The Masculine Grail: A Journey Towards True Freedom

The Masculine Grail: A Journey Towards True Freedom with Bodhi Aldridge

Bodhi Aldridge, who has been working with men for 30 or 40 years now. I learned so much having this conversation with Bodhi guys. If you are interested in understanding where you are in your life, on your own contemporary hero's journey, because it's not just something that happens in the movies.

It's a real way we go through life. That's why it's so appealing to us when they make movies about it, because we connect with it mentally, because you are on your journey. So if you're interested in understanding where you are in that journey and how to achieve true freedom, because it's not what most of us think, you don't want to miss this conversation with Bodie Aldridge.

So let's get into it. Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential growing to the men we dream of becoming while taking care of our responsibilities working living being good husbands fathers and still take care of ourselves Well, that's the big question. And in this podcast, we'll help you with those answers and [00:01:00] more.

My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man podcast. Welcome to the Fallible Man podcast. You're home for all things, man, husband, and father. Big shout out to Fallible Nation. That's our long time listeners who have just been around forever. I like to call them something. And Hey, a warm welcome to our first time listeners.

There's a lot out there competing for your attention. We know that we're grateful that you're taking time to check us out today, giving us a chance. Be sure to reach out to me at the Fallible Man on Instagram or most any other platform. Thank you Let me know what you thought of the show. I'd love to hear your feedback.

If you really enjoyed it, be sure to share it with a friend or leave us review Apple podcasts that helps other people find us today. My special guest is coach, author, facilitator and speaker, Bodhi Aldridge. Bodhi, welcome to the Fallible Man podcast.

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah. Thank you so much, Brent. I'm excited to be here and see where it goes today.

No,

David Dowlen: Bodhi, how's your trivia? We like to start light here.

Bodhi Aldridge: I know, trivia and US trivia. That'll be interesting. So we'll see how we go.

David Dowlen: I tried to go international just for the benefit. Uh, if you guys [00:02:00] didn't pick that up, Bodhi is joining us from Australia today. Or in your case last tonight, or?

Bodhi Aldridge: Uh, yep.

Tomorrow morning. Yeah, that's it.

David Dowlen: So Bodhi, which fast food restaurant has the largest number of retail locations in the world? Is it A, Jack in the Box, B, Chipotle, C, Subway, or D, McDonald's?

Bodhi Aldridge: Well, I tend to just say, um, McDonald's, but I'm going to go Subway just to mix it up.

David Dowlen: Okay. Curve ball there. I actually expected McDonald's.

Everybody answers that.

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah. Yeah.

David Dowlen: So you guys know the rules. Don't cheat. Don't look it up for God's sake. Don't write it down. If you're driving, please be safe. Cause you know, we're, that's so important now, buddy, I don't do huge introductions. So in your own words today, in this moment, who is body Otteridge.

Bodhi Aldridge: Great question. I'm a father, I'm a [00:03:00] grandfather, and I spend a lot of time asking this question of myself and with my clients, because at the deepest level, the essence of who I am is different to what I do. So I, you know, I love surfing, I love playing with the grandchildren, I love coaching, supporting people, yet underneath that there's an essence, there's a spirit, there's something deeper, which I'm constantly wanting to access and bring to the world.

So that's how I hold that, Brent, is the, the being and the doing.

David Dowlen: Love it. What is your favorite childhood memory?

Bodhi Aldridge: My favorite childhood memory? I would say my, one of my grandsons just had his 10th birthday. And on my 10th birthday, I got a brand new bike. It was over here. They were called dragsters. They had the big high handlebars and this is, this is in the seventies.

And, um, it was orange. It had the big banana seat. [00:04:00] And, uh, I remember, yeah, my mom was a single mom and she saved hard to get that. And that was my pride and joy on my 10th birthday. So a great memory.

David Dowlen: I think I had that same bike. Pretty sure. I just remember the vivid orange and the banana seat.

Bodhi Aldridge: Yes, that's right.

David Dowlen: So they will never know the joy of banana seeds. Like they were ugly, but man, they were really comfortable.

Bodhi Aldridge: They were,

David Dowlen: they

Bodhi Aldridge: were.

David Dowlen: I haven't seen one of those in years. Yeah. Bodhi, are you coffee, tea, energy drinks, soda, or something else?

Bodhi Aldridge: Uh, coffee. Yep, I, uh, transformed a coffee like a lot of people. So just, just two, two, two in the mornings.

Yep. That's a, that's a nice treat that I enjoy. All

David Dowlen: right. If you won 10 million tomorrow, what would you spend it on?

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah, again, great reflection I have. You know, having Children and grandchildren who are establishing themselves. I feel I would definitely want to [00:05:00] support them. Um, you know, give them a level of financial certainty.

