4 Communication TIPS for MEN that will have a BIG IMPACT in Your Marriage in 2023 | Venusian Decoded

1 00:00:00,180 --> 00:00:01,190 Do you speak Venusian? 2 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:05,700 I'm not talking about the made up language of people who identify as from Venus. 3 00:00:06,510 --> 00:00:08,010 I guess that's a thing now. 4 00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:08,610 I don't know. 5 00:00:09,540 --> 00:00:12,510 I'm talking about knowing how to communicate with the 6 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:13,950 opposite sex effectively. 7 00:00:14,790 --> 00:00:19,140 CS Lewis wrote in the hideous strength, the cardinal difficulty said McAffee. 8 00:00:19,965 --> 00:00:23,865 In collaboration between the sexes that women speak a language without nouns. 9 00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:27,404 If two men are doing a bit of work, one will say to the other, put this 10 00:00:27,404 --> 00:00:30,644 bowl inside the bigger bowl, which we'll find on top of a green cupboard. 11 00:00:31,305 --> 00:00:36,130 The female for this is, put that one put that in the other one there. 12 00:00:36,490 --> 00:00:39,910 And then if you ask them in where they say in there, of course 13 00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:43,030 there's consequently a phatic hiatus 14 00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:45,110 I said that wrong. 15 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,050 Maybe that's extreme, maybe not. 16 00:00:48,470 --> 00:00:51,680 But we do communicate differently and knowing how to communicate 17 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,500 effectively will change your relationship in a huge way. 18 00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:55,460 So let's go. 19 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:57,800 Here's the million dollar question. 20 00:00:58,310 --> 00:01:02,000 How do men like us reach our full potential and grow into the men we 21 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:05,760 dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, 22 00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:10,820 being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? 23 00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:13,340 That's the question in this podcast. 24 00:01:13,670 --> 00:01:14,960 We'll help you with those answers. 25 00:01:14,990 --> 00:01:18,080 My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. 26 00:01:18,110 --> 00:01:20,030 Welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast, your home for all 27 00:01:20,030 --> 00:01:21,410 things, man, husband, and father. 28 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,180 Big shout out to the fallible nation. 29 00:01:23,210 --> 00:01:25,580 You guys make things like this possible and a warm welcome 30 00:01:25,580 --> 00:01:26,600 to our first time listeners. 31 00:01:26,990 --> 00:01:29,390 My name is Brent and I am the Fallible man, in case you were 32 00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:30,860 confused about that, but I doubt it. 33 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,610 I was just doing a show with our friends over at Love Vitamins 34 00:01:34,610 --> 00:01:38,000 for Relationships podcast and had a great time talking marriage. 35 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,830 And as always, you learn when you share. 36 00:01:40,430 --> 00:01:44,570 So I wanted to share four communication tips that really helped Sarah and I when 37 00:01:44,570 --> 00:01:48,650 we aren't communicating the best to come back to solid ground and be together. 38 00:01:49,460 --> 00:01:51,830 Things that have kept us together in good times and bad 39 00:01:51,830 --> 00:01:53,630 times for 21 years of marriage. 40 00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:55,790 So let's get into this guys. 41 00:01:55,970 --> 00:01:59,810 Number one, how does my spouse communicate by preference? 42 00:02:00,270 --> 00:02:04,010 There are a lot of different ways to communicate, and if you're communicating 43 00:02:04,010 --> 00:02:07,700 one way and she's communicating another, you may be having a Mars 44 00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:08,990 versus being this kind of discuss. 