
It's like back in the stone age,
of course, you know, I was not

321
00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:52,290
real respectful in that way.

322
00:15:52,890 --> 00:15:55,799
Uh, sometimes, but I give
him a hard time about it.

323
00:15:55,840 --> 00:16:00,010
And I'm like, you know, life has changed
a little since you were a kid, dad.

324
00:16:00,380 --> 00:16:05,650
And now as a parent myself, I'm looking
at what my daughters are moving into and

325
00:16:05,650 --> 00:16:09,379
what the world looks like now compared
to when I was growing up, I'm a Gen Xer.

326
00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:14,810
And it's like, yeah, we'd be gone all day.

327
00:16:15,290 --> 00:16:17,400
And my parents didn't
blink an eye, blink an eye.

328
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:20,219
Like my mom kicked us out after
breakfast and we didn't come back

329
00:16:20,220 --> 00:16:23,069
to the street lights were on and
no one thought anything about it.

330
00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:26,129
And I would be terrified if I
didn't know where my kids are.

331
00:16:26,369 --> 00:16:30,199
Uh, I live in a small town and
we still have enough problems

332
00:16:30,199 --> 00:16:31,930
that I would be like, no.

333
00:16:33,324 --> 00:16:35,324
Uh, Abby can tell you I'm
a little overprotective.

334
00:16:37,045 --> 00:16:40,675
Just a wee bit overprotective,
but the world is different.

335
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,044
Think we get these false
expectations, right?

336
00:16:44,354 --> 00:16:48,294
I know I had a lot of preconceived notions
about parenting before I became a parent,

337
00:16:51,664 --> 00:16:55,895
but I think the idea that it's
just like when we were kids,

338
00:16:57,454 --> 00:16:59,155
it's derailing a lot of parents.

339
00:17:00,685 --> 00:17:03,464
I know I, my parents weren't worried
about me and being on my phone

340
00:17:03,464 --> 00:17:06,285
all day or social media, right?

341
00:17:06,930 --> 00:17:09,040
We've seen the influence of social media.

342
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,780
They're having that argument now, right?

343
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:14,685
I think Florida is looking at
banning social media under 14.

344
00:17:14,685 --> 00:17:20,270
So there's, there's a lot going on.

345
00:17:20,270 --> 00:17:24,019
So I like the idea of being open
minded is a little hard for some of us.

346
00:17:24,019 --> 00:17:26,300
Like I'm, I'm, I'm a little
closed minded on things like

347
00:17:27,139 --> 00:17:28,890
a work in progress on things.

348
00:17:29,869 --> 00:17:34,029
Now you have several different
ways you go about helping parents.

349
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:36,980
Tell us a little bit about your BS method.

350
00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:41,050
Just introduce some concepts to us so that
parents can keep chasing that with you.

351
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:42,250
Absolutely.

352
00:17:42,540 --> 00:17:47,579
I'll address the first part of that is
like, you know, this world is different.

353
00:17:48,090 --> 00:17:51,899
And if you're a parent and you're
listening, it's important that you

354
00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:54,090
parent different than you were parented.

355
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:58,959
And you can't use that We've seen I
use the analogy of Windows 7, right?

356
00:17:58,959 --> 00:18:02,290
If you have a PC or a Mac, you know,
you know, the operating system.

357
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,929
If you're trying to parent
with an operating system that's

358
00:18:04,949 --> 00:18:08,340
outdated, yours needs to be
updated for your current child.

359
00:18:08,619 --> 00:18:09,850
And we have to love the child.

360
00:18:09,860 --> 00:18:11,550
We have not the one we wish we had.

361
00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,339
And so the B.

362
00:18:13,379 --> 00:18:13,619
A.

363
00:18:13,670 --> 00:18:13,900
S.

364
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:19,079
method is really a way for us as
parents and as teams to understand

365
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:20,974
why we think the way we think, right?

366
00:18:21,125 --> 00:18:25,335
And if we want to change our results,
whether it be in school, athletics,

367
00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:29,625
socially, you want to enter dynamics
of working within the family, it

368
00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:30,954
starts with your belief systems.

369
00:18:31,524 --> 00:18:36,135
And a lot of times kids don't even know
they have, where did my beliefs come from?

370
00:18:36,444 --> 00:18:38,365
That they come from your parents parents.

371
00:18:38,590 --> 00:18:38,960
Right.

372
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:40,020
I believe this.

373
00:18:40,230 --> 00:18:42,170
We are all, I'm sitting
in a chair right now.

374
00:18:42,170 --> 00:18:44,360
And my faith is that this chair
is going to hold me because

375
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,880
I've seen it through experience.

376
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:49,239
That's why I have the belief that I can
sit here and it's not going to break.

377
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:53,179
So when you're a parent, I ask
that you think about your beliefs,

378
00:18:53,420 --> 00:18:57,600
where they come from, and how did,
and why do you have them and how

379
00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:58,940
do they align with your family?

380
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,180
And have this conversation.

381
00:19:01,430 --> 00:19:03,990
This opens the door for being self aware.

382
00:19:04,190 --> 00:19:05,870
Self aware creates clarity.

383
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:08,350
Clarity is the key to
connection within a family.

384
00:19:08,649 --> 00:19:10,520
Now the A stands for the attitude.

385
00:19:10,570 --> 00:19:12,430
So we have our belief system.

386
00:19:12,540 --> 00:19:15,749
Our attitude is gotta be something
that's going to be inspiring.

387
00:19:16,830 --> 00:19:18,360
Like we have here, Abby's here.

388
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:19,920
She jumped on and saved me.

389
00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:23,220
It's amazing when you have
an attitude of gratitude.

390
00:19:23,220 --> 00:19:25,530
And we've heard that
and it sounds woo woo.

391
00:19:25,780 --> 00:19:30,000
But as a parent, if we're not leading
from the front, showing our children

392
00:19:30,009 --> 00:19:35,669
how to stand, how to walk, how to talk,
how to act, how can we expect them to do

393
00:19:35,669 --> 00:19:37,370
something different than we're not doing?

394
00:19:37,540 --> 00:19:39,500
So we have to have an
attitude of gratitude.

395
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:41,310
We have to have an
attitude of open minded.

396
00:19:41,419 --> 00:19:44,679
We have to have an attitude that
we're leading from the front, right?

397
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,330
And the last is our self talk.

398
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,110
Now, parents, let me ask you this.

399
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,860
You know, when we talk about self
talk, we all know, Oh, I don't

400
00:19:51,860 --> 00:19:53,220
want to be a negative thinker.

401
00:19:53,605 --> 00:19:58,455
But what are you saying to yourself
every single day that's manifesting

402
00:19:58,485 --> 00:20:01,805
externally on the outside that
your children are witnessing?

403
00:20:02,555 --> 00:20:06,294
See, if you don't believe in yourself,
how are you going to tell little Johnny

404
00:20:06,294 --> 00:20:09,255
that they can do anything, they can
be anything, they can have anything?

405
00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:13,505
If they're looking at you and you're
always saying, I'm not enough, I

406
00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:15,565
can't do that, this is too hard.

407
00:20:16,095 --> 00:20:19,565
See, your Children are going
to do what you do, not what

408
00:20:19,565 --> 00:20:21,135
you say you are going to do.

409
00:20:21,504 --> 00:20:25,034
So we can't go through that old
adage of do as I say and not

410
00:20:25,034 --> 00:20:28,385
as I do because Children today,
like we said, they've upgraded.

411
00:20:28,605 --> 00:20:29,695
They're on Windows 13.

412
00:20:30,335 --> 00:20:31,945
They know how to read between the lines.

413
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:36,390
And the BAS system helps you as a
parent really be able to connect

414
00:20:36,390 --> 00:20:39,700
with your kids and teach them
beliefs, attitude, and self talk.

415
00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:43,820
And when you put them together, that's
how you create a unstoppable mindset.

416
00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:46,039
Oh my goodness.

417
00:20:46,039 --> 00:20:47,170
I knew I was going to like you.

418
00:20:47,510 --> 00:20:52,079
You use, you use the term woo woo and made
a computer reference that I understand.

419
00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:54,209
We're going to be friends.

420
00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:55,059
I got this now.

421
00:20:55,449 --> 00:20:55,849
Love it.

422
00:20:56,219 --> 00:21:02,919
Uh, man, uh, I, I, I spent over a decade
doing it at a like corporate levels.

423
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:08,860
So that when, when the computer
started, like I got everything

424
00:21:08,889 --> 00:21:10,399
set up here, I don't move.

425
00:21:12,429 --> 00:21:14,550
I did not want it to go bonkers.

426
00:21:15,050 --> 00:21:17,609
And then I'm like, Oh my
God, we got to start over.

427
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:18,840
Yeah.

428
00:21:18,889 --> 00:21:19,129
Yeah.

429
00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:23,760
Well, that's why I paused and I'll
cut that momentary segment out.

430
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:27,969
But like, I have multiple screens and,
and things started like trying to disc

431
00:21:28,219 --> 00:21:30,530
is like, wait, something's not firing.

432
00:21:30,530 --> 00:21:30,860
Right.

433
00:21:30,940 --> 00:21:35,009
And if I don't fix this now,
we're going to be in trouble now.

434
00:21:35,239 --> 00:21:40,810
Rahz and guys, if this sounds
discombobulated, it's because like I said,

435
00:21:40,810 --> 00:21:47,710
Rahz covers so much, I cannot possibly
pack raising teens into one episode.

436
00:21:48,379 --> 00:21:50,210
Um, so let me know.

437
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,980
If you guys want me to have Ross
back for another episode, I already

438
00:21:53,100 --> 00:21:55,629
thinking I'm going to have to have
him back for a follow up episode.

439
00:21:56,110 --> 00:21:59,280
Uh, but let me know, I think you
guys are going to want to do this

440
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:00,610
because we can't do this in one show.

441
00:22:00,650 --> 00:22:04,619
This is just not possible, but
I want to introduce you to some

442
00:22:04,619 --> 00:22:06,209
of the things Ross is doing.

443
00:22:07,239 --> 00:22:09,229
So you have options.

444
00:22:09,239 --> 00:22:14,080
So you get an idea of how he
could possibly benefit you, uh,

445
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:18,240
as a coach to help you with your
teenager, to help your teenagers,

446
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:19,470
cause he works directly with them.

447
00:22:19,470 --> 00:22:21,040
So we're hitting some
of the stuff he does.

448
00:22:21,735 --> 00:22:24,995
Some of the things he covers and
trying to get some clarity on that.

449
00:22:24,995 --> 00:22:28,705
So you guys know, Hey,
here's a source, right?

450
00:22:28,705 --> 00:22:30,034
Cause I'm always trying to bring you guys.

451
00:22:30,524 --> 00:22:34,825
People who can help you grow and people
who can help you achieve what you want.

452
00:22:35,515 --> 00:22:38,125
Now you talked about the three
C's and you mentioned clarity.

453
00:22:38,125 --> 00:22:39,404
I'm going to guess that's part of that.

454
00:22:40,044 --> 00:22:41,324
What are the three Cs?

455
00:22:41,815 --> 00:22:44,134
So the three Cs starts out real simple.

456
00:22:44,145 --> 00:22:47,044
Clarity, communication, right?

457
00:22:47,485 --> 00:22:52,404
And when we think about it, it's just, I
love frameworks and my, one of my mentors

458
00:22:52,404 --> 00:22:56,114
and many of you probably listening will
know this name, Tony Robbins, right?

459
00:22:56,144 --> 00:23:00,995
I mean, it's, I found them at 18 and I
really just kind of, start to absorb.