And I've set up and support a local youth service here for disadvantaged youth, particularly disadvantaged young men. So I would definitely, yeah, just make that nice Profitable little, little organization.

David Dowlen: I like it. I like it. If you had to eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Bodhi Aldridge: Oh gosh.

I've heard you. I've heard you on this one before. So if I take nutrition out, um, so my favorite meal of the day is the morning and it's oatmeal, um, in your language, porridge. Um, so, and that's such a staple for me. So I don't know if I could live on it, but that's, that's my go to for sure.

David Dowlen: You know, I, I understand.

I like, I like still cut oats better than regular oats. I don't know. Do they have that down there?

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah. Yeah. That, that, I agree. Yeah. I

David Dowlen: know what it is. I like them. I like [00:06:00] regular oats.

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah. Yeah. And I

David Dowlen: can hit a big bowl of still cut oats any, any time of day. Very happily.

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah, exactly.

David Dowlen: What are you most proud of in your life?

Bodhi Aldridge: My beautiful marriage, yeah. Children, grandchildren. And Amala and I, we've actually just celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary. We've been together 45 years. Yeah.

David Dowlen: Amazing. That's huge.

Bodhi Aldridge: Beautiful woman, incredible friend, partner, spiritual guide, like just so blessed. And. Yeah, so proud that we have created what we've created together.

David Dowlen: That's, that's, I love hearing those things, man. That's, you, people, my wife and I are about to celebrate our 23rd this month. And people are like, Oh my gosh, you've been married so long. It's like, Oh,

You know, my parents were married 40 some odd years. I've been around all these marriages lasted so long. So I'm like 23, [00:07:00] we're on the way. There are days I'm still like, this whole thing could fall apart. If she, you know, gets tired of my smelling or something, you know,

personal pet peeve.

Bodhi Aldridge: You know what comes up for me? I don't know what it's like in, in the U S is, um, trivia,

people who pull up in their car and leave the car running while they're on their phone or they're waiting to pick somebody up or they're, Like just, just something triggers me when, you know, like they can sit there for 10 or 15 minutes. I understand if it's really hot and you've got to have your air con on, but if you stop your car, stop your car.

And for some reason, I don't know whether it's [00:08:00] the environment, whether it's the fumes, whether it's just one of those things where I'm just like. You're sitting in your car while it's running on your phone, putting all those fumes everywhere. Why? Why?

David Dowlen: For me, it strikes me as like a disconnected action, right?

If I stop and put it in park, it's almost automatic to turn it off. It feels like I missed something. So maybe, I don't know, maybe that's it, right? Yeah.

Bodhi Aldridge: Yes. Funny one. Yeah.

David Dowlen: I love it. That's the great thing about pet peeves, right? Everybody has their own individual, like, you know, this gets under my skin.

Yeah. Right. And it's so funny because people will tell you a pet peeve and you're like, really? That bothers you? That's right. And other people are like, Oh, I hate that. Everybody's so individual.

Bodhi Aldridge: So true.

David Dowlen: You wear a whole lot of [00:09:00] hats, at least figuratively. Maybe you do in real life too. I don't know. Maybe you have a huge hat collection and I just don't know, but at least figuratively you wear a whole lot of hats in your life and the things you do.

So tell our audience specifically. What you actually do as a coach is like, I said, you, I researching you for the show. I was like, wow, you are a busy man. You got a lot going on.

Bodhi Aldridge: Yes. I'm off to Europe next week actually to, uh, to run some retreats and conferences. And you know, fundamentally my mission is to create a global community of men who are steeped in this work.

And my, my passion is to ignite. The inherent magnificence in men, you know, I believe every man on the planet inherently is magnificent and capable and beautiful and most of us have forgotten. And I know it's a big [00:10:00] generalization, yet if you sit with the essence of that, the possibility for our listeners, for you and me, that deep inside we have a magnificence.

Yeah, that our essence is beautiful and lovable. To me, I'm just passionate about reminding and supporting men to remember that and take it to their children, to their marriages, to their community, to their business. And I do that in, um, I do some one on one coaching. I do, um, I've got 17 men from around the globe in a nine month, um, online transformational program, a leadership mastery program.

I love nature based retreats. I do a lot of nature based retreats. I'm off to the UK, to Spain, France, where we get men in nature, as you know, the connection with nature, stealing, getting more present, and, um, and yeah, from a work point of view, that's [00:11:00] predominantly it, obviously. You know, doing lots of podcasts, I run my own podcast and just getting the message out for men that there is a way through this, that you are magnificent.

Yeah. And there's lots of support out there from people like yourself and myself.

David Dowlen: See, I need to update my brain and guys, you heard him. We're magnificent, but I've never heard another man say that. So I'm, I'm going to enjoy this moment. Uh, that's, that's not, especially, I don't know these political and social climates of Australia, obviously the way you would.