45 00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:13,670 There are some major things to consider before an important conversation 46 00:02:14,270 --> 00:02:16,130 and really in every conversation. 47 00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:20,030 So here's a couple questions I want you to ask yourself before you start 48 00:02:20,030 --> 00:02:22,430 a communication with your spouse. 49 00:02:22,940 --> 00:02:27,830 Does she prefer to communicate verbally writing or in some other form, does she 50 00:02:27,890 --> 00:02:29,990 need privacy to talk away from others? 51 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:33,020 Are showcase having a casual conversation around people. 52 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:35,720 That will really depend on the conversation you're having. 53 00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:41,000 Possibly not always do you need to position yourself beside her in 54 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,130 the same room, with her eye to eye. 55 00:02:43,490 --> 00:02:47,930 Where do you physically need to be to communicate ideally with her? 56 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,890 These are all things to consider when you're communicating with her. 57 00:02:51,895 --> 00:02:55,610 If you want a positive communication, then those questions really need to be 58 00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:57,380 answered, and those are the easy ones. 59 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,800 Number two is the timing, right or. 60 00:03:02,255 --> 00:03:05,555 Now you can derail an entire conversation with some bad timing. 61 00:03:06,605 --> 00:03:10,865 There are things you have to communicate without waiting, but those 62 00:03:10,865 --> 00:03:12,305 are actually far and few between. 63 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:17,255 You can also can't wait for the perfect time because we 64 00:03:17,375 --> 00:03:18,645 error on that side too, right? 65 00:03:18,645 --> 00:03:20,087 It doesn't exist for all subjects. 66 00:03:20,657 --> 00:03:24,797 You just have to pick a more effective and preferable time 67 00:03:25,367 --> 00:03:26,597 than waiting for the per perfect. 68 00:03:27,422 --> 00:03:29,972 Try these questions before you engage in an important 69 00:03:29,972 --> 00:03:31,142 conversation with your spouse. 70 00:03:32,072 --> 00:03:34,172 Is she focused on something else right now? 71 00:03:35,072 --> 00:03:37,712 Is this interrupting something she's doing right now? 72 00:03:38,492 --> 00:03:40,592 Is she stressed about something currently? 73 00:03:42,152 --> 00:03:45,362 Is it pressing or does it need to wait for a little while? 74 00:03:46,362 --> 00:03:50,612 Will the conversation derail the direction you need to move in the next 75 00:03:50,612 --> 00:03:53,282 30 minutes for an 10 hour or longer? 76 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:56,312 What's your motivation behind the convers. 77 00:03:57,107 --> 00:04:01,757 Are you right to wanna talk to her now or is that just your, 78 00:04:02,507 --> 00:04:05,927 some selfishness pushing through and it could actually, wait. 79 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,527 These are all really important questions and you may have to 80 00:04:09,527 --> 00:04:10,817 go back and write them all down. 81 00:04:11,537 --> 00:04:12,937 I'm not gonna write them all out for you. 82 00:04:12,937 --> 00:04:13,937 You guys are pretty smart. 83 00:04:14,477 --> 00:04:17,207 Number three, priorities and processes. 84 00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:20,957 We all process information at our own speed. 85 00:04:21,587 --> 00:04:23,297 Some of us quite differe. 86 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,832 I process stuff very rapidly. 87 00:04:25,892 --> 00:04:30,872 If I'm not already distracted with a dozen other things, my wife 88 00:04:30,872 --> 00:04:35,582 needs a proposal, contemplation, reflection, clarity, questions, more 89 00:04:35,582 --> 00:04:37,892 contemplation than your opinion on it. 90 00:04:37,922 --> 00:04:40,022 Then more time, and then she's ready. 91 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,152 Now, I don't say that to pick on my wife. 92 00:04:42,992 --> 00:04:48,302 She's just processing information in a very different way than I am, which this 93 00:04:48,302 --> 00:04:50,492 alone has resulted in a lot of arguments. 