460
00:23:01,034 --> 00:23:05,014
And one of my missions is kind
of to do be that for teenagers,

461
00:23:05,034 --> 00:23:09,024
because teenagers don't have that
guiding eye, that GPS saying, how

462
00:23:09,024 --> 00:23:11,605
do I find my version of success?

463
00:23:11,635 --> 00:23:13,195
My version of authenticity.

464
00:23:13,544 --> 00:23:16,465
So clarity, it starts out with who am I?

465
00:23:16,634 --> 00:23:17,694
What are my strengths?

466
00:23:17,724 --> 00:23:19,025
What are my limitations?

467
00:23:19,265 --> 00:23:22,349
So often we don't ask, like, if we
were to ask Abby, what's your strength?

468
00:23:22,350 --> 00:23:25,280
The her number one
strength, would she know?

469
00:23:25,460 --> 00:23:28,580
And that's an important question
from a father, from a mother, from a

470
00:23:28,580 --> 00:23:32,420
parent, to really dial in and start
asking kids so that they can start

471
00:23:32,420 --> 00:23:35,870
to formulate this clarity, this
thought of, what are my strengths?

472
00:23:36,050 --> 00:23:39,800
You know, you asked me earlier, I
know that I asked that question, and

473
00:23:39,805 --> 00:23:41,690
many people have said, motivation.

474
00:23:41,690 --> 00:23:43,220
For me, that's my number one.

475
00:23:43,250 --> 00:23:44,330
That's my superpower.

476
00:23:44,540 --> 00:23:45,620
I was born motivated.

477
00:23:46,059 --> 00:23:48,610
And I'm glad that I was
able to cultivate that gift.

478
00:23:48,639 --> 00:23:52,069
That clarity allows me to be
authentically Rahz, right?

479
00:23:52,209 --> 00:23:55,549
So as a parent, I want you guys to think
about what are your children's strengths?

480
00:23:55,975 --> 00:23:57,044
What are their limitations?

481
00:23:57,044 --> 00:23:58,004
What are their needs?

482
00:23:58,085 --> 00:23:59,274
What are their wants?

483
00:23:59,465 --> 00:24:02,774
See, when you understand that and you
have that conversation, you can go

484
00:24:02,774 --> 00:24:04,585
away from the simple, how was school?

485
00:24:04,855 --> 00:24:07,044
Oh, what, what are you
doing with your friends?

486
00:24:07,135 --> 00:24:09,615
Those conversations, kids
don't want to have more.

487
00:24:10,295 --> 00:24:14,175
Then we get to the second C
communication, communication as a parent.

488
00:24:14,194 --> 00:24:18,110
I want you guys, if you're listening
to this, watching, It's not talking.

489
00:24:19,140 --> 00:24:20,320
That's not communication.

490
00:24:20,550 --> 00:24:21,910
Communication is listening.

491
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,920
Using those two ears you have to listen
twice as much as you speak because your

492
00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:29,920
children will tell you exactly what
they need, what they want from you, how

493
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:31,770
you can be a better parent for them.

494
00:24:32,199 --> 00:24:33,960
But we tend to lecture.

495
00:24:34,220 --> 00:24:35,480
We tend to give rules.

496
00:24:35,650 --> 00:24:37,780
We tend to tell them the
things that they need to be.

497
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:39,590
You need to go to school and get all A's.

498
00:24:39,730 --> 00:24:40,250
Why?

499
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,990
I'm a proponent of education, but
I'm not a proponent of grades.

500
00:24:44,610 --> 00:24:47,220
And I think that when we learn
to listen to our kids, they'll,

501
00:24:47,290 --> 00:24:48,629
they'll communicate with us.

502
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:53,890
And that's, and as a parent, you have to
be an effective communicator, not just

503
00:24:53,900 --> 00:24:55,960
someone who speaks and barks orders.

504
00:24:56,210 --> 00:24:57,989
And that last one is two things here.

505
00:24:58,110 --> 00:25:00,379
We're going to work on confidence
for teens, but we're also going to

506
00:25:00,390 --> 00:25:01,439
work on that parental confidence.

507
00:25:02,030 --> 00:25:05,899
When you have clarity in who you are as
a parent, when you have great incentive,

508
00:25:06,199 --> 00:25:09,790
effective communication, you're going
to be more parentally confident in

509
00:25:09,790 --> 00:25:15,865
your abilities to help, to assist To
lead, to guide your child, and that

510
00:25:15,865 --> 00:25:20,435
is why those three C's are such a
powerful framework for a parent, and

511
00:25:20,435 --> 00:25:24,355
I use it with teens so that they can
find their unique, authentic selves.

512
00:25:29,125 --> 00:25:30,265
Ooh, I'm in my bike, Mike.

513
00:25:30,285 --> 00:25:34,014
See, I've been doing this five years and
like, total amateur move right there.

514
00:25:35,245 --> 00:25:36,094
Holy, just blew that.

515
00:25:36,324 --> 00:25:40,195
That is why we are the Fallible Man
Podcast, because We all know that I'm

516
00:25:40,294 --> 00:25:45,465
a work in progress because I'm doing
silly things like that after five

517
00:25:45,465 --> 00:25:48,965
years, uh, man, I love the framework.

518
00:25:50,625 --> 00:25:55,884
I, I'm not a big fan of, uh,
what was it you said earlier?

519
00:25:56,714 --> 00:25:57,114
Tony?

520
00:25:57,435 --> 00:25:57,965
Uh, no.

521
00:25:57,975 --> 00:25:58,415
Woo woo.

522
00:25:58,415 --> 00:25:59,264
You said woo.

523
00:25:59,274 --> 00:26:01,850
It was, uh, Attitude of gratitude, right?

524
00:26:01,850 --> 00:26:03,220
Catch the catch slogans.

525
00:26:03,220 --> 00:26:08,649
I run into so many people who use
big catch phrases and I get it.

526
00:26:08,899 --> 00:26:09,909
It's because they're memorable.

527
00:26:09,939 --> 00:26:10,350
Right.

528
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:15,730
But it's that framework, uh, that
gives me what people it's like, okay,

529
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:19,820
there's framework is when people start
to, and I understand why people do it.

530
00:26:19,879 --> 00:26:25,209
I'm not like, uh, if you asked me to
like put something I do into like three

531
00:26:25,209 --> 00:26:30,729
consecutive C's or P's or pick a letter,
I was trying to put together a program.

532
00:26:30,749 --> 00:26:34,150
And it was like, I was trying to
get all into ours, like four hours.

533
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:35,060
I got three.

534
00:26:35,060 --> 00:26:36,380
I was like, whew, I got three.

535
00:26:36,380 --> 00:26:37,080
I need one more.

536
00:26:37,090 --> 00:26:40,210
I'm like, Oh, I just never had.

537
00:26:40,340 --> 00:26:45,679
So I don't know if it's that, but I
hate catchphrases, but I love that you

538
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:48,879
have the sense of this makes sense.

539
00:26:48,879 --> 00:26:49,989
This is the framework.

540
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:51,650
It's all together guys.

541
00:26:52,540 --> 00:26:53,210
Don't be an idiot.

542
00:26:53,210 --> 00:26:54,810
Like I am on stuff like this.

543
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:55,870
Okay.

544
00:26:56,720 --> 00:27:01,190
The reason people have catchphrases, the
reason people have, you know, three Cs.

545
00:27:01,775 --> 00:27:04,745
And things like that is because it's
easy to remember and let's face it.

546
00:27:05,055 --> 00:27:06,305
You got enough on your brain.

547
00:27:07,615 --> 00:27:08,925
You don't need it to be hard.

548
00:27:08,925 --> 00:27:10,025
You don't need it to be difficult.

549
00:27:10,025 --> 00:27:11,515
You need clarity.

550
00:27:12,115 --> 00:27:13,815
And that comes with simplicity.

551
00:27:13,835 --> 00:27:17,594
Sometimes, uh, I laugh because
so many coaches are better at

552
00:27:17,594 --> 00:27:18,495
that kind of stuff than I am.

553
00:27:18,495 --> 00:27:25,754
I didn't, I didn't pick it because
you know, it just, it was marketable.

554
00:27:25,754 --> 00:27:29,505
It was just really when I thought
with the BS method, it was when I

555
00:27:29,655 --> 00:27:31,285
was writing my book during COVID.

556
00:27:31,679 --> 00:27:36,409
And we, and I was really, I was
like, if I was 13, what would I need

557
00:27:36,419 --> 00:27:40,980
to know in order to be a young man
who's going to navigate this world?

558
00:27:41,430 --> 00:27:43,579
And I started to do a little
work and I was like, my

559
00:27:43,579 --> 00:27:44,970
belief systems are screwed up.

560
00:27:45,389 --> 00:27:48,839
You know, and my attitude, I look
back at high school and I was

561
00:27:48,860 --> 00:27:52,230
just a little brat who was running
around, didn't have any direction.

562
00:27:52,690 --> 00:27:56,050
And a lot of that was because I
was saying crazy things to myself.

563
00:27:56,340 --> 00:27:59,050
And if I change that, I
can change that process.

564
00:28:00,270 --> 00:28:06,030
Well, I, I teach you about it because what
I don't want is our listeners be, we all

565
00:28:06,030 --> 00:28:07,779
have those crazy little pet peeves, right?

566
00:28:08,950 --> 00:28:10,860
That kind of stuff drives me nuts.

567
00:28:10,899 --> 00:28:13,830
I don't know if it's, I was in
the military for a short time.

568
00:28:13,830 --> 00:28:15,180
I don't know if it's the acronym.

569
00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:16,900
I hate acronyms at this point.

570
00:28:18,130 --> 00:28:19,950
Uh, but right.

571
00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:20,950
We.

572
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:26,639
Have little things that we
nitpick as an excuse to not grow.

573
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,129
Right.

574
00:28:29,409 --> 00:28:33,919
For me, things like, you know, three
C's or acronyms are real turnoff for me.

575
00:28:33,919 --> 00:28:34,850
And right.

576
00:28:35,020 --> 00:28:38,429
Those slogans guys be smarter than that.

577
00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:40,820
You have an opportunity.

578
00:28:41,500 --> 00:28:43,099
We want to be better men.

579
00:28:43,340 --> 00:28:45,070
We want to be the fathers.

580
00:28:45,405 --> 00:28:46,885
That's why you're
listening to this episode.

581
00:28:47,795 --> 00:28:53,735
Don't let little things hold you
back from all the possibility.

582
00:28:54,004 --> 00:28:56,395
That's one of the mistakes I made
for a lot of years of my life.

583
00:28:57,004 --> 00:29:02,615
Uh, I, I probably sabotaged my show
actually, because I hate social media.

584
00:29:02,664 --> 00:29:05,475
And so I've neglected my
social media for years.

585
00:29:06,364 --> 00:29:08,795
Because I just despise
social media, right?

586
00:29:08,815 --> 00:29:09,855
I just don't enjoy it.

587
00:29:09,855 --> 00:29:10,514
I don't want to do it.

588
00:29:10,545 --> 00:29:13,665
It takes too much time to do it well.

589
00:29:13,774 --> 00:29:16,314
And, and so it's, it's sabotaged me.

590
00:29:17,854 --> 00:29:21,064
I'm poking fun because this is
something that drives me insane.

591
00:29:22,095 --> 00:29:25,235
But we do that sometimes when
we're dealing with our kids, right?

592
00:29:25,504 --> 00:29:31,435
We all know we want to do that, but then
we hem and haw because we're nervous.

