Lead & Parent From the Heart: Build Lasting Family Connections

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Man, be intentional.

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Be intentional, and I would
say, be intentional with love.

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Not only love your spouse and love
all your children, but love yourself.

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I told somebody the other day, as
men, there's times where we can

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be, we can have an ego at times.

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We see somebody, a dude across the
room, and this guy's looking at me,

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kind of give him the what's up, like,
what the hell are you looking at?

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And it's like, alright, bro, bro,
what the hell are you looking at?

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Like, this guy's got a problem.

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Like, if you can address a stranger
for something that you have no idea why

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he might be looking at you, whatever,
you just kind of have attitude.

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Why are we not looking at
ourselves in the mirror and saying,

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bro, what are you looking at?

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Like, what, what can I do different?

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Like love on yourself, be man enough
to love on yourself, love your spouse.

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And if you have kids,
love on your children.

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Yeah.

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So be, take time to be intentional.

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Here's the million dollar question.

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How do men like us reach our full
potential, growing to the men we

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dream of being, while taking care
of our responsibilities, working,

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being good husbands, fathers,
and still take care of ourselves?

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Well, that's the big
question in this podcast.

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We'll help you answer
those questions and more.

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My name is Brent and welcome
to the Fallible Man Podcast.

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The Fallible Man Podcast, your home for
all things, man, husband, and father.

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Big shout out to Fallible Nation.

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A warm welcome to our
first time listeners.

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My name is Brent and I want to read you a
quote before we introduce our guest today.

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Goes, I don't sugarcoat things.

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My job isn't to make you happy.

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My job is to make you better.

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Your happiness will be a
result of becoming better.

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Gentlemen.

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Today, my guest speaker is keynote
speaker, leadership trainer,

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podcast host, Juan Alvarado.

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Juan, welcome to the fallible man podcast.

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Thank you so much for having
me in the honors mind.

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Well, and I read that quote in
your, in your bio introduction page.

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And I was like, Okay.

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Yeah.

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We, we got to sync up.

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Yeah.

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You and I are going to
get along just fine.

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You're on the right place for that.

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Now, one, we like to start
things a little light.

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So how's your trivia?

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Oof.

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Mediocre at best.

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Fair enough.

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Fair enough.

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Here we go.

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Trivia question of the show.

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What country ranks first in
cereal consumption per capita?

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Is it the USA?

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Italy, Ireland, or the Philippines?

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I would think it'd be the USA.

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Okay.

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Now guys, you know, the story don't cheat.

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Don't go ahead to the end, make
your guess, write it down, whatever.

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Remember, don't write it down.

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If you're driving, just
remember what your guess is.

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We'll come back to that later.

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One, the first question I
always ask my guests, because

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I don't read accolades, right?

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That just doesn't tell people who you are.

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So today, right now, in your
own words, who is Juan Alvarado?

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Oh, man.

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I am a person who strives to become
better, not just for myself, but

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for my, my boys and my wife, someone
that will execute, but never settle.

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Buddy who is, has the heart of a lion,
but also has the heart of a loving father.

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And You're right.

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Yeah, yeah, I can keep on going with,
you know, I want to essentially go

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through the Accolades of like army
war veteran and ex police officer and

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you know teacher trainer and all kinds
of other stuff But when it comes down

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I strive to be my best For my family
not to my family before my family now

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Well, I'm sorry, you guys, if I, you
heard me throw him off a little bit.

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I'm playing with a new platform.

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So that's my fault.

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I'm making this overly complicated.

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Cause I don't have Sarah, I'm
telling you how to do it right.

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This is what happens when
my wife is not with me.

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Usually Sarah engineers in the
background and pushes buttons.

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I don't think about it.

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When I get to play with
it, I screw things up.

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Well, what's a funny story your family
tells about you that you'd like to share?

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Oh man, a funny story.

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Shoot.

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There's probably a whole bunch.

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If my sisters were here, they
would, they would probably, um,

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laugh at and be able to say.

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Um, I'll say this.

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My parents went out.

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My parents hardly went out for for
dates and there was a night that they

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went out on a date and I was with
my dad watching my dad get ready.

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I was probably four or five years old
and I was watching him get ready and

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shave and put on a tie and like they
would just, you know, get dressed

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to the nines and so like got ready.

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They left.

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We're watching TV, me and my sisters
and then I decide to go use the restroom

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where my dad was at and I When I
used the restroom, I washed my hands

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and on the sink was this shiny thing
that I saw him use to shave his face.

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So I decide I'm gonna go shave my
face and come back thinking I was

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a new man and my sister looks at
me with these big old huge eyes.

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It was like, what did you do?

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And I'm like, what?

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And she's like, did you see your face?

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And I had a beard of blood on my face
and I'm like not even freaking out.

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Like, what are you talking about?

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And she gets me and I'm not old enough
to or tall enough to see the mirror over

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the sink and so she lifts me up and I see
my Face and immediately see the blood and

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start to cry and bawl my eyes out and my
sister I just remember her pacing back

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and forth like what the heck are we gonna
tell mom and dad what are we gonna tell

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mom And dad and yeah Swore to myself that
I would never shave again and then lo and

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behold end up joining the military where I
had to shave my Face every single day, but

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that's the best thing I can come up with
from the from my memory right now Right.

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They're never around, right.

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To tell that story when you want them to.

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Yeah.

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What's one just absurdly
weird fact about you?

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Oh man, I don't know necessarily
if it would be weird, but

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I've met four US presidents.

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Okay.

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That's very cool.

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Not many people can say that.

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Yeah.

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What purchase of 100 or less have
you made in the last year that's

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had the biggest impact on your life?

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Yo, uh, let's see.

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Geez, man, I don't know.

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Biggest impact on my life?

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I got something.

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So my boys are in football,
basketball, and track.

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And we bought like exercise
rubber bands and stuff.

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And there's times where I'll come
home, and my boys, there's times where

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they're totally focused, and then
there's times where they're totally

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lazy, like they're teenagers, right?

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But it's cool because, um, there's
times where my boys will get the,

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the bag of rubber bands, and they're
like, they'll throw them at me, and

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they're like, let's go work out.

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Who are you?

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What got into you?

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Like, what the heck?

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And so, and there's times where I've
come home, and they're fully on working

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out, which is cool because, it's
kind of let me know that I'm doing a

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pretty good job, where they're working
out because they want to get better.

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I like it.

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I like it.

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I'm, I'm big into working out, so.

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It's always good to see your
kids want to move along with

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that and follow the example.

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For sure.

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How old are your boys?

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15, 14, and 11.

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Okay, so you have your
hands full right now.

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Yeah, for sure do.

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Okay.

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What is an insult or something,
somebody insulted you that you

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received that you're actually proud of?

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I had somebody say, man, I can't remember
how they said it, but I'm a, I'm a, A

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war veteran and somebody called me, um,
well one a liar wasn't like proud of

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that because I'm, I'm not, but basically
said that I love my country too much.

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And I was like, I don't know how, I
mean, I wanted to survive and I wanted to

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come back if that's what you, if that's
what you mean by loving your country.

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I had a, I had a, it's a United States
flag on the front and on the back.

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It basically says when you disrespect
the flag, you disrespect the people

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who fought for, for our country.

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I can hear them talking in the
background and I'm pretty proud of

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doing what I did overseas that did have
some issues in, in stuff in the long

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run, like PTSD and stuff like that.

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Absolutely.

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But I don't know that I
would take anything back.

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What branch were you in?

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Army.

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Army.

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Of course, then there's the ever loving
inner branch teasing that goes on, right?

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Yo, for sure.

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For sure.

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Yes.

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What, what would be, what would
be military guys and, and, and

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women getting together without
a little bit of a trash talk?

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I've got a cousin that was a Marine,
a brother who was in the Navy

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and two brothers who were in the
Army and I was in the Air Force.

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So it gets really fun.

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Oh, Oh, I bet.

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I bet.

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There's a lot of trash talking.

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For sure.

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I would love to be a fly on the
wall during those conversations.

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What is your biggest failure and what
did you learn from that experience?

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Oh man, I would say one of my
biggest failures getting serious

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a little bit was not going to get
help through the VA fast enough.

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I always thought that nothing
was the matter, right?

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And not wanting to kind of speak
into existence that I had PTSD and

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depression and stuff like that.

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And like, no, I can, I can do this alone.

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And, which was funny because then you end
up finding out and, and reminiscing of,

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you've never done anything by yourself.

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You might have thought that you
could do it by yourself, but you

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were in the military, you had battle
buddies, and you went and you had

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a group of men that you were with.

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You never went out alone.

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You always, like, you've always
done stuff with other people.

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What makes you think that
you can do this by yourself?

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And I think that was a big, big mistake.

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And my wife and I, I tell
people, I can count on one hand.

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And still have fingers left over
how many times my wife and I have

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argued, like really bad arguments
and this time was one of them and I

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remember her yelling at me and saying,
I just want you to go get help.

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If you can fight for everybody
else and you can fight for us.

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And that was like the huge, like,
swallow a pill sideways, slowly down

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your throat kind of, kind of feeling.

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And I'm glad that those incidents
have happened because then it pushed

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me to kind of where I am today.

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Oh man, like, I, I can feel
the swallow on that one.

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Oh wow, that's One of the most profound
things a wife could throw at you.

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That's, oh, for sure.

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It sounds like you did very
well in that department.

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She's an amazing woman, obviously.

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She can, she can push back
when she needs to push back.

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That's, that's a very valuable trait.

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And she doesn't very often.

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And during one of those times I
told her like, I'm glad that you

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said as much as I told you to
drop, drop it, drop it, drop it.

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Like you pushed, you pushed, you pushed.

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And at that time I didn't want
it, but I know that I needed it.

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Amazing how the right partner makes
a huge, huge difference in life.

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Isn't it?

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Yep.

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Yeah, for sure.

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What's something everyone should
know about you before we dig into

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the day show that I'm not perfect.

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However, I would say
that I don't know a lot.

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Um, but I know a lot about a little,
like, I don't know everything, but

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I know a lot about a little, when
it comes to, you know, my parenting

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and my marriage and my, my personal
and professional development, like.

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I've in a good way sold out in a sense of
like, I want to be the best that I can be.

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So let me get the right people around
me, read the right books, go to the

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00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:54,890
seminars, do everything that I can
because I don't know everything.

240
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:56,589
I do know a lot about a little.

241
00:11:56,639 --> 00:11:57,390
A lot about a little?

242
00:11:58,069 --> 00:11:58,949
That's a good place to start.

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00:12:00,030 --> 00:12:03,309
Guys, we've been getting to know
Juan just a little bit and finding

244
00:12:03,309 --> 00:12:05,030
out who he is and what he's about.

245
00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:08,170
In the next part of the show, we're going
to dive into Juan's story a little more.

246
00:12:08,474 --> 00:12:10,714
And explore the concept of
leading from your strengths.

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00:12:11,155 --> 00:12:12,574
We're going to go to
our sponsor right now.

248
00:12:12,574 --> 00:12:14,375
And we'll be right back with
more from one on a Brado.

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00:12:15,185 --> 00:12:17,885
Now, before we go any further,
I wanted to share with you guys.

250
00:12:18,185 --> 00:12:22,165
I don't always tell you how
much I love doing my podcast.

251
00:12:22,695 --> 00:12:25,475
Like I passionately love what I'm doing.

252
00:12:25,975 --> 00:12:29,815
And one of the things that makes my
life better as a podcaster is to work

253
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:34,175
with a company like grow your show,
grow your show is a one stop podcast.

254
00:12:34,184 --> 00:12:34,774
Do it all.

255
00:12:35,075 --> 00:12:38,215
Now I use grow your show for my
marketing, but grow your shows,

256
00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:39,455
literally a one stop shop.

257
00:12:39,474 --> 00:12:41,805
You can record your episode
and just drop it off with them.

258
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:42,715
And they take it from there.

259
00:12:42,775 --> 00:12:43,665
It's amazing.

260
00:12:44,359 --> 00:12:48,030
If you are interested in picking
up podcasting as a hobby, or maybe

261
00:12:48,030 --> 00:12:51,089
you're looking to expand your business
and use podcasting in that aspect.

262
00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:53,439
Talk to my friends over at Grow Your Show.

263
00:12:53,489 --> 00:12:54,519
Adam will take care of you.

264
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:55,430
I guarantee it.

265
00:12:55,819 --> 00:12:56,470
I trust him.

266
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:57,280
He's my friend.

267
00:12:57,330 --> 00:13:02,129
He's my business colleague, and I
wouldn't trust anybody else with my show.

268
00:13:02,609 --> 00:13:03,219
Guys, welcome back.

269
00:13:03,219 --> 00:13:05,200
In the first part of the show, we
spent some time just getting to

270
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,629
know who Juan is, what makes him
tick, what he's like a little bit.

271
00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:11,089
In this part of the show, we're
going to dive into Juan's story.

272
00:13:11,484 --> 00:13:15,214
And explore the concept of leading
from your spring strengths and

273
00:13:15,214 --> 00:13:16,625
talking about leading your family.