But I know in the U S we're, we're slowly passing the toxic masculinity phase. You don't hear it said as much, but, uh, right. One of the morning shows that I, I shall not name I'll be nice. Big morning network, morning shows. Like they just went off on how men are unnecessary. It's like, that may be the stupidest thing I've ever heard come out of their mouths.

And that's pretty [00:12:00] impressive because things in the show, but, uh, yeah, it's so actually, you know, hearing a man say no, no, that's, uh, That's not accurate. It's, uh, we're magnificent and I like it. It's just not language we hear over here, uh, with that. So thank you for that. What pushed you down this road?

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah, I guess my hero's journey, which we'll probably talk a little bit about.

And the listeners would have heard, you know, variations of that, uh, you know, typical probably for a lot of, you know, people in, in my industry is. You know, parents separated when I was seven and didn't have strong male role models. So I think for me, it was finding what it is to be a man, you know, through my own inquiry, through my own journey, through my own search and, you know, meeting my wife quite young, having children young.

I suddenly [00:13:00] went, wow, now I've got to be a husband. Now I've got to be a father. And I kind of didn't have those role models. So being a lifelong learner, I kind of You know, I traveled, I inquired, I, you know, went deeper and deeper into my journey and it wasn't that I, I was doing it for myself and my marriage.

You know, cause my wife is amazing and she said, look, I just don't want to be married to the little boy for the next 40 years. Like you, you got to step up, you got to grow up. Yeah. And because I didn't have a role model, I just dived into that, you know, it's um, workshops, books, mentors, guides, like what is it?

What is it to be a man, a contemporary man, a contemporary father? And then after many years of, you know, my first career as a, as an attorney, which mom said, go and become an attorney. And, you know, uh, like all good boys, I went and did that. And obviously that had its benefits looking after my family and then late thirties, [00:14:00] early forties, I transitioned.

And there's a story around that. If we have time yet, I transitioned into coaching and facilitating and. More and more just saw so many men owning their own business in leadership who were just seeking a deeper experience of life, really, you know, like ticked a lot of the boxes, you know, married, mortgage, business, kids.

And realize that all the work I've done on myself, all the skills I had as a coach and a facilitator was actually perfect for these men. Because a lot of them were like 20 years younger than me. It's like, well, here's a bit of a roadmap. Here's some, you know, choices you make. And, and so it's been so fulfilling to be able to give back to, to really, you know, I'm 62 next month and I really feel like an elder.

Like I, I still surf every day, do my yoga every day, run around with the grandkids, but I also have a level of wisdom, which I'm feeling comfortable to own.

David Dowlen: I'm loving this conversation because I'm, I'm looking at [00:15:00] you going, okay, here's the next iteration of Brent and the fallible man. Yeah. 20 years from here.

Right. I see. I'm loving that. What is something everybody should know about you, Bodhi, before we dig into today's subject?

Bodhi Aldridge: Well, I'm a lifelong learner. And I, you know, whether that was in my DNA or in my, you know, psyche or personality, I'm not sure yet. I feel, you know, and again, words of invitation to the listeners is there's something about curiosity and being inquisitive, inquiring about this journey.

Yeah. And I, I think that's, you know, Yeah, I think that's something about me. Like I, I'm always learning. Yeah. And as much as it may sound like I've got my stuff sorted, you know, I know there's more to grow and learn.

David Dowlen: Awesome. Awesome guys. We've been spending time just getting to know who [00:16:00] Bodhi is and the next part of the show, we're going to talk more about that contemporary hero's journey, what that actually looks like in your life in practicum.

Now you may have heard of this before, uh, in the manosphere and I really hate that word, but in the manosphere. This is something you hear if you're into the creative industry, like writing or filmmaking, this comes up a lot. There's some variations on it. So for our audience who may or may not have an understanding of what, what we're even talking about with contemporary heroes journey, what do you want to kind of explain what that is or how that's understood?

Yeah,

Bodhi Aldridge: sure. Yeah. And, um, you know, good reference to the, to the creatives and to the, to the movies. And I guess, You know, the seminal work was Joseph Campbell, you know, a U. S. academic who researched traditional cultures and realized that storytelling, which is still so important today, storytelling was such a part of traditional cultures, a lot of oral traditions, and they talked about the [00:17:00] hero's journey and the heroine's journey.

And essentially what that is, is the mythology, the collective myth of this journey as a man. There actually is a map, there is a map as to our journey as a man and there are different gate posts on that map. And because pretty well every culture he studied. Had similarities. He put together that map. And then if you overlay that map with a lot of the other work that's been done around leadership development, around personal development and around the contemporary journey of a man, particularly, you know, most of my clients, probably similar to a lot of the listeners.