593
00:29:32,050 --> 00:29:37,920
about admitting that maybe we don't
have it figured out or maybe we

594
00:29:37,929 --> 00:29:41,550
have shortcomings as a parent or we
haven't quite put our thumb on it.

595
00:29:42,540 --> 00:29:44,650
Guys, don't look for an excuse.

596
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:49,329
Don't give yourself excuses to miss
out on this incredible conversation.

597
00:29:51,019 --> 00:29:52,649
It's, it's hard to raise teenagers.

598
00:29:53,250 --> 00:29:56,430
It's absolutely difficult to
raise kids and let's admit it.

599
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,130
Cause once they get to teenagers,
people are terrified of teens.

600
00:29:59,250 --> 00:30:00,140
Don't know why.

601
00:30:00,950 --> 00:30:02,160
I think they're a lot of fun.

602
00:30:02,410 --> 00:30:04,470
My kids scared the crap out
of me when they were young.

603
00:30:04,510 --> 00:30:06,190
That's the age that drove me crazy.

604
00:30:06,439 --> 00:30:10,609
But don't let those things
don't look for reasons.

605
00:30:10,609 --> 00:30:12,499
Don't let personal pet
peeves get in the way.

606
00:30:12,890 --> 00:30:14,999
We've got some real good
stuff going on today.

607
00:30:15,379 --> 00:30:20,340
And that's why I went
on that total side road.

608
00:30:20,340 --> 00:30:26,289
Cause it's like, I heard myself going,
Oh, it's one of those guys who talks

609
00:30:26,289 --> 00:30:30,170
with slogans and Guys, don't look for it.

610
00:30:30,170 --> 00:30:33,470
Don't, don't let this derail
you from what's going on.

611
00:30:34,450 --> 00:30:37,870
Let's talk about the
personality parenting method.

612
00:30:38,620 --> 00:30:41,890
Cause I, I going through
researching the show.

613
00:30:41,890 --> 00:30:43,900
I was like, so I was so excited
about this conversation.

614
00:30:43,909 --> 00:30:47,029
I've never heard somebody talk about
some of the things you talk about.

615
00:30:47,030 --> 00:30:51,350
And I've been working with teens for,
I don't want to admit my age here.

616
00:30:52,930 --> 00:30:55,110
I've been working with teens
since I was a teenager.

617
00:30:55,710 --> 00:31:00,110
So, uh, I've never heard some of these
things talked about these approaches and

618
00:31:00,110 --> 00:31:02,150
I'm just enthralled with what's going on.

619
00:31:02,370 --> 00:31:04,150
What is the personality parenting method?

620
00:31:05,230 --> 00:31:05,630
Thank you.

621
00:31:05,670 --> 00:31:10,870
Uh, so when I, the personality parenting
method is just, it's a mindset and it's

622
00:31:10,870 --> 00:31:14,120
just like, and, and, and it does have
a lot of things that are behind it, but

623
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:15,970
it's really looking at your children.

624
00:31:16,375 --> 00:31:18,555
As individuals, they have a personality.

625
00:31:18,795 --> 00:31:22,225
And a lot of times parents tend to
want to parent every kid the same.

626
00:31:22,715 --> 00:31:24,025
You dress them the same.

627
00:31:24,035 --> 00:31:25,225
You have the same rules.

628
00:31:25,225 --> 00:31:26,845
You have the same expectations.

629
00:31:27,275 --> 00:31:31,314
And if you're a sports fan, if you're
a sports family, Oh, everybody's

630
00:31:31,315 --> 00:31:32,965
got to be a sports athlete.

631
00:31:33,344 --> 00:31:36,409
And what happens is we, I mean,
how many kids do you have, Brent?

632
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:37,670
Uh, I've got two.

633
00:31:38,030 --> 00:31:38,280
Two.

634
00:31:38,310 --> 00:31:41,470
So you know, they're gonna, they
have unique, different personalities.

635
00:31:41,470 --> 00:31:43,840
Oh, very much so already
at nine and twelve.

636
00:31:44,100 --> 00:31:44,450
Right?

637
00:31:44,490 --> 00:31:50,049
And, and that's so important as a parent
to really slow down and look at your kids

638
00:31:50,049 --> 00:31:52,750
as individuals and that's how you parent.

639
00:31:53,075 --> 00:31:56,405
And I borrowed this from a guy by
the name of James Lehman and he

640
00:31:56,405 --> 00:31:59,855
said you got to parent the kids you
have not the one you wish you had.

641
00:32:00,245 --> 00:32:04,155
And I, I learned that because I was a
wrestler and I love wrestling and it's

642
00:32:04,155 --> 00:32:07,655
my favorite sport in the world and I'm
a big fan and you can hear that, right?

643
00:32:07,905 --> 00:32:12,744
But then I wish, I'm like, come on, Nikki,
why did, my son did not want to wrestle.

644
00:32:13,075 --> 00:32:21,325
He did not, he thought the outfit was not
cool and he was not having, so I had to

645
00:32:21,325 --> 00:32:23,854
figure something out and what do I do?

646
00:32:23,875 --> 00:32:27,065
I believe, I believe in Kaizen
constantly and always improving, right?

647
00:32:27,215 --> 00:32:31,514
So I had to figure out what was it that
was disconnecting my son and I, and this

648
00:32:31,514 --> 00:32:33,815
is how this personality parenting evolved.

649
00:32:34,115 --> 00:32:35,445
And I realized, okay.

650
00:32:35,660 --> 00:32:37,550
I found this and I'm a big proponent.

651
00:32:37,580 --> 00:32:40,190
Go find someone who knows what
you don't know, learn from

652
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:43,440
them, hire them, pay them, get a
coach, whatever you have to do.

653
00:32:43,790 --> 00:32:44,859
And I found Dr.

654
00:32:44,859 --> 00:32:47,289
Hartman and he has something
called the color code, which

655
00:32:47,290 --> 00:32:48,450
is a personality assessment.

656
00:32:48,850 --> 00:32:52,450
Now they use it for something totally
different, but it allowed me to

657
00:32:52,459 --> 00:32:56,690
really be able to pinpoint a specific
motivation of my son, whether he was

658
00:32:56,690 --> 00:32:59,210
a red, a blue, a white, or yellow.

659
00:32:59,420 --> 00:33:00,574
All that really means is yeah.

660
00:33:00,985 --> 00:33:01,795
Are they fun?

661
00:33:01,865 --> 00:33:02,405
Yellow.

662
00:33:02,595 --> 00:33:05,095
Are they peace loving or that's
what their motivation is?

663
00:33:05,105 --> 00:33:05,485
White.

664
00:33:05,705 --> 00:33:06,405
Are they blue?

665
00:33:06,485 --> 00:33:07,735
Connected to intimacy.

666
00:33:07,805 --> 00:33:08,725
Connection, right?

667
00:33:08,815 --> 00:33:09,365
Reds.

668
00:33:09,655 --> 00:33:10,585
That's what I am.

669
00:33:10,714 --> 00:33:11,474
Passion.

670
00:33:11,855 --> 00:33:13,105
Aggressive at times.

671
00:33:13,115 --> 00:33:14,025
Goal oriented.

672
00:33:14,034 --> 00:33:15,065
Big on vision.

673
00:33:15,374 --> 00:33:20,194
So when you're a parent and you can
understand your child and you can teach

674
00:33:20,194 --> 00:33:23,984
them their unique personality, it's
going to allow them not to want to

675
00:33:23,994 --> 00:33:25,215
be, they're not going to get bullied.

676
00:33:25,425 --> 00:33:27,675
They're not going to have their
siblings tell them what to do.

677
00:33:27,704 --> 00:33:29,225
They're not going to be followers because.

678
00:33:29,445 --> 00:33:31,785
They can stand and say, Hey, I'm a blue.

679
00:33:31,865 --> 00:33:32,635
I'm connected.

680
00:33:32,685 --> 00:33:33,405
I'm passionate.

681
00:33:33,445 --> 00:33:34,235
These are my needs.

682
00:33:34,245 --> 00:33:35,135
These are my wants.

683
00:33:35,405 --> 00:33:38,954
And as a parent, I just want
to inspire you to look at

684
00:33:38,955 --> 00:33:40,935
your children and find a tool.

685
00:33:40,945 --> 00:33:42,125
It doesn't have to be the color code.

686
00:33:42,125 --> 00:33:45,305
It doesn't have to be something that
Brett or I say, it just has to be

687
00:33:45,305 --> 00:33:48,395
something that you can look at them
as an individual and allow them to

688
00:33:48,395 --> 00:33:50,605
accept it because that's the key.

689
00:33:51,550 --> 00:33:52,270
Abby's unique.

690
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:52,960
She's different.

691
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:53,580
She's special.

692
00:33:53,580 --> 00:33:55,420
She's hanging out with
this, listening to this.

693
00:33:55,700 --> 00:34:00,200
The key here is parenting through
personality, letting your kids tell you

694
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:04,079
how they need to be parented and then
listening and following through on that.

695
00:34:04,270 --> 00:34:08,169
And that's what the color code has
allowed me to do with my clients is it's

696
00:34:08,180 --> 00:34:12,530
really dials in and now parents are no
longer navigating teen hood blindly.

697
00:34:12,700 --> 00:34:16,240
They have a tool, a resource
that they can fall back on.

698
00:34:16,500 --> 00:34:20,469
Now it really helps the parent and the
team really connect and communicate.

699
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,430
I'm, I'm big fan of
personality assessments.

700
00:34:26,460 --> 00:34:27,980
I think you can learn a lot from those.

701
00:34:27,980 --> 00:34:32,460
I think I had a job interview actually
hit me with the color code one once.

702
00:34:32,500 --> 00:34:35,729
I never even seen it before
asking all these questions.

703
00:34:35,729 --> 00:34:38,650
And then when I got to interview, they're
like, Oh yeah, well, you're red in this.

704
00:34:38,650 --> 00:34:41,300
And I'm like, I have no idea what
the hell you're talking about.

705
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:42,749
That's, that doesn't make any sense to me.

706
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:44,210
Like, Oh, it's a personality thing.

707
00:34:44,220 --> 00:34:46,920
I'm like, okay, I'm gonna have to
look that one up when I get home.

708
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:48,140
Cause I never heard of it before.

709
00:34:48,740 --> 00:34:51,260
But I, I think there's
a lot to be learned.

710
00:34:51,670 --> 00:34:55,200
Uh, I, I do that a lot with
relationship coaching for men.

711
00:34:55,630 --> 00:34:58,110
It's like, you know, where, where
do your love languages fall?

712
00:34:58,120 --> 00:34:59,870
Where does your personality fall?

713
00:35:00,289 --> 00:35:00,559
Right.

714
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:03,200
Let's, let's figure out what
kind of communicator we are.

715
00:35:03,910 --> 00:35:05,719
Give us some base to work off of.

716
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,360
So it makes sense to do it with teens.

717
00:35:08,730 --> 00:35:15,054
I actually probably did my first
personality exam when I was, 13 or 14.

718
00:35:15,535 --> 00:35:19,025
But I think ours were, we
did one and it was like lion,

719
00:35:19,935 --> 00:35:22,315
otter, beaver, golden retriever.

720
00:35:23,835 --> 00:35:24,375
Okay.

721
00:35:24,455 --> 00:35:26,235
You know, this doesn't
make any sense, but sure.

722
00:35:26,514 --> 00:35:26,914
Yep.

723
00:35:28,095 --> 00:35:28,885
They're powerful.