274
00:13:17,465 --> 00:13:21,744
Now, Juan, this is why I don't do one
of the other reasons I don't do big

275
00:13:21,744 --> 00:13:27,795
introductions because like that's a whole
separate thing than what got you here.

276
00:13:28,955 --> 00:13:34,615
So tell us the story behind Juan
Alvarado because you've served

277
00:13:34,615 --> 00:13:37,964
in the military, you're a family
man, you got a lot going on.

278
00:13:38,035 --> 00:13:39,265
How did we get here?

279
00:13:41,915 --> 00:13:42,255
Yeah.

280
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,495
So, so a couple different things.

281
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:48,374
So you talked specifically about,
you know, strengths and one of the

282
00:13:48,384 --> 00:13:52,334
things in my, in my bio or that I,
I don't think, I don't know if that

283
00:13:52,334 --> 00:13:55,974
I put it in, in this bio, but I'm
a Gallup certified strengths coach.

284
00:13:55,984 --> 00:13:59,714
Uh, Gallup has a, an assessment
called a Clifton strengths and it,

285
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:04,915
it brings out your, um, your natural
strengths in what makes you, you.

286
00:14:05,395 --> 00:14:10,145
And so at, in my nine to five, I worked
for a nonprofit with youth, which is just

287
00:14:10,145 --> 00:14:11,714
really passionate about, about youth.

288
00:14:12,235 --> 00:14:16,695
And their upbringing and I became
a director of, of programs for

289
00:14:16,695 --> 00:14:19,495
17 schools and 200 staff and
all kinds of different things.

290
00:14:19,495 --> 00:14:25,034
And I got a, uh, an evaluate, I get
evaluated by all 200 staff and, uh,

291
00:14:25,555 --> 00:14:29,165
I got 199 really good evaluations.

292
00:14:29,644 --> 00:14:32,765
I had one that was horrible and
it didn't sit right with me.

293
00:14:32,765 --> 00:14:35,835
I had my boss saying, and everyone else,
mentors and things like that saying.

294
00:14:36,905 --> 00:14:44,875
Bro, you have 199 above average, close
to all excellent evaluations, why

295
00:14:44,875 --> 00:14:47,284
are you getting bent over this one?

296
00:14:47,645 --> 00:14:52,694
And I'm like, because it's a relationship
thing, like I hire this person, I've

297
00:14:52,704 --> 00:14:57,704
been training this person, I've elevated
and, and, um, promoted this person.

298
00:14:58,084 --> 00:15:00,515
And now there's an issue and
I want to know why, like we

299
00:15:00,515 --> 00:15:01,635
were fine all the way through.

300
00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:02,814
Why, why now?

301
00:15:02,824 --> 00:15:04,635
What, what am I not doing?

302
00:15:05,194 --> 00:15:08,245
And so it was not so necessary.

303
00:15:08,245 --> 00:15:11,645
I can get better, but I
wanted to be able to help her.

304
00:15:12,204 --> 00:15:19,344
And so I went and took the assessment
and then I got like Totally engaged in

305
00:15:19,344 --> 00:15:22,415
it wanted to learn more and I found out
that you can be a trainer So I started

306
00:15:22,415 --> 00:15:26,614
to train in it and then I started to
train all of our staff and my CEO and

307
00:15:26,614 --> 00:15:31,875
things like that Well, then another
organization asked me to speak and do a

308
00:15:31,875 --> 00:15:35,785
training and then I started telling them
about strengths And then I started doing

309
00:15:35,785 --> 00:15:41,325
another thing Doing training and keynoting
and then I got paid for that and then

310
00:15:41,325 --> 00:15:45,075
all of a sudden I was like I can do this
I had somebody come up and tell me like

311
00:15:45,224 --> 00:15:48,940
you're a really good speaker and you can
training you motivated us I have a buddy

312
00:15:48,940 --> 00:15:50,600
who is looking for a keynote speaker.

313
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,900
Do you want to do the job?

314
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:53,130
He'll pay you like two grand.

315
00:15:53,130 --> 00:15:54,380
And I was like, sure.

316
00:15:55,420 --> 00:15:57,500
And then the door started to open up.

317
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:58,600
Can you train our staff?

318
00:15:58,610 --> 00:15:59,779
Can you talk at this place?

319
00:15:59,780 --> 00:16:00,869
Can you come to this conference?

320
00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:06,839
And so I started speaking when my income
started to surpass my nine to five, I

321
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:11,439
went to my boss and I was like, y'all
need to give me a raise or you need to

322
00:16:11,449 --> 00:16:14,760
like uncuff me a little bit more so I
can do more within the organization.

323
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,760
And, uh, they're like, if you need
to walk, then go ahead and walk.

324
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:19,629
And so I did.

325
00:16:19,629 --> 00:16:24,050
And so now I get to travel and teach
people in the leadership space,

326
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:29,490
leadership, teamwork, team cohesion,
how to be intentional leaders.

327
00:16:29,750 --> 00:16:33,030
And that's kind of branched out into,
you know, coaching some other people.

328
00:16:33,030 --> 00:16:34,420
And how do you be an intentional father?

329
00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:35,760
How do you be an intentional husband?

330
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:40,610
How do you work in your purpose, towards a
purpose, on purpose, uh, to become better?

331
00:16:40,610 --> 00:16:43,300
And I use strengths in that
as well, um, that's kind of

332
00:16:43,300 --> 00:16:45,110
like the advanced part of it.

333
00:16:45,690 --> 00:16:46,799
But yeah, this is where we are.

334
00:16:46,799 --> 00:16:50,399
It's, it's just a whole
bunch of intentionality.

335
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,719
If I'm not intentionally
getting better, then I might

336
00:16:54,719 --> 00:16:56,180
be accidentally getting worse.

337
00:16:57,559 --> 00:16:58,959
Did you ever get it resolved with her?

338
00:16:59,490 --> 00:17:00,700
Or her, him, or him?

339
00:17:01,060 --> 00:17:02,660
One good, good.

340
00:17:03,130 --> 00:17:03,480
Yeah.

341
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:04,010
Great.

342
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:04,530
Great.

343
00:17:04,530 --> 00:17:05,339
Follow up question.

344
00:17:05,349 --> 00:17:09,020
We'd worked it out and she
made the comment at one point.

345
00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:10,819
This might be my last year here.

346
00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:13,810
And so our CEO said, cool, we'll
walk you through the process.

347
00:17:14,210 --> 00:17:18,130
And so we walked her through the process
and we eventually let her, let her go.

348
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,890
We found, and I found, that just
because you're good at your job

349
00:17:22,950 --> 00:17:26,040
doesn't mean that you're gonna
be good in a leadership position.

350
00:17:26,050 --> 00:17:29,600
She was really good with, uh, but she
wasn't really good with adult staff.

351
00:17:30,129 --> 00:17:32,930
So she could pour into students,
she just couldn't pour into adults.

352
00:17:33,390 --> 00:17:35,580
And so we just had this, it was
just weird, we had like this

353
00:17:35,809 --> 00:17:39,950
rotation of staff coming in and
quitting or asking for a transfer.

354
00:17:39,950 --> 00:17:42,330
And then we kind of found out
that the issue was more the

355
00:17:42,330 --> 00:17:43,220
leadership, which was her.

356
00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:46,710
And so then I, I always ask
myself, if they're doing wrong,

357
00:17:46,719 --> 00:17:47,989
what am I, what am I doing?

358
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:52,800
That's always a question that I ask, like
even with my kids, when my kids, you know,

359
00:17:52,860 --> 00:17:58,359
talk back or have an issue at school or
whatever it is, I'm thinking, what did I

360
00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:01,190
do to make them think that that was okay?

361
00:18:01,630 --> 00:18:05,540
So I, as a leader, it's always that
hard pill to swallow, but how do, how

362
00:18:05,540 --> 00:18:10,160
can I take responsibility, even if I
have 1 percent in that situation, how

363
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,250
can I take 100 percent of that 1%?

364
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,010
And then how do I, how
do I get better in that?

365
00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:18,770
And so I took some blame in that
or responsibility, I should say.

366
00:18:19,350 --> 00:18:23,240
In, in that, but yeah, we ended
up letting her go in the long run.

367
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:27,890
Blame, blame and responsibility
are, there's that thin line and it's

368
00:18:27,890 --> 00:18:30,820
generally based on who's saying it, so.

369
00:18:31,730 --> 00:18:32,610
Right, right.

370
00:18:33,010 --> 00:18:35,750
If it's a critic of you, it's, it's blame.

371
00:18:35,750 --> 00:18:39,050
If it's a fan, it's, you're
taking responsibility, so.

372
00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:39,820
Right.

373
00:18:40,405 --> 00:18:42,285
That really careful, fine line.

374
00:18:42,774 --> 00:18:45,645
No, you're, you're also
a podcaster, right?

375
00:18:45,895 --> 00:18:49,905
So tell me about, is it the
relevant development podcast?

376
00:18:49,905 --> 00:18:50,834
Yeah.

377
00:18:51,014 --> 00:18:51,835
The relevant development.

378
00:18:52,235 --> 00:18:52,605
Yeah.

379
00:18:53,264 --> 00:18:53,534
Yeah.

380
00:18:53,865 --> 00:18:58,174
And it's funny because I went to, I
went to two seminars and I listened to

381
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:01,795
a couple of professional development
podcasts and professional development

382
00:19:01,855 --> 00:19:06,295
podcasts, and I remember saying like, I
spent 1200 bucks to go to this conference,

383
00:19:06,295 --> 00:19:08,965
or I spent 500 to go to this conference.

384
00:19:09,375 --> 00:19:13,535
Saved up, you know, this money to
go and like there was nothing there.

385
00:19:13,535 --> 00:19:19,325
Like it was all Fluff it was like
motivation like you can motivate

386
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:23,465
somebody to go lift 300 pounds, but
once I get to the gym, guess what?

387
00:19:23,485 --> 00:19:26,195
They actually have to
lift the weight, right?

388
00:19:26,514 --> 00:19:30,555
So and then I can't go and lift
a weight and then you gain the

389
00:19:30,555 --> 00:19:32,095
muscle and the fitness from it.

390
00:19:32,095 --> 00:19:33,175
Like that's just not how it works.

391
00:19:33,175 --> 00:19:34,565
And so I would just get upset.

392
00:19:34,595 --> 00:19:41,214
I was like, I just want the
development piece to be relevant to me.

393
00:19:41,225 --> 00:19:44,545
And then I was like, Hey, that rhymed.

394
00:19:44,695 --> 00:19:46,165
And I was like, cool.

395
00:19:47,084 --> 00:19:51,154
I want to be able to put on a
podcast that I would have wanted.

396
00:19:51,425 --> 00:19:54,605
And so the relevant
development podcast came in.

397
00:19:54,605 --> 00:19:57,304
It's like, I want you to be
able to go to a place where

398
00:19:57,304 --> 00:19:59,925
your development is relevant.

399
00:20:00,125 --> 00:20:03,204
And so, yeah, the podcast started
where we do everything personal

400
00:20:03,204 --> 00:20:04,184
and professional development.

401
00:20:04,184 --> 00:20:05,725
So there's times where I
talk to the leadership.

402
00:20:06,304 --> 00:20:08,274
Managers and directors and CEOs.

403
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:12,895
And then there's times where I have
an employee viewpoint and, you know,

404
00:20:12,904 --> 00:20:15,875
kind of try to light the fire under the
employee, try to light the fire underneath

405
00:20:15,884 --> 00:20:17,564
the, underneath the boss, if you will.

406
00:20:17,775 --> 00:20:20,864
And then there's times it's like
where I see them as one where it's

407
00:20:20,864 --> 00:20:22,434
like, okay, how do I work on myself?

408
00:20:23,045 --> 00:20:25,054
And so, yeah, I have some
special guests on Wednesdays.

409
00:20:25,065 --> 00:20:27,325
And then on Mondays we
do like a Monday mindset.

410
00:20:27,325 --> 00:20:29,305
How do I get ready for
Monday or for the week?

411
00:20:29,774 --> 00:20:31,794
So there's, uh, we try to
put out two episodes a week.

412
00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:33,385
How long you been doing it?

413
00:20:34,675 --> 00:20:40,475
More, more consistently this last
year, but off and on for two.

414
00:20:41,425 --> 00:20:45,965
So I think we're like 55 episodes
in, and I'm getting ready to end

415
00:20:45,965 --> 00:20:47,785
season two and start season three.

416
00:20:47,905 --> 00:20:51,064
But I already have season three and
half of season four already recorded.

417
00:20:51,585 --> 00:20:53,154
So we're good to go.

418
00:20:53,175 --> 00:20:54,935
Well, hey, I mean you hit the big hurdle.

419
00:20:54,964 --> 00:20:59,535
Once you get past ten episodes,
it's like I've heard, I've heard

420
00:20:59,535 --> 00:21:03,585
that that's the, that's the,
that's one pivot point for people.

421
00:21:03,955 --> 00:21:05,045
It's either you make it or you don't.

422
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:07,650
It's like anything, right?

423
00:21:07,650 --> 00:21:11,310
If you're not in it, you don't know
people who aren't in the podcasting

424
00:21:11,310 --> 00:21:13,290
space, like, Oh yeah, podcasting.