94 00:04:50,492 --> 00:04:52,202 I didn't understand this early on. 95 00:04:52,607 --> 00:04:56,247 And how much has stressed her out for me to push for that response 96 00:04:56,252 --> 00:05:00,257 right now because I'm, Hey, I'm, I can process it just quick, quick, 97 00:05:00,257 --> 00:05:01,787 quick, and I'm ready for an answer. 98 00:05:01,787 --> 00:05:06,227 And I don't understand why we don't have immediate responses and answers to things. 99 00:05:07,097 --> 00:05:11,747 This has taken a lot of time for me to prime refine and I exaggerated my wife's 100 00:05:11,827 --> 00:05:16,367 process just to make sure you understand people process things differently, in 101 00:05:16,397 --> 00:05:18,107 different speeds and in different ways. 102 00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:20,507 Some people need the clarity questions. 103 00:05:20,507 --> 00:05:22,174 Some people need more time to think about it. 104 00:05:22,504 --> 00:05:25,954 Some people need your opinion and you weigh in on it, or they weigh in on it. 105 00:05:26,434 --> 00:05:27,724 There's a lot at stake. 106 00:05:28,174 --> 00:05:32,854 So before you start the conversation, try asking yourself these questions. 107 00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:38,164 Put priority information well before you start the conversation, not questions. 108 00:05:38,164 --> 00:05:41,584 Really put priority information in the front of the conversation. 109 00:05:41,614 --> 00:05:42,214 Front loaded. 110 00:05:42,844 --> 00:05:43,294 If you. 111 00:05:44,209 --> 00:05:48,169 An answer if you want to actually have something weighed and get some kinda 112 00:05:48,169 --> 00:05:50,239 response front, load the conversation. 113 00:05:50,239 --> 00:05:51,919 Put priority information in the front. 114 00:05:52,999 --> 00:05:56,059 Don't add distractions and useless information that isn't 115 00:05:56,059 --> 00:05:58,579 relevant during the conversation. 116 00:05:58,579 --> 00:06:03,919 If you want to speed up that response time, if there's a time factor, you 117 00:06:03,919 --> 00:06:08,059 need to let her know upfront and why there is a time factor affecting it. 118 00:06:08,089 --> 00:06:10,639 So she knows at the beginning of the conversation that we really need to 119 00:06:10,639 --> 00:06:13,309 come to some kind of decision on this. 120 00:06:14,524 --> 00:06:18,984 Allow for time to process at her chosen speed, if at all possible. 121 00:06:19,624 --> 00:06:23,704 If she needs to talk through it and gra to it as detailed, then do it. 122 00:06:24,064 --> 00:06:26,344 Allow for that when you start the conversation. 123 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:27,484 You better know that going in. 124 00:06:27,904 --> 00:06:30,244 If she needs time to think, don't rush it. 125 00:06:30,274 --> 00:06:35,794 You have to allow for that going in unless there's an ultimatum time issue in play. 126 00:06:36,334 --> 00:06:38,794 If she's a quick processor, make sure you have quick answers 127 00:06:38,794 --> 00:06:40,714 ready if she has more questions. 128 00:06:41,719 --> 00:06:44,899 Which you should have going in the conversation that matters. 129 00:06:45,979 --> 00:06:46,609 Number four. 130 00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:50,449 Now, this is the secret sauce guys. 131 00:06:50,449 --> 00:06:51,949 This is the Venusian right here. 132 00:06:52,609 --> 00:06:55,009 Know her personality type for communication. 133 00:06:56,359 --> 00:07:01,279 Most people have never heard, are not familiar with the 134 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:04,129 concept of PCM communication. 135 00:07:05,479 --> 00:07:07,969 PCM communication is, it's every. 136 00:07:09,019 --> 00:07:12,979 Every marketing firm in large business in the world uses 137 00:07:12,979 --> 00:07:14,809 this every day to reach you. 138 00:07:15,799 --> 00:07:19,309 PCM communication is actually used in over 200 countries and in 139 00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,769 every Fortune 500 country company. 140 00:07:22,129 --> 00:07:24,589 NASA's been using it for 20 years. 141 00:07:25,099 --> 00:07:29,779 Great speakers practice and learn PCM communication model, and 142 00:07:29,779 --> 00:07:33,679 this is actually broken down the process communication model, pcm. 143 00:07:34,399 --> 00:07:35,689 It's been used forever. 