724
00:35:29,204 --> 00:35:31,024
I mean, it doesn't matter which one.

725
00:35:31,095 --> 00:35:33,025
And then I never say they're perfect.

726
00:35:33,475 --> 00:35:37,435
But he gives us some data and like you
said, you were in IT, data allows us to

727
00:35:37,435 --> 00:35:39,555
have some, okay, some clarity, right?

728
00:35:39,745 --> 00:35:40,935
That's where that C comes.

729
00:35:41,075 --> 00:35:42,555
You have some clarity.

730
00:35:42,585 --> 00:35:46,545
Now we can navigate this and we're
not trying to figure it out on

731
00:35:46,545 --> 00:35:48,295
the go or shooting from the hip.

732
00:35:48,565 --> 00:35:51,174
We have something to go,
okay, let's try this.

733
00:35:51,285 --> 00:35:52,324
This may not work.

734
00:35:52,324 --> 00:35:53,035
This may work.

735
00:35:53,035 --> 00:35:54,005
This is more like you.

736
00:35:54,055 --> 00:35:54,465
Okay.

737
00:35:54,515 --> 00:35:57,825
And then you start to see what works,
what doesn't work, get rid of it.

738
00:35:59,675 --> 00:36:05,775
What concern do you run into the most
when you start working with parents?

739
00:36:07,295 --> 00:36:11,055
So, um, when I'm working with
parents, I think a lot of times

740
00:36:11,055 --> 00:36:13,954
they want to have their kids fixed.

741
00:36:14,925 --> 00:36:17,445
They want to fix my child.

742
00:36:17,565 --> 00:36:22,485
This is what, and if you guys listen to
the early part of the, uh, the podcast,

743
00:36:22,485 --> 00:36:24,135
you know, I have a disability, right?

744
00:36:24,195 --> 00:36:25,425
But I don't see it that way.

745
00:36:25,485 --> 00:36:26,445
I never have.

746
00:36:26,685 --> 00:36:30,765
And if we allow anyone to put a
label on our children, we're they're

747
00:36:30,770 --> 00:36:34,875
gonna manifest that symptom and turn
and it's gonna turn into something.

748
00:36:35,175 --> 00:36:38,355
So, so often I tell them,
I'm not here to fix your kid.

749
00:36:38,355 --> 00:36:39,135
I'm here to learn.

750
00:36:39,565 --> 00:36:40,675
I'm here to learn about you.

751
00:36:40,705 --> 00:36:41,955
I'm here to learn about them.

752
00:36:42,145 --> 00:36:43,245
What, what are their needs?

753
00:36:43,265 --> 00:36:44,535
What are their, what do they want?

754
00:36:44,855 --> 00:36:48,294
So often we're trying to put
our own beliefs on our children.

755
00:36:48,565 --> 00:36:52,714
You got, if you got a family of
two doctors, the third child might

756
00:36:52,714 --> 00:36:54,485
not want to be a doctor, right?

757
00:36:54,485 --> 00:36:55,794
They might want to be a personal trainer.

758
00:36:55,794 --> 00:36:56,905
Now, this is a real story.

759
00:36:58,184 --> 00:36:59,405
One of my best friends, right?

760
00:36:59,405 --> 00:37:02,705
And he, to his family, he was a failure.

761
00:37:03,025 --> 00:37:05,665
And to now he's one of the best
coaches in the world, but yet.

762
00:37:06,130 --> 00:37:08,960
That to them because they
didn't take the same path.

763
00:37:09,730 --> 00:37:13,280
So if you're a parent and you're
listening, don't try to fix your,

764
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,750
listen to them, see where they
are, help them embrace their unique

765
00:37:16,750 --> 00:37:22,120
abilities, and then find ways that
you can enhance their strengths.

766
00:37:22,890 --> 00:37:26,600
Um, that's the biggest thing because I, I
really don't think that anyone's broken.

767
00:37:26,910 --> 00:37:28,250
No one needs another label.

768
00:37:28,250 --> 00:37:31,520
And Brent, you've been working with
teens and, and, and, and relationships.

769
00:37:31,770 --> 00:37:35,459
It's just really about communicating
what each other needs and accepting.

770
00:37:37,730 --> 00:37:42,639
In 20 plus years of doing this,
what, what is the silent fear that

771
00:37:42,639 --> 00:37:44,760
our listeners are hearing right now?

772
00:37:44,899 --> 00:37:47,089
I'm thinking about raising
their kids, their teenagers.

773
00:37:48,349 --> 00:37:51,320
Well, the silent fear, I know
that what they're probably

774
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:52,800
saying is they don't know my son.

775
00:37:52,810 --> 00:37:53,940
He doesn't know my son.

776
00:37:53,950 --> 00:37:55,170
He doesn't know my daughter.

777
00:37:55,755 --> 00:38:00,975
Um, and what I can share with you
with 20 plus years of it's, there are

778
00:38:00,975 --> 00:38:05,505
trends, there are things that I've seen
over and over and over that comes up.

779
00:38:05,545 --> 00:38:10,925
And the big one is that, you know, he's
not like you, you start comparing the

780
00:38:10,925 --> 00:38:13,244
teams and you don't want to do that.

781
00:38:13,255 --> 00:38:14,245
He's not like this.

782
00:38:14,284 --> 00:38:15,424
His brother does this.

783
00:38:15,795 --> 00:38:20,635
And what happens if you're a parent, you
find yourself actually leaning in towards

784
00:38:20,635 --> 00:38:22,595
the one that's the least friction for you.

785
00:38:23,015 --> 00:38:27,345
And what happens there is that you
create a complex in the other child,

786
00:38:27,575 --> 00:38:29,685
and that one becomes very resentful.

787
00:38:30,514 --> 00:38:34,595
And so if you, if you have more
than one child, I really implore

788
00:38:34,605 --> 00:38:36,575
that you just try your best.

789
00:38:37,035 --> 00:38:41,925
to keep growing, adapting and
involving your parenting style so

790
00:38:41,925 --> 00:38:45,945
that your children can see your
adaptations and your growth as well.

791
00:38:47,975 --> 00:38:51,494
One of the things I saw when I
was getting ready for the show was

792
00:38:51,495 --> 00:38:54,934
you talked about the difference
between self esteem and self image.

793
00:38:55,215 --> 00:39:01,355
And I think that's something a lot of
us, adults or kids, I intertwine a lot.

794
00:39:02,325 --> 00:39:05,665
So let's clarify that a little
bit for parents, including myself,

795
00:39:05,665 --> 00:39:07,024
cause I'd like some clarity on this.

796
00:39:07,460 --> 00:39:08,510
Yeah, absolutely.

797
00:39:08,510 --> 00:39:13,820
So, I mean, we, we take it back to Carl
Rogers, um, and, and self concept and,

798
00:39:13,820 --> 00:39:17,390
you know, a lot of times people say,
you know, my son has low self esteem, my

799
00:39:17,390 --> 00:39:21,830
daughter has low self esteem, but it's
actually starts with self image and the

800
00:39:21,830 --> 00:39:24,289
self image is how they see themselves.

801
00:39:25,305 --> 00:39:28,165
And if they don't see themselves
at a certain standard, they're not

802
00:39:28,175 --> 00:39:32,975
measuring up because of someone else's
scoreboard, then what happens is that's

803
00:39:32,975 --> 00:39:37,044
going to lower their self esteem,
which is their actual self worth.

804
00:39:37,045 --> 00:39:39,924
If they see the world, what
they provide to the world.

805
00:39:40,195 --> 00:39:43,715
And We go through, we're in a society
that everyone needs to have a 4.

806
00:39:43,715 --> 00:39:46,435
0 GPA and get into an Ivy
league college, right?

807
00:39:46,655 --> 00:39:49,475
We even see scandals all over the
world that people are faking the phone.

808
00:39:49,835 --> 00:39:53,194
So, um, I don't think we
need to have that parents.

809
00:39:53,195 --> 00:39:56,434
We need to assess our beliefs about
our children, because if you want

810
00:39:56,434 --> 00:40:01,115
their self image to really flourish,
how they see themselves, you have

811
00:40:01,115 --> 00:40:02,805
to use positive reinforcement.

812
00:40:03,205 --> 00:40:06,365
And I'm not saying over praise,
not like if little Johnny

813
00:40:06,365 --> 00:40:07,865
ties his sneaker and he's 12.

814
00:40:08,010 --> 00:40:10,920
No, he doesn't get a high five
for that, but when he does, you

815
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:13,400
know, but when he does something,
Oh, I made my own breakfast.

816
00:40:13,470 --> 00:40:14,220
That's great.

817
00:40:14,300 --> 00:40:15,520
You didn't burn the kitchen down.

818
00:40:15,950 --> 00:40:16,650
Keep it going.

819
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:19,000
So that's really what we want to focus on.

820
00:40:19,010 --> 00:40:22,500
Once we get that self image to raise
up, cause they see themselves, they

821
00:40:22,500 --> 00:40:23,720
walk with their shoulders back.

822
00:40:24,010 --> 00:40:27,730
Look at their body language, and then
you get their, you'll see their self

823
00:40:27,780 --> 00:40:29,480
image because how they see the world.

824
00:40:29,490 --> 00:40:29,950
You know what?

825
00:40:29,950 --> 00:40:31,100
You're really smart at math.

826
00:40:31,330 --> 00:40:34,739
Abby, you really know how to, you
really were able on the spot to speak.

827
00:40:34,750 --> 00:40:35,439
That's great.

828
00:40:35,470 --> 00:40:39,139
Your clarity in explaining something
to Rahz who didn't know anything about

829
00:40:39,139 --> 00:40:42,200
those, that, that book is so powerful.

830
00:40:42,369 --> 00:40:44,199
And then it leads to the last part.

831
00:40:44,449 --> 00:40:50,505
Once we have our self image, our self
esteem, our ideal self, See, if we

832
00:40:50,505 --> 00:40:54,315
can't see ourselves in a light in
the present, how are we going to have

833
00:40:54,315 --> 00:40:58,245
a future vision of what we can be,
what we can do, or what we can have?

834
00:40:58,475 --> 00:41:02,085
So often you see, like, I know when
I was a kid, I wanted to be a lawyer.

835
00:41:02,125 --> 00:41:03,375
I had no clue what that meant.

836
00:41:03,565 --> 00:41:06,664
Absolutely would never wanted to
be a lawyer, but someone told me

837
00:41:06,665 --> 00:41:09,595
that that was a profession, so I
thought that's what I wanted to be.

838
00:41:09,595 --> 00:41:12,375
I saw the smile that it made,
that person who told me it,

839
00:41:12,585 --> 00:41:13,835
and that's what I wanted to be.

840
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:17,280
We have to be careful in guarding
what we try to our children to

841
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:21,280
aspire to be, allow them to evolve
in what they want to be and what.

842
00:41:23,150 --> 00:41:27,849
All right, guys, we've been
focusing on just a little bit

843
00:41:27,860 --> 00:41:29,200
for you parents out there.

844
00:41:29,710 --> 00:41:31,600
I wanted you to see the full array.

845
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:35,410
Rahz does so much with parents and teens.

846
00:41:36,199 --> 00:41:39,760
There are people out there to
help answer your questions, to

847
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,349
help get you through all of this.

848
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:43,270
Little things, right?

849
00:41:44,210 --> 00:41:46,090
If you fix little things
as they're happening, they

850
00:41:46,090 --> 00:41:47,180
don't turn into big things.

851
00:41:47,180 --> 00:41:50,640
And we all know that, you know,
teenagers can get a little dramatic.