425
00:21:13,989 --> 00:21:14,179
Yeah.

426
00:21:14,179 --> 00:21:15,589
Most shows don't make about 10 episodes.

427
00:21:15,589 --> 00:21:20,209
So Hey, any show that makes it past
you're well on your way and 55 plus

428
00:21:20,249 --> 00:21:23,819
you get ready to start a new season
and great, but congratulations on that.

429
00:21:24,529 --> 00:21:24,749
Thank you.

430
00:21:24,770 --> 00:21:25,699
That's very cool.

431
00:21:26,659 --> 00:21:26,869
Now.

432
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,120
You talked a little bit about
leaning from your strengths.

433
00:21:30,150 --> 00:21:32,750
I didn't know Gallup did
anything other than a poll.

434
00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:37,400
I read the word Gallup, I was like,
wait, those are the people who

435
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,260
do like polls and stuff, right?

436
00:21:39,639 --> 00:21:39,959
Yep.

437
00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:43,550
So a lot of data, a lot of data,
a lot of, a lot of research

438
00:21:43,550 --> 00:21:45,080
behind those, those things.

439
00:21:45,869 --> 00:21:47,609
People call them character assessments.

440
00:21:47,650 --> 00:21:51,850
I don't, I don't feel that it's, it's
like, cause you have like the four

441
00:21:51,850 --> 00:21:55,229
love languages, and then you have
like, there's colors and numbers and

442
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:56,759
enneagrams and all this other stuff.

443
00:21:56,965 --> 00:21:59,545
Uh, and then you have the DISC
assessment, which is up there.

444
00:22:00,155 --> 00:22:02,345
Myers Briggs assessment, that's up there.

445
00:22:02,685 --> 00:22:08,315
But the CliftonStrengths assessment
to me is, I've done all of them.

446
00:22:08,755 --> 00:22:11,004
This is on just a whole different level.

447
00:22:11,305 --> 00:22:15,355
And now they have, they have, they
have it for students or for kids.

448
00:22:15,745 --> 00:22:19,604
Uh, I think it's like ages 10 to 15 or 16.

449
00:22:19,685 --> 00:22:23,305
And then they have one for students
that's higher, like high school age.

450
00:22:23,665 --> 00:22:27,514
Uh, they have the assessment for
adults, 18 and older, and then they

451
00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:30,945
just released strengths for leaders,
strengths for managers, and then

452
00:22:30,945 --> 00:22:32,705
strengths for those people in sales.

453
00:22:33,214 --> 00:22:33,434
Yeah.

454
00:22:33,434 --> 00:22:37,834
So it's, it's really cool to
help you not only in your like

455
00:22:37,834 --> 00:22:40,064
personal development, but in your
professional development as well.

456
00:22:40,334 --> 00:22:42,414
Are those like free on
their side or something?

457
00:22:43,385 --> 00:22:43,705
Yeah.

458
00:22:43,705 --> 00:22:44,645
I wish they were free.

459
00:22:44,645 --> 00:22:47,835
They, I think I want to say
the one for kids is like 9.

460
00:22:47,835 --> 00:22:47,949
99.

461
00:22:48,830 --> 00:22:50,050
The one for students I think is 19.

462
00:22:50,050 --> 00:22:50,990
99.

463
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,980
There's a top five, so you have your
top five strengths, I think that's 20.

464
00:22:54,980 --> 00:22:57,470
And then your full report,
which is 34 strengths.

465
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,239
That report I think is like
49, 50, something like that.

466
00:23:01,239 --> 00:23:04,270
I was curious, like wow,
you're dropping some big names

467
00:23:04,270 --> 00:23:05,359
instead of those assessments.

468
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:08,219
It's like, hey, I want a free
place to take some of those.

469
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:08,558
Yeah.

470
00:23:08,558 --> 00:23:10,251
I wish it was free.

471
00:23:10,251 --> 00:23:14,010
It's not a cheap assessment
to take and have reviewed.

472
00:23:14,010 --> 00:23:19,530
So that's, yeah, I had no idea they did
that, honestly, like it all, the only

473
00:23:19,780 --> 00:23:24,160
point of reference I've ever had on Gallup
was I knew they did different surveys,

474
00:23:24,179 --> 00:23:29,320
polls kind of things and you hear around
election times, but otherwise, you

475
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:33,010
know, I know from doing research enough
that they do polls on other things.

476
00:23:33,010 --> 00:23:34,100
So I was like, Oh, okay.

477
00:23:34,270 --> 00:23:34,550
Right.

478
00:23:34,570 --> 00:23:35,450
They do polls.

479
00:23:35,450 --> 00:23:35,760
Cool.

480
00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:37,399
I didn't know they did the assessments.

481
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,180
That's very cool.

482
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,360
So you learn something
new every day, right?

483
00:23:42,230 --> 00:23:42,480
Yeah.

484
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:47,350
So you spent, you got certified
in leading for your strengths.

485
00:23:49,850 --> 00:23:51,679
Explain the concept, right?

486
00:23:51,889 --> 00:23:56,200
Cause a lot of people
scratching their head right now.

487
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,060
I know I was like, okay,
what does that exactly mean?

488
00:23:59,070 --> 00:23:59,460
What does that mean?

489
00:23:59,850 --> 00:24:00,380
Yeah.

490
00:24:00,950 --> 00:24:01,329
Yeah.

491
00:24:01,329 --> 00:24:07,120
So, so Don Clifton was the
person trying to figure out why

492
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:08,790
successful people are successful.

493
00:24:09,380 --> 00:24:14,260
And he didn't want to do, cause
everybody was doing it from a like CEO,

494
00:24:14,290 --> 00:24:18,110
um, Forbes 100 type of like platform.

495
00:24:18,110 --> 00:24:19,580
How are those people successful?

496
00:24:19,940 --> 00:24:23,239
But his thought was, there's people
successful that do other things.

497
00:24:23,250 --> 00:24:26,469
There are successful teachers, there
are successful custodians, there

498
00:24:26,469 --> 00:24:28,660
are successful doctors and teachers.

499
00:24:28,660 --> 00:24:31,639
Like, how do we get all
these different professions?

500
00:24:31,639 --> 00:24:34,250
And so he went to and got and surveyed.

501
00:24:34,590 --> 00:24:39,060
All these different professions, all
these different classes, as far as like

502
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:43,690
low income, middle income, high income,
uh, from all different countries, all

503
00:24:43,699 --> 00:24:48,480
different age groups, males and females,
and then he said, Wow, everybody seems

504
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:55,870
to have these 34 different strengths,
but everybody uses a different top five.

505
00:24:56,300 --> 00:24:59,230
So everybody inside of us
have these 34 strengths.

506
00:24:59,989 --> 00:25:02,980
And they're, they're split
into four different domains.

507
00:25:02,989 --> 00:25:07,169
So executing strengths,
influencing strengths, relationship

508
00:25:07,179 --> 00:25:09,899
building strengths, and
strategic thinking strengths.

509
00:25:10,219 --> 00:25:15,100
And so all those 34 strengths are,
there's like, you know, 10 or 12 or

510
00:25:15,100 --> 00:25:17,469
whatever in, in each kind of domain.

511
00:25:18,459 --> 00:25:21,969
And, uh, they're very specific.

512
00:25:22,009 --> 00:25:25,650
So like my first one is strategic
thinking, and then I have responsibility,

513
00:25:25,770 --> 00:25:30,790
which is an executing theme, um, relator,
which is a relationship building theme.

514
00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:33,790
Then I have, um.

515
00:25:34,210 --> 00:25:39,210
Achiever and activator, which are
another one is an executing theme.

516
00:25:39,210 --> 00:25:40,930
And then the other one
is an influencing theme.

517
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:45,260
And so I understand how my mind
works like strategic thinking.

518
00:25:45,310 --> 00:25:51,169
I'm it's the best way to think of
strategic, um, as a strength is think

519
00:25:51,170 --> 00:25:53,829
of a Rolodex and some people were
like, what the hell is a Rolodex?

520
00:25:54,180 --> 00:25:59,915
But just think of like a Rolodex,
um, Avenues of approach, right?

521
00:25:59,925 --> 00:26:02,245
How, how, how do we get
from point A to point B?

522
00:26:03,025 --> 00:26:06,205
And then your thought process in
milliseconds says we can go this

523
00:26:06,205 --> 00:26:07,325
way, this way, this way, this way.

524
00:26:07,694 --> 00:26:09,415
We can leave at this time, this
time, this time, this time.

525
00:26:09,415 --> 00:26:09,605
Oh!

526
00:26:09,665 --> 00:26:12,344
I got the best, I got the best
route that we can take, right?

527
00:26:13,375 --> 00:26:15,355
We have practice,
basketball practice here.

528
00:26:15,355 --> 00:26:17,485
And then we have, you know,
football practice over here.

529
00:26:17,485 --> 00:26:19,165
And then we gotta go
grocery shop, shopping.

530
00:26:19,165 --> 00:26:22,055
And we gotta do this, this, and
this all by whatever, 5 o'clock.

531
00:26:22,815 --> 00:26:25,315
I already have where we're
going, what we're doing, in which

532
00:26:25,335 --> 00:26:26,955
order in a matter of seconds.

533
00:26:27,005 --> 00:26:28,855
Because I've strategically thought it.

534
00:26:29,395 --> 00:26:32,065
through when other people are
probably thinking, well, we could

535
00:26:32,065 --> 00:26:34,405
do this or we could do that.

536
00:26:34,405 --> 00:26:38,674
So now when the family needs something,
babe, we had 10 things to do.

537
00:26:38,675 --> 00:26:39,195
What do we do?

538
00:26:39,235 --> 00:26:41,105
So my wife knows that's not my strength.

539
00:26:41,115 --> 00:26:41,725
That's his strength.

540
00:26:41,745 --> 00:26:43,345
Let me get him to, to do it.

541
00:26:43,345 --> 00:26:46,135
And we find this even
in workplaces, right?

542
00:26:46,565 --> 00:26:49,315
So on our, you know, Christmas
party committee, they're like,

543
00:26:49,315 --> 00:26:50,585
we need a strategic thinker.

544
00:26:50,764 --> 00:26:53,165
We need somebody who has this strength.

545
00:26:53,455 --> 00:26:55,014
So they like, there's a
strength called the includer.

546
00:26:55,735 --> 00:26:56,525
These people always.

547
00:26:57,029 --> 00:27:00,259
Hence, includer includes
people that I don't think of.

548
00:27:00,299 --> 00:27:01,440
I don't have that strength.

549
00:27:01,449 --> 00:27:03,259
It's actually like 32.

550
00:27:03,290 --> 00:27:05,120
So all the way down,
like it's almost dormant.

551
00:27:05,899 --> 00:27:08,300
And there's times where people are like,
how come you didn't invite so and so?

552
00:27:08,300 --> 00:27:10,220
I'm like, didn't know
they needed to be here.

553
00:27:11,109 --> 00:27:12,080
It's not my strength.

554
00:27:12,090 --> 00:27:17,389
So how do I on a team involve the
people who should be there in this

555
00:27:17,399 --> 00:27:19,600
meeting based on their strengths?

556
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,220
And I think a big thing about it too, is
like people always telling like bosses

557
00:27:23,220 --> 00:27:24,599
or employees need to have empathy.

558
00:27:25,050 --> 00:27:26,419
Empathy is one of those strengths.

559
00:27:27,385 --> 00:27:28,585
And not everybody has empathy.

560
00:27:28,585 --> 00:27:32,405
So how am I going to ask somebody
to be empathetic if they don't

561
00:27:32,405 --> 00:27:33,985
have this strength in them?

562
00:27:34,305 --> 00:27:39,335
They have to be able to utilize one of
their top five strengths like empathy.

563
00:27:39,335 --> 00:27:40,254
But what do you do?

564
00:27:40,265 --> 00:27:42,745
You can't request something of somebody
who doesn't have that strength.

565
00:27:42,745 --> 00:27:46,495
And so it really gets interesting
to figure out how do I become

566
00:27:46,495 --> 00:27:51,125
this person that I'm not so other
people can feel whatever safe or

567
00:27:51,125 --> 00:27:52,614
heard or understood or whatever.

568
00:27:52,975 --> 00:27:56,505
But a big, a big thing that
Gallup did with strengths is.

569
00:27:56,909 --> 00:27:58,080
They did a poll, right?

570
00:27:58,090 --> 00:27:59,199
Because that's what they're known for.

571
00:27:59,460 --> 00:28:04,610
51 percent of people who leave the
workplace leave because of their manager.

572
00:28:06,510 --> 00:28:11,779
So that tells us that leadership aren't
doing their job in their position.

573
00:28:11,780 --> 00:28:15,420
So how do we build up our
leaders so that good staff stay?

574
00:28:16,069 --> 00:28:21,370
And so then, what I've done with strengths
is, how do my wife and I have a really

575
00:28:21,370 --> 00:28:22,860
good relationship knowing her strengths?

576
00:28:23,290 --> 00:28:24,670
My boys have taken this assessment.

577
00:28:24,679 --> 00:28:26,000
How do I understand my boys?