144 00:07:36,199 --> 00:07:37,729 Now, I could go really deep on. 145 00:07:38,704 --> 00:07:41,644 But I don't think I'm actually necessarily qualified to do it. 146 00:07:42,124 --> 00:07:44,734 I think you can even get certified in PCM communication. 147 00:07:44,734 --> 00:07:48,334 But here's what you need to know, what's really relevant to you on this. 148 00:07:48,964 --> 00:07:53,314 There are six major personality types, and most people are a combination of two. 149 00:07:54,244 --> 00:07:59,074 The six personality types are the thinker, the persister, the harmonizer, the 150 00:07:59,074 --> 00:08:02,104 imagineer, the rebel, and the promoter. 151 00:08:02,344 --> 00:08:04,324 No, this is not some pseudoscience. 152 00:08:04,324 --> 00:08:05,434 This is not star charts. 153 00:08:05,434 --> 00:08:07,504 This is not some woo-hoo kind of nonsense. 154 00:08:08,584 --> 00:08:11,014 This is beyond research. 155 00:08:12,184 --> 00:08:15,334 Companies use this every day to try and convince you to buy things 156 00:08:15,334 --> 00:08:18,064 like this is the big marketing sword most people don't know about. 157 00:08:19,564 --> 00:08:26,524 Each of these six communication types has a very specific style of 158 00:08:26,524 --> 00:08:31,714 communication that is more important, more effective, and more efficient for them. 159 00:08:32,614 --> 00:08:34,114 My wife is a thinker and an. 160 00:08:35,449 --> 00:08:42,739 When I talk to her, I need to feed her communication needs with logic and 161 00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:48,139 facts that are clear and fact field with a bit of creativity and some dreams. 162 00:08:49,009 --> 00:08:52,969 Terminology, like, imagine what we could do if we took this money 163 00:08:52,974 --> 00:08:56,359 and invested it in X for our home. 164 00:08:56,959 --> 00:08:59,609 Then en listed the practical applications of such. 165 00:08:59,829 --> 00:09:00,809 Pur said Purchas. 166 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:06,139 Followed by think of how much easier it would make this part of your day 167 00:09:06,139 --> 00:09:07,729 and free up some of our schedule. 168 00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:10,519 Does this sound like a marketing campaign to you? 169 00:09:10,969 --> 00:09:13,069 It's the basic format for a few, right? 170 00:09:13,069 --> 00:09:14,449 It's dream. 171 00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:17,269 And imagine what it can be and how great that can be. 172 00:09:17,629 --> 00:09:22,369 List the practical and then go back to ending with dreaming 173 00:09:22,369 --> 00:09:23,449 of the freedom that you want. 174 00:09:24,529 --> 00:09:24,949 Okay. 175 00:09:25,249 --> 00:09:28,279 Now it's a very common format for a lot of advertis. 176 00:09:28,984 --> 00:09:31,894 This same conversation actually doesn't do anything for me. 177 00:09:31,894 --> 00:09:33,524 This doesn't reach me in advertising. 178 00:09:34,654 --> 00:09:40,834 I know this one is a bit more complicated than some of your other, some of 179 00:09:40,834 --> 00:09:45,124 the other points I brought up, but trust me, it's absolutely worth it. 180 00:09:46,054 --> 00:09:47,764 It is not just forgetting what you want. 181 00:09:47,764 --> 00:09:52,774 By the way, this fyi, my wife has the same psychological needs 182 00:09:52,774 --> 00:09:53,974 in all the conversations she. 183 00:09:54,859 --> 00:09:58,849 So when I talk to her, the language I use is critical to her feeling good 184 00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:01,579 about the conversation and feeling like we had a complete conversation. 185 00:10:02,209 --> 00:10:08,899 I need to communicate with the terminology, with the language, 186 00:10:09,439 --> 00:10:14,509 with the words that speak to her and communicate clearly to her. 187 00:10:15,259 --> 00:10:16,939 We need to cover the logical portion. 188 00:10:16,939 --> 00:10:19,729 We need to cover the imagination and dream portion of it. 189 00:10:20,689 --> 00:10:22,709 And I also know I need to give her some time. 190 00:10:23,104 --> 00:10:26,074 Now if you wanna communicate effectively with your spouse and be the king of 191 00:10:26,074 --> 00:10:30,184 communicating, it will be worth the short amount of time that it will take 192 00:10:30,184 --> 00:10:34,174 you to understand the basic concepts. 193 00:10:34,179 --> 00:10:38,164 Cuz you don't have to go deep into PCM guys, you don't have 194 00:10:38,164 --> 00:10:40,054 to get a certification, you don't have to become an expert. 