Um, married, yeah, living in the Western world, mortgage, yeah, either running their own business or in a leadership role, and often have children. And so, you know, when we talk about the hero's journey mythology, we look at the movies, it's like, well, how does that apply to me? I'm living in suburban Washington.

[00:18:00] Having to, you know, get through all of these things and, and that was my journey. And I realized it does apply. There is a map. There are milestones that you can experience. And that's a big part of my work to really support men in that situation, men across the board, but certainly men in that situation to have a different experience maybe than just feeling like they're on the treadmill.

David Dowlen: Now, if you don't really feel like you understand this, just think of your favorite movies. Because quote unquote, the hero's journey, Campbell broke it down into 17 mile posts. If I remember right, uh, people who want to simplify it, basically break it into three segments, but you've seen it in pretty much all of the best movies because all of them, that's the ironic thing about it.

All the movies we love contain this hero's journey story. And so you're familiar with it. Whether you think you are, you just may not have [00:19:00] called it that over your lifetime, but It's talked about in the world of men pretty frequently because it's something we can all relate to. We all want our story to be epic.

We all want our story to be big. We just don't always understand the journey involved with that. And then guys, we're talking like Lord of the Rings. We're talking about all of the big epic movies, uh, Last Samurai, right? Do you just start naming them in your head? You'll find them there. They're all there, but we don't think about that in the terms of our lives.

Right. So when we look at this concept, how do we start to look at our lives and recognize that as part of our actual journey?

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah. You know, Star Wars was, you know, that script was rewritten with influence from Joseph Campbell. Indiana Jones for some of the older listeners, you know, and fundamentally the search, the search for the masculine yet is the Holy [00:20:00] Grail.

Yep. And the Holy Grail, the deepest desire of the masculine is freedom, true freedom. That's what we're searching. And that's what was mapped out in the hero's journey. Yet what happens is as young men were closest to the Holy Grail at 16 and at 45. Yep. That's when we're actually in mythology. That's in it.

That's the initiation. So think about for a lot of the listeners in your teens, 16, that's often when a lot of the existential questions come up. What is life all about? What does it all mean? Often because we don't have support, we don't have a right of passage. We suddenly get propelled into college or apprenticeship and life.

Yep. And in our twenties, we're searching for the grail outside of ourselves. We're looking, we go partying, we go surfing, we go hiking, we go to India, you know, that inquiry, it's like, where is this freedom? Yeah, because there's a yearning. [00:21:00] And what happens is that at some point for most men, and certainly most of the listeners, and often it can be late twenties, early thirties, We realize, ah, Holy grail was at the bedside table all along.

It's within us. It's within, that's the work we have to do. As much as it's fun looking outside ourselves, searching for freedom, thinking it is sitting on a mountain on my own, not having a marriage, not having a mortgage, that's freedom. It's like that's actually the distortion. And when we start the inner work, yeah.

And that's the first part of. The hero's journey in the mythology is that we hear the call, maybe late teens, the whisper, the sense there's something else. Yeah, but we deny it. We resist doing the inner work. We want to distract ourselves, keep ourselves busy, have lots of fun. And then the first part [00:22:00] is when we hear the call.

Yeah. And it's a wake up. It's like, ah, I've actually got to do a little bit of inner reflection. Yeah. And that's when we really start to lean into what is this journey from the inner and the outer.

David Dowlen: Now, wait a minute. The entry point to Raiders of the Lost Ark look a whole lot more fun than doing a bunch of personal development.

Just, just saying. And that portion of the story looked like a whole lot more fun than some introspection and personal development. And I do a lot of personal development stuff, but I gotta admit, that looked a little better.

Bodhi Aldridge: The great thing with that, and the great thing with all the movies, and one of the fundamental teachings I offer men, Is that probably the easiest way to connect with that part of yourself is in nature.

Yeah. And that's where we experience it. I mean, it's, you know, fundamentally, whatever that personal development, quite unquote, it's really the willingness to just to [00:23:00] be present with yourself and get to know yourself a little bit more. And nature can often afford us that because it creates a stillness.

There's a sense of awe. There's something else. There's a bigger mystery. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, and you can find it in other, other ways as well. So as daunting as it may sound, the reality is it's just a willingness to get to know yourself a little bit more through reflection, silence, presence.

David Dowlen: Now for some of us, the idea of, you know, getting out in nature sounds like a lot of fun.

Like I, I went to high school in central Wyoming. Uh, there's anywhere that's called the wild, wild west in the United States, it's, it's Wyoming. Yeah. And I used to get out to the mountains a lot. Me or me and my brother and we'd be gone for days up in the mountains It's ironic because you know, that was that was in the 90s and my parents were like I don't I have fun As a father now, I'm like, I don't know I don't ever let my children try what [00:24:00] we did back then But you know We'd be out fishing or hunting for a couple days or just how hiking and it was a place where you know You have big fish Very large, powerful mammals that can make a mill of you.