578
00:28:26,020 --> 00:28:28,860
For anybody who have three or more.

579
00:28:29,540 --> 00:28:33,720
Children, we all have heard, and you
probably know this, and I don't know what

580
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:37,980
lineup you are in your, in the midst of
your siblings, but there's this, what

581
00:28:37,980 --> 00:28:40,640
we call, middle child syndrome, right?

582
00:28:40,660 --> 00:28:43,989
Those are the people that we pray for
because they're weird and out there.

583
00:28:44,130 --> 00:28:44,820
I'm just kidding.

584
00:28:44,820 --> 00:28:49,090
So I, I just didn't, never knew how
to get in touch with my middle son.

585
00:28:49,804 --> 00:28:54,274
And after he took the strength assessment,
I'm like, this is why you do what you do.

586
00:28:54,685 --> 00:28:56,384
This is how I connect with you.

587
00:28:56,685 --> 00:29:00,184
And so it's really eye opening
to understand strengths, what

588
00:29:00,184 --> 00:29:00,915
everybody's strengths are.

589
00:29:00,915 --> 00:29:03,415
Because there's a reason why
we bump heads with each other.

590
00:29:03,924 --> 00:29:07,134
Because some things offend other
people and other things don't.

591
00:29:07,145 --> 00:29:09,305
Some people thrive in certain
things and other people don't.

592
00:29:09,875 --> 00:29:15,105
And so when you know like their
DNA in a sense of their character.

593
00:29:15,495 --> 00:29:19,035
Then you can speak their
language pretty much.

594
00:29:19,455 --> 00:29:20,115
Oh my goodness.

595
00:29:20,115 --> 00:29:21,665
You just opened a whole new Avenue for me.

596
00:29:21,665 --> 00:29:26,545
I, I actually like teach
relationship courses.

597
00:29:27,725 --> 00:29:31,634
So that's, that's one of the things
I focus on is I'm good at helping

598
00:29:31,634 --> 00:29:33,084
people connect with relationships.

599
00:29:33,935 --> 00:29:36,705
And so that's one of the things
I do in my coaching is help with

600
00:29:36,705 --> 00:29:39,875
relationship coaching for men,
how to establish really real.

601
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,490
Authentic connections with the
people in their lives, right?

602
00:29:45,630 --> 00:29:47,730
This is just a whole, a
whole different direction.

603
00:29:47,730 --> 00:29:48,900
I haven't even gone with it yet.

604
00:29:48,910 --> 00:29:49,990
It's like, Oh my goodness.

605
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:50,990
Now I got to go learn all that.

606
00:29:51,020 --> 00:29:55,000
Cause Yo, it's to me, it's,
it's worth it for sure.

607
00:29:55,020 --> 00:29:55,550
It's worth it.

608
00:29:55,550 --> 00:29:56,700
I can totally see the value.

609
00:29:56,700 --> 00:29:57,630
Just listening to you talk about it.

610
00:29:57,630 --> 00:29:58,630
It's like, Oh my goodness.

611
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,939
That's like, okay, that's
gotta be added now.

612
00:30:00,940 --> 00:30:02,429
I gotta, I gotta learn that stuff.

613
00:30:02,430 --> 00:30:03,629
For sure.

614
00:30:04,010 --> 00:30:05,000
Yeah, that's very cool.

615
00:30:05,309 --> 00:30:08,749
And you applied it to your family
as well as to the professional

616
00:30:08,750 --> 00:30:10,129
world, which is very cool.

617
00:30:10,859 --> 00:30:14,230
I always like, I hear people talk
about things and then I ask them about

618
00:30:14,230 --> 00:30:16,490
their family and they're like, yeah.

619
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:19,820
Okay.

620
00:30:22,180 --> 00:30:25,010
Well, and I think it goes hand in
hand, how, how do my, if I can't lead

621
00:30:25,010 --> 00:30:27,630
myself, then how am I leading my family?

622
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,230
And if I can't lead my family, then
how am I leading people at work?

623
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:34,759
Or how can you lead people at
work, but not your family and

624
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,090
not your, and not yourself.

625
00:30:36,250 --> 00:30:38,659
And so, yeah, you just
have to be honest, right?

626
00:30:38,659 --> 00:30:41,830
There's a saying that says, how can you
lead yourself if you're lying to yourself?

627
00:30:42,530 --> 00:30:45,450
Like you need to be truthful in,
Hey, I'm not really good at this.

628
00:30:45,470 --> 00:30:48,400
And this is something that I need
to maybe dig in a little bit deeper

629
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,760
to find out or how, how can I become
a little bit better than this?

630
00:30:51,435 --> 00:30:54,215
And actually, this segues perfectly
to where I want to go, because I want

631
00:30:54,215 --> 00:30:58,625
to start talking a little more about
family and that relationship in family.

632
00:30:59,595 --> 00:31:04,965
You make an interesting statement about
parenting, and leaders and parents usually

633
00:31:04,965 --> 00:31:09,864
are done from two different extremes,
but we stay away from that middle ground.

634
00:31:10,875 --> 00:31:12,599
Can you share that idea
with us a little bit?

635
00:31:13,910 --> 00:31:20,260
Yeah, so growing up in a Mexican
household, both my parents grew up,

636
00:31:20,290 --> 00:31:26,050
um, born and raised in Mexico, came to
California, migrated over here, picked

637
00:31:26,050 --> 00:31:31,270
fruit up and down California, Washington,
Oregon, um, and they had a tough life,

638
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,890
physically abused, verbally abused.

639
00:31:34,515 --> 00:31:37,455
You were working if you could walk
you could work is basically what it

640
00:31:37,495 --> 00:31:41,195
what it was and so I learned very
young Right, if you can reach the

641
00:31:41,195 --> 00:31:42,745
sink, you're washing your dish, right?

642
00:31:43,045 --> 00:31:46,285
If you can push a lot more you're mowing
the lawn So there I am, you know six

643
00:31:46,285 --> 00:31:51,194
seven years old Pulling weeds and washing
dishes and stuff and when you complained

644
00:31:51,195 --> 00:31:55,595
you got smacked like that's just how it
was So there's that extreme right and

645
00:31:55,595 --> 00:31:59,495
then you have the other side where you
see that kid at you know Walmart or Target

646
00:31:59,495 --> 00:32:05,865
throwing a fit Screaming bloody murder
because they want a candy or a gum or a

647
00:32:05,865 --> 00:32:08,495
toy and the parent is like, just take it.

648
00:32:09,805 --> 00:32:14,615
Or, hey Johnny, we don't do that right
now and this is not how we, and it's like.

649
00:32:15,350 --> 00:32:19,400
Sometimes you need discipline and
you, and I try to tell people that

650
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:21,250
you can still discipline through love.

651
00:32:21,700 --> 00:32:25,040
I never understood when my mom
used to say, uh, spanking you

652
00:32:25,050 --> 00:32:26,500
hurts me more than it hurts you.

653
00:32:27,450 --> 00:32:31,450
And I'm like, uh, did you feel
the wrath of the freaking belt

654
00:32:31,459 --> 00:32:32,789
you just put across my back?

655
00:32:32,789 --> 00:32:33,500
Like what the heck?

656
00:32:35,349 --> 00:32:39,310
I can admit that I spanked my
boys from a very short window of

657
00:32:39,330 --> 00:32:43,135
time where I realized, bro, if you
didn't like this, Then why are you

658
00:32:43,135 --> 00:32:45,845
doing this to your own kid, right?

659
00:32:46,215 --> 00:32:49,475
And it was like, you don't talk back,
and you don't do this, and, right?

660
00:32:49,475 --> 00:32:54,204
And so, there had to have been
a better way to go about it.

661
00:32:54,214 --> 00:32:59,275
And so, I immediately stopped
because I wanted to have a better

662
00:32:59,275 --> 00:33:01,625
relationship with my boys, right?

663
00:33:01,645 --> 00:33:07,555
And I knew that My relationship
with my mom wasn't great because of

664
00:33:07,555 --> 00:33:10,785
that piece, because of the verbal
piece, because of the physical piece.

665
00:33:10,785 --> 00:33:12,615
And so, and I love my mom.

666
00:33:12,695 --> 00:33:15,345
She lives right down the road
from me and I have her high school

667
00:33:15,345 --> 00:33:16,775
picture tattooed on my forearm.

668
00:33:17,194 --> 00:33:19,315
So it's not like we
have a bad relationship.

669
00:33:19,395 --> 00:33:21,234
Uh, she's one of the reasons
why I joined the military.

670
00:33:21,234 --> 00:33:21,865
I'll tell you that.

671
00:33:22,185 --> 00:33:23,125
I was like, I'm out of here.

672
00:33:23,125 --> 00:33:25,215
Peace out, sign it out of line 18.

673
00:33:25,235 --> 00:33:25,745
I'm gone.

674
00:33:27,185 --> 00:33:30,085
But when you boil it down, why
would I want my kids to leave me?

675
00:33:30,085 --> 00:33:33,425
Like we live in a society where
we've told people tell their

676
00:33:33,425 --> 00:33:35,885
kids, When you're 18, you're out.

677
00:33:36,395 --> 00:33:37,785
Why would we want to kick our kid?

678
00:33:37,805 --> 00:33:41,245
Like kids can't even barely tie
their shoes or feed themselves.

679
00:33:41,245 --> 00:33:42,775
And we're going to kick
our kids out at 18.

680
00:33:42,775 --> 00:33:48,895
If, and so I told my wife and she agrees,
like if my kid wants to stay with us past

681
00:33:48,975 --> 00:33:52,024
18 and they're not ready, that's okay.

682
00:33:52,065 --> 00:33:54,204
I get another year or two to.

683
00:33:54,565 --> 00:33:57,985
Instill in them how to become a
better man, how to, how to take care

684
00:33:57,985 --> 00:34:01,555
of themselves, how to take care of a
spouse, how to take care, like how to

685
00:34:01,565 --> 00:34:05,975
be better, but we all automatically
want to push our kids out at 18.

686
00:34:06,084 --> 00:34:07,115
I was a huge believer of that.

687
00:34:07,115 --> 00:34:09,844
And then I started to think of like,
maybe that's not the right thing.

688
00:34:09,844 --> 00:34:12,485
Like, why do we want to do that
as a society so they can learn?

689
00:34:12,995 --> 00:34:14,735
Well, who's best to teach them?

690
00:34:14,765 --> 00:34:17,695
Like, if your answer that other
people are going to teach them better

691
00:34:17,695 --> 00:34:20,325
than you, then maybe they should
be out of your house a lot quicker.

692
00:34:20,625 --> 00:34:23,195
Like the best, we should know
what's best for our Children.

693
00:34:23,465 --> 00:34:27,565
And if you're not the best leader
for your kids, then who is?

694
00:34:28,860 --> 00:34:32,660
And so, so there's these two extremes.

695
00:34:32,660 --> 00:34:35,060
I was like, why can't we do
something that's in the middle?

696
00:34:35,060 --> 00:34:37,610
And so yeah, do I raise
my voice at my boys?

697
00:34:37,650 --> 00:34:38,240
Absolutely.

698
00:34:38,240 --> 00:34:41,190
But when I raise my voice, I do it
with purpose and intentionality.

699
00:34:41,720 --> 00:34:44,690
My son just the other day was saying
like, God, what the heck, man?

700
00:34:44,690 --> 00:34:46,249
Like he was just totally ticked off.

701
00:34:46,249 --> 00:34:46,939
And I said, what's the matter?

702
00:34:46,940 --> 00:34:48,600
And he was like, Freaking basketball.

703
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:50,290
Like something just feels off.

704
00:34:50,340 --> 00:34:51,700
And so I said, yeah, let's
look at your numbers.

705
00:34:51,700 --> 00:34:53,040
He's only played four or five games.

706
00:34:53,090 --> 00:34:53,920
The season just started.

707
00:34:54,270 --> 00:34:55,160
He had eight games.

708
00:34:55,220 --> 00:34:59,870
He had eight points, four points,
two points, two points, one point.

709
00:35:00,660 --> 00:35:01,680
Those have been the games.

710
00:35:02,340 --> 00:35:03,850
He's like, why am I going down?

711
00:35:03,860 --> 00:35:05,770
And I said, what are you living for?

712
00:35:06,140 --> 00:35:07,430
And he's like, what do you mean?

713
00:35:07,460 --> 00:35:09,930
I said, did you have purpose today?

714
00:35:10,340 --> 00:35:12,480
Like you're playing basketball
just to play basketball.

715
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:16,299
Are you playing basketball to execute
on the things that you've just learned?

716
00:35:16,300 --> 00:35:19,980
And then I start to go, like, I asked
him about his day and he's like, I

717
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:21,310
kind of just let the day come to me.

718
00:35:21,310 --> 00:35:24,920
I'm like, so you're letting the day attack
you instead of you attacking your day.

719
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:26,860
And so we're doing this in
this motivational kind of talk.

720
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:28,060
And he knows me, right?

721
00:35:28,060 --> 00:35:28,570
I'm a speaker.

722
00:35:28,570 --> 00:35:29,420
Like, that's what I do.

723
00:35:29,570 --> 00:35:34,780
But I use things with
purpose and intentionality.