195 00:10:41,314 --> 00:10:43,084 It will be well worth the short amount of time. 196 00:10:43,084 --> 00:10:46,504 It'll take you to Google and YouTube PCM communication to 197 00:10:46,504 --> 00:10:49,934 get a better understanding of communicating with your spouse. 198 00:10:50,764 --> 00:10:51,334 I promise. 199 00:10:51,334 --> 00:10:56,734 Once you do, it will increase the power in your conversations and 200 00:10:56,734 --> 00:11:00,244 both of you will come away from conversations feeling more complete and 201 00:11:00,244 --> 00:11:01,804 like you had a better communication. 202 00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:04,564 This is really, really powerful. 203 00:11:05,224 --> 00:11:07,894 If you're willing to do a little bit of homework, like I said, 204 00:11:07,894 --> 00:11:09,004 it's not gonna take you long. 205 00:11:09,564 --> 00:11:12,904 Bonus tip guys, make sure she feels. 206 00:11:14,479 --> 00:11:15,979 Communication is a two-way street. 207 00:11:15,979 --> 00:11:19,909 So listen more than you talk in a conversation and make sure you are 208 00:11:19,909 --> 00:11:22,279 paying attention to what she has to say. 209 00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:25,729 Now guys, I haven't done this on the last couple shows, but I 210 00:11:25,729 --> 00:11:28,099 wanted to thank all of you guys. 211 00:11:28,099 --> 00:11:29,839 You guys are doing amazing things for me. 212 00:11:30,169 --> 00:11:35,539 This is a reason review thoroughly inspiring as a thoughtful, 213 00:11:35,539 --> 00:11:38,959 engaging storyteller, Brent serves to remind us that a foul man is 214 00:11:39,049 --> 00:11:40,459 an empowered and aware human. 215 00:11:41,389 --> 00:11:44,599 The content messaging throughout his program speaks volumes about the 216 00:11:44,599 --> 00:11:48,019 toolbox needed to live as a person of integrity while nevertheless 217 00:11:48,019 --> 00:11:49,789 remaining humble and imperfect. 218 00:11:50,449 --> 00:11:54,349 I keep this pod in my permanent playlist of infinitely inspiring and uplifting 219 00:11:54,349 --> 00:11:57,199 gems that was from a user upon a branch. 220 00:11:57,589 --> 00:11:58,489 Thank you so much. 221 00:11:58,494 --> 00:12:03,139 You guys have no idea how powerful those reviews are for us. 222 00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:07,969 They help us get ranked and share and get spread even 223 00:12:07,969 --> 00:12:09,919 farther upon Apple Podcast users. 224 00:12:10,744 --> 00:12:14,824 They make sure more people hear about the show and guys, they mean a world to me. 225 00:12:14,824 --> 00:12:18,724 They inspire me, they encourage me to keep going on this, and so thank 226 00:12:18,724 --> 00:12:20,344 you upon a branch for sharing that. 227 00:12:20,374 --> 00:12:21,304 I apologize. 228 00:12:21,304 --> 00:12:24,484 I have been reading these on some of the shows and I told you guys I 229 00:12:24,484 --> 00:12:28,084 was going to, guys, if you want to communicate more effectively with your 230 00:12:28,089 --> 00:12:34,804 spouse, you absolutely want to just solidify that because that will change 231 00:12:34,804 --> 00:12:37,294 your relationship in 2023 and beyond. 232 00:12:38,149 --> 00:12:40,399 You need to level up your communication skills. 233 00:12:40,729 --> 00:12:43,219 And guys, if you wanna work with me directly, go to 234 00:12:44,029 --> 00:12:49,219 www.fallibleman.com/coaching to check into our personal development 235 00:12:49,224 --> 00:12:50,629 and lifestyle coaching for men. 236 00:12:51,109 --> 00:12:53,839 I would love to meet with you on a discovery call and 237 00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:54,889 see if we're the right fit. 238 00:12:55,219 --> 00:12:58,489 If you think I can help you, cuz I would love to just walk that walk with. 239 00:12:59,644 --> 00:13:00,604 Thanks for listening, guys. 240 00:13:00,604 --> 00:13:03,364 Be better tomorrow because of what you do today and we'll see you on the next one. 241 00:13:03,874 --> 00:13:06,364 This has been The Fallible Man Podcast. 242 00:13:06,964 --> 00:13:10,234 Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. 243 00:13:11,104 --> 00:13:13,444 Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. 244 00:13:14,284 --> 00:13:20,644 Head over to www.thefellowman.com for more content and get 245 00:13:20,644 --> 00:13:22,144 your own Fallible man gear.