You find out you're not the dominant species without a firearm, but not all men are comfortable with the idea of going out in nature. You said it's easier to be in silence and pick that up there. So. You know, for our listeners who are not necessarily outdoorsman, no disrespect to them. I understand. It's not for everybody.

Uh, yeah. You know, how do we start to tap into that? And since that, as you said, that's intricate to our journey.

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah. One of the programs I run, um, the online programs for men is called from distraction to presence. And if you get a sense of your thinking mind. [00:25:00] And how distracted we are in the Western world, men and women, yet particularly men.

So exactly, exactly the phones, 80, 000 thoughts a day. Most of them are negative. The inner critic, the not good enough, the saboteur, the, who am I? You know, all of that. And for a lot of us, yeah, we've just, you know, It's been conditioned this way. It's not good or bad. It's just what's happened. And so our thinking mind, you know, the Hindu saying is your thinking mind is a fantastic servant.

It's a terrible master. And so one of the keys, it's like this very fast train Brent that we wake up. It's really, really, really busy. And if you want to stop a fast train, you don't jump in front of it. You've just got to slow it down. And so if it's not in nature, which is a way to slow it down, a lot of the listeners may find that through exercise.

They may find that through some sort of movement, yet one of the most powerful ways and one of the most challenging to slow this mind [00:26:00] down is if there's somewhere in your house or apartment where you can just find five or 10 minutes a day to just sit still. Yeah. Now your thinking mind will kick and scream.

Yeah. I need to check my emails. I need to check my apps, scroll, whatever it might be. And if you can sit still without distraction, yep. It's like training your body. Yeah, it's like training a dog, training your body to sit still, just sit, five minutes, just sit, nothing. Your thinking mind will kick and scream, but eventually this train starts to slow down after a week or two.

And then you start to notice, what are my beliefs about the world? What do I do every day? Is that true? Have I spoken to Brent about this? Maybe I could talk to some other men. Maybe there's another way of doing this. You just start to inquire as to what's going on for you. Have you [00:27:00] just bought or drunk the Kool Aid that this is the way life has to be?

Yeah. Or have, have you got the ability to reflect? And, and that's one of the key things in leadership, you know, working with business leaders around the globe, the most effective quote, unquote leaders have a daily reflective practice. Now reflection can be sitting still. It can be contemplation. It can be prayer.

It can be meditation. It's just reflecting on yet. Some of those other questions, instead of just being on the hamster wheel on that treadmill, you know, wake up, get going. And that's the, that's why again, nature somewhere quiet in the house, you can do it a little bit with exercise. There may be a local park, you know, we're just wanting to just slow it down a little bit and do a bit of reflection.

David Dowlen: Let me ask you this because one of the things I've found on my own is the majority of people are terrified to be alone with their own [00:28:00] brain. Like we, part of the reason we don't sit still. is those 80, 000 thoughts. And like you said, most of them are negative. All attack us at once because we don't know how to silence them.

We don't have control over them yet. We haven't mastered that. And so the majority of people are terrified of silence. They're afraid to be alone with their own mind. I find a lot of people struggle with the idea of meditation or anything like that. And you kind of quiet reflection time because of that.

So for the men listening today. If that silence is uncomfortable, how do they, how do we start there before we can write, drink the whole Kool Aid on this and try it full blow? How do we work ourselves in past those screaming voices and get more comfortable with our own silence?

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah. Well, the first thing to know is the most valuable asset you have as a man, no matter [00:29:00] what training you've done, no matter what courses you've done is your attention.

That's the key. Where your attention goes, energy flows. So if you get to the edge of wanting to master your attention, become aware of your attention and it gets scary, that's the hero's journey. That's the edge. That's your comfort zone. And it's okay. Just notice where it starts to get uncomfortable.

Remember the edge of your comfort zone is where all the feelings and fear F E A R of false expectations appearing real. Yeah. Psychological fear as opposed to instinctive fear. Psychological fear is the projection of what's going to happen. If I slow down these thoughts, what are people going to think?

Whatever the story is. So great. If you're there, I just want you to acknowledge That's the edge of the comfort zone. That's exactly. The hero's journey and if you can [00:30:00] master your attention now to specifically answer your question The easiest way for most people if they're very fearful of this is just slow consistent movement Just walking walking is one of the most powerful things like if you can if you're physically able to And you don't want to sit still But you can just find Even five or ten minutes of movement.

Yeah where your body you're in your mind Yeah, your attention is engaging your body. My intention says I'm going to go for a 10 minute walk. But what we know the studies around the neuroscience around the embodied presence is that when you start to move your body, and for a lot of the listeners who may have a regular practice in the gym or whatever.