724
00:35:34,829 --> 00:35:36,190
When people say, go to your room.

725
00:35:36,595 --> 00:35:36,935
Right?

726
00:35:37,565 --> 00:35:39,145
Kids arguing or whatever.

727
00:35:39,145 --> 00:35:39,475
You know what?

728
00:35:39,475 --> 00:35:40,035
Go to your room.

729
00:35:40,595 --> 00:35:44,645
I tell my kids go to your room, but I
do it with purpose and intentionality.

730
00:35:45,185 --> 00:35:48,635
If I tell my sons, go to your room,
and we established this ahead of time.

731
00:35:49,995 --> 00:35:52,825
We had this perfect talk
when they were going through

732
00:35:52,825 --> 00:35:54,215
adolescence, 11, 12 years old.

733
00:35:54,215 --> 00:35:56,635
I said, listen, there's going to be
a point in the next couple of years.

734
00:35:57,240 --> 00:36:00,620
Where you are going to hate me and
they're like what like you're my hero

735
00:36:00,620 --> 00:36:04,200
and I'm like, yeah Wait till you get to
your teenage years You're gonna get to

736
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:08,930
a spot where you don't like me where I
don't know anything, you know, everything

737
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:10,590
You're gonna cuss at me in your head.

738
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:13,240
Don't let it come out of your mouth,
but you're gonna have these thoughts

739
00:36:13,755 --> 00:36:17,715
Of, dad's stupid, dad doesn't know what
he's talking about, you know, dad's

740
00:36:17,715 --> 00:36:20,735
this, dad's that, or mom or whatever.

741
00:36:21,745 --> 00:36:23,495
And I want to establish a foundation.

742
00:36:24,164 --> 00:36:27,115
If and when I ever tell you to
go to your room, what's good

743
00:36:27,115 --> 00:36:28,255
for you is also good for me.

744
00:36:28,655 --> 00:36:32,214
You go to your room and I, myself,
am going to go to my room too.

745
00:36:32,485 --> 00:36:36,965
And here's the reason why if we're in
the living room, the common area of

746
00:36:36,965 --> 00:36:43,615
most arguments, right, kitchen, living
room, dining area, that place should be

747
00:36:43,644 --> 00:36:46,245
should signify togetherness and family.

748
00:36:46,245 --> 00:36:51,335
We will not argue in a place that's
supposed to be a place where we break

749
00:36:51,344 --> 00:36:55,705
bread with each other, where we spend
time with each other and where we're

750
00:36:55,705 --> 00:36:57,565
supposed to have like family time.

751
00:36:58,140 --> 00:37:00,810
You go to your room and
I will go to my room.

752
00:37:00,810 --> 00:37:04,030
I'm not going to ask you to do something
that I'm not willing to do myself.

753
00:37:05,050 --> 00:37:07,279
So you go to your room, I
go to my room, and we chill.

754
00:37:07,310 --> 00:37:09,249
And we have that argument by ourselves.

755
00:37:09,250 --> 00:37:13,230
I'm sure we've all had an argument
with our spouse or a friend or someone.

756
00:37:13,230 --> 00:37:16,069
We're like, man, I should have said
this and I would have said this.

757
00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:18,989
And man, if we had this argument
again, I would have done this.

758
00:37:19,170 --> 00:37:22,400
You run through those things and you,
you start to ask yourself, what is the

759
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:23,720
message that I'm trying to get across?

760
00:37:25,910 --> 00:37:27,380
And you kind of wait it out.

761
00:37:28,100 --> 00:37:32,010
Things are never said correctly
in the spur of the moment.

762
00:37:32,750 --> 00:37:35,110
So, let that time go by.

763
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:35,979
We think it out.

764
00:37:35,980 --> 00:37:36,830
We talk it out.

765
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:38,860
I have to think, what's the
message that I want him to learn?

766
00:37:38,860 --> 00:37:40,549
I want him to understand.

767
00:37:40,820 --> 00:37:42,830
What's the lesson that he needs to learn?

768
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:46,359
Or that he wants to, he
wants to communicate?

769
00:37:47,030 --> 00:37:48,240
And then here's the next part.

770
00:37:48,290 --> 00:37:49,650
Is then I go to his room.

771
00:37:50,590 --> 00:37:53,810
Because His room is his
safety is his refuge.

772
00:37:53,900 --> 00:37:58,460
I'm sure when you want to go and
relax, you go on the couch or if you

773
00:37:58,460 --> 00:38:01,620
have a TV in your room or you have a
comfortable bed at the end of the day,

774
00:38:01,620 --> 00:38:03,979
you're like, I just, it's relaxing.

775
00:38:03,979 --> 00:38:05,899
Your room should be a place of rest.

776
00:38:06,350 --> 00:38:08,340
So that's why we go to
our respective rooms.

777
00:38:09,130 --> 00:38:13,530
But when I go to his room, that's
his safety place and I go into his

778
00:38:13,530 --> 00:38:15,190
territory where he feels comfortable.

779
00:38:15,500 --> 00:38:18,320
Because if I have this conversation
in the living room and there's still

780
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:22,000
a little bit of a grudge or an issue,
that's still the place of togetherness.

781
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,390
I don't want to taint
the area of togetherness.

782
00:38:25,790 --> 00:38:29,339
Because once I ever leave his room,
he's still going to be like, cool,

783
00:38:29,340 --> 00:38:31,179
bye, like, let me just chill for a bit.

784
00:38:31,179 --> 00:38:34,059
But he's still going to feel safe
in his room because that's his.

785
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:36,299
He has a sense of ownership there.

786
00:38:36,299 --> 00:38:39,370
So when I go to his room, I
tell him, I'm going to go and

787
00:38:39,370 --> 00:38:40,590
I'm going to lead by example.

788
00:38:41,220 --> 00:38:42,620
Let me take responsibility for me.

789
00:38:44,515 --> 00:38:46,915
I shouldn't have raised my voice or I
should have said this or should have

790
00:38:46,915 --> 00:38:50,955
said this or whatever, but right now
this is what I want or whatever I kind

791
00:38:50,955 --> 00:38:54,675
of take responsibility first, but then
I'm like, I want to hear your side of

792
00:38:54,675 --> 00:38:59,895
things because as a kid, my mom or dad
tell me, no, I don't wanna hear it.

793
00:39:00,284 --> 00:39:00,814
Where were you?

794
00:39:01,015 --> 00:39:01,854
I was with Michael.

795
00:39:01,854 --> 00:39:02,755
No, no, I don't wanna hear it.

796
00:39:02,755 --> 00:39:05,125
It's like, You just said,
you just asked me a question.

797
00:39:05,125 --> 00:39:06,855
Now you're telling me that
you want me to shut up.

798
00:39:06,865 --> 00:39:08,905
Like, I hated being cut off.

799
00:39:09,205 --> 00:39:13,475
So if I wanted a voice, then I
need to give my kid their voice.

800
00:39:13,885 --> 00:39:17,205
And so, I like, pretend I get a
mic, I'm like, test 1 2, test 1 2.

801
00:39:17,255 --> 00:39:19,355
Here, I want to know your heart.

802
00:39:19,365 --> 00:39:22,085
I want to know what you're
feeling, and be forward.

803
00:39:22,715 --> 00:39:26,415
Like, be honest, and honor me.

804
00:39:26,995 --> 00:39:30,895
We can still honor one another,
but in honor comes honesty.

805
00:39:31,315 --> 00:39:32,885
So I want my son to be honest.

806
00:39:33,345 --> 00:39:35,035
I'm okay with you using some language.

807
00:39:35,035 --> 00:39:39,065
You're not going to cuss, but if
you say, Bro, dad, this sucks.

808
00:39:39,115 --> 00:39:39,525
Say it.

809
00:39:39,705 --> 00:39:41,435
If you say, dude, dad, you pissed me off.

810
00:39:41,545 --> 00:39:41,915
Say it.

811
00:39:41,944 --> 00:39:43,625
Like, I want to hear your heart.

812
00:39:43,835 --> 00:39:46,434
There's no need for cussing,
because that doesn't do anything.

813
00:39:46,444 --> 00:39:49,925
But, if you need a way to explain
yourself, and you're using like,

814
00:39:50,194 --> 00:39:52,164
this is crappy, or whatever.

815
00:39:52,214 --> 00:39:52,524
Cool.

816
00:39:52,554 --> 00:39:53,144
You can do that.

817
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,580
But I want to understand you and
there's times where he's like, I

818
00:39:56,590 --> 00:39:57,960
think the punishment is too severe.

819
00:39:58,150 --> 00:39:58,750
I think it's dumb.

820
00:39:59,190 --> 00:39:59,500
Okay.

821
00:39:59,500 --> 00:39:59,840
Why?

822
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,920
Because when Lincoln, his
brother got in trouble, he only

823
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:04,230
got this, but I'm getting this.

824
00:40:04,230 --> 00:40:05,129
And so we talk it out.

825
00:40:05,130 --> 00:40:07,180
And I'm like, there's times where
I'm like, Oh shoot, you're right.

826
00:40:07,730 --> 00:40:09,200
There's times where
your kids will be right.

827
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:10,339
And you will be wrong.

828
00:40:10,820 --> 00:40:13,090
And the biggest thing that we
can do as men or as parents

829
00:40:13,099 --> 00:40:13,850
is saying, that's my bad.

830
00:40:13,930 --> 00:40:14,410
I'm sorry.

831
00:40:14,410 --> 00:40:15,010
I apologize.

832
00:40:15,770 --> 00:40:19,260
And, but then we have the conversation,
but we, we also understand that

833
00:40:19,300 --> 00:40:22,060
when I parent, I'm parenting.

834
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,550
And the tool that's going
to be used is discipline.

835
00:40:26,420 --> 00:40:28,250
But where we're going is relationships.

836
00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:32,160
I never want my relationship to be
tainted with my wife or my kids.

837
00:40:32,750 --> 00:40:36,389
So, the discipline might be, Hey,
you're gonna pull weeds tomorrow,

838
00:40:36,420 --> 00:40:38,730
but you're doing it with me, and
we're gonna spend time together.

839
00:40:38,799 --> 00:40:39,099
Right?

840
00:40:39,259 --> 00:40:43,670
There's a discipline piece, but
it's headed towards relationships.

841
00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:44,739
We're spending time together.

842
00:40:45,780 --> 00:40:46,309
You know what?

843
00:40:46,569 --> 00:40:47,809
You didn't get a workout in today?

844
00:40:47,810 --> 00:40:48,280
We're running.

845
00:40:48,530 --> 00:40:49,320
But I'm running with you.

846
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,420
But there's gonna be times
where I'll go with you.

847
00:40:52,420 --> 00:40:53,030
I ain't gonna run.

848
00:40:53,060 --> 00:40:54,390
Like, this is your punishment, not mine.

849
00:40:55,025 --> 00:40:56,975
However, I'm going to spend time
with you and then we'll probably

850
00:40:56,975 --> 00:40:58,815
get a bite to eat or whatever.

851
00:40:58,975 --> 00:41:01,685
Go grab a smoothie or whatever
and then we're going to talk.

852
00:41:02,195 --> 00:41:03,395
But there still has to be discipline.

853
00:41:03,395 --> 00:41:04,865
You can still discipline through love.

854
00:41:05,685 --> 00:41:09,025
But do what you do with
intentionality and purpose.

855
00:41:11,044 --> 00:41:15,005
Guys, we've been discussing Juan's story
a little bit and exploring the concept

856
00:41:15,014 --> 00:41:17,685
of leading from your strengths and how
that applies and talking about your

857
00:41:17,685 --> 00:41:19,425
family and working with your family.

858
00:41:20,095 --> 00:41:21,755
More importantly, leading your family.

859
00:41:22,545 --> 00:41:24,235
In the next part of the
show, we're going to dive in.

860
00:41:25,575 --> 00:41:29,085
One's just going to start walking us
through how we can effectively lead

861
00:41:29,315 --> 00:41:31,325
our families from our strengths.

862
00:41:32,105 --> 00:41:34,865
And maybe we've learned a little
bit about how to identify those.

863
00:41:34,874 --> 00:41:36,135
We're going to go into
that a little bit more.

864
00:41:36,135 --> 00:41:36,994
We're going to roll to our sponsor.

865
00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:38,915
We'll be right back with
more from out on Alvarado.

866
00:41:39,355 --> 00:41:40,595
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869
00:41:46,475 --> 00:41:47,745
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870
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Now let's go on to the show.

883
00:42:20,425 --> 00:42:21,235
All right, guys, welcome back.

884
00:42:21,235 --> 00:42:23,545
And the last part of the show, we
were listening to a little bit of what

885
00:42:23,545 --> 00:42:25,494
Juan's story is and how he got here and.

886
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:28,730
Exploring this concept of leading
from your strengths and talking

887
00:42:28,730 --> 00:42:29,700
about leading your family.

888
00:42:30,100 --> 00:42:32,520
And this part of the show, we're
going to discuss how you can lead

889
00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:35,800
your family in a positive way
without the extremes necessarily.

890
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:42,649
One, why don't we start right
in here with how do you parent

891
00:42:42,650 --> 00:42:44,280
or lead in your marriage?