852
00:41:52,420 --> 00:41:55,540
Rightly so, because we tend to get a
little dramatic when we start dealing

853
00:41:55,540 --> 00:41:57,930
with them and escalate the situation.

854
00:41:57,930 --> 00:42:00,359
Sometimes I know I've been guilty of that.

855
00:42:00,650 --> 00:42:04,293
So I wanted to introduce you to some of
the concepts, some of the ideas, some

856
00:42:04,293 --> 00:42:08,160
of the things that he could help you
with, some of the guidance he could offer

857
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:09,960
you and directions he can point you in.

858
00:42:10,170 --> 00:42:12,099
And he's got all kinds of stuff, guys.

859
00:42:12,100 --> 00:42:14,270
I'll, I'll have all his
links and stuff like that.

860
00:42:15,085 --> 00:42:18,655
And the next part of the show,
we're going to talk directly to

861
00:42:18,695 --> 00:42:24,855
teenagers and let you, I want to
know who's talking to my team, right?

862
00:42:24,855 --> 00:42:25,635
And what they're saying.

863
00:42:25,645 --> 00:42:29,015
So this will give you
some idea of parents.

864
00:42:29,025 --> 00:42:29,664
So stick around.

865
00:42:29,664 --> 00:42:33,095
This will give you some of the idea of
what Ross is talking to your teens about

866
00:42:33,545 --> 00:42:36,225
how he talks to them and teenagers.

867
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:39,130
Make your parents sit through
this, get a clue, right?

868
00:42:39,500 --> 00:42:40,920
We're we're all in this together.

869
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:42,610
This is a family event.

870
00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:44,540
So we're gonna roll our sponsor.

871
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,410
We will be right back with
more from Ross Slaughter.

872
00:42:47,759 --> 00:42:49,600
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873
00:42:50,210 --> 00:42:51,580
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874
00:42:52,010 --> 00:42:53,370
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875
00:42:53,850 --> 00:42:57,660
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876
00:42:57,660 --> 00:43:00,530
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877
00:43:00,530 --> 00:43:01,800
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878
00:43:02,305 --> 00:43:03,835
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879
00:43:04,875 --> 00:43:06,575
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880
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881
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884
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885
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886
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887
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888
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889
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890
00:43:34,305 --> 00:43:37,135
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891
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892
00:43:42,065 --> 00:43:44,165
Now let's dive back into the show guys.

893
00:43:44,165 --> 00:43:44,635
Welcome back.

894
00:43:44,674 --> 00:43:47,684
And the last part of the show, we
were talking specifically to parents,

895
00:43:47,995 --> 00:43:50,885
and this is a little bit of a
different format than I normally do.

896
00:43:51,284 --> 00:43:53,485
The last section was for
parents, parents stick around.

897
00:43:53,485 --> 00:43:58,385
This next section is Rahz talking
directly to your teens, uh, stick around.

898
00:43:58,385 --> 00:44:01,105
You're going to learn something,
make this a family thing.

899
00:44:01,235 --> 00:44:04,805
Like this is the show to
listen to with your teenagers.

900
00:44:05,815 --> 00:44:10,055
Now, Rahz, you've been working with
parents and teens for a lot of years

901
00:44:10,055 --> 00:44:14,355
now, and you have a lot of wisdom
you gained just from experience.

902
00:44:14,575 --> 00:44:15,015
You're right.

903
00:44:15,335 --> 00:44:16,014
Wait, what is that?

904
00:44:16,085 --> 00:44:18,285
The 10, 000 hours makes
you an expert or something.

905
00:44:18,915 --> 00:44:20,275
You've been doing this for 20 plus years.

906
00:44:20,285 --> 00:44:21,035
You're, you're there.

907
00:44:22,225 --> 00:44:26,604
So you're going to help us by just talking
to our teenagers today about some of

908
00:44:26,605 --> 00:44:31,715
these important things that sometimes we
don't know how to breach these subjects

909
00:44:31,735 --> 00:44:33,385
or even how to start with these subjects.

910
00:44:33,395 --> 00:44:33,775
So.

911
00:44:34,285 --> 00:44:36,965
Let's talk about mindset with teenagers.

912
00:44:38,345 --> 00:44:42,445
So mindset is, you know, for us
adults, uh, it's, it's, you don't

913
00:44:42,445 --> 00:44:45,225
want to talk about mindset and put
it and make it something that is

914
00:44:45,225 --> 00:44:47,285
not, it's just a way of thinking.

915
00:44:47,695 --> 00:44:50,615
And so if you're listening and you're
a teen right now, what I want you to

916
00:44:50,645 --> 00:44:54,955
think about mindset is just how do
you see yourself and the best way that

917
00:44:54,955 --> 00:44:58,605
you can actually start developing your
mindset is to take yourself, go into your

918
00:44:58,615 --> 00:45:02,765
bathroom, look in the mirror, put your
hands on your hips, feet, shoulder width

919
00:45:02,765 --> 00:45:04,624
apart, and just stare at yourself for.

920
00:45:04,910 --> 00:45:06,620
30 seconds to 60 seconds.

921
00:45:06,990 --> 00:45:09,010
And then I want you to
think, what do you see?

922
00:45:09,470 --> 00:45:10,060
What do you like?

923
00:45:10,740 --> 00:45:13,940
What are some of the attributes of
yourself that you really are proud of?

924
00:45:14,090 --> 00:45:15,280
Oh, I like my eyebrows.

925
00:45:15,310 --> 00:45:16,480
I like my smile.

926
00:45:16,870 --> 00:45:19,800
And then those are the things I want
you to really focus on because so

927
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:23,869
often we focus on the negative things
that we don't like about ourselves and

928
00:45:23,870 --> 00:45:27,560
those things just keep getting bigger
and bigger and overwhelming us and

929
00:45:27,570 --> 00:45:31,800
that is why we have a mindset that's
not conducive to us feeling good about

930
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:35,960
ourselves, having confidence, being
willing to raise our hand in class and

931
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:40,545
not be afraid of afraid that we're going
to be ridiculed, criticized or judged.

932
00:45:40,895 --> 00:45:44,525
Mindset is just your ability
to understand your beliefs.

933
00:45:44,635 --> 00:45:48,365
What do you believe about yourself,
your attitude, how you feel?

934
00:45:48,905 --> 00:45:50,705
Are you positive about yourself?

935
00:45:50,824 --> 00:45:52,935
And the last thing is the self talk.

936
00:45:53,205 --> 00:45:56,965
Are you saying things to yourself
that's going to lift you up in power?

937
00:45:57,210 --> 00:45:58,180
Or disempowered.

938
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:01,840
If you're saying things like, I'm not
smart enough, I'm not tall enough,

939
00:46:01,990 --> 00:46:03,690
my body isn't the right shape.

940
00:46:03,910 --> 00:46:07,400
You're not going to have a mindset that's
going to allow you to love yourself.

941
00:46:07,829 --> 00:46:09,590
And that is what we want you to focus on.

942
00:46:09,590 --> 00:46:13,099
As a team, you're going through
a process and we want you to

943
00:46:13,110 --> 00:46:14,780
evolve into your best self.

944
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:17,500
But it starts with loving
yourself in the present moment.

945
00:46:21,700 --> 00:46:22,050
There we go.

946
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:22,650
Meaning things.

947
00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:24,490
I'm, I'm, I'm bad.

948
00:46:24,700 --> 00:46:25,370
I'm sorry, guys.

949
00:46:27,820 --> 00:46:29,340
I'm not in this normally disjoining.

950
00:46:29,350 --> 00:46:30,350
My brain is just not on.

951
00:46:30,350 --> 00:46:31,880
I have not had enough caffeine yet.

952
00:46:32,805 --> 00:46:36,205
Uh, I love, I love that because
mindset is one of those things.

953
00:46:36,205 --> 00:46:37,425
Like we hear other people talk about it.

954
00:46:37,445 --> 00:46:41,025
Like if you're on social media, you see
people talking about mindset all the time.

955
00:46:41,935 --> 00:46:44,345
And most of the time you're
just like, whatever, right?

956
00:46:44,345 --> 00:46:45,585
It's a hot word.

957
00:46:45,635 --> 00:46:48,424
People, it's popular to talk about right
now, but what does it actually mean?

958
00:46:48,425 --> 00:46:49,435
How's that breakdown?

959
00:46:50,194 --> 00:46:53,755
And I love that explanation of
it because that's a way better

960
00:46:53,795 --> 00:46:54,745
explanation than most people.

961
00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:57,950
Let's talk about resilience.

962
00:46:57,980 --> 00:47:02,630
I love to talk about resilience and I
know how incredibly important it is.

963
00:47:02,630 --> 00:47:07,270
We've all learned that in the last several
years with the changes in the world, uh,

964
00:47:08,159 --> 00:47:09,929
but we've all had our resilience tested.

965
00:47:11,110 --> 00:47:15,310
So for teenagers, how do they start to
build some resilience in their life?

966
00:47:16,370 --> 00:47:21,130
So if you're a teen and you're listening,
watching, um, what I want you to realize

967
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:23,540
is that resilience comes from experience.

968
00:47:23,910 --> 00:47:26,989
You have to go through something so
that you can actually learn from it.

969
00:47:27,205 --> 00:47:30,565
And then you can adapt and evolve
into what you can do later.

970
00:47:30,855 --> 00:47:34,695
But I want you to realize that so
often as teens you think the world is

971
00:47:34,705 --> 00:47:39,375
this present challenge, this present
problem that you're experiencing is

972
00:47:39,384 --> 00:47:40,995
the biggest thing since sliced bread.

973
00:47:41,435 --> 00:47:41,875
It isn't.

974
00:47:42,265 --> 00:47:46,605
And your worst day will become
your best day tomorrow because

975
00:47:46,605 --> 00:47:47,515
you're going to get through it.

976
00:47:47,945 --> 00:47:50,625
So it's all, and when we talk
about mindset, it's just about

977
00:47:50,625 --> 00:47:53,655
seeing where you're going and go,
okay, if I want to be resilient,

978
00:47:53,875 --> 00:47:55,405
I just got to take one more step.

979
00:47:55,945 --> 00:47:59,214
And I'll give a quick story because
if you were listening earlier, my

980
00:47:59,214 --> 00:48:00,595
right leg is shorter than the other.

981
00:48:00,974 --> 00:48:03,864
I've been told my entire
life that I can't do things.

982
00:48:03,864 --> 00:48:04,674
I won't be an athlete.

983
00:48:05,340 --> 00:48:06,040
So what did I do?

984
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:07,000
I started bodybuilding.

985
00:48:07,500 --> 00:48:10,230
I was told that I wouldn't
be able to perform in sports.

986
00:48:10,240 --> 00:48:12,740
So I became one of the best
wrestlers in my school.

987
00:48:12,850 --> 00:48:14,610
I don't tell you that to impress upon you.

988
00:48:14,869 --> 00:48:18,400
What I'm telling you that is
because I, when someone told me I

989
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:20,980
couldn't, I decided that I must.

990
00:48:21,570 --> 00:48:23,270
And that is how you create resilience.

991
00:48:23,270 --> 00:48:26,740
When someone tell you you're not smart
enough, spend a little bit more time on

992
00:48:26,740 --> 00:48:30,510
that math homework, be willing to work
a little bit harder, be willing to do a

993
00:48:30,510 --> 00:48:33,590
little bit more than the other student,
your brother, your cousin, your friend.

994
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:36,119
And that is how you start
to build resilience.