They will know that you start to slow the mind down. We're starting to slow this train down. And so that can be the simplest, some sort [00:31:00] of simple, really simple, yeah, movement without your devices, not running with your headphones on, or walking with your phone in your hand. Just see if you can do it. Is that, is that simple enough or is that still too confronting?

David Dowlen: No, I think it's a good place to start. You know, that's the thing is we all have to find that place to start. Starting a movement is a whole lot easier solution, you know, um, I, I might've said something like, you know, start with 30 seconds, start with a minute, just being still and being quiet. I did a interview, good Lord, four seasons ago, I think, or three seasons ago, uh, with a guy who, uh, got into, um, I'm going to go blank, uh, I have all my books behind me for my authors, with Nate Rifkin talking about the standing meditation and it was a [00:32:00] specific stance in one of the meditative poses.

That he moved into and started doing it. We were talking about developing that and it was, that's, that's how I started like practicing as I was going through the book was 30 seconds because learning to hold your body in the position to start with is uncomfortable, right? Getting your body into this position and holding it and actually.

Physically thinking about it and being present with it takes some work. And then you're also with your mind screaming cause you're being still, uh, and we edged in 30 seconds at a time, 30 seconds at a time, a minute at a time. Right. But I love the approach of just walking. There's a lot of power to that, I think.

And I think it's a lot more doable for a lot of us to approach. I can go for a walk and I noticed the world a little bit more. I'm a little less in my head, [00:33:00] especially if I get away from town. I, I think that's a good start with something. It is. It's really uncomfortable for people to be still and silent these days with everything going on in our world.

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah, exactly. And if you really, if you can really connect with, if you think about the assets you have and the listeners have, you think about, you know, your, your financial assets, your families, your, maybe your emotional, your physical assets. You know, if you can just. connect with the possibility that the biggest asset I have is my attention.

Just the possibility of that and, and maybe even reflect on that because what I know is if If you can connect with that, whatever the listeners are looking for, health, wealth, freedom, love, relationship, parenting, money. Yeah. This is the fundamental shift. [00:34:00] Yeah. Where's your attention going? Where's your attention going?

David Dowlen: Now you on your website, I saw a quote that says all men long for freedom. The problem is none of us really understand what true freedom means. We think it's being something external, more money, more time. And in the summer, true freedom comes from within. Now, I think that's going to take us from this portion, as we talked about getting to that edge of the comfort zone, right?

Stepping off the comfort zone into our hero's journey. I think this is taking us that direction. And in this part of the show, we're going to follow that train a little bit farther based on a statement that Bodhi has on his website about what true freedom looks like for men. Now, Bodhi, I'm going to let you run with this some, because I think there's a whole lot of value in what you're doing with this.

Because we're all so distracted by everything around us [00:35:00] and what the world says is success and freedom and what you say is something different. So let's go that direction.

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. And remember the Holy Grail. Yeah. It's an all mythology as we, as we've touched on. The hero's journey, whether it was King Arthur, whether it was Luke Skywalker, yeah, the Holy Grail is true freedom.

That's what we're looking for. And it comes from the inside out. And to give you the simple distinctions, there are two key parts to true freedom. One is freedom from, and the key is freedom from suffering. And how do we suffer? Well, we were, we suffer when we resist life. Yeah, we suffer through the inner critic.

Yeah, through our thoughts. We suffer when we resist our emotions, when we push them away. We suffer when we're attached to things, yeah, attached to outcomes, when we resist, when we [00:36:00] contract. That's all of the suffering, yeah, that these teachings will let you release. So freedom from suffering and freedom is our true nature.

It's our essence. Brent, you have two daughters. Yeah. When your daughters were born, did you not just see and feel innocence and love?

David Dowlen: Oh, incredibly.

Bodhi Aldridge: Exactly. And that's the essence of all of us. Yeah. The deepest part of us is, is free. It's life. If you think about purpose, I do a lot of work around purpose and, and the three pillars for the masculine, just so you know, a presence, purpose, And passion, passion for life.

And so purpose, the reason we're so inquiring about purpose is the context of purpose is meaning. [00:37:00] I want to have meaning for my life. If I have meaning for my life, the context of meaning is to fully express myself. That's what we're looking for. How do I fully express myself? Yeah, comes when you remember that you are magnificent as I've touched on that your essence is whole and complete that who you are has incredible opportunity.

And I'm not saying this is easy. It's simple, not easy for some of our listeners who are. You know, in difficult situations, one of the first shifts on the hero's journey is the shift to realize that the deepest level is I always have choice. I can be the victim or I can be the creator. Yeah. And it's not, it's not easy when you're in it, but if, if, again, if you start mastering your attention, you start to realize Nelson Mandela had choice, Victor Frankel had choice, Aung San Suu Kyi has choice, yeah.