892
00:42:44,805 --> 00:42:48,425
So, more lead in your marriage than
parent, probably not the right word.

893
00:42:49,245 --> 00:42:53,035
That is different than what you saw
growing up and what you see a lot of now.

894
00:42:54,625 --> 00:42:58,165
Yeah, so, growing up, I think I
mentioned it earlier that I never

895
00:42:58,165 --> 00:42:59,845
really saw my parents go, go out.

896
00:42:59,845 --> 00:43:03,434
We went out, if we went out to eat,
it was for birthdays only, right?

897
00:43:03,435 --> 00:43:04,809
Because we didn't grow up
with a whole lot of money.

898
00:43:05,500 --> 00:43:08,730
So we would only go out to eat for
birthdays and then my parents for like

899
00:43:08,730 --> 00:43:12,440
their anniversary and every once in a
while They would go on a marriage retreat.

900
00:43:12,540 --> 00:43:13,820
I remember seeing that as a kid.

901
00:43:15,110 --> 00:43:17,540
We didn't see a whole lot of affection.

902
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:21,999
I mean Saw them kiss every once in
a while, but nothing too nothing

903
00:43:21,999 --> 00:43:28,655
too big And I know that my wife and
I have a really good relationship

904
00:43:28,855 --> 00:43:29,725
for a couple of different reasons.

905
00:43:29,725 --> 00:43:33,115
I made a promise to her that I would make
her smile and laugh every single day.

906
00:43:33,814 --> 00:43:37,195
And the reason why that
was, it was two reasons.

907
00:43:37,234 --> 00:43:40,854
One, she had shared with me that she saw
her parents go through a lot of crap.

908
00:43:41,654 --> 00:43:46,415
And her parents almost, you know,
leaving each other and things like that.

909
00:43:46,415 --> 00:43:50,715
And so she saw that and that hurt
her that the man that she looked

910
00:43:50,735 --> 00:43:54,704
up to broke his wife's heart.

911
00:43:54,754 --> 00:43:55,605
You know, her mom's heart.

912
00:43:55,685 --> 00:43:58,440
And so I don't want her to feel that way.

913
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:01,860
Let that, let that be
her parents relationship.

914
00:44:01,860 --> 00:44:03,250
And her parents are still married.

915
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:03,890
They're great.

916
00:44:03,900 --> 00:44:04,870
They're hilarious.

917
00:44:05,150 --> 00:44:07,720
But during that time
was detrimental to her.

918
00:44:08,340 --> 00:44:12,290
And so knowing that I never want
to be able to do that to her.

919
00:44:12,970 --> 00:44:17,500
The other part being is being deployed
is I saw a lot of crap and I realized

920
00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:20,580
that life is too precious and too short.

921
00:44:21,405 --> 00:44:26,575
To argue over some BS stuff or
to do anything negative, right?

922
00:44:26,575 --> 00:44:34,054
And so, I have learned that
women should submit or the wife

923
00:44:34,065 --> 00:44:35,345
should submit to the husband.

924
00:44:35,565 --> 00:44:39,605
However, the husband also needs to
submit and honor his wife as well.

925
00:44:40,225 --> 00:44:44,775
And so, when you look up the
word submit in biblical terms, it

926
00:44:44,775 --> 00:44:47,045
means to help or helper, right?

927
00:44:47,045 --> 00:44:49,935
So, how does my wife help me, right?

928
00:44:49,935 --> 00:44:52,465
So, don't get, people
don't, don't get sold on.

929
00:44:53,090 --> 00:44:56,430
The, the definition that you
think of the word submit, right?

930
00:44:56,430 --> 00:44:57,640
It's to, to help, right?

931
00:44:57,650 --> 00:44:58,110
It's a helper.

932
00:44:58,110 --> 00:45:01,240
So how does my wife help me to
be the best man that I can be?

933
00:45:01,730 --> 00:45:07,030
And, and I shouldn't say, and in return,
but also how do I help my wife become

934
00:45:07,030 --> 00:45:10,079
the best woman or the best wife and
the best mother that she could be?

935
00:45:10,550 --> 00:45:13,469
And, and some of that is happiness, right?

936
00:45:13,529 --> 00:45:18,830
How do I help my wife smile and
laugh and help, you know, help her.

937
00:45:18,830 --> 00:45:23,090
And so she's more of a coffee
drinker than I am, but I will make

938
00:45:23,100 --> 00:45:24,219
coffee for her in the morning.

939
00:45:24,750 --> 00:45:26,120
And I'll pour her a coffee.

940
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,120
She takes a, I think every
woman does this, like this

941
00:45:28,150 --> 00:45:29,820
big huge jug of like water.

942
00:45:30,190 --> 00:45:32,520
I don't know if you've ever seen
those like memes or like the videos

943
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:35,429
of like, when women get into the
car and it's like their bag and like

944
00:45:35,429 --> 00:45:36,649
all kinds of stuff into their car.

945
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:38,360
Uh, I help her to the car.

946
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,659
And because I work from home and do the
podcast and lead and do virtual stuff,

947
00:45:41,850 --> 00:45:45,410
um, she leaves for the day and I walk
her to her car, open up the garage door.

948
00:45:45,810 --> 00:45:49,800
I watch her back the car out and I, you
know, say I love you, blow her kisses.

949
00:45:49,810 --> 00:45:52,595
Sometimes where she's playing music
and the windows are down and I do a

950
00:45:52,595 --> 00:45:54,035
little shimmy, a little dance, right?

951
00:45:54,035 --> 00:45:57,335
While the garage door closes and I can
see her cracking up and flashing the

952
00:45:57,335 --> 00:45:59,615
headlights, you know, egging me on.

953
00:46:00,355 --> 00:46:01,515
And that's our dynamic.

954
00:46:01,735 --> 00:46:04,514
My job is to make her smile and laugh.

955
00:46:04,825 --> 00:46:07,584
To have her, so she could have a good day.

956
00:46:07,914 --> 00:46:11,554
She's an accountant for a school
district and so, if you've ever looked

957
00:46:11,555 --> 00:46:14,875
at spreadsheets and numbers, just looking
at a spreadsheet will stress you out.

958
00:46:15,325 --> 00:46:16,565
And she does that for a living.

959
00:46:16,885 --> 00:46:19,835
So, how do I put her in the best place?

960
00:46:20,455 --> 00:46:21,605
So she can perform better.

961
00:46:22,065 --> 00:46:24,875
And so I text, uh, things like that.

962
00:46:24,875 --> 00:46:28,974
I had a buddy one time and just,
and I, I was teaching him and I

963
00:46:28,975 --> 00:46:33,865
taught myself, he was doing, uh,
some things that he shouldn't be

964
00:46:33,865 --> 00:46:34,914
doing outside of his marriage.

965
00:46:35,455 --> 00:46:38,884
And he was like, I just want
to text this other girl.

966
00:46:38,884 --> 00:46:40,075
And I said, what would you text her?

967
00:46:40,580 --> 00:46:43,680
So open up a blank text and
text her all the things that

968
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:44,640
you would want to text her.

969
00:46:45,180 --> 00:46:50,570
And I said, instead of sending it
to person X, send it to your wife.

970
00:46:52,149 --> 00:46:53,149
And he's like, why?

971
00:46:53,149 --> 00:46:54,470
I'm like, why wouldn't you?

972
00:46:55,740 --> 00:47:00,190
Why wouldn't you want to tell your
wife all those desires and fantasies

973
00:47:00,209 --> 00:47:01,989
and love you stuff to your wife?

974
00:47:02,799 --> 00:47:08,390
And so I started to think, why
aren't you sending really cool,

975
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:10,100
sexy messages to your wife?

976
00:47:10,775 --> 00:47:13,025
Like just open it up and just do it.

977
00:47:13,025 --> 00:47:14,965
So then I started to text
my wife little by little.

978
00:47:14,965 --> 00:47:19,235
And it's like, it is, I mean, if,
if I can get serious, I mean, we're,

979
00:47:19,465 --> 00:47:21,304
this is not a rated G podcast, right?

980
00:47:22,715 --> 00:47:25,625
But it, but it's like
foreplay can happen all day.

981
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:31,250
Like, tell her how sexy she is, tell her
how beautiful she is, tell her I can't

982
00:47:31,250 --> 00:47:35,589
wait till you come home, I'm making dinner
tonight, whatever it is, like, hey, do

983
00:47:35,590 --> 00:47:39,010
you, are you interested in a bath, running
water for a bath, when you get home?

984
00:47:40,450 --> 00:47:41,940
Why, why not do that stuff?

985
00:47:41,950 --> 00:47:44,129
And I was like, oh man, like,
I give this dude advice and I'm

986
00:47:44,129 --> 00:47:45,649
really giving myself advice.

987
00:47:46,075 --> 00:47:48,345
Um, but it's just, again, it
goes back to intentionality.

988
00:47:48,355 --> 00:47:53,545
If I want my life, my wife to love, to
love me more or put me in a position

989
00:47:53,545 --> 00:47:58,265
of power more than I also need to
give her power as well, I need to

990
00:47:58,464 --> 00:48:02,574
fill her up so she can then return
and give me that, that power as well.

991
00:48:02,575 --> 00:48:02,895
Right.

992
00:48:03,214 --> 00:48:07,395
And so I try to be a good parent.

993
00:48:07,615 --> 00:48:09,945
I try to be a good partner.

994
00:48:10,340 --> 00:48:14,910
I try to have good physical performance,
like go to the gym and, and, and work

995
00:48:14,910 --> 00:48:17,870
out and then be a provider, right?

996
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:18,720
How do I make that money?

997
00:48:18,720 --> 00:48:21,910
And if I can do those four things,
she's going to start looking

998
00:48:21,910 --> 00:48:23,129
at me a little bit differently.

999
00:48:23,250 --> 00:48:23,670
Right?

1000
00:48:24,070 --> 00:48:27,939
And so she loves when I go pick up
my boys from school or take them to

1001
00:48:27,939 --> 00:48:30,980
practice or pick them up or whatever,
help them with their homework.

1002
00:48:30,980 --> 00:48:33,690
She looks over and I'm, and
I'm working with my boys.

1003
00:48:33,690 --> 00:48:39,020
Like when you can do those four
Ps, that is, that's huge, right?

1004
00:48:39,030 --> 00:48:39,830
For, for her.

1005
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:43,760
And then knowing her strengths,
and then knowing her love language,

1006
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:45,390
because I wanted to know that too.

1007
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:52,319
Again, but just being positive in the
right direction and being purposeful.

1008
00:48:52,629 --> 00:48:55,110
And then, having intentional time.

1009
00:48:55,210 --> 00:48:57,560
I hate scheduling things.

1010
00:48:57,589 --> 00:49:00,150
I mean, I love scheduling things,
but I hate to do it when it

1011
00:49:00,150 --> 00:49:01,279
comes to our relationships.

1012
00:49:01,279 --> 00:49:03,370
Like, I know people that are
like, Alright, we're having sex

1013
00:49:03,370 --> 00:49:05,910
on a Tuesday, and next Wednesday,
I'm like, how do you do that?

1014
00:49:05,910 --> 00:49:07,219
That's weird to me.

1015
00:49:07,530 --> 00:49:09,550
Let it happen naturally or whatever.

1016
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:13,220
So I'm not saying that if you want to
do that, you could, we don't do that.

1017
00:49:14,100 --> 00:49:16,900
However, we might plan,
Hey, what is next next?

1018
00:49:16,900 --> 00:49:18,939
When can I go take you
lunch on next Wednesday?

1019
00:49:18,940 --> 00:49:21,359
Can I go pick you up for lunch
at work on next Wednesday?

1020
00:49:22,190 --> 00:49:25,909
When's our date for,
for the, for the month?

1021
00:49:25,909 --> 00:49:28,864
Like you should be going
out on a date monthly.

1022
00:49:29,525 --> 00:49:34,655
A little weekend get getaway, even if it's
down the street for a hotel quarterly and

1023
00:49:34,665 --> 00:49:36,065
yearly, you should be going on a vacation.

1024
00:49:36,065 --> 00:49:40,084
I know that might be tough for people
financially, but then you purposely save

1025
00:49:40,095 --> 00:49:46,195
or purposely sell stuff down, downgrade
your, your, your, uh, closet, if you will.

1026
00:49:46,195 --> 00:49:51,115
And, and go through it and sell
stuff or whatever your, your marriage

1027
00:49:51,115 --> 00:49:53,495
should be your priority big time.

1028
00:49:54,335 --> 00:49:56,275
It took me a long time to
figure out, like my wife and

1029
00:49:56,275 --> 00:49:57,735
I've been married for 22 years.

1030
00:49:58,410 --> 00:50:03,630
And we didn't actually start going
out on dates after the kids were

1031
00:50:03,630 --> 00:50:05,250
born until probably a year ago.

1032
00:50:06,990 --> 00:50:10,270
And then it was like,
what have we been doing?

1033
00:50:11,340 --> 00:50:13,270
Why were we not doing this before?

1034
00:50:14,170 --> 00:50:14,740
Right.