995
00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:39,740
Cause once you get a little momentum and
you get a little success, you're going to

996
00:48:39,750 --> 00:48:42,000
want a little bit more, you're going to
want a little bit more, and then you'll

997
00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:44,080
have your own blueprint to building.

998
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:47,950
Excellent advice.

999
00:48:48,140 --> 00:48:51,130
I like that communication.

1000
00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:53,160
Oh, teenagers.

1001
00:48:54,730 --> 00:48:56,560
Now, now this comes from a place of love.

1002
00:48:56,770 --> 00:48:59,050
Like I, I worked with teenagers.

1003
00:48:59,050 --> 00:49:01,270
I was a youth minister for a lot of years.

1004
00:49:01,300 --> 00:49:04,090
I still actually run a
youth program every year.

1005
00:49:04,450 --> 00:49:09,880
It's a three day event where we have 150
to 200 teenagers there for three days.

1006
00:49:10,550 --> 00:49:13,760
Uh, it's the only thing I'm still
doing specifically with teens, but

1007
00:49:14,240 --> 00:49:21,150
I've been a part of that now for 18
plus years, and I truly love teenagers.

1008
00:49:21,150 --> 00:49:26,500
And one of the biggest frustrations
for me, not as just as a father.

1009
00:49:27,290 --> 00:49:32,280
But also as an adult who's
worked with teenagers is teens.

1010
00:49:32,500 --> 00:49:38,610
You don't like to communicate with us
when something's bothering you when you're

1011
00:49:38,620 --> 00:49:42,040
having a good day or a bad day, right?

1012
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:46,010
I don't know what it is about
and like I thought about it.

1013
00:49:46,375 --> 00:49:49,275
As an adult, like looking back at
when I was a teenager, I was like, why

1014
00:49:49,275 --> 00:49:51,585
did I shut down and not communicate?

1015
00:49:52,915 --> 00:49:56,984
Uh, I told Rahz when we started the
show, my daughter has been on listening.

1016
00:49:57,845 --> 00:49:58,625
We just got back.

1017
00:49:58,655 --> 00:50:00,654
We, uh, she likes to go on morning walks.

1018
00:50:01,114 --> 00:50:04,435
I like to, cause I need to, cause I'm
a little too chubby in the middle.

1019
00:50:05,035 --> 00:50:06,994
She likes to, because it's time with dad.

1020
00:50:06,994 --> 00:50:09,975
She likes to get out and move in the
morning and we talk the entire time.

1021
00:50:09,975 --> 00:50:14,950
We'll walk two to three miles and Uh,
that's when Abby gets my undivided

1022
00:50:14,950 --> 00:50:16,760
attention and can talk to me.

1023
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:20,840
And I love, I love as a parent teenagers.

1024
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:25,840
I'm telling you, I love when my
Children talk when they confide in

1025
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:28,189
me, when they communicate with me,
tell me what they're thinking, what

1026
00:50:28,189 --> 00:50:29,570
they're feeling, what's going on.

1027
00:50:32,539 --> 00:50:35,749
I don't know why teens tend
to shut down and stop that.

1028
00:50:37,289 --> 00:50:38,049
So Rahz.

1029
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:42,220
When it comes to communication,
what do you talk to teens about?

1030
00:50:42,240 --> 00:50:43,550
How do you help them with that?

1031
00:50:45,100 --> 00:50:46,170
This is a great one.

1032
00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:49,769
Uh, so first it's, it's
about being vulnerable.

1033
00:50:50,330 --> 00:50:55,389
And the reason that teens shut down,
in my opinion, um, is that they

1034
00:50:55,620 --> 00:50:59,170
fear someone's judgment, ridicule.

1035
00:50:59,445 --> 00:51:04,555
Something's going to come if they're not
confident in their ability to transmute

1036
00:51:04,635 --> 00:51:09,175
their energy, their message to their
parents in a way that's not going to

1037
00:51:09,185 --> 00:51:11,635
give them a result, a negative result.

1038
00:51:11,695 --> 00:51:12,585
So they're avoiding that.

1039
00:51:13,285 --> 00:51:16,765
Um, but what I will tell you,
if you're a teen, test this.

1040
00:51:17,370 --> 00:51:19,405
Try opening up to your parents.

1041
00:51:19,740 --> 00:51:23,700
They want to listen, like Brent was
saying, they want to be there for you.

1042
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:28,140
And if you build that trust and
start with something small, you

1043
00:51:28,140 --> 00:51:29,640
know, tell them about a friend.

1044
00:51:29,790 --> 00:51:31,860
Tell 'em about something
that happened at school.

1045
00:51:31,980 --> 00:51:33,660
Tell 'em about a fear you have.

1046
00:51:33,660 --> 00:51:36,720
Tell 'em about something you
aspire that they don't even know.

1047
00:51:36,720 --> 00:51:39,570
Maybe there's like, you know what
I wanna, I wanna start painting.

1048
00:51:40,230 --> 00:51:43,600
They didn't know that you had a latent
talent or desire to actually want to

1049
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:48,600
do these things and then test the water
and see what their responses to it.

1050
00:51:48,890 --> 00:51:52,830
Because a lot of teens struggle with
communication because they become very

1051
00:51:52,830 --> 00:51:56,150
reactive as opposed to being responsive.

1052
00:51:56,369 --> 00:51:59,159
You know, if a parent says
to them, where are you going?

1053
00:51:59,190 --> 00:52:01,730
They tense up because they
want to have independence.

1054
00:52:01,740 --> 00:52:02,860
They want to have that freedom.

1055
00:52:03,750 --> 00:52:06,000
The question is valid as a parent.

1056
00:52:06,230 --> 00:52:10,690
So I'll ask you teens, if you want to
improve your communication, be vulnerable.

1057
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:14,570
Second thing I want you to do, test
some vulnerability with your parents.

1058
00:52:14,830 --> 00:52:18,350
And the last thing, give your parents
a little bit of grace, because they're

1059
00:52:18,350 --> 00:52:20,670
learning how to parent you as well.

1060
00:52:20,860 --> 00:52:23,069
If you give them a little bit of
grace and say, Hey, you know what?

1061
00:52:23,070 --> 00:52:24,919
We're both going through something.

1062
00:52:24,919 --> 00:52:26,690
We're all going through this together.

1063
00:52:26,870 --> 00:52:31,179
We're learning that it'll make your
communication that much easier with them.

1064
00:52:33,579 --> 00:52:36,190
I'm going to add to that
just because I, it's my show.

1065
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:39,510
I'm going to add to that because
this is something I've tried

1066
00:52:39,510 --> 00:52:40,630
to teach my daughters to do.

1067
00:52:42,170 --> 00:52:44,070
for their time and attention.

1068
00:52:44,290 --> 00:52:49,730
Ask your parents convey that you
want to communicate with them because

1069
00:52:49,730 --> 00:52:52,270
a lot of times we started thinking
it's like, Oh, they got their own

1070
00:52:52,270 --> 00:52:57,390
life and, and we get that dad and
you know, you do that long enough.

1071
00:52:57,390 --> 00:52:59,810
We start thinking you don't
really want us to talk to you.

1072
00:53:00,240 --> 00:53:00,530
Right.

1073
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:02,749
We don't know how to respond to that.

1074
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:06,700
And so we started thinking is, well,
obviously right now they don't really

1075
00:53:06,700 --> 00:53:11,460
need me or they don't, if you want
to communicate with us, Asked to

1076
00:53:11,460 --> 00:53:16,020
communicate with us, convey that
that's, that's the first step in that

1077
00:53:16,020 --> 00:53:21,060
vulnerability is saying, Hey dad, mom,
can, can I have 10 minutes a night?

1078
00:53:21,070 --> 00:53:22,280
No phones, no TV.

1079
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:23,440
I want to talk to you.

1080
00:53:25,490 --> 00:53:25,900
Right.

1081
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:30,019
I have taught my daughters because
I work from home and my studio is in

1082
00:53:30,020 --> 00:53:34,970
my house and I've taught my daughters
to come and try and get my attention.

1083
00:53:35,450 --> 00:53:41,480
And my response, if I'm in the middle
of something is give me three minutes,

1084
00:53:41,510 --> 00:53:42,630
I got to finish what I'm doing.

1085
00:53:43,565 --> 00:53:48,275
Because I can't totally break flow,
but give me three minutes or give

1086
00:53:48,275 --> 00:53:49,845
me five minutes to finish this.

1087
00:53:50,815 --> 00:53:53,265
Because I don't want
to half listen to them.

1088
00:53:54,535 --> 00:53:56,065
I want to look you in the eye.

1089
00:53:56,095 --> 00:54:00,085
I want to look you face to face
and hear what you're saying and not

1090
00:54:00,135 --> 00:54:01,784
be distracted by what I'm doing.

1091
00:54:02,245 --> 00:54:05,194
And if I do this in the middle,
I'm going to split my attention.

1092
00:54:05,194 --> 00:54:05,995
It's not going to go well.

1093
00:54:07,395 --> 00:54:08,955
Tell us you want your time.

1094
00:54:09,445 --> 00:54:09,825
Yeah.

1095
00:54:10,055 --> 00:54:11,635
Great to ask for it.

1096
00:54:11,745 --> 00:54:14,865
We, we, we want to give it to you,
but we're afraid to talk to you.

1097
00:54:14,875 --> 00:54:17,515
Cause As a parent, there's
nothing we say that's right.

1098
00:54:17,515 --> 00:54:22,075
Most of the time, once you're over
the age of 14, from, from about

1099
00:54:22,075 --> 00:54:25,105
13 or 14 on to about 23, there's
nothing we say that's right.

1100
00:54:25,195 --> 00:54:27,305
I'm pretty sure at least
that's what we're convinced of.

1101
00:54:27,435 --> 00:54:29,894
So ask us for that.

1102
00:54:30,005 --> 00:54:33,424
If you want to communicate with
us, please help us know that and

1103
00:54:33,565 --> 00:54:35,374
ask us for our undivided attention.

1104
00:54:36,864 --> 00:54:37,395
Great tip.

1105
00:54:37,614 --> 00:54:38,264
Absolutely.

1106
00:54:38,604 --> 00:54:41,314
My daughter's taught me that my,
my daughter reached over one day.

1107
00:54:41,374 --> 00:54:43,335
I was sitting on the couch
with her, watching a movie

1108
00:54:43,335 --> 00:54:44,535
with watching a movie with her.

1109
00:54:45,580 --> 00:54:48,380
And I was doing something, my phone, she
reached over and pushed my phone down.

1110
00:54:49,510 --> 00:54:50,310
I was like, what's up, baby.

1111
00:54:50,310 --> 00:54:52,930
She's like, I want you to
watch this with me, honey.

1112
00:54:52,930 --> 00:54:54,440
We watched this a thousand times.

1113
00:54:54,440 --> 00:54:56,820
I was just, she's like, no, I
want you to be here with me.

1114
00:54:57,670 --> 00:54:59,520
Just push my phone down, dude.

1115
00:54:59,609 --> 00:55:00,550
It, it was.

1116
00:55:01,100 --> 00:55:06,600
A couple, like four years ago and it
revolutionized my thinking entirely

1117
00:55:07,140 --> 00:55:10,679
to have my daughter be like, no,
you touching your phone is not the

1118
00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:12,040
same as watching something with me.

1119
00:55:13,870 --> 00:55:15,970
That's that, that one, that's so powerful.