They [00:38:00] realize it's difficult and their freedom is incarcerated. Yeah. Which is different for a lot of us. They realize that no matter what the external world is presenting, there is still a choice. Remember Brent, the external world is meaningless until you give it a meaning. Yeah. And you can be the victim.

You can be at effect. You can go into blame and judgment and they're not good enough. That's okay. Or you can come back and go, maybe I could shift this. Maybe I have choice. What's the one step I could do today? What's the one movement I could make today to start creating a different reality? If you want to.

Yeah. And as you do that, you're starting to unleash Yeah. The essence of who you are, the magnificence of who you are. You know, one of my fundamental, um, supports for men is a lot of people say, do what brings you joy. What I say is, [00:39:00] bring joy to what you do. Most of you, the holy grail is not far away. Look at your children.

Look at your marriages. Are you resisting or are you embracing? Are you bringing joy to what's in front of you? Or are you sitting in the victim, resisting, blaming, I'm on the treadwheel, oh poor me, woe is me, having a pity party. Again, nothing wrong with that. If you can make that shift, if you can realise I do have choice here, and then you can start to reach out, enquire, lean in, talk to someone like yourself.

And go, ah, if I have choice and I can master my attention, wow. Wow. Imagine that. Imagine that Brent.

David Dowlen: I like it. I like the idea of mastering my attention. I know that's where you tend to start with a lot of the guys you work [00:40:00] with, uh, for, for you guys who aren't on the video version earlier, when he was talking about.

Attention, I held up my phone because you guys have all heard me rail against how much time we all spent sitting on our cell phones. I try not to rant too often, but that one really gets me because that was the one my daughter called me out on a couple of years ago. And it really threw it to sharp. Yeah.

Oh, right. I didn't even know. Like, it's terrifying. I tease people all the time. It's like, look at the screen time because your phone will track that. Look at the screen. So

Bodhi Aldridge: if you think about attention and energy and the life you desire and how much of it's been, you know, distracted by often the phone, when I work with couples, sometimes the first thing the wives tell me is, can you just get him off his phone?

Yeah. And what we're distracting ourselves from. So the three [00:41:00] responses to life and Brent, you know, when we're in our defense, we're either going to react. We're either going to distract. Or we're going to repress. That's what we're doing in each moment when we're in that place of defense. And one of the biggest ones I've seen that's grown so much is distraction.

Think of the ways we distract ourselves. You have our phones, our devices, you know, our scrolling, food, alcohol, even exercise at times can be a distraction, working, working long hours, the badge of honor. All they're doing is distracting you from being present. And remember, you create your future in the now, in the present.

Yeah. What am I thinking? What am I feeling? Who am I being now? Yeah. And to your example with your daughter, being present with your daughter with an open heart, seeing her beauty in a renaissance. Yeah. We'll add a lot more value to your life than an hour on the phone running down a rabbit hole.

David Dowlen: Oh yeah.

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah.

David Dowlen: Now there are a lot of guys out there right [00:42:00] now who are listening and going, I still got to have a job. I still got to go to work, right? How do we start to take the steps to go on this hero's journey, right? We're looking at it and we're hearing this and going, yes, I need to change. I need to, you know, start to reshape my life and move towards, but I still, I still got to make a living.

I mean, I still got to. So how do we start walking those path?

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah. And it's a great question because all of this is an inside out job. You know, when I work with people who go, I want to find my purpose. You know, what I say is, well, it's, there's the inner purpose first. Yeah. Cause I think it's changing jobs, changing marriages, changing cars, changing locations.

Yeah. That's just the outside in model. Yeah. And you, you know, we know how many people do that, particularly in their mid forties. Yeah. And it doesn't bring what they're looking for. So fundamentally this, I had a client just yesterday, um, uh, he was telling me, um, he was a [00:43:00] painting, a painter, house painter, domestic painter.

And you know, it's a, it's a tough job, repetitive job and, you know, married children and been working with him for a little while. And he, you know, he started to ask questions about this, ask questions about his purpose. And the key thing, he told me he was in the middle of painting with a colleague, they were doing a large house, and he said, what I realized is, I could bring joy and passion to the painting.

He said, before I was resisting it, complaining, you know, I've got to do this, I really want to be doing something else. And he said, once I shifted that perspective, what I realized is that I can bring joy to this. I can bring passion to this. I'm providing for my family. I'm enjoying the fact that, you know, gratitude is a great tool.

Now what happens, Brent, [00:44:00] is that if the listeners could just shift their perspective, just a little bit at a time, and you do need to provide for your family. You do need to keep a job or your business. You do need to work. And. Yeah, the manifestation tools, yeah, that are there in the context of where your attention goes, energy flows, you'll be surprised if you commit to this six months, 12 months, you'll start to see an incredible change.