1035
00:50:14,970 --> 00:50:16,449
And, and be, and be cool with it.

1036
00:50:16,450 --> 00:50:19,710
Like you, like I started thinking,
what, what did I do when we were dating?

1037
00:50:20,030 --> 00:50:22,420
The buying the flowers or writing
the notes, leaving it on the car.

1038
00:50:22,420 --> 00:50:24,980
There's times where I've gotten
slapped on the wrist for this one.

1039
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,800
I'll go and like write her a note and
put it, put it in the car, like on

1040
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:29,450
her steering wheel or on her window.

1041
00:50:29,450 --> 00:50:29,709
And she's like.

1042
00:50:30,485 --> 00:50:31,045
That was so sweet.

1043
00:50:31,045 --> 00:50:33,505
But you came all the way over here
and we, we could have had lunch or you

1044
00:50:33,505 --> 00:50:36,475
didn't stop by and say, hi, I'm like,
I thought I was doing a cool, like

1045
00:50:36,475 --> 00:50:39,735
romantic thing by putting, you know,
the notes on the dash or whatever.

1046
00:50:39,765 --> 00:50:42,594
But, but what did you do when
you guys were first dating?

1047
00:50:42,594 --> 00:50:43,785
Like do that stuff.

1048
00:50:44,340 --> 00:50:46,040
You know, it doesn't always
have to be a movie where

1049
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:47,400
there's no conversation, right?

1050
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:48,130
Go to a dinner.

1051
00:50:48,430 --> 00:50:51,660
If you live in the same town where
you first met, take, like, go there.

1052
00:50:51,690 --> 00:50:54,889
Like, it just, just be, be different.

1053
00:50:55,010 --> 00:50:58,040
Be spontaneous, but do
it with purpose, right?

1054
00:50:59,439 --> 00:51:02,880
People, it's one of the things as men
we struggle with is understanding women,

1055
00:51:02,910 --> 00:51:07,900
women are a, right, I, I always laugh
about the old example someone told me one

1056
00:51:07,900 --> 00:51:10,155
time, like, Women are like diesel engines.

1057
00:51:10,165 --> 00:51:14,595
They take a long, long time
to warm up in there, man.

1058
00:51:14,595 --> 00:51:19,865
There was like, that's what
I look at that example.

1059
00:51:19,865 --> 00:51:24,065
Now that worked for my generation, but
some of these younger generations, like.

1060
00:51:25,195 --> 00:51:26,085
Diesel what?

1061
00:51:27,775 --> 00:51:28,905
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

1062
00:51:29,655 --> 00:51:31,595
Unless you drive a You mean
electric, electric cars.

1063
00:51:31,875 --> 00:51:35,365
Yeah, unless you drive a big truck, not
many people are driving diesel anymore.

1064
00:51:36,475 --> 00:51:36,985
That's funny.

1065
00:51:37,025 --> 00:51:41,204
Now, you apply this to your business,
you apply this with your wife,

1066
00:51:41,215 --> 00:51:43,264
you apply this with your kids.

1067
00:51:44,495 --> 00:51:47,194
How do we as men start moving this right?

1068
00:51:47,254 --> 00:51:50,625
Not, not all the guys who are listening
are going to be able to go to Gallup.

1069
00:51:50,635 --> 00:51:52,745
You said it's like 20
bucks for the five strings.

1070
00:51:52,745 --> 00:51:53,915
So that's a good place to start.

1071
00:51:55,500 --> 00:52:00,660
But how can we start getting
ourselves into this direction?

1072
00:52:00,910 --> 00:52:01,280
Right?

1073
00:52:01,290 --> 00:52:03,820
Cause this, this sounds like
there's a lot of value to this.

1074
00:52:03,820 --> 00:52:07,370
I'm, I'm hearing this, like I said,
now I got to go do some research

1075
00:52:07,659 --> 00:52:10,960
because I think this would add a
lot to my relationship coaching.

1076
00:52:11,549 --> 00:52:12,220
Um, for sure.

1077
00:52:12,220 --> 00:52:17,980
How do I go and dig into this to
apply it to myself and to my family?

1078
00:52:18,980 --> 00:52:21,130
If you do the strengths, the
strengths piece and people need

1079
00:52:21,130 --> 00:52:22,240
help with that, they can reach out.

1080
00:52:22,855 --> 00:52:26,115
There's a lot of stuff that you can see
online, uh, videos and stuff like that,

1081
00:52:26,115 --> 00:52:27,815
where it talks about those, those strings.

1082
00:52:27,815 --> 00:52:33,894
But I think what I'd want to give your,
your listeners is how to apply or do

1083
00:52:33,894 --> 00:52:36,445
things in a, in a more simple manner.

1084
00:52:36,445 --> 00:52:37,615
Like, Hey, I don't have the money.

1085
00:52:37,615 --> 00:52:38,865
I don't want to, I don't
want to buy that stuff.

1086
00:52:38,865 --> 00:52:40,324
I don't believe in that
stuff, whatever it is.

1087
00:52:40,995 --> 00:52:43,615
How can you be more intentional
with your, with your family?

1088
00:52:43,615 --> 00:52:44,805
I'll tell you a really quick story.

1089
00:52:45,155 --> 00:52:48,975
And then how you can apply this
stuff as a director of program.

1090
00:52:49,165 --> 00:52:52,015
I, you know, I was, you know, managing
and directing and always telling

1091
00:52:52,015 --> 00:52:53,225
people what to do and blah, blah, blah.

1092
00:52:53,225 --> 00:52:53,514
And so.

1093
00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:56,990
I was going through a really low
point in my life during this time.

1094
00:52:57,020 --> 00:53:00,990
And I remember going home and going
to the garage and you open up the

1095
00:53:00,990 --> 00:53:01,970
garage, it's the laundry room.

1096
00:53:01,970 --> 00:53:04,050
And then from the laundry room, it goes
into the living room and everything else.

1097
00:53:04,820 --> 00:53:05,840
And I can hear my kids playing.

1098
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:07,190
They're probably four or five at the time.

1099
00:53:07,190 --> 00:53:09,100
And they're, they're
playing, you know, cars.

1100
00:53:09,100 --> 00:53:13,919
You can hear like little, you know, hot
wheels, cars crashing and stuff like that.

1101
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:17,590
And then I can hear my wife talking
to her mom over the phone, pots

1102
00:53:17,590 --> 00:53:19,119
and pans, clanking and stuff.

1103
00:53:19,119 --> 00:53:21,849
And, uh, you can hear, yes,
mom, I know, I know, I know.

1104
00:53:21,850 --> 00:53:22,940
Yes, I will do that.

1105
00:53:22,940 --> 00:53:24,080
And I'll call you and blah, blah, blah.

1106
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:27,230
And so I'm like, Ooh, do I really
want to walk into this situation?

1107
00:53:27,230 --> 00:53:27,980
Cause it's hectic.

1108
00:53:27,980 --> 00:53:31,900
I had a bad day at work and now
I'm coming into chaos and madness.

1109
00:53:31,900 --> 00:53:33,380
And like, I don't, I
don't want to do this.

1110
00:53:34,150 --> 00:53:37,960
And so I'd go into the house, you know,
reluctantly and talking to my boys,

1111
00:53:37,970 --> 00:53:39,030
like, why do you have all these toys out?

1112
00:53:39,030 --> 00:53:40,120
Why are there toys in the hallway?

1113
00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:42,829
Like, you're over here playing,
yet you have toys over here.

1114
00:53:42,829 --> 00:53:43,350
Like, pick them up.

1115
00:53:43,350 --> 00:53:46,390
And I'm thinking, after they're four
and five years old, like, they're

1116
00:53:46,390 --> 00:53:48,110
gonna be four and five years old.

1117
00:53:48,110 --> 00:53:49,519
Like, let them be four and five.

1118
00:53:49,890 --> 00:53:50,749
So I'm like, pick this up.

1119
00:53:50,750 --> 00:53:53,820
And I told you guys to pick
this up before I left for work.

1120
00:53:53,820 --> 00:53:55,860
And, you know, who's
mom on the phone with?

1121
00:53:55,870 --> 00:53:56,660
And they're like, grandma.

1122
00:53:56,660 --> 00:53:58,070
I'm like, dude, why are you being so loud?

1123
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:03,050
And so I'm barking directions,
like I bark directions at work.

1124
00:54:03,250 --> 00:54:06,250
And so, you know, I, I asked my
wife, like, how can I help you?

1125
00:54:06,250 --> 00:54:08,020
She's like, get the kids
ready for, for dinner.

1126
00:54:08,020 --> 00:54:09,550
And so I'm trying to get them washed up.

1127
00:54:10,919 --> 00:54:13,620
And for days upon days, this was life.

1128
00:54:14,030 --> 00:54:17,449
And I didn't want to come home at all.

1129
00:54:17,450 --> 00:54:20,330
And so I would start to work longer so I
wouldn't have to come home to this mess.

1130
00:54:21,385 --> 00:54:24,645
And one night I was tucking
my boys into, into bed.

1131
00:54:24,645 --> 00:54:28,395
And so I'm a, we're big believers
of taking them to bed and praying

1132
00:54:28,395 --> 00:54:29,375
for them when they go to bed.

1133
00:54:29,375 --> 00:54:32,275
And my younger son, man, he's awesome.

1134
00:54:32,285 --> 00:54:34,325
He's, his head hits the pillow.

1135
00:54:34,325 --> 00:54:36,134
Before his head hits the
pillow, he's snoring already.

1136
00:54:36,134 --> 00:54:37,745
I'm like, how do you fall asleep so fast?

1137
00:54:38,374 --> 00:54:41,665
Levi, on the other hand, my oldest, he
was like, dad, can I ask you a question?

1138
00:54:41,675 --> 00:54:42,645
And I'm like, oh, great.

1139
00:54:42,645 --> 00:54:43,165
Here we go.

1140
00:54:43,235 --> 00:54:45,105
Like, he's going to
try to milk staying up.

1141
00:54:45,365 --> 00:54:46,135
Can I get some water?

1142
00:54:46,135 --> 00:54:46,855
Can I go to the restroom?

1143
00:54:46,855 --> 00:54:48,375
And he says, are you a boss?

1144
00:54:48,405 --> 00:54:49,605
And I said, yeah, daddy's a boss.

1145
00:54:50,170 --> 00:54:52,280
And he goes, and you're the boss of us?

1146
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:54,700
And I'm like, yes, I'm the boss of you.

1147
00:54:54,940 --> 00:54:56,270
And you tell people what to do at work?

1148
00:54:56,280 --> 00:54:56,800
And I said yes.

1149
00:54:56,810 --> 00:54:58,270
And he goes, is mommy a boss?

1150
00:54:58,270 --> 00:54:59,600
And I'm like Yes.

1151
00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:01,950
Is he, is she the boss of us?

1152
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:04,010
And I'm like, what are you getting at?

1153
00:55:04,020 --> 00:55:06,520
Like you, let's go, let's get to bed.

1154
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:08,769
And he's like, is mommy the boss of you?

1155
00:55:08,769 --> 00:55:12,800
I'm like, you better go to bed because
it's getting late and the boogeyman

1156
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:13,910
is going to come out of the closet.

1157
00:55:13,910 --> 00:55:15,880
If you're not careful,
like just go to bed.

1158
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:17,110
Like what is your point?

1159
00:55:17,810 --> 00:55:18,649
And he says.

1160
00:55:19,765 --> 00:55:21,835
So you're our boss and I'm
like, what do you mean?

1161
00:55:21,845 --> 00:55:24,685
And he's like because you tell us what
to do every day pick this up and pick

1162
00:55:24,685 --> 00:55:31,325
this up and pick this up and go here
go there and and uh, it hurt to hear

1163
00:55:31,325 --> 00:55:40,155
that that my son sees his dad as a boss
and not as his father and it killed me

1164
00:55:40,194 --> 00:55:49,580
to see that my five year old son who
Can't read at this point, sees his dad

1165
00:55:49,580 --> 00:55:52,480
as a boss and not as a daddy, right?

1166
00:55:52,540 --> 00:55:57,249
And so I was like, and I said,
no, listen, I'm your dad.

1167
00:55:57,249 --> 00:55:57,579
I'm your father.

1168
00:55:57,579 --> 00:55:59,619
I'm going to teach you how to
throw and how to catch and how

1169
00:55:59,619 --> 00:56:00,930
to run and do this and do that.

1170
00:56:00,930 --> 00:56:02,449
Like I'm here for you.

1171
00:56:02,449 --> 00:56:05,889
I'm here to be your teacher, your
mentor, to help you, to love you.

1172
00:56:06,279 --> 00:56:08,050
I'm not, I'm not your boss.

1173
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:11,530
And, um, gave him a kiss.

1174
00:56:11,530 --> 00:56:12,760
And then I started to think like.

1175
00:56:13,465 --> 00:56:18,465
Man, why do you, why do you come home
with your director manager hat on?

1176
00:56:19,555 --> 00:56:23,095
And then this epiphany came over and
as I started to read, you know, my

1177
00:56:23,095 --> 00:56:26,395
Bible and I started to, you know,
learn some other things from other

1178
00:56:26,684 --> 00:56:28,265
mentors that I have that are fathers.