1120
00:55:15,970 --> 00:55:20,879
I mean, what you just said there,
because so often why kids and teens

1121
00:55:20,890 --> 00:55:25,089
specifically don't connect with their
parents is because their parents are so

1122
00:55:25,089 --> 00:55:29,469
multitasking, always doing something,
notifications, cooking, doing all

1123
00:55:29,469 --> 00:55:31,459
the things you nailed it right there.

1124
00:55:31,460 --> 00:55:32,739
You have to be present.

1125
00:55:33,105 --> 00:55:37,805
And I, I'll share this holiday season
at my home, I had a basket at my

1126
00:55:37,815 --> 00:55:42,454
front door when everyone walked in for
Christmas dinner, they had to put their

1127
00:55:42,454 --> 00:55:47,205
phones in the basket because I feel
that we tend to the minute that we're

1128
00:55:47,205 --> 00:55:53,365
not being spoken to, we tune out and
I wanted to avoid that and that made

1129
00:55:53,365 --> 00:55:56,785
it so that it, that resonated with me
what you did there and she and your

1130
00:55:56,785 --> 00:55:59,485
daughter was 100 percent right, right.

1131
00:56:00,725 --> 00:56:03,675
And teens, I share that with you during
this segment when we're talking to

1132
00:56:03,675 --> 00:56:07,745
you because you can lead the way in
this communication with your parents.

1133
00:56:08,995 --> 00:56:15,925
You are absolutely powerful and capable to
lead the way to have better communication

1134
00:56:16,005 --> 00:56:17,905
and better relationship with your parents.

1135
00:56:17,915 --> 00:56:18,795
You can lead that.

1136
00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:23,330
We'd be thrilled for you to drag us
along kicking and screaming really

1137
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:29,670
for sure confidence How do you
deal in a world of Instagram and

1138
00:56:29,750 --> 00:56:34,600
everybody's best moments immoralized
with filters and all kinds of fake?

1139
00:56:36,080 --> 00:56:40,909
I I'm terrified honestly as a parent
of my children growing up in this

1140
00:56:40,909 --> 00:56:44,829
age Because so much of everything
on their screen is fake, especially

1141
00:56:44,829 --> 00:56:46,700
as we're moving into AI, right?

1142
00:56:48,365 --> 00:56:51,995
What advice do you have for teens
on dealing with their confidence?

1143
00:56:53,135 --> 00:56:58,285
So if you, or if you feel that you, um,
first and foremost, I want you to, you

1144
00:56:58,285 --> 00:57:03,254
have to get some information, ask yourself
on a scale of one to 10, how confident am

1145
00:57:03,305 --> 00:57:08,034
I, and that number 10 being you're super
confident you walk in the room, shoulders

1146
00:57:08,035 --> 00:57:09,584
back, you feel great about yourself.

1147
00:57:10,004 --> 00:57:10,514
Five.

1148
00:57:10,990 --> 00:57:12,590
You walk in the room, you're not so happy.

1149
00:57:12,670 --> 00:57:15,950
You, you're looking around, looking
to see who's in the room, where

1150
00:57:16,050 --> 00:57:18,280
can you fit in, where can you hide.

1151
00:57:18,910 --> 00:57:20,900
Now you understand that scale of 1 to 10.

1152
00:57:21,790 --> 00:57:23,589
Ask yourself, how can I improve it?

1153
00:57:23,790 --> 00:57:24,989
Just one or two points.

1154
00:57:25,260 --> 00:57:27,070
What is the action that I need to do?

1155
00:57:27,200 --> 00:57:28,120
Here's the action.

1156
00:57:28,439 --> 00:57:30,440
I want you to be intentional.

1157
00:57:30,980 --> 00:57:35,660
And what I do is find someone who
looks the way you want, walks the way

1158
00:57:35,660 --> 00:57:39,990
you want, speaks the way you want, and
observe them and look at them and say,

1159
00:57:39,990 --> 00:57:42,130
Hey, what are they doing that I like?

1160
00:57:42,560 --> 00:57:44,720
Can I adapt that to make it myself?

1161
00:57:45,030 --> 00:57:46,620
So you're not trying to copy.

1162
00:57:46,739 --> 00:57:48,810
You're not trying to be a
carbon copy of someone else.

1163
00:57:48,820 --> 00:57:49,629
You're looking at them.

1164
00:57:49,630 --> 00:57:54,080
And Brent has a great podcast here and I
want to, okay, how can I set up my screen?

1165
00:57:54,090 --> 00:57:55,430
How can I have a light behind me?

1166
00:57:55,580 --> 00:57:56,250
These are the things.

1167
00:57:56,290 --> 00:57:58,570
And then you adapt so that it fits you.

1168
00:57:58,875 --> 00:58:00,615
And you start with something small.

1169
00:58:00,855 --> 00:58:04,825
You want to have micro wins, which will
turn into your ultimate confidence.

1170
00:58:05,235 --> 00:58:08,274
Being intentional means that
you're willing to work on it.

1171
00:58:08,285 --> 00:58:11,034
If I want to be a better athlete,
I have to be a better athlete.

1172
00:58:11,035 --> 00:58:13,005
I have to do the sport,
but I want to lift bigger.

1173
00:58:13,025 --> 00:58:15,324
I want to be stronger,
have to lift the weights.

1174
00:58:15,485 --> 00:58:18,315
Being confident isn't something
that everyone's born with,

1175
00:58:18,525 --> 00:58:19,965
but it is a learnable skill.

1176
00:58:20,105 --> 00:58:22,464
And that is my first
rule for being confident.

1177
00:58:24,185 --> 00:58:27,015
Okay, now we definitely have
to talk, we talked to parents

1178
00:58:27,015 --> 00:58:28,775
about self worth and self esteem.

1179
00:58:29,825 --> 00:58:33,965
Now let's talk to teenagers about
their self worth, their self esteem.

1180
00:58:34,655 --> 00:58:38,325
How do they build that
up in a positive way?

1181
00:58:39,385 --> 00:58:39,855
I love that.

1182
00:58:39,855 --> 00:58:43,755
Now this is, this is where I,
this is a little funny, but yes,

1183
00:58:43,824 --> 00:58:45,204
I do believe in affirmation.

1184
00:58:45,925 --> 00:58:49,885
I believe in programming the mind
to believe what we want to achieve.

1185
00:58:50,365 --> 00:58:54,445
And in order to do that, you have to
find, and I'd say, write five things down.

1186
00:58:54,645 --> 00:58:56,845
First of all, what am I capable of?

1187
00:58:57,275 --> 00:58:59,314
So I want you to write down,
what are you capable of?

1188
00:58:59,355 --> 00:59:02,025
I am capable of doing X, right?

1189
00:59:02,205 --> 00:59:03,895
I'm capable of being a great student.

1190
00:59:03,935 --> 00:59:06,375
I'm capable of being an
all star basketball player.

1191
00:59:06,575 --> 00:59:09,485
I'm capable of being the
best brother, sister.

1192
00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:11,120
Whatever that is you want.

1193
00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:14,300
And I want you to say that
over and over to yourself.

1194
00:59:14,630 --> 00:59:15,530
I like myself.

1195
00:59:15,580 --> 00:59:16,530
I like myself.

1196
00:59:16,550 --> 00:59:17,550
I like myself.

1197
00:59:17,820 --> 00:59:19,100
I like my smile.

1198
00:59:19,190 --> 00:59:22,680
Find that one thing that you know,
that's unique and special about you

1199
00:59:22,959 --> 00:59:24,870
and really embed it into your mind.

1200
00:59:25,380 --> 00:59:27,040
And consistently think about that.

1201
00:59:27,070 --> 00:59:28,340
Now, here's the action.

1202
00:59:28,500 --> 00:59:31,190
I want you to take out post
its or a piece of paper and

1203
00:59:31,190 --> 00:59:33,050
put those things on your wall.

1204
00:59:33,380 --> 00:59:36,300
So, because the first thing you get
when you wake up in the morning, you

1205
00:59:36,300 --> 00:59:40,219
want to see something that's going to be
inspiring, powering, empowering of you.

1206
00:59:40,590 --> 00:59:44,480
I do this with a lot of my students
and they come up with five affirmations

1207
00:59:44,700 --> 00:59:48,670
that they can say the first thing in the
morning and right before they go to bed.

1208
00:59:48,910 --> 00:59:50,000
It's called programming.

1209
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:53,250
If you program your mind that
think a certain way, you're

1210
00:59:53,250 --> 00:59:54,630
going to feel a certain way.

1211
00:59:54,720 --> 00:59:56,260
You're going to create new actions.

1212
00:59:56,270 --> 00:59:58,350
Those new actions will
give you a new result.

1213
00:59:58,780 --> 00:59:59,890
So here's the thing.

1214
00:59:59,920 --> 01:00:03,420
If you are a teen listening to this
and you want to improve your self

1215
01:00:03,459 --> 01:00:08,310
image, you have to start by being
intentional and programming your mind.

1216
01:00:08,510 --> 01:00:09,560
I am capable.

1217
01:00:09,820 --> 01:00:11,370
I am able to do S, Y and Z.

1218
01:00:11,915 --> 01:00:13,435
And you do that often enough.

1219
01:00:13,505 --> 01:00:15,405
And here's how long, 21 days.

1220
01:00:15,555 --> 01:00:17,395
I want you to try it for 21 to 30 days.

1221
01:00:17,485 --> 01:00:18,805
That's three weeks to a month.

1222
01:00:19,175 --> 01:00:22,885
Give it a shot and tell us
exactly what your results are.

1223
01:00:22,995 --> 01:00:24,435
How do you feel about yourself?

1224
01:00:24,514 --> 01:00:27,295
And then you retest yourself
on a scale of one to 10.

1225
01:00:27,934 --> 01:00:28,915
Where are you now?

1226
01:00:29,284 --> 01:00:33,555
See, I can't take you from a five to a
10 in a month, but I can take you from a

1227
01:00:33,555 --> 01:00:38,395
five to a six, a six to a seven through
putting the steps in that necessarily

1228
01:00:38,475 --> 01:00:39,895
are going to get you the result you want.

1229
01:00:41,890 --> 01:00:44,990
Now guys, if you're, uh, if you're
getting something out of this, if.

1230
01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:49,440
We're having a good conversation
here and you want to see more of it.

1231
01:00:49,680 --> 01:00:53,599
A share this with other parents
or teens that need to hear it.

1232
01:00:54,060 --> 01:00:55,719
That's, that's the most
important thing you can do.

1233
01:00:56,340 --> 01:00:56,680
Okay.

1234
01:00:56,680 --> 01:00:59,839
I'd love for you to leave us a review
or tell us we did a good job or yay.

1235
01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:03,780
Share this with a parent or
team that needs to hear it.

1236
01:01:04,409 --> 01:01:06,694
That's the most valuable thing you can do.

1237
01:01:06,875 --> 01:01:10,425
With the show, if you're getting
something out of it, let me know if

1238
01:01:10,425 --> 01:01:13,805
you, if Rahz and I need to have a follow
up conversation, we can deep dive into

1239
01:01:13,805 --> 01:01:15,455
one of these topics or any one of them.

1240
01:01:15,855 --> 01:01:19,184
Tell us about that because we want
you to get the most out of this.

1241
01:01:20,185 --> 01:01:24,505
Rahz, we got parents, we got
teens all listening right now.

1242
01:01:24,925 --> 01:01:29,735
What are the first three steps that
they can implement to start to build

1243
01:01:29,755 --> 01:01:31,255
a better relationship together?

1244
01:01:33,605 --> 01:01:38,505
First step in building a better
relationship is scheduling a family.