And it may be you leave your job or not. That's the, that's the paradox. A lot of people think I've got to leave my job because I don't like it. And I'm like, well, let's get the inner work first. Yeah. Let's get some joy and passion into your life first. Cause if you don't shift this, it doesn't matter what you shift externally.

David Dowlen: Buddy, where is the best place for people to start connecting with you? Cause I, I feel like I could take this episode several hours long. Um, we'd be scratching the surface. [00:45:00] Where is the best place for people to continue this conversation with you?

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Um, I have a podcast, um, true freedom, um, which is on, uh, all of the podcast platforms, um, on my, um, there's a, on my website and there's a link I think in the show notes, um, www.

freeminicourse. com. It's a short mini course I put together about freedom and flow. And then in that at the end of the course, there's an opportunity to reach out. I'm always happy to talk to men, connect with men. As you know, my passion is the magnificence of men, the work you're doing, the listeners, like this is, you know, one of the things I know in my journey, you know, married mortgage business kids is this isn't for, you don't have to go to burning man.

You don't have to be some spiritual guru. You don't have to sit and meditate for 10 hours a day. [00:46:00] Like simple tools are available for every man. Yep. Who can start to shift and have a totally different experience of their marriage, of their parenting, of their business. And so anyone who's feeling that calling, please, yeah, click on, reach out, um, plenty, plenty of information there on the website and love to have a chat with anyone who's feeling called.

David Dowlen: What's next for Bodhi Aldridge? Any big projects coming up you want to share?

Bodhi Aldridge: Yeah. Yeah. I've got five weeks in Europe, um, which is interesting. And one of the interesting projects, um, Brent that's showing up is what is the future of male leadership? Where are the role models? You know, working with a lot of men like yourself, you know, forties kind of going, okay, I want to be a different man.

I want to be a different leader in my business. But who do you look up to? And so for me, I'm really excited. I've got a few panels that I'm on having that [00:47:00] conversation. It's like, what, what is it? What does it look like? You know, who is the man, as you say, Brent, that you want to be at 50, at 55, and who do you look to?

And it's one of the biggest, um, tips that I'd give the listeners is to find, find men who, uh, who maybe have started the hero's journey. You know, like a mentor or, you know, the, the, the saying of, you know, who are the three most important men in your life? It's you, yeah, your closest peer group and your mentor.

Yeah. Because we learn from other men. So, you know, and yeah, these conversations. And again, we know that with whom you mix, so shall you be. You know, so, you know, I love going to the footy and having a few beers and having a cookout. You know, I do it regularly and I'm also more selective at times that I want to hang with people who are a bit [00:48:00] more inspiring, a bit more uplifting as much as some of my old friends are good fun.

Some of them are stuck, you know, and I'm not judging them. It's just that I know for me to be a better version of myself, I kind of got to kind of look around again. Where am I putting my attention? Am I being uplifted and challenged by my peer group? Or am I just stuck, you know, like we were in college?

David Dowlen: It took me a long time to realize that mentors were extraordinarily valuable in life and peer groups as much as you love Some of those old friends are not necessarily moving the same direction. You are no matter how much fun they are Yeah I know all of you guys are worried about the answer to the trivia question.

Who has the most retail locations in the world? You actually nailed it. I would have gone with McDonald's, but it is Subway. You're correct.

Bodhi Aldridge: Hey, I know they

David Dowlen: would have gone with McDonald's because that's their game. Real estate, real estate, real estate. [00:49:00] People think they make ambidextrous on real estate.

That's what they do

Bodhi Aldridge: very well.

David Dowlen: Well, even Ray Kroc told a Harvard business class, the same thing. It's like, I'm the business of real estate. Yeah. Like he doesn't, he never ate his own burgers. He never, his kids never ate his own burgers. He's like, you can make a better burger than I can. So what do I actually do?

I own real estate. That's what we own.

Bodhi Aldridge: So I

David Dowlen: would've thought it was that, but yeah, no, Subway's it. And I gotta admit, like I've been through a lot of little towns where the only fast food place was Subway. So it kind of makes sense. Now, Bodhi, if our listeners heard nothing else today, they didn't take anything else out of this conversation.

What do you want them to hear before we leave?

Bodhi Aldridge: You are magnificent. You have a choice. And there are men like Brent and myself here to help you. So just remember that, yeah, whoever it is, yeah. Reach out and start to get to know yourself a little bit more

David Dowlen: guys for myself and Bodhi. Thanks for hanging out with us today.[00:50:00]

Thanks for giving us a listen. Be better tomorrow because what you do today and we'll see on the next one.

David McCarter: This has been the fellow man podcast. You're home for everything man, husband, and father. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. Head over to www. TheFallibleMan. com for more content and get your own Fallible Man gear.