1179
00:56:28,805 --> 00:56:31,035
It came up with this
thing that I teach now.

1180
00:56:31,464 --> 00:56:36,285
How do we come into the, the
door, the office, the home?

1181
00:56:36,295 --> 00:56:38,605
How do we enter situations
with the right hat on?

1182
00:56:38,950 --> 00:56:41,750
A football player doesn't go onto the
field with a construction hat, right?

1183
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:45,310
A firefighter doesn't go in with
a baseball cap on into a fire.

1184
00:56:46,050 --> 00:56:48,450
If they were to do that, it
would look stupid and silly.

1185
00:56:48,450 --> 00:56:52,130
So how do we go in a situation
with the right hat on?

1186
00:56:52,140 --> 00:56:55,995
And as a father, Or as a man,
we have a father hat, a husband

1187
00:56:55,995 --> 00:56:58,525
hat, a boss hat, a podcaster hat.

1188
00:56:58,535 --> 00:57:02,664
Like we have to be able to get into the
right situation with the right hat on.

1189
00:57:02,664 --> 00:57:06,145
So how do we first, H, how
do we handle what we hear?

1190
00:57:06,815 --> 00:57:07,635
What am I hearing?

1191
00:57:07,635 --> 00:57:09,055
I'm hearing the boys
playing with the cars.

1192
00:57:10,674 --> 00:57:13,295
My wife is sound stress.

1193
00:57:13,295 --> 00:57:14,845
So how do I handle what I hear?

1194
00:57:15,355 --> 00:57:18,285
I'm going to go in, slide in on
the ground and, you know, play

1195
00:57:18,285 --> 00:57:19,695
cars with my, with my boys.

1196
00:57:19,705 --> 00:57:21,385
Like, okay, I'm this car, I'm this car.

1197
00:57:22,410 --> 00:57:27,060
Maybe I go to my wife first and take
the phone from her and say, you know.

1198
00:57:27,620 --> 00:57:28,690
Her mom's name is Frances.

1199
00:57:28,690 --> 00:57:29,680
We call her Franny.

1200
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:30,420
Hey, Franny, how you doing?

1201
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:31,210
I got it.

1202
00:57:31,620 --> 00:57:32,050
Finish.

1203
00:57:32,320 --> 00:57:35,340
Or how do I say, go to the
room, talk, I got dinner.

1204
00:57:35,590 --> 00:57:37,610
How do I handle what I hear?

1205
00:57:37,610 --> 00:57:41,269
How do I address a, uh, the
situation with the, how do I give

1206
00:57:41,270 --> 00:57:42,729
attention with the right attitude?

1207
00:57:43,065 --> 00:57:43,435
Right?

1208
00:57:44,045 --> 00:57:45,675
How do I go in being playful?

1209
00:57:45,685 --> 00:57:47,765
What do my boys want me to be?

1210
00:57:47,765 --> 00:57:48,845
They want me to be playful.

1211
00:57:48,845 --> 00:57:49,935
They want me to be loving.

1212
00:57:50,165 --> 00:57:51,115
They want me to be funny.

1213
00:57:51,115 --> 00:57:54,024
They want to be, you know, they want
me to be the whatever tickle monster

1214
00:57:54,025 --> 00:57:55,725
or the big Godzilla person or whatever.

1215
00:57:55,725 --> 00:57:59,804
Like, how do they, how do I give the
right attention with the right attitude?

1216
00:58:00,104 --> 00:58:01,829
Who does my wife need me to be?

1217
00:58:02,200 --> 00:58:03,180
She wants me to be helpful.

1218
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:05,080
She wants me to be comforter.

1219
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:08,000
She wants me to be, you know,
that, that parent with her.

1220
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:12,870
So how do I go and give her a kiss
and say, and help out that situation,

1221
00:58:12,870 --> 00:58:13,890
how to give the right attitude.

1222
00:58:14,340 --> 00:58:17,500
And then how do I T transform
the temperature, right?

1223
00:58:17,500 --> 00:58:20,860
I think it's John Maxwell that says,
are you, you can be like a thermometer.

1224
00:58:20,860 --> 00:58:21,780
You can be like a thermostat.

1225
00:58:21,780 --> 00:58:25,700
A thermometer tells you the
temperature where thermostat

1226
00:58:25,730 --> 00:58:27,610
changes the temperature, right?

1227
00:58:27,630 --> 00:58:28,890
So how do I change the temperature?

1228
00:58:28,910 --> 00:58:31,560
If things are getting a little
heated, how do I cool it down?

1229
00:58:32,750 --> 00:58:34,400
Are the noise levels up here?

1230
00:58:34,410 --> 00:58:36,680
How do I bring the noise level down here?

1231
00:58:36,980 --> 00:58:39,310
If people are stressed out,
how do I calm them down?

1232
00:58:39,610 --> 00:58:42,110
So in every situation is going
to call for a different hat.

1233
00:58:42,110 --> 00:58:42,500
So as.

1234
00:58:43,875 --> 00:58:49,295
Men, how do we go into our house, or
maybe we're writing up somebody at work.

1235
00:58:49,825 --> 00:58:51,955
Maybe we are coaching our kid.

1236
00:58:52,105 --> 00:58:53,654
Maybe we're mentoring our kid.

1237
00:58:53,655 --> 00:58:55,304
Maybe we're on a date with our wife.

1238
00:58:55,665 --> 00:59:00,164
How do I handle what I hear, give
attention with the right attitude, and

1239
00:59:00,165 --> 00:59:01,745
then how do I transform the temperature?

1240
00:59:01,754 --> 00:59:05,415
How do I go into the situation
that I just came from?

1241
00:59:05,575 --> 00:59:07,005
What hat do I need to take off?

1242
00:59:07,495 --> 00:59:11,115
And then how do I purposely think of
the hat that I need to wear before

1243
00:59:11,115 --> 00:59:12,975
I go into this next situation?

1244
00:59:13,864 --> 00:59:14,395
I love it.

1245
00:59:14,685 --> 00:59:15,185
I love it.

1246
00:59:16,410 --> 00:59:20,430
Juan, where do people find you?

1247
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:24,810
Yeah, so on Instagram it's raise the bar.

1248
00:59:24,810 --> 00:59:26,190
CEO raise with a Z.

1249
00:59:26,250 --> 00:59:28,200
So I have a, a company
called Raise the Bar.

1250
00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:29,930
And so raise with a Z.

1251
00:59:30,020 --> 00:59:34,490
Uh, so raise the bar, CEO and then
website would be, we raise the bar.com.

1252
00:59:34,610 --> 00:59:38,330
Okay guys, of course, we'll have links
down below in the show notes to the

1253
00:59:38,330 --> 00:59:41,600
description, whatever platform you're
on, we'll make sure you can find one.

1254
00:59:41,930 --> 00:59:43,460
What's, what's next for one.

1255
00:59:45,060 --> 00:59:45,510
Wow.

1256
00:59:45,580 --> 00:59:49,290
So I know offline, we were talking
about an events that you put on.

1257
00:59:49,300 --> 00:59:50,590
I wanted to put on my own event.

1258
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:52,780
And so I'm putting on a in person event.

1259
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:56,790
It might go virtual, but we're
putting on a, an event for

1260
00:59:56,790 --> 00:59:59,149
how do we plan out our 2024?

1261
00:59:59,150 --> 01:00:02,820
So how do we become better for
our, in our family, our faith,

1262
01:00:02,839 --> 01:00:04,320
our future and our finances.

1263
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:08,160
And so it's just a personal
development, professional development

1264
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:09,550
kind of shop that we're doing.

1265
01:00:10,080 --> 01:00:14,540
And I just wanted to be able to help
individuals become again, better and

1266
01:00:14,540 --> 01:00:15,890
intentional in everything that they do.

1267
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:18,430
So that's coming January 13th.

1268
01:00:18,460 --> 01:00:22,990
And then just trying to speak as much as
I can and help people as much as I can in,

1269
01:00:23,009 --> 01:00:26,370
uh, with raise the bar and at different
conferences that I've been going to.

1270
01:00:26,370 --> 01:00:27,829
So, uh, that's, that's it.

1271
01:00:27,829 --> 01:00:30,840
And then rocking the podcast, man,
helping out individuals as much as we can.

1272
01:00:31,250 --> 01:00:32,390
Guys, we'll have links.

1273
01:00:32,410 --> 01:00:34,230
If you want to like have one.

1274
01:00:34,995 --> 01:00:39,345
On your show or out to speak at your
event or work with him in these things.

1275
01:00:39,345 --> 01:00:42,125
We'll have a link for that as well, to
make sure that you can find him on that.

1276
01:00:43,145 --> 01:00:50,095
Now, one, I know you're dying to know what
country ranks first and zero per capita.

1277
01:00:51,184 --> 01:00:55,564
Now you said the USA has got to be the
USA options were USA, Italy, Ireland,

1278
01:00:55,634 --> 01:00:58,324
and Philippines, surprisingly per capita.

1279
01:00:58,935 --> 01:01:04,515
Ireland is number one in cereal,
cereal consumption per capita.

1280
01:01:04,635 --> 01:01:05,345
Wow.

1281
01:01:05,385 --> 01:01:05,775
Right.

1282
01:01:06,025 --> 01:01:07,534
Apparently they like their lucky charms.

1283
01:01:07,535 --> 01:01:07,914
I'm sure.

1284
01:01:08,415 --> 01:01:10,095
I'm going to go for that now.

1285
01:01:12,085 --> 01:01:13,184
I thought the same thing.

1286
01:01:13,184 --> 01:01:13,575
I'm sorry.

1287
01:01:13,575 --> 01:01:14,935
I thought the same thing.

1288
01:01:15,625 --> 01:01:17,115
Military guys don't have a privilege.

1289
01:01:17,425 --> 01:01:18,335
Yeah, yeah.

1290
01:01:18,575 --> 01:01:19,245
No filter.

1291
01:01:19,415 --> 01:01:21,635
Totally different,
different kind of humor.

1292
01:01:22,605 --> 01:01:23,415
Yeah, for sure.

1293
01:01:23,495 --> 01:01:26,504
Juan, thank you for taking the
time to be on the show today.

1294
01:01:26,505 --> 01:01:27,725
It's been a great conversation.

1295
01:01:27,805 --> 01:01:29,685
Now, I want to ask you this.

1296
01:01:30,185 --> 01:01:33,974
If our audience heard nothing else
you've said today, what do you want

1297
01:01:33,974 --> 01:01:36,574
them to hear as we wrap the show up?

1298
01:01:39,374 --> 01:01:40,764
Man, be intentional.

1299
01:01:41,604 --> 01:01:42,554
Be intentional.

1300
01:01:42,584 --> 01:01:45,044
And I would say, be intentional with love.

1301
01:01:45,404 --> 01:01:48,384
Not only love your spouse and love
on your children, but love yourself.

1302
01:01:49,045 --> 01:01:51,965
I told somebody the other day, as
men, there's times where we can

1303
01:01:51,965 --> 01:01:53,965
be, we can have an ego at times.

1304
01:01:53,965 --> 01:01:56,975
We see somebody, a dude across the
room, and this guy's looking at me,

1305
01:01:56,985 --> 01:01:58,785
kind of give him the what's up, like,
what the hell are you looking at?

1306
01:01:58,785 --> 01:02:01,015
And then it's like, alright, bro,
bro, what the hell are you looking at?

1307
01:02:01,015 --> 01:02:02,075
Like, this guy's got a problem.

1308
01:02:02,405 --> 01:02:07,084
Like, if you can address a stranger
for something that you have no idea why

1309
01:02:07,084 --> 01:02:09,624
he might be looking at you, whatever,
you just kind of have attitude.

1310
01:02:10,314 --> 01:02:12,195
Why are we not looking at
ourselves in the mirror and saying,

1311
01:02:12,195 --> 01:02:13,195
bro, what are you looking at?

1312
01:02:13,245 --> 01:02:14,615
Like, what, what can I do different?

1313
01:02:14,945 --> 01:02:16,845
Like, love on yourself.

1314
01:02:17,235 --> 01:02:22,895
Be man enough to love on yourself,
love your spouse, and if you

1315
01:02:22,895 --> 01:02:23,955
have kids, love on your children.

1316
01:02:24,285 --> 01:02:27,045
Yeah, so be, take time to be intentional.

1317
01:02:27,965 --> 01:02:30,875
Guys, from the Fallible Man Podcast, be
better tomorrow because of what you do

1318
01:02:30,875 --> 01:02:32,035
today, and we'll see you on the next one.

1319
01:02:33,324 --> 01:02:35,734
This has been the Fallible Man Podcast.

1320
01:02:36,405 --> 01:02:39,745
Your home for everything
man, husband, and father.

1321
01:02:40,535 --> 01:02:42,945
Be sure to subscribe so
you don't miss a show.

1322
01:02:43,685 --> 01:02:47,174
Head over to www.

1323
01:02:47,175 --> 01:02:47,395
thefallibleman.

1324
01:02:47,395 --> 01:02:49,004
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1325
01:02:49,490 --> 01:02:55,689
And get your own Fallible Man Gear.