1245
01:01:39,755 --> 01:01:43,695
Here's why you want to have this meeting
and you use a talking stick and the

1246
01:01:43,705 --> 01:01:47,434
talking stick allows the person who's
holding the stick and it could be, but

1247
01:01:47,475 --> 01:01:52,375
whatever that that's symbol is, they are
the ones that speak and everyone else

1248
01:01:52,385 --> 01:01:55,784
has to listen and everyone gets to speak.

1249
01:01:55,924 --> 01:01:58,435
And during this meeting,
everyone's going to talk about

1250
01:01:58,495 --> 01:02:00,975
what they need the family to be.

1251
01:02:01,330 --> 01:02:04,680
more of what they would love
the family to evolve into.

1252
01:02:04,980 --> 01:02:07,610
This is going to allow to get
everything out on the table.

1253
01:02:07,980 --> 01:02:11,240
And then after we do that, I want
you to take an exercise and I want

1254
01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:15,369
you to guys to spend individual
quality time, mom, dad, dad with the

1255
01:02:15,370 --> 01:02:17,140
daughter, son, so on and so forth.

1256
01:02:17,350 --> 01:02:18,979
And like you were saying, Brent.

1257
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:21,370
You have to have this intention.

1258
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:23,780
This time has to be uninterrupted.

1259
01:02:23,920 --> 01:02:28,120
It can't be like doing something else,
taking calls for work, nothing like that.

1260
01:02:28,360 --> 01:02:31,480
Just mommy, daughter, daughter,
dad, so on and so forth.

1261
01:02:31,659 --> 01:02:36,300
Why that's important because we need to
reconnect that passion of family again.

1262
01:02:36,740 --> 01:02:39,170
And that is so often lost
because we're so busy.

1263
01:02:39,170 --> 01:02:42,220
We're online, we're doing things,
we're making things happen.

1264
01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:45,550
And the last thing I want
you guys to do is self care.

1265
01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:48,580
I want you to spend 30 minutes every week.

1266
01:02:49,140 --> 01:02:49,620
Yes.

1267
01:02:49,710 --> 01:02:52,950
Every week I pick Sunday
just to to reflect.

1268
01:02:53,010 --> 01:02:54,930
It's time for you to be with yourself.

1269
01:02:55,050 --> 01:02:56,790
Teens, you can start to do this.

1270
01:02:56,850 --> 01:02:58,860
Journal, parents, you can do this.

1271
01:02:58,860 --> 01:02:59,640
Get a journal.

1272
01:02:59,700 --> 01:03:01,020
What was the wins this week?

1273
01:03:01,050 --> 01:03:03,540
What were some of the challenges,
and what would you like to

1274
01:03:03,540 --> 01:03:04,950
change in the coming week?

1275
01:03:04,980 --> 01:03:08,100
If you do this consistently, you're
gonna see your growth, you're

1276
01:03:08,105 --> 01:03:11,190
gonna see your connection, and most
importantly, you're gonna see your

1277
01:03:11,190 --> 01:03:13,860
family elevate their connection together.

1278
01:03:15,670 --> 01:03:16,000
Awesome.

1279
01:03:17,140 --> 01:03:18,570
What is next for Ross slaughter?

1280
01:03:18,610 --> 01:03:19,740
Any big projects coming up?

1281
01:03:20,550 --> 01:03:20,950
Yeah.

1282
01:03:20,950 --> 01:03:21,490
Oh, wow.

1283
01:03:21,490 --> 01:03:24,720
I mean, I am, like I said, I'm a red
for those who are going to follow

1284
01:03:24,720 --> 01:03:25,950
and learn about the color code.

1285
01:03:26,519 --> 01:03:29,470
I've always got a goal
and something right now.

1286
01:03:29,470 --> 01:03:33,930
I'm excited that on Saturday when this
comes out, but this will be April 6 on

1287
01:03:33,930 --> 01:03:36,890
Saturday, I'll be riding 100 miles for Ms.

1288
01:03:37,680 --> 01:03:41,300
So I'm getting on a bike and for
eight hours I'll be pedaling away.

1289
01:03:41,480 --> 01:03:44,670
But right before after that, I'm
looking for my next big race.

1290
01:03:45,035 --> 01:03:48,695
And it's something that I want to do
for teen boys who don't have a father.

1291
01:03:48,915 --> 01:03:50,585
So I'm putting something together.

1292
01:03:50,805 --> 01:03:53,614
And I might reach out to you and
get some information and some,

1293
01:03:53,614 --> 01:03:55,235
uh, some assistance as well.

1294
01:03:57,145 --> 01:03:57,785
100 miles.

1295
01:03:57,805 --> 01:03:57,995
Wow.

1296
01:03:59,905 --> 01:04:01,984
My legs are hurting just
thinking about that.

1297
01:04:03,170 --> 01:04:05,370
Where is the best place for
people to connect with you?

1298
01:04:06,070 --> 01:04:08,660
I'd say the best place would
be anywhere on social media,

1299
01:04:08,660 --> 01:04:10,370
Instagram at Rahz Slaughter.

1300
01:04:10,430 --> 01:04:14,750
That's R A H Z S L A G H T E R.

1301
01:04:14,939 --> 01:04:17,719
Or you can find me at
the unstoppable teenager.

1302
01:04:18,050 --> 01:04:18,420
com.

1303
01:04:19,579 --> 01:04:23,780
You guys will have, of course, all his
information, all the links down below.

1304
01:04:23,780 --> 01:04:25,680
I want to make sure you
can connect with Rahz.

1305
01:04:25,700 --> 01:04:30,680
And if this is something, if,
if Rahz can help you and your

1306
01:04:30,690 --> 01:04:32,960
family grow, uh, in this.

1307
01:04:33,310 --> 01:04:35,930
Tumortual is a time that people
are very uncomfortable with.

1308
01:04:36,460 --> 01:04:40,330
I really don't, I don't know, understand
what big deal about raising teenagers is,

1309
01:04:40,330 --> 01:04:42,569
but like, I hear everybody panic about it.

1310
01:04:42,750 --> 01:04:44,060
It always makes me laugh.

1311
01:04:45,569 --> 01:04:48,480
People, I, I I've heard it
since my kids were born.

1312
01:04:48,489 --> 01:04:49,800
I was like, just wait
until they're teenagers.

1313
01:04:49,810 --> 01:04:51,139
I was like, do you understand?

1314
01:04:51,139 --> 01:04:52,710
I worked with teenagers for 20 years.

1315
01:04:52,710 --> 01:04:54,080
They're some of my favorite people.

1316
01:04:55,660 --> 01:04:57,870
Teenagers I can at least communicate with.

1317
01:04:58,250 --> 01:04:58,850
Absolutely.

1318
01:04:59,590 --> 01:05:02,600
Uh, when they were little,
like babies drove me insane.

1319
01:05:02,690 --> 01:05:03,040
Cause it's like.

1320
01:05:04,595 --> 01:05:05,885
I fed you, you're clean.

1321
01:05:05,885 --> 01:05:06,775
I don't understand.

1322
01:05:06,845 --> 01:05:09,225
I'm holding you and you're upset.

1323
01:05:09,265 --> 01:05:11,235
You can't tell me why it was as a dad.

1324
01:05:11,235 --> 01:05:11,945
It was so frustrating.

1325
01:05:11,985 --> 01:05:12,465
Teenagers.

1326
01:05:12,465 --> 01:05:13,575
Like I love my 12 year old.

1327
01:05:14,675 --> 01:05:17,795
I love both my kids, but they're at that
age where they're starting to be able

1328
01:05:17,795 --> 01:05:21,005
to communicate what they're thinking and
what's going on and what's bothering them.

1329
01:05:21,064 --> 01:05:25,605
Abby and I were walking this morning
and, and she's like, my heels hurting.

1330
01:05:25,605 --> 01:05:27,465
It's like, did you lace your shoes up?

1331
01:05:27,465 --> 01:05:27,865
Right.

1332
01:05:27,865 --> 01:05:29,955
I mean, we can have this
conversation, right.

1333
01:05:29,965 --> 01:05:30,915
To fix the problem.

1334
01:05:31,695 --> 01:05:33,204
And I'm all about fixing problems.

1335
01:05:33,214 --> 01:05:38,830
So for me, that's a, Point now, and I
know everybody on was totally worried

1336
01:05:38,830 --> 01:05:41,660
about when the Cuban missile crisis
was because none of you paid attention

1337
01:05:41,660 --> 01:05:45,189
to history class and you guessed 1982.

1338
01:05:45,240 --> 01:05:46,860
The answer was 1962.

1339
01:05:46,860 --> 01:05:49,120
A little before us.

1340
01:05:49,570 --> 01:05:50,020
Yes.

1341
01:05:51,660 --> 01:05:54,629
Um, I know all of you were
just starved for that.

1342
01:05:54,639 --> 01:05:56,089
Out of all this, that, that was him.

1343
01:05:56,119 --> 01:05:56,900
No, it wasn't.

1344
01:05:56,900 --> 01:05:58,510
It was not the important takeaway.

1345
01:05:58,970 --> 01:06:01,320
The important takeaway was none of
us paid attention in history class.

1346
01:06:01,350 --> 01:06:01,370
Yeah.

1347
01:06:01,640 --> 01:06:06,770
Rahz, wrap us out.

1348
01:06:06,869 --> 01:06:07,029
If.

1349
01:06:08,455 --> 01:06:09,495
Teens and adults.

1350
01:06:09,505 --> 01:06:11,315
Cause I don't always get a
lot of teenagers on here.

1351
01:06:11,315 --> 01:06:15,695
I'm hoping that my main listenership will
bring their teens into this with them.

1352
01:06:16,735 --> 01:06:18,775
But we got teens and adults right now.

1353
01:06:18,824 --> 01:06:21,754
If they heard nothing else, we
said today, what do you want

1354
01:06:21,754 --> 01:06:22,505
them to hear before we go?

1355
01:06:24,114 --> 01:06:28,174
If you just listen to this part of the
segment of the podcast, what I want

1356
01:06:28,174 --> 01:06:32,145
you to believe is that anything that
you truly want to achieve in your life.

1357
01:06:33,635 --> 01:06:37,705
But here's what I don't want you to do not
buy anyone's limiting beliefs about what

1358
01:06:37,705 --> 01:06:42,185
you can have what you can do where you Can
become because they're limiting beliefs

1359
01:06:42,185 --> 01:06:45,915
don't have to become your story You can
be the author of your story and it starts

1360
01:06:45,915 --> 01:06:52,315
today and believing in yourself guys with
that That's nothing I can add to that.

1361
01:06:52,974 --> 01:06:54,255
Thanks for hanging out with us today.

1362
01:06:54,255 --> 01:06:57,725
Thanks for joining us on the conversation
Be better tomorrow because what you do

1363
01:06:57,725 --> 01:06:59,220
today We'll see you in the next one.

1364
01:07:00,590 --> 01:07:03,080
This has been the Fallible Man podcast.

1365
01:07:03,630 --> 01:07:07,040
Your home for everything
man, husband, and father.

1366
01:07:07,800 --> 01:07:10,210
Be sure to subscribe so
you don't miss a show.

1367
01:07:10,950 --> 01:07:11,650
Head over to www.

1368
01:07:14,439 --> 01:07:14,659
thefallibleman.

1369
01:07:14,660 --> 01:07:18,650
com for more content and get
your own Fallible Man gear.

1370
01:07:18,650 --> 01:07:20,056
We'll see you in the next one.

1371
01:07:20,056 --> 01:07:20,